My 9 Year Old Daughter Is Acting like a Maniac!

My daughter will be 9 in June and we have some of the same issues. It is hormonal. Her body is changing and she is fighting it because she swears no one else is getting boobs or hair or whatever! Pay attention to the date, my daughter gets worse meaning really emotional, crabby, whinny and so on around the 20th-23rd of each month and has been doing this for almost a year now.

Best of luck and welcome to Puberty all over again!!

My guess is she's about to hit puberty. Look for any signs of physical development. 9 is (unfortunately) no longer too early for this. Many girls are starting their first periods at 10 and 11 years old and you will see signs of the hormonal upheaval as long as 1 to 1.5 years before that event happens. I hate to say that - as I know we all wish they could be little longer, but I remember the exact same pattern in my stepdaughter and she started when she was 11. Uuugghh!

My step daughter is turning 9 this week- and acts pretty similar to your daughter. How much contact does your daughter have with her father? I know my step daughter gets especially moody when she thinks about something she might be missing out on either when she is with us or something that we might be doing without her when she is with her mother. Now that she is getting older it seems to be getting much worse. She has told me things about her mother that scare me to death- but I am not sure how much of it I can believe, since she is quite the drama queen and likes to stir the pot.
Maybe try to ask her about her relationship (or lack of) with her father. If he is not in the picture at all, she could feel abandoned by him, and that could be the root of the "everyone hates me" thing. Of course, if this is the case there might be little you can do, if he really did abandon her. But at least talking about it should help. And maybe she can find another positive male influence (an uncle, or cousin) This is the age where the father/daughter relationship starts to have a huge impact on an adolescent girl's life.
Good luck, and know that you are not the only one!!!

At what age did the women in your family start their periods ? (find out about her father's family, too) I suspect her hormones are beginning to kick. It causes stress. As her internal stuff begins to change and cycle, her body is coping with it, but when things go wrong, she just doesn't have the strength to cope with them. Think about what it's like to "pms", and you'll see the reflection of what's going on in her life. Generally, age 12 is a kind of hell to live thru, but it sounds like your daughter turned 12 a little earlier than most. The good news? The next year is coming. Expect that in about a year, this stage will change and things will get better. Also, around age 10, be sure to be sure she's aware of the monthly cycling that starts somewhere in the early teens or sooner, and have some supplies on hand for her when she starts.

That said, I suspect you need to be listening to her even when she's a bit hysterical. Find out what else is going on in her life. When she cries, I wouldn't walk away if the other option is to hold her and let her know you love her. It's especially hard when you're tired from work and she's exploding, but I think the drama will calm down if she feels heard and understood. Ask questions, listen, repeat her last few words as a question, and keep her talking. The more you know of what other pressures (social, most likely) are imploding on her, you'll understand why she's exploding on you. (The easiest method of "active listening" is to ask a Q, for example, "How was school?" She says, "Not so hot." You say, "Not so hot?" and wait -- with eye contact. Hopefully, she'll respond by adding more to the conversation. "Everyone laughed at me today." "They laughed at you?" It sounds very canned, but it's worth trying. Try to "peel the onion", listen to the peripheral stuff, and as you work thru each of those items, you'll get down to the stuff on the inside that matters most and is upsetting her the most.

If she feels everyone hates her, then you need to really listen to her, not walk outside and hide from her. "What makes you think that?" "How do you know they hate you?" "How would they act differently if they liked you?" See if you can get under this. Self esteem is a tough nut to crack, but you want to do it. She needs your support, and if she's saying that, she's sending you a message. Don't wait until it gets more serious to be listening.

And most of all, take a deep breath. It's quite probably a stage. It's not forever. It's okay to get to a point where you don't feel as if you "like your child." But hang in there, do what you need to do to really listen, to show her you love her and to sleuth out whether there are any serious issues going on her in life (serious to her) If it is a stage, it WILL change, and she'll return to the child you have raised. But it does take time and growth for her to live through this part of her life.

That said, do pay attention to the social/physical stuff going on. . . how is she eating? Sleeping? Without enough iron in our system, we are generally exhausted, and exhaustion reduces any reserves we have to deal with stress.

Good luck, Mom. It makes the end of the day, when you're tired, tougher, but hang in with her. The more you listen, the more she shares, and the more she shares with you now, the more she'll share with you later in her teens, when you REALLY WANT her to be listening to you and sharing with you to hlep her to cope with and navigate thru her teen years.

