Recently, my daughter started complaining that she is afraid to sleep alone. This all started recently when she saw all over the news and on the roads the alert about 2 abducted kids. Well the story ended and she knows how it ended but she continues to be afraid.
At first, she was asking me to stay in her room and sleep with her. When she fell asleep, I would leave the room and go back to my bedroom. Then in the middle of the night (around 2 or 3 am) she would come to our room and try to get in our bed (on my side of the bed). We have tried leaving lights on in her room, leaving her door open, leaving light on in the hallway but she still got up and came to our room. Since there is just not enough space for all of us to be in one bed, I told her that she can't sleep in our bed but she can sleep in our room if she is scared (using sleeping bag). So she has done that for 2 nights in the room and she didn't wake up at all. My husband thinks that we need to be firm with her. I have done research online, and looks like it's a phase that some kids do go through (btw, she has slept in her own bedroom since she was a baby and never had any sleeping problems) but I would like to see if anyone else experienced it and how you helped your child? In case if it matters, we do have security system at home. There were no life changing events in her or our lives at the time when this started.
My niece who is the same age has developed separation anxiety. Researching anxiety my sister found that it is very common at this age. She got her a book that they worked through together and it has helped a great deal. It's "What do you do when you worry to much". http://www.amazon.com/What-When-You-Worry-Much/dp/1591473...
To start, have her lock the doors at night. This might reassure her. Keep the news off. Kids do not need to know about these things. Before cable, everyone was much happier and way less fearful and we are all still here. Just be patient with her. It should pass.
If she's sleeping well in the sleeping bag in your room, what's the big deal? She's feeling insecure right now, and while it may not make sense to our adult brains, she's probably genuinely scared. Give her a week (maybe more), and she'll probably be back in her own bed. Please don't discredit her fears! What do we do when an adult is feeling insecure, sad, scared, etc? Do we comfort them? Or are we firm with them and tell them they have to sleep in their own bed?
I went through something similar when I was younger.
In my case, it was more direct though. My brother's best friend's older sister was kidnapped from their home. I had tagged along to play at their home several times, and she had baby sat me occasionally. She is still missing. :(
However, the event made me VERY afraid to sleep in my room... Even though I shared it with my younger sister. Several other kids in our community were affected similarity.
She is scared, and her fear was triggered by a real-life event. She can't control her emotions... So while you need to be firm about what you allow, you also need to ralize that her fear is very real.
I KNEW that the locks worked in our home... But it didn't ease my mind as their doors were locked too. I was scared that someone could break in through the window. :/
My dad actually wound up getting me a dog. :) lol. (Of course, we had been making noises about getting one for some time...)
One thing at helped too, was that my dad got me some REAL information on kidnappings and such in the US... What the percentages of kids in the US kidnapped are (it was a pretty low number) and the success rate for actually finding the kids. Seeing the information in black and white really helped put it into perspective, that the chances of me (or a sibling) actually being abducted was minimal.
You could try enrolling her into a martial arts or self-defense class. This would empower her, and make her feel more secure in her ability to defend herself. Our church's youth group actually did a defense course after the kidnapping I mentioned before. for about a month, instead of our usual weekly activities they had police come and talk about how to minimize your risks of becoming a victim, they hired a self-defense instructor to come and teach us basic moves, etc. it really helped put a LOT of our minds at ease.
One thing that helped, but will be a lot more work of course is a dog. We did it for my son and it really helped. i explained to him how they have extra sensory hearing etc. and told him that if he fed, and walked her and loved her she would follow him everywhere (which she does) and I told him they are protectors by nature. Also, talk to her about your security system and how you guys won't let anything happen to her. If you have to get a baby monitor and show her how you guys can hear everything in the room. Good Luck.
I do not have experience with this exact situation, however my nephew became terrified of weather changes, so much so he would make himself physically ill from the stress and anxiety. I suggested my sister help him take control of the situation and weather as much as one can by learning about it and joining a youth meteorology group. Now he can watch weather patterns, make his own fairly accurate predictions and understands the weather and has a new respect - no longer fears it. Is there a way that as a family you can take charge of he fears and give her some power? Maybe there is a family watch program you can join or a class to help teach her what to do if she finds herself in a situation like this. I think that if you can figure out the source of her fear and help her find something about it that she can control it could help.
This is it seems, an emotion based fear, that was triggered by what she saw in the news. Kids being abducted.
So, no punishment or hard-lined approaches or scolding, will get rid of that fear.
Because, she is, scared.
Things like this strike fear in adults... can you imagine how it impacts 10 year old kids?
In time, she will ease out of it.
Just let her sleep on a floor mattress or something, if she wants to be in your room.
You are using a sleeping bag. Fine.
Let her.
And, talk with her about it.
She is, scared because of what she saw in the news... about kids getting abducted etc. THAT is scary.
Imagine, her feeling this way.
She is 10.
And if need be, perhaps she can see her school Counselor.
At schools that have been affected by a student missing or abducted etc., the school's Counselors, TALK TO THE students.
It is a whole... process, of the kids needing to process that event and incident. Psychologically and emotionally.
TALK to your daughter, and Daddy should be, too.
But don't make her feel bed or like she is causing trouble.
She needs understanding and comfort.
You all talk it out, as a family.
LET her, talk about her fears about it... and you as parents, guide her.
My daughter (11) has had that same issue. She wants me to lay with her until she falls asleep and she does get anxiety some nights more than others. We were robbed a few months ago so I believe that is the huge issue. What we are doing now is having her check the locks, the dog sleeps in her room on the floor now (okay usually the dog is in her bed by morning :) ) and that is helping. We have been gentle yet firm with her. It is getting better, just taking time.
I am not sure if any of that helps your situation or not.
Many blessings to you
Perfectly normal for that age. I know lots of girls around that age that have similar fears. One didn't want to spend the night at anyone's house for a while, others want to sleep with their parents. They are just getting to be the age where they are aware of the world around them, and are starting to worry about it.
I agree, empower her to check doors and make sure the security system is on. Other than that, let her sleep on the floor in a sleeping bag. I assure you, it won't last too long. My daughter wanted to sleep with us around that age and it was too hot and crowded so we told her she could sleep with blankets on the floor. She liked it for about a week, and then started asking for pillows and cushions to sleep on. We said no pillows or cushions to sleep on, but she could sleep on our floor with blankets. I also made her fold up the blankets every morning and put them away and vacuum our rug because I wanted it to be clean if she was going to sleep on it.
I think it lasted for maybe another few days before she decided that her own bed was more comfortable and it was too much of a hassle to sleep on our floor and that was the end of that!
Good luck!
If the news is making her this anxious, she needs to lay off watching the news.
Does she know how your security system works?
Maybe showing her would give her some confidence that security at home is something she can trust.
If it goes on for much longer you might want to ask her school if the school psychologist can talk with her.
Empower her. Teach her to check that the doors are locked before she goes to bed. Show her how the security system works. Formulate a family emergency plan together. Give her some self defence training. Show her the statistics on child abductions, let her know that stranger abductions are extremely rare, and abductions from the child's own home even more rare. I wouldn't enable her irrational fears, because that just tells her that there is a reason to be afraid.
