My Almost 5 Year Old Son

You sound so sweet. I wouldn't worry about these things. He'll come around. He'll start to see the other kids to it and he'll catch on. As long has he's on level academically like you say, I think the social skills will come around.

Your English is very good! I think you should try to speak English at home, at least some of the time, to reinforce what your son is learning in school. Young children will pick up a second language very quickly, provided they are given ample opportunities to practice. You want him to master English as soon as he can so he will feel more comfortable in school and so he will be able to interact with the other children better. Motor skills are still developing at this age, so I wouldn't worry about that, just give him lots of opportunities at home to practice things like zippers and buttons! My children were required to learn to tie their shoes by the midway point of kindergarten - my daughter picked it up very fast, but my son was MUCH slower. So it depends on the child. Ask his teachers what else you can do at home to work on these skills - I'm sure they will have some other suggestions for you. Good Luck!

I wouldn't worry about the buttoning and dressing. My son will be 5 in March, and he can button shirts if he really tries (and sometimes he does), but he usually won't do it. He absolutely refuses to button and unbutton pants! He can dress himself (without buttoning), but he does it in all sorts of ways -in the floor, sitting, standing. I think your son is fine, particularly if he's doing well with his alphabet, numbers, etc., and his Montessori teachers say he's doing fine.

My first language was Spanish. My parents first moved us here from South America when I was 4. I knew a little English. My Kindergarten teacher told my parents that one of them SHOULD be speaking in English at home so I could better learn the language. I picked up on it quickly and by 2nd grade was fluent. After that I stopped feeling unsure of myself and made friends quickly.

I agree with Margaret V. Every child is different and learns at thier own pace. Just keep teaching him at home and encouraging his independence. He'll catch up to his peers!!

By the way my son is 5 and has grown up here. He is shy and likes to play by himself a lot during recess. He's just like your son but I don't worry about it. I encourage him to play with other kids, but he will on "his" time.

Lots of kids develop motor skills like these at various ages. And, to be honest, if he hasn't been exposed to buttons, snaps and zippers, there is no way you can expect him to know how to do it. It just takes time and practice. My daughter will be 5 next month and she is just now zipping up her own jacket and trying to snap her pants herself. She would just always ask me to do it and I didn't think much about it and just did it for her. Now that she WANTS to do it herself and is practicing more, she is able to do most of them (unless the snap is really hard for some reason).

Is your son in kindergarten or preschool at the montessori? If he isn't in kindergarten yet, then I would go to your school board's website or Google "kindergarten readiness checklist" and print that off. Make sure you work on what's on that list to ensure he is ready for elementary school when he's scheduled to start. Boys sometimes need longer for these kinds of things, so I wouldn't worry. It sounds like he is mostly on track and if his teachers aren't worried, then I wouldn't be either. You could always ask his pediatrician to evaluate him as well to address any concerns you might have. As his teachers have said, most of these "issues" (I don't think there really are any) are cultural or language related, so I think he's doing just fine and will adjust in time. Best of luck to you!

um...as far as button's you have no worry, my daughter is 8 and STILL struggles with buttons on jeans and what not. as far as the socialism...maybe try a work shop of some kind, get him into activities that will help him be more social, since US is primarily english, i would make sure you speak a good deal of english in your home so it'll help him socially when not at home. get him in a sport of some kind he's still probably getting used to the drastic move from one country to another...i can't imagine that

You are doing great with English; my college roommate studied Malayalam - I can't imagine learning a new alphabet let alone a new language altogether! Well done!

Don't worry about his 'fine motor skills' like snaps and buttons - just ask his teachers to have him work on this in school and have him work on it like a game with a pair of pants that he is not using, to get used to the snap or button idea. Tens of millions of immigrant families have spoken another language than English at home - my grandmother became a nurse and her parents only spoke Czech at home. Modelling the behavior for your son is the most important thing - do you read books - to yourself, to him, turn off the tv/electronic toys? It is fine for children to play on their own. He will pick up the language with kids. You could also get the book "First 100 Words in English" and "First 1000 Words in English" and make it a game - see if you or he or his dad can learn all the words on a page - test each other, laugh - he'll love that he knows more than you do! See it as an adventure, a process of learning, not something to do with innate ability/talent. This will help him learn that if he wants something, he can set his mind to working hard in order to achieve it.