Oh Nicole, I soooo sympathize with you!!! My daughter, now 19 will be the first to tell you that I have loved her with all my heart and enjoyed every day with her WITH THE EXCEPTION of the year of 9..... It came from no where and I was blindsided when this happy, loveable, adorable little girl turned into a monster. Nothing made her happy and it seemed as if her goal in life was to make me miserable. I recall trying to handle matters very diplomatically with her and talking to her calmly about her behavior until one day nice just wasnt working and I remember the screaming match in which she thought she could out scream me and be more rude to me than I to her... she learned quickly that day that I have 25 years more experience in being moody, I can have PMS, my vocal cords are stronger and louder and most importantly I can leave the house without permission to escape even if only to my car in the driveway... once she learned that her attitude would not be tolerated and would come back at her... it magically disappeared and I got back the child she once was with a pleasant personality. But trust me it was not an easy year and had I not stopped it I'm sure it would have never stopped.

Hang in there and stay tough... giving in to bad behavior doesnt say I love you, it merely says I dont care. You can do it, I did.

she could be going through puberty. it sounds hormonal. does she show any signs of going through puberty? My cousin was nine years old when she first had her period.
I would talk to her about the changes in her body. see if you notice anything and ask her if she notices anything. the other thing is that may be she misses her father. who knows. it is hard being a kid especially in a single family home. I was nine when my mom and dad got seperated and I remember going through changes when i was around that age. It is hard but hang in there everything will be alright.

I have a daughter who will be 9 next week and she's going through a lot of the same things. After doing some reading and talking a lot to moms of older girls, I think it's partly hormones, partly beginning adolescence and needing to separate from me emotionally a little, and partly some social pressures. Bullying is really common in girls at this age, and my wonderful girl has been bullied pretty viciously by the "cool girls" in her class at school over the past few months. She didn't tell me for a long time b/c she was ashamed and b/c she was afraid if the girls found out she had told on them, the ostracism would get worse. It's possible that your daughter is going through some of that, at least occasionally (my daughter isn't always the target), and that's why she's talking about everyone hating her. There are some great books out there, and other good resources (I'm just getting into the issue now). Maybe talk to the teacher about what she's seen at school?

The only other idea I have is since she's having attention problems in the morning, she may be having sleep issues. Sleep problems are much more common in kids than most people realize, and can look like ADD or even like mental illness b/c the kids are too exhausted to attend or to regulate their behavior. Might be worth talking to your pediatrician about a sleep study. Good luck!

Well mood swings and irritability could mean she is starting puberty. I know it seems young, but children are starting earlier these days than when I was young. Maybe it is time to have "the talk." Not sure where your daughter is developmentally in other ways, like does she need a training bra yet, etc. But if those things are going on too, it is something to consider.

It sounds like hormones to me as well. My daughter started showing these signs at a very early age. She was 8 when she started to have some signs was about 9 when she had to start to wear bras and 3mos after she turned 10 she got her first period. So it can happen. Just make sure she is prepared! And you as well. Here is a great book set that talks about preparing for the hormones and your cycle, there is no mention of sex and I think everyone should have these books.They are also very easy to read.
http://www.generationsofvirtue.org/product_info.php?cPath...

I have a 6 year old son. He is great in school, but sometimes at home he is also a MANIAC! Maybe your daughter could talk to a school counselor? Or maybe it's the beginning of hormones kicking in?

Hi N.. Your daughter sounds just like my ten year old neice. I do not know your daughter but will tell you about my neice. She began menstruating last summer, yes at age nine, and that is when the behavior changed. She used to be fairly easy going now she actually throws temper tantrums!!!! I could not believe when i saw her do it. She takes everything seriously and gets upset over everything. My sister has not yet spoke to her doctor but we believe it is her change of hormones and all the changes her body is going through. I really hope that has helped you.
A.

I do not have a daughter, so I am not responding from experience....My heart is breaking for you and your daughter. I hate to think that Children are batteling with depression or any other issues. They are children!! Anyway, My first thought was, that maybe she's going through puberty early....that can be extremely confusing for a girl....or boy for that matter (I have 3). I am certainly not a doctor, but I would reccomend taking her to see your family doctor, or peditrician. IF she is dealing with any type of depression or anxiety issues, I would "nip it in the bud" so to speak, as soon as possible, and get her the treatment, she may need. Good Luck! I will pray for both you and your daughter to get through this "rough patch".

She sounds like she's going through puberty. It is the age! Has she started her period yet? Many girls are starting at a younger age. Be sure to have "the talk" with her about her body and menstruating and mood swings, the whole 9 yards. It's time to start looking at her, in a sense, as a "woman" when it comes to her moodiness and stuff. It's more than likely her hormones building, getting ready for puberty to officially start. This can last a short time or a long time before she starts her monthly, but she needs to understand what's going on in her body. She's probably very confused about all the rush of emotions and has no idea how to handle it.

