My Baby Will Not Sleep!!!!

Are you drinking anything with caffeine? Oh chocolate counts too. What about decongestants...taking any that might keep her awake?
C. M

Try swaddling her very, very tightly. I always wanted my children to only sleep on their back (based on what all the doctors said). The only way I could do that was to swaddle my children very tightly, with their arms down by their sides. It's looks cruel, but my children loved it. You have to make it tight enough so that when they wiggle and squirm, they can't get loose, if they do, that's when they usually cry. For whatever reason, this simulates being in the womb, so they enjoy the tight quarters. My children would wake up occasionally, but would very quickly go back to sleep if they were swaddled. I have 4 children and it worked with all 4 of mine (they were all sleeping through the night by 10 weeks, some sooner). Hope it works for you too.

Also, be aware that we all go through sleep cycles, so even though it may seem like she is awake after 30-45 minutes, chances are, she's just in her light sleep (even though she's crying out) and she will most likely go back to sleep for another 30-45 minutes. That's been my experience anyway.

Have you read "The Happiest Baby on the Block?" It more applies to newborns, but has some great tips for helping babies to sleep. Do you, or have you ever, swaddled her? Can she control her arms yet?

Hi, R.,

I love the Ask Moxie blog for most parenting questions. She's not an expert, but a Mom with a ton of knowledge and also her readers can write in their suggestions. Go check out her post on the 4-month sleep regression (also do a search on "sleep regression" to read some other posts).
http://moxie.blogs.com/askmoxie/2007/10/4-month-olds.html

Hope this helps!
N.

Hi R.,

Boy, have I been where you are!! It's so hard, I know! We kept both of our boys in our room until they were about 5-6 months old. When we moved our youngest son into the crib in his room, he stopped sleeping. And I mean he stopped sleeping! One of his issues was night terrors - he was awfully young to be having them, but he had all the signs. After about 3 months of dealing with this, I finally decided to move him back to our room to the Pack 'n Play, and the first night we did that, he slept 5 hours! We had tried co-sleeping with him, but what he needed was to be near us but still have a little space. He slept in our room in the Pack 'n Play from Feb 2007 until Jan this year when we moved to an apartment. He now sleeps in his crib in a room he shares with our 5 year old son.

You will have to figure out what works best for you and your baby. I would recommend not giving her solids at this point - she doesn't need them and their digestive systems really are not developed enough to handle solids until at least 6 months. Ours really never took a bottle well either (unless I wasn't around). It is unrealistic to expect a 4.5 month old who is exclusively nursing to not nurse during the night. Breast milk is digested so much faster than formula - so I disagree with the pedi who said they don't need nourishment during the night.

Have you tried wearing your baby in a sling? That may help her sleep longer during the day plus give you both the added bonus of bonding time. And you can get stuff done at the same time! Also, several people have mentioned reflux and ear problems, so you may want to take her to your pedi and rule out any medical problems.

Another thing I did was change what our son wore to bed. I put him in a onesie and no socks instead of a sleeper. Your baby might need more or less clothing or socks in addition to a footed sleeper. I know it seems like no big deal, but fiddling around with that kind of stuff helped us too. We have always used a white noise machine as well.

As for crying it out, you're already having a hard time, and I think the last thing you need is to experience that process. You need to press in and let your little one know she can count on you. I disagree with anything that suggests you ignore your baby's or child's cries. We were created to respond to our children and ignoring them disrupts bonding and causes them to disconnect from us. They eventually stop crying because they give up believing anyone is coming for them. Check out Dr. Sear's The Sleep Book for some awesome info and tips.

Hang in there - you will get through this! Let me know if you have any questions or want to talk more.
Blessings,
K.

Hi R.,
my saughter was exactly the same way and still isn't a great sleeper (11 months) she had acid reflux pretty bad at your daughters age and I thin it contributed to her waking in the night from the pain. Somethign to ask your doctor about. Other things that helped - a white noise machine (or humidifier) in her room, a pacifier (I know some people think they are bad but it has really helped us.) A really solid bedtime routine has also helped and turning the tv off and dimming all th house lights for an hour before bedtime seemed to calm her and get her to fall asleep more deeply. She still wakes 2-3 times a night but it is better than it used to be. My daugher would sleep very well in her carseat on a drive during the day and the better nap she got durin gthe day the better she sleeps at night. Good luck! I know how hard it is!