I dont think you need to worry. Continue to encourage him and teach him how to do things, not because you are embarrassed he cannot do it or because he "should" be able to do it because other kids are. Teach him for HIS need to know & be able to do.

My son HATES snaps and buttons and jeans, he wears shorts and elastic waist stuff all the time (he is 8 and small for his age). He prefers to play with the girls or by himself because the boys are too rough.

You're doing fine. And so is he! If you feel better to do something, why not invite another classmate & mom for a "playdate" - just have the two kids play together at home or at the park or something. When he can build a friendship with someone one on one then it may help at school?

From your post, I would say your English is fine. My children attend a very culturally diverse school. The ELL program is GREAT! It is a good idea to try to speak as much English at home as you can. Do what you can do. Allow your child to do as much as he can. Picking out clothes, pulling his shirt over his head, pulling up his pants, anything. He will figure it out. It might take him awhile, but he will figure it out.

I wouldn't worry too much about your son having challenges with fasteners. It does take practice to develop those fine motor skills, and you say he had grandparents who were not giving him much opportunity to get that practice. My grandson is the same age and is just figuring out some of those things himself. Plus, boys often develop the gross motor skills (running, throwing, jumping) first, then refine the detail stuff later.

Montessori is probably a very good environment for him to learn what he needs to learn at his own pace. As his language improves, he'll probably begin connecting better with other children.

Of course you want him to be advanced for his age. All parents do! And he probably is in some areas, especially considering he has a new language and culture to absorb. Give him lots of opportunities to learn what he needs to learn, and he'll get there. His development sounds pretty normal to me.

If parents start expecting performance from their children that's still out of reach, the children may lose any motivation to even try. They are afraid they will disappoint their parents. Support him by admiring the effort he makes, not the achievement. That way he'll be happy to keep trying until he reaches a goal.

I think he is doing fine.

My 6 year old still put his jackets on that way until a few months ago. And he only recently started wanting to wear pants with buttons and zippers (heck, I don't like them either and I am in my 40s!:)

His best buddy often played alone at ages 4 and 5 because the other kids (including mine) played rougher than he wanted (and good for him for being true to himself).

Ask your son how he is doing and let that be your guide. Personally, I think he sounds like he's doing VERY well!

My Daughter is 8.... and when she was 7 years old... she still struggled with buttons on pants. So, her skirts or pants... were the type with snap buttons and adjustable waist elastic pants. No biggie. She is not the only one.
Some of her buttons, were even hard for me to take off.

In our country, the "culture" and priorities and raising kids are simply just different. You do as your family.... is.
Plus, he is getting adjusted to an entirely different.... cultural environment... and the language differences... and the socialization is different here. It is just different. Not wrong or right. Just different.

Just teach him, how to do things. But don't expect overnight success. Anything, for a child, takes practice and repetition.
But don't make him feel bad or embarrassed for it.... he is simply from a different culture and how his Grandparents raised him. It is not right or wrong.....

He has a BIG huge adjustment to make.... don't make him feel inadequate.... that would be worse and affect his self-esteem and his sense of self-worth...

Your English is fine and your writing here... don't worry.

At my daughter's school... there are many kids from other countries and cultures. No biggie. They all learn.... and with their parents support and help and understanding....

all the best,
Susan

Your english is fine!
Maybe if you try to speak english with him at home and learn what he is learning then it might open up a new door for him to try to have some comunication with the other children.
My 5 year struggles with button pants and sometimes she does play by herself at school. It worries me too. I found it a little bit easier for her to be social with other kids if she brings something from home that she enjoys playing with to school. Some kids might find it interesting as well and they they want to know about it or even play with her with it. It takes a little warming up for him to get used to the kids.
Good luck to you and welcome!!!
:)

Montessori is great for getting kids to be independent. They teach the kids there how to put the coat on the way he is doing it (putting on the floor and flipping it over). My boys still do that (they are 5 and in kindergarten now). My boys, who are totally normal in terms of development, still struggle with some buttons and snaps. Sometimes they can do it, sometimes they can't. So it's an emerging skill for them.

I know at the Montessori we went to, there were many children from India, Korea, China, Japan, and other foreign countries and some of the parents spoke almost no English and hence, the children didn't speak much English either. But he should really blossom this year at Montessori. Once he catches up with the language, he should make lots of friends.

Your English is beautiful, by the way.

