My Cat Just Passed

We grew up with alot of animals..including a deer, skunk(deperfumed)and a monkey. These were animals along with out dogs and cats and horses that were very much a part of the family.
We had our monkey for several years and he got sick and we lost him to a virus that he got like the flu.
My parents made us a very big part of burying him in a little wooden box my Dad made just like a little casket, we put in his favorite toys and blanket. These were all our six kids (Us four girls and my two cousins). we all lived on 25 acres up in the hills. We got to plan a ceremony with praying and singing and walking with his little box and dad putting it in the ground. We had flowers and wreaths that we made and Dad had made a cross with his name on it...with "Beloved friend."
I can remember losing a horse and us burying her on the property and doing the same sort of thing.I think it really taught us to accept that we would lose some of our beloved pets.
My Dad and Mom always told us that our pets were very good pets and that God created them and he had a special plan for them. We did not know what it was but a God as loving as Him would look after them if he even knew when a sparrow fell from it's nest.
I really think that they handled it well because I can remember grieving over them but not obcessively...I found comfort in what they had told us and I think by us being involved it gave us closure and a sense of nothing being a secret. It was just part of life. We loved them and gave them the best home they could have.
Later in years I watched my Dad grieve over a couple of dogs that he was very close to and he really missed when they went...so I went out and got him another which he wondered if he could get attached to...but within a few hours he had a smile on his face and it had stolen his heart. I was not replacing his dog...just giving him somewhere to put the love he had for them. Now the new dog is never away from his side and he suffers from emphysema but she is right there with him all the time. She is very young and I planned it that way...he will go before she does. When he does I will try and remember what he taught us about death and know in my heart that a loving God will unite us again.
I say have your little girl be a part of the death cycle...she will handle it...in awhile get her a new kitten to love.But make it a ceremony for her, even if you have aleady buried her...or if you didn't...put a cross up somewhere and let her put flowers there and talk to her and grieve her loss...they do better when they are told the truth. L.

I hear your pain and I'm sorry for your lost. We lost our beloved dog last year and here what we did:
I brought the story about pet's heaven, where she went, and where she is very happy now, because she was very old and had a disease. DO NOT use the word "sick", because he will start freaking out every time someone in the house gets sick.
We made an album with her pictures, so we can look at her and talk about her every time we missed her.
We did send her letters in the pet's heaven attached to a balloon, telling her how much we love her and how much we missed her.
We did read some books (they are church books) about death. My son's favorite one was about the water bugs and I think is the best one for his age. Make sure you read them first as some of them are kind of harsh. Let me know if you want the tittle, I did order it from "Barns and Noble" and it was 3 dollars.
We did watch some families videos with her.
After you bring the news what you need to do is to talk about the cat, because this is what he needs. The things you need to say are: "Yes, we love her very much, that's why we miss her so much!", "Yes, she was a lovely cat and a good buddy, that's why we miss her so much.", just assure him that it is OK to miss her and to be sad about her. And have answers ready, he will ask where she is now and why she is not coming back and etc. You deal with the situation as you lost a family member, because our pets are family members.
Depend of your son's emotional level, you know him best, you need to be ready.
I know you are wondering how long that will be. For us, it has been almost a year now and my son still talks how much he miss her. In March we had to have a new puppy - he picked her up, he named her and etc. That stopped at least for a while the questions "Why she is not coming back? Does she not loves us anymore?" and etc. Recently he started talking about how long the new puppy will stay with us, he started asking about life and death, how long we are going to be on Earth, how long he will be here before he dies and etc. Even I started giving him more real answers, he still believes that our dog is at a "special place" where she is very happy even she misses us very much. Let me know if you need more ideas. Good luck!

This just happened to us and I read a bunch online and talked to the vet, etc. I wanted to tell my daughter that our cat was in Heaven, but many people said to not say that because kids think that heaven is a magical place that people/animals can come and go from. Most psycologists say it is more concrete for them to hear that the animal's time on earth is finished. I told my nearly 3 year old just this and then we buried our cat in the backyard to say good bye. She can visit him there and she has a picture of him that she carries around when she misses him. This seemed to really work for us. She still brings it up but is very matter of fact about him being finished here but still misses him.

Good luck and I'm so sorry for your loss. I still miss my kitty cat too.