I would recommend reading Dr. Marc Weissbluth's book, "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child."

M y daughter would not sleep but 15 min. during the day and she
would wake up 7-8 times a night. We tried the crying method
which eventually worked after 3 nights (and you know how hard
that is to get through.) Then, she would get sick, a cold or
something that needed attention during the night, and we would
have to start over again. We finally (after a year of this)
put her in bed with us. The days kept going w/ a 15 min. nap.
I was exausted. We finally wouldn't take "no" for an answer
from the doctor, that nothing was wrong, just strongwilled, etc. We were w/the doctor for 1hr.45min. w/ her observing
our daughter. We couldn't even sit down, she was peeling the
wall paper off the wall. I could never sit down w/her to read
or just rest. I walked her at night to get her back to sleep
which would take at least 30 min. but when I put her down, she
would wake up again. The dr. put her on a special diet which
at this time would not suit your baby. But she also had me put liquid calcium in her water. In liquid form, it is a calming agent. No juice, sugar would ignite her. She had a chemical imbalance that she has had to be on medication probably for the rest of her life. She is 26 now and still on the medication. When she went on the med. I couldn't believe the difference. I asked the dr. if this was my child or was the 'before' my child. I felt guilty because there was such a difference, I felt like I had been given a "different" child. I know it's early and I don't know how they can detect a chem. embalance now, but have some blood workup done in case there is a medical reason for this. (Insist or you might be in for the long haul) If you would
like the diet the dr. put my daughter on that also helped
tremendously, email me and I will get that to you. She could
probably use it at 18 months old.
Good Luck and God Bless.

P. S

My baby is 7 months now, she doesn't take bottle as well. She always have to take a nap around 7pm. She will wake up in 15 minutes and we will make her busy playing for two hours, feed her well with rice cereal or oatmeal, and then take a warm bath, and nurse her before sleep. That way i know she won't be hungry that night. Some baby like mine doesn't sleep early, so I just make her go to sleep when i ready for bed. Usually about 10pm. She slept thru the night since 2 months old. Just make sure if she is having trouble with starting solid, she might have more gas.

There are other methods that I am researching now. One is Elizabeth Pantly "No Cry Solution". That's what I am trying, however I was up with my 11 month old from 12:30 till 4 this morning so I don't have any good answers yet. I just want to say you are not alone. It's so hard in the middle of the night when you feel incredibly tired and alone, but there must be hundreds of tired moms just like you near by. I know it doesn't fix much, but it somehow makes me feel a little better.

All babies go through light stages of sleep, and many will wake briefly then. It sounds like yours relies on you and / or nursing to go back to sleep. If you can teach her to put herself to sleep, then it will both help her sleep through the night AND let her take longer naps.

You can let her cry it out, or you can use a more gradual approach (but expect slower results) ... the key to any method should be that she falls asleep when you aren't there. Alternatively, you can bring her to bed with you, so that way she can continue to rely on your for going back to sleep. That wouldn't work for me (I'd never get a good night's sleep!), but some people enjoy it.

My son had the same problem at the same age. He was used to going to sleep on his own, but for some reason, at 4.5 months, he decided that he needed me to put him *back* to sleep when he woke up. I tried the "cry for 2-3 minutes then comfort without picking him up" method for a month with no luck. Then, he started waking up EVERY HOUR. I then let him cry for 20-25 minutes before going to him, and then only offered him watered down formula. It took 3 days, and it was hard, but he learned to sleep for 12 hours a night. Once a while, when he's teething or sick, he does wake up again and want help, and then I go to him, but once he's better he goes back to his good sleep ways. I've never had to "retrain" him. It was hard, but I'm REALLY glad I did it.

Good luck with whatever you choose!

Your daughter is dealing with a transition away from you, her nurturer, but she may also have some reflux. I would talk to your pediatrician about her symptoms.