K. B
mom to 5 including triplets

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about that time for those lovely hormones to start. either that, or she is having trouble at school or with someone she hasn't told you about yet. good luck, I have 2 teenage boys and they get like that ALOT !!!

Hi Nicole,

Contact your local mental health professional. Good luck. D.

Is she depressed? My 1st thought is did something happen, if not then take her to a therapist. My 8 year old refuses to go to school all of a sudden so I hear ya.

I really think it is hormones also. She is probably in the very beginning of puberty. My 12 year old was moody (still is) about 9 years old...that is when the body odor started. I think every girl is different and some do not handle it as well as others.

Hi N.,
Has anything changed at all? An illness? Death? Did a friend move? Is she having problems with her teacher? Is it low blood sugar? If this is new, then finding the root is key. As for the behavior. If she wants to cry over something that is ok for her to do. She can go into her room or find a quiet place to do so if she does not want to talk about her feelings. Make sure if the tears are a way to get what she wants that you do not give in. Make it clear that using calm works and asking nicely is how to get your needs met. As for the arguing, It takes 2 to fight. Firmly tell her that you are not going to fight with her and walk away if she continues. Make sure that you are modeling the behavior that you would like to see in her. Do you frequently raise your voice at her or other people.
If your daughter is really going through something you want to let her know that you are there. Saying things like "I see that you are very upset. While I do not want to be yelled at I would love to hear what is making you feel so strongly."
Your daughter may be trying to tell you something but she may not know how to do so.

I would love to hear how it all works out.

B. Davis
Child And Family Coaching
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Something may have happened to her...I would definitely find out. She is acting out in anger...maybe a classmate in school...or whatever????? talk to her and ask her if anything happened. it can't hurt

Is she starting puberty?

N. A I think what your daughter might be going through is hormonal. If that is the case you have a good 4 years of this reaction until her body gets used to this monthly change she will be experiencing . Think about when you first started menstruating how miserable you felt. When my daughters hit this stage I offered my sympathys to them for this stage of their lives, I remember my mother being so proud she made announcements to the whole world, I think this is a sad time especially for a girl so young. Good luck

Hi N., I'm sure you have already heard from lots of mom's telling you that your daughter is normal...it's just the beginning of hormone hell that you are suffering through! Things will get better especially once she finally gets her peroid which may be a couple of years. I've gone through this with all three of my girls, it usually starts sometime between the ages of 9-11. Ahhh the joy! Hang in there, stay strong and don't change your house rules to avoid the temper tantrums. Things will get better. Best wishes.

Hi N.,
Sounds to me like early puberty.
Good luck,
L.

I am a stay at home Mom and will be married 10 years in August. We also have a 9 year old daughter and she is going through the same thing. We also have a daughter who is 11 mo. younger than her and they are in the same grade and my 9 year old is always so mean to her sister so I tought this was all coming from her and her sister. We went to a Ped. Psychologist and she and I took group theropy, worked a little, anyway come to find out here about a week ago they diagnosed her with depresion. I never thought anything about that. And the theropy she is going through now they make her do something she doesn't want to everyday, not helping. But I wanted to let you know I am going through the same thing and I am not saying your daughter has depresion but that is what they said about my daughter who is acting the same identical way. I have a sister who is 16 years younger than me and she never went through anything like this, so this is new to me. I hope I could help and if not maybe it just helps to know you are not alone. I know it helps me knowing I am not the only one with a daughter acting like this.

Dear N.:

Please have her seen by a medical doctor as sometimes behavior like this may have a physical component behind it. Please also believe that you are a good mother.

Hi,

I, too, have a 9 year old who went for a physical yesterday. Her pediatrician noted that she is just starting puberty and had a talk with her about feelings, emotions and the up's and down's she will be experiencing soon. Mind you, my daughter is very petite and it blows my mind to think she will be going through this so young. Maybe a trip to the doctor to see if that could be the case for your daughter would help. If not, then maybe they can refer you to a professional for help.

Personally, it sounds like puberty to me, but not knowing anything personal about family history or her maturation rate, I would be remiss to dismiss it as puberty.

The very best suggestion I could give you is to seek some professional counsel. It has done a wonder in our family; our extended family, our marriage relationship, and most recently in our parenting. I had some serious struggles after our second was born, the stress of having two close together brought out a lot of my JUNK and having someone who can stand on the outside and speak wisdom and truth in the situation is truly a Godsend. Also, if you are a reader, "The five love languages of children" book, Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell, and "Boundaries with kids", Henry Cloud and John Townsend - SUPER HELPFUL! All the best to you as you discern the next steps for you and your daughter.
Oh, and I very much agree with "Amy J"'s words of experience/wisdom...