Your son is probably going to need some help catching up on English to be ready for kindergarten. I suggest you get in touch with the school district you are in, he would most likely qualify for Early Childhood Education.

I am not as familiar with the Montesorri schools or what the public school system offers in New York, but my son uses the public school early childhood education here in Kansas for speech problems, and although it is unrelated to our language the approach is similar and it has helped him tremendously.

Find out what children he likes in school and invite them over to play, or meet at a park - the more one on one time he gets with English speaking children the faster he'll catch up and learn to play without relying on language all the time.

Your story reminded me of how much my heart hurt when we moved to a different country with our then three and a half year old. She was alone a lot because she could not speak the language and it broke my heart to watch. Looking back, I wish I had been calmer about it. She learned quickly, made friends and moved on much faster than her mom seemed to. She is now a very happy teenager with lots of friends. I think your son will find his way. Change is hard. Help him talk about how he feels, let him know you will help him in any way you can, teach him anything he wants to learn, and let it go.
Stay in contact with the teachers to make sure he is not being bullied, of course, but you can leave a lot of this up to him. He will make it work. Kids are very smart about knowing what they are ready for and what steps to take next.

Good for you for wanting what is best for your son, but I say don't worry! Who cares what type of pants he wants to wear (occasionally all four of my kids still wear pull on pants and they are older than your son). I would encourage him to be as independent as possible and keep working hard on the language issue, but don't worry because having one or two really good friends is all he needs and that will come with time. Keep in contact with his teacher to make sure he continues to do well, but don't worry too much!

Good luck!

My son is about the age of yours (turns 5 in Feb. 2011). He mostly wears elastic waist pants so he can use the bathroom a school without help (he always seems to need help or prompting at home). He needs help with most snap and zipper pants. He can get dressed in elastic waist pants and a pullover t-shirt (but he is so slow and plays around so that I usually end up helping). I need to hold the jacket for him. He also needs to have me make sure the sleeves aren't inside out. It sounds like your son is at a similar stage. Just keep showing him how to do things. Also, I have a daughter who is almost 2 and she seems to pick things up quicker (she can use a spoon mostly and cooperates when I dress her). I also remember learning things between 4.5 and 5 that my son isn't doing yet (tying a shoelace, telling time on a face clock, etc). I think both your son and mine will learn with encouragement.

It sounds like he is doing pretty well actually as least for the concerns you have mentioned.He will pick up the buttons and snaps soon enough give him some extra time by the end of the school year he will get it. Same with the jacket, as long as he gets it on, to me it really doesnt matter how he gets it on. Eventually when he is in a hurry to get outside he will start putting it on the standing up way. Try hard not to compare your child to other kids, you son isn't even 5 yet, there is no question that in a couple years all the kids will be at the same level. My almost 6 year old still struggles with certain buttons at times and his zipper on certain coats.

Sounds like you are doing a great job and got him enrolled in a good school. regarding the friends, it may be hard for the other kids to approach him to play due to the language barrier, but you can encourage him to approach them to play and to point things out, or smile at them, so the other kids know he is interested in playing with them.

Your english is very good. Don't be so hard on yourself! Buttoning is HARD - when I button my son's shirt, I always think "my goodness, buttoning is so complex!".

It's hard for moms to let them do things themselves - the teacher at my daycare was very understanding of this and helped me let him be more independent by recommending things that he could do himself, and I would stop doing them so he could do more. Maybe you can pick 1 thing every week for him to start do to himself - it will be a gradual change for you and gradual skill building for him.

For the language, I would ask the montessori school if they can recommend any ESL (English as second language) help for children. Also, you might want to put TV shows like Sesame Street, SuperWHY, etc. (they're on channel KERA) because they are geared toward learning to read and might help everyone as they learn english. Try to speak english as much as you can at home for your own good, but also keep your own language and make sure he learns it and can speak it as well. Being able to speak multiple languages is VERY good for your brain!

I hope that helps! Take care :)

Start letting him dress himself at home, only helping if he really needs it. This should help with some of these issues. My 5 year old still has a hard time with the snaps on his pants, so that is totally normal, even for one like my son who has been picking out his own cloths and dressing himself since he was 3. It can be hard for children with language barriers because other kids do nto understand, so just keep working on his English as much as possible, and things should improve with the friends issue as well. In the mean time, is there a community center or place in your area where he could be around other children from India who share his same experiences?