R. Elkin, MOT, OTR/L,CKT

R., it sounds like you've gotten a variety of responses already. I know many moms, including me, understand all too well! I have three children and I would recommend the book Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child (you can get it at Barnes & Noble) by Dr. Weissbluth (I think that's his name!). He gives 3 or 4 different techniques for getting babies to sleep, which is great if you're one of those moms who doesn't want to let your baby cry it out. He is a pediatrician who has done extensive work/study on children's sleep patterns and habits. One of the best things I learned from him is that you should NOT keep your baby awake when he's tired. When our bodies become overly tired or overly stimulated and we force ourselves to stay awake, our body releases a hormone to fight the fatigue, thinking that we have a need to stay awake. We create a vicious cycle - we're tired and need to sleep, but our brains are telling us to stay awake, we stay awake longer and become more tired and the cycle continues. The longer you make them stay awake or the longer they have a hard time going to sleep and staying asleep, the more over stimulated they become and it will just be harder to get them to sleep and even they do go to sleep, the quality of their sleep will suffer. His book will also outline average sleep patterns and sleep lengths, both day night, for each age group of children so you will know where your child falls on the average.

That being said, my middle child still woke up several times a night until after she was one year old. She really couldn't go more than 3-4 hours without milk. She has always been a good eater, she just could never hold larger quantities. To this day, she still eats small meals 5-8 times a day. She is almost two and she still wakes up once some nights for a cup of milk, but she has very seldom drank more than 4-6 ounces at a time - her little tummy just doesn't hold more than that. However, she now sleeps 14-16 hours at night, so I don't mind so much taking her a cup of milk every now and then (she is nowhere close to being overweight otherwise I might rethink my approach). At 4 1/2 months, it's possible your baby may still need to wake up more frequently to eat, especially since he's nursing.

One thing we did with our daughter (middle child) was start offering her formula at night since it digests more quickly. It seemed to help some.

My oldest son never did in his life ever take a bottle. I first tried every bottle and nipple out there, then tried every sippy cup out there (yes, even as early as 4-5 months old - I was desperate!). He never took a sippy cup until he was about 8 months old, despite my best efforts and then he wouldn't take breastmilk from it! The only other solution I had was to let him go hungry until he took the bottle, but I could never do that. Bottom line, I have heard of parents being able to get a baby to take a sippy cup, it just didn't work for me. I have also heard of very desperate parents letting them go hungry until they took a bottle or cup, but I would recommend letting your pediatrician know first and talking it over with him. He may some other suggestions, but he will definitely tell you what to watch out for for those few days, especially since he's still so little.

Good Luck!

I would recommend www.babywhisperper.com I know many mothers who have been successfully coached through these difficulties using their methods. They are gentle, have a great track record and their ideas are sane.

These times will pass quickly, but I remember how difficult sleep deprivation makes everything in life. Hope this helps both you and baby.

Try getting a stuffed animal that has a heart beat like yours min kids have used them on their kids and it works really well. grandy

Check out babycenter.com for lots of sleep ideas for different ages. Some have used the Ferber method or the Sears method to help their baby sleep. See which one might work for you.

Maybe your baby's gassy? I have a gassy baby myself and when she gets fussy in her crib, we usually end up sitting her up and she sleeps just fine. She sleeps great in her swing and in her infant carrier too. A lot of babies just don't like sleeping on their backs...you might try repositioning her either on her side or propping her up to see if that helps. Also, the gas drops are wonderful. We use the generic target gas drops and they seem to work wonders. You might also try playing some Mozart in your nursery. It's been proven to calm fussy babies. I know you're exhausted, so keep up the good work! This won't last forever!

Read Healthy Sleep Habits for Happy Children. Very Good book, really goes in to detail about babies and toddlers their sleep habits as they grow and how much they need to be happy and healthy. I am a mom of a 20 month old, he did not start sleeping through the night until 6 months. I breast fed and he wanted the 2 am feeding. He naturally started sleeping through the night when we started giving him ceral as his last feeding, that was around 6 months. I have been told that the ceral takes longer to digest and keeps them full longer but your not suppose to give them ceral until they are older, like 6 months. I would just be available for your baby when ever she needs you. Right now she is so young and just a baby, the main thing your baby needs is to feel safe, comfort, and love and she needs to know you are there. She really is eating good, that is great! Don't worry to much about it, she will sleep through the night soon enough.

Oh my heart goes out to you because I have been there! After about 8 or 9 months (it's all so foggy because, like you, I was exhausted!) I finally figured out my baby had reflux. See, she would nurse, go to sleep, but wake up again in like 30 minutes or so. She did not have projectile vomiting and did not spit-up much at night, but she did spit up more during the day than my older child. I just thought she was a baby that spit up and my other one wasn't. Anyway, when she was laying down at night, the acid would be coming up her esophogus and burning thus waking her up. Nursing helped temporarily, but made it worse in the long run, because now she had more stuff to burn again. I did two things that made a BIG difference! I put a folded up comforter under the head of her mattress so that she was sleeping on an incline and I quit nursing her at night when she would wake up. (My doctor told me by 4 months, they do not have to have food during the night.)Like you, I tried to give her a bottle with cereal but she would not take it and would get so mad! The other problem was discovered later was that she has ear problems and that could have been keeping her from resting well. We put tubes in when she was 10 months. Please research baby reflux on the internet and let me know if the incline and quitting nursing at night makes any difference. I will pray for you, I promise, because I feel your pain!

I had this problem with the short naps. I read every book out there, and some of them are really helpful, like the one Eleise W mentioned.

**Once my daughter started sleeping through the night, her naps became longer and more consistent.

NAP TIME: This is not what most people recommend, but it worked for me. I finally got in a routine where I would let her cry for about 10 min. If she was still crying (screaming, not just whimpering), I would pick her up and we'd play in her room for awhile. (Isn't it annoying when you open the door, and she immediately starts smiling and laughing?) A few min. later, she would tire herself out again, and want to go back to sleep. Gradually, she stretched the length of her naps from 30 min. to 1.5 hours.

**Basically, I stopped fighting it, and she figured it out on her own.

NIGHTIME: She's old enough to sleep through without eating, so there's no reason to get her up. In other words, baby may be waking up at night so she can get a snack, but if she learns that waking up won't get her a snack anymore, she'll just go back to sleep on her own.

There ARE other ways besides crying it out, but I think that's the quickest, most effective way to sleep train. Unless you think she's choking or vomitting, try to put her down without going into her room.

**Also, I'm sure you've already heard this - have a bedtime routine.

I went through something similar with my second child. After 11 months of getting up every 2 hours at night I was so exhausted I had to let him cry it out. After two nights of crying, he slept through the night. Sometimes that's the only option!

I started using a schedule (from the Babywise book) w/ my son at a couple weeks and he slept 6 hours at 3 weeks and 8 hours at 3 months and now he sleeps 12 hours every night. It really works.

ok, the key to getting them to sleep through the night is a set eating schedule. she is old enough to only eat every 3 hours. second, switch to bottles at night. there needs to be a distinct difference between night and day, plus she is old enough to start getting cereal in her bottles which will fill her up more which will make her sleep longer. i know tou said she refused the bottle, but they will do what you make them do. she might throw a fit at first, but she'll get it. you have to start making her comply to what you need her to do or she will run your life. moving on to naps. keep her up a long as you can! you'll be surprised how long she will go if you just play with her! you need set times times for everything, including naps

At 4.5 months, your baby should sleep at least 4 hours at a time at night. Try a couple of things: 1) Make sure the temperature in your home is comfortable. If your baby is too hot or too cold, he or she might not be able to sleep well. Also, keep working on a bottle with your baby. Keep shoving it your baby's mouth when he/she is very hungry and hopefully your baby will take the bottle. If this happens, give your baby a bottle of FORMULA at night, because formula takes longer to digest, so your baby should sleep longer. Give your baby solid food right before bed, too. Also, make sure your baby's bedroom is very dark and quiet at night. Hope this helps. Good luck!

R.,
I had this problem with my daughter when she was a baby as well. The only thing that worked for me was to feed her rice baby cereal before I put her down to sleep. Her bottle was just not enough to satisfy her hunger. I am aware that the doctors say not to start them too early on solids, but that was the only thing that would satisfy her enough to let her sleep for several hours at a time. I spoon fed her, I did not put it in an infant feeder or a bottle, and by spoon feeding her that way, she was eating on her own with a spoon by the time she was a year old and very neatly too!

May I suggest at this point to have only a morning and an afternoon nap. This may give you a little relief at night. My youngest completely refused a bottle. Never once did he take it, so I feel your pain there. I would also wake her up to feed her before you go to bed that may also give you a little relief.