I am so sorry for your family's loss.

Cynthia Rylant has a lovely book called "Cat Heaven". I really like it as a book of comfort for young children.

Explaining death is difficult at best, but putting your cat's life in the context of "Kitty had a great life. Kitty loved you so much and Kitty knew how much you loved him/her. Kitty had a time to live, and a good life, and then Kitty died."
Oversimplified, but you'll find the right words. You can explain that Kitty's body stopped working, but that Kitty will still be with your family in your hearts.

You can also be very open to how your son processes this, or give him open-ended suggestions for working through his grief artistically. Pictures for his beloved friend may be right up his alley. Some families like to make a small altar with a candle and some of their pet's favorite things, and photos/pictures/flowers to honor their pet's special place in their lives.

However your family does it, just being open to what you are all feeling is the most important part of all.

If you want another cat, you could get a kitten. Tell ds that his kitty went away (explain death how you think is appropriate for your 4 year old) and send this new kitten to love him. Sorry about your cat dying. :(

Tell him straight. Kids -- even very young ones are very capable of absorbing and understanding the most sophisticated things. Tell him that his kitty has died, and that it makes everyone sad, and then guide him through his grief with suggestions to talk, draw, or whatever makes him feel better. Pictures, make a little shrine to the cat, a scrapbook; the list is long. I am sad for you all -- I have had many cats and dogs, and it is a real grief when one of them passes. Good luck.

When I was 5, we had a black lab, he was my best friend - he would sit between anyone who tried to stand next to me - he was my protector. Well, one night, he didn't come home....my dad found him down the road - he'd been hit and passed. My parents - woke me up int he middle of the night from sleep and told me what had happened and said if I wanted to say goodbye - I needed to right then because they were going to bury him. I remember being sad, but my parents told me that it is sometimes part of life - we all go one way or another. Unfortunately my best friend got hit by a car. I don't really remember HOW long I was sad and mopy. But I just remember the incident. I eventually got over it - we ended up getting another dog (german shepard) - I don't remember how long afterward either. Anyway - what I experienced basically was my parents were up front and honest. Looking back - I am glad that they let me tell Zap goodbye - because I got closure with him and I knew he was sleeping in a good place. I still miss him today - I'm getting teary eyed just writing this.

Sorry to hear about your cat. It is hard to lose a pet. Check at the library or bookstore for a book called "Cat Heaven" by Cynthia Rylant. Talks about the awesome place that cats go when they pass.

I just dealt with this last October with my 3 and 5 year old. Sad to say, I took he easy route and lied. I told them that she went to a special hospital for old kitties where she can be taken of. My 5 year old drew her a nice photo and asked me to take it to her. They didn't question too much and of course, out of sight out of mind. They didn't ask about her too much after the first week. Sad times, good luck.

This is a perfect opportunity to teach your son what your family believes about God and Heaven. It will be hard on him, but 4 year olds have a way of moving on. Pets are the best way we have to teach our kids about the life cycle, and death. He will be looking to you for cues as to how he should respond, so be sure not to let your emotions get out of control when you tell him. Let him know though that it is okay to be sad, and that you all miss him.

I'd look for a kids' book about animals dying, I'm sure there is one. If you believe in heaven I'd tell him that kitty was old/sick, etc and that he's not anymore now that he's in heaven. I would buy a stuffed animal kitty that looked like yours did and let him know that anytime he misses him he can hug this one. Very hard, I know, I'm still not over not being able to say goodbye to my childhood dog!

Our animals are our family too. We had one of our dogs, Kayla, pass soon after our son was born. How horrible to have to explain to a four year old. I'm sorry for your loss. Don't tell him he/she went to sleep because children start being scared to sleep. Maybe have some closure. After reading a children's book about death have a celebration of your cats life. Look at some pictures together and remember the fun times. Let him know we keep them alive with our fond memories. Possibly, create a small box with the collar, favorite toy and a picture or art that your son makes for the cat and keep the box in a special place or even bury it and say bye bye or plant a bush or perennial flower or tree in your yard. I've showed a friend a group of flowers where some have died and new baby flowers grow from the same soil. It's all a process and you will know what's best for your son to hear. He may want just a simple bye bye because he's four. Best wishes and let him know it's ok to cry if you miss your cat