My daughter, who is now 15, went through the same kinds of things, but they escalated when she was 12 - violent rages that would last for an hour or so, the last straw was when she pulled a knife on me - 'tough love' had to step in and I called the police. She was transported to BridgeWay and stayed in their Acute unit for a week, came out for a week, and went nuts on me again...from there she went back to BridgeWay until a bed came open at Youth Home, where she spent 14 months and was discharged as a 'treatment failure'... spent 3 months at home then had another breakdown...spent 6 months in BridgeWay's Residential treatment center and today is a DIFFERENT CHILD!
My suggestion, get her an appointment with your family doctor first to start talking through things; he/she will probably recommend getting her to a counselor who specializes with children and adolescents, if you haven't already done these things. A lot of people think counseling is nonsense, but, it's not - my daughter and family is living proof. Given you and your husbands busy schedules, etc. it sounds like she is just trying to get attention - ANY attention. My daughter did this. She didn't care if it was bad attention, at least she was getting it. She may have a chemical imbalance in her brain that requires some meds. Don't be afraid or upset if a dr. says she needs meds...the RIGHT ones, can make a difference. Sometimes it takes a while to find the RIGHT ones, though.
Feel free to reach out to me ____@____@____.com I'm happy to help you through my experience.