She might also be having a little gas if you started solids are you giving her any baby mylanta? Also give it a few nights to see if it kicks in. Good luck! I wish you some zzz's.

You might want to make an appointment with a lactation specialist, they can teach you how to get your baby to take your breast milk in a bottle, schedule her feedings further apart and tips on how to get her to sleep longer. Before you lay her down for bedtime, try keeping her up by playing with her, feeding her lots of solids and milk. This was she is full, tired and ready to get some sleep However, she might need to start learning how to self soothe, does she take a pacifier? My daughter slept with me until about the same age and I let her cry it out for about 5 days, the 6th day she went to sleep on her own after talking to herself in her crib, baby's need that teeny bit of "alone" time, they just dont know it.

Unfortunately crying it out is the only way I have been able to get my youngest to sleep for long periods. She just turned a year old and she still will not sleep through the nights. This is mainly because my husband is in the service and when my mother helps me out she likes to lay down with her and put her to sleep that way. I just put on some music and either a fan (pointing away from her) or a heater, anything with constant white noise, a tiny bit of light and get her use to that being her "night time signal". I put her in her crib and now she falls right to sleep. At the beginning it was not so good and she would wake up in the middle of the night just so she could get out of her crib and play at 3 am. It was horrible and I wanted to just run away. :) My mother cannot stand to hear my babies cry, but really they did get use to falling asleep by themselves and now they both do well at night time. Nap time is different but we're still working on that! Good luck!

My first son was like that and I ended up just bringing him into bed with me and then he could nurse when he needed to without the trips. The pedi told me at 5 months to let him cry it out in his crib and that's nonsense IMHO. In hindsight, my son likely wasn't sleeping well because of my diet - we later learned he had an allergy to milk and was gluten sensitive (celiac disease). So, I imagine the dairy and gluten in my diet aggravated him. I had stopped dairy by the time I nursed my second son and he was on a near perfect sleeping schedule. Also, do you consume any caffeine or any OTC medication (e.g., sudafed) such as decongestants? Small amounts of those substances do get into breast milk and can cause problems with sleep in them just as they do for adults.

R.,
Have you tried maybe letting her sleep in the crib until she wakes up the first time and then letting her sleep with you the rest of the night? I had to do that with my son and I slowly transitioned him into his own bed and now he doesn't sleep in our bed at all anymore. I would put him in his own bed at the start of the night and when he woke up the first time I would put him in bed with us for the rest of the night and after a couple of weeks, and letting him get used to starting the night off in his own bed, I would then put him back in his crib after the first feeding. I slowly did that until he started sleeping all night in his own bed. It seemed to help with him not getting up as much during the night. Also, have you tried rice cereal at all before bed? There are special feeder bottles they make that you could try to give her before bed, because that would be a different taste for her from the bottle than breastmilk, which could be why she refuses the bottle, she knows milk comes from you. I did that with my son as well and it really helped him sleep longer. And another thing you could try is giving her a bath before bed and a relaxing massage could help her relax and fall asleep and stay asleep! My son is seven months old and still doesn't quite sleep through the night but I only have to get up once now instead of four or five times a night! I hope I am not giving too much advice, but I know how frustrating it is when you want to be sleeping!!! One more thing we tried is we got one of those things you hook to the crib that plays music and lights up and he falls asleep sometimes with that going! And when he wakes up in the morning he plays with it giving me like another hour to sleep before getting up for the day! I know that is a lot of advice, but I was in your place not long ago!

It is better to wait until six months to add solids. Their system is more developed at that time. Mother's milk is sufficient for the first six to seven months. I wouldn't let her cry it out. Only five minutes, if you do. A baby will "disconnect" when their needs are not met at this age. You could go in and pat them or jiggle them for a few times. After a while, they realize that you will come when needed, and will not need it as much. During the night, if they start crying, wait until the cry seems serious. Sometimes they will put themselves back to sleep after a few minutes. Be sure you have white noise going in the room. If you have a pack and play bed, you could put it in your room and let them sleep there for a few months, then go to another room. I kept mine in my bed for the first six months or so and then slowly moved them over to the bed. Each baby is different though.

R.,

I am the mother of 4. All of which are 12 or older. I do understand. I would first try to keep the baby up as much as possible during the day. No naps! I understand the hardship that this places on you not having any sleep yourself, so if you can enlist the help of someone else (maybe a family member)you can rest and they can keep the baby occupied. If the baby cries constantly while awake you should consult your pediatrician, it could be gas. Babies can be colicky up to 6 months or more; especially if your diet(when breast feeding) consists of fatty, spicy, or gassy foods. You would'nt feed the baby an enchilada but if your eating it, the gas is transferred through your milk. Good Luck!

First of all, I would cut your baby to two naps per day - a morning and an afternoon. I would give the transistion to her crib at least a week before panicking...it does take some time for some kids. The other thing to consider since you just started her on solids is that her digestive tract isn't ready for it. Perhaps stop feeding her solids for a couple of days and see how she does. Solids can cause gas in some babies causing discomfort causing sleppless nights causing very STRESSED out moms! I would not let her cry it out this young. Hang in there and this too shall pass!

My daughter is 5 months old and we just went through the same thing. Even though I have always been against crying it out I had to try it. It worked in 3 days. She now sleeps from 7:30 pm to 5:00 or 6:00 am. I nurse her several times during the dinner hours and she gets jar food with cereal around this time too. Letting her cry it out wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. And it worked for us so it was worth it! I developed our own cry it out method to suit her personality. It would make her mad if I went into her room and didn't pick her up so eventually I'd only go in there when she initially started crying to make sure she was safe and OK then I'd leave. She'd only cry for 10 minutes or so and then be back to sleep.

Good luck!

Oatmeal baby cereal b4 bed then a warm bath using one of the soothing aroma therepy type baby bath soaps. Also you could try the bear that makes the womb sounds.

~Susan

*** Addition to my previous response submitted below-- I see someone else recommended The Baby Whisperer-- a GREAT book! I am almost certain that book also recommended swaddling-- but it was the nurses in the hospital who first told us about it...

Have you tried swaddling her? Our girls were both good sleepers, and we thought this might be why.

Take a blanket and lay it out like a diamond.
Take the top corner and fold it down toward the center of the blanket.
Lay your daughter on top of the blanket, with her head toward the folded edge.
Take the bottom point of the blanket and bring it up onto her body so that her feet are covered.
Tuck her left arm into the little "pocket" made by the fold in the blanket.
Take the left end of the blanket, wrap it across her body, and tuck it in under her body.
Tuck her right arm into the pocket on that side, and pull the right end over tight across her body.
Tuck the end under her when you lay her in her crib.

Target/Babies also have little foam "positioners" that you can lay in her crib under her. They are little foam "sides" that come up and cradle her so she will feel snug & safe.

We always put our girls in bed awake with the swaddling and they slept well. We kept swaddling until I could not get a blanket big enough to work!

Hope you get some sleep soon!
A.

Do not let her nap doing the day, keep her up, play with her, exercise her little legs and arms, read to her, jump around with her, it will be good for all the children to exercise. At night give her a smoothing bath and rub one of those baby botanical oils on her and play some smoothing music for her and rub her back and sing softly to her or talk smoothing to her. It's not going to come easy and over night and it will be alot of work for you, but you and your husband can take turns. And you just might have to put her back in your bed,if all else fails. good luck

It's hard to know if they get enough (milk) when nursing since we can't measure, I suggest at night you give the baby rice cereal, and although I don't like a pacifyer when they are being content, I found it really helped when I knew my baby had just been fed and dry diapers. You may try patting and singin softly after laying her in the crib, with that and the cereal hopfully you can get some sleep.

Get her on a feeding schedule. This will help her straighten out her body clock and sleeping schedule. At her age she should be eating every 3-4 hours. A great book to help with this is called "On Becoming Babywise". I used it with my triplets and it was wonderful!

Is it possible that she is such a light sleeper that common household noises are waking her up? Try white noise, like a fan running or just play a lullaby CD. When my kids were babies, I always tried to be noisy when they were sleeping so they got used to it. I can vacuum when my 9 month old sleeps and not worry about waking him up.

I am surprised your baby is eating solid foods already. All of my 3 kids were breastfed and they did not start on foods until 6 months. Just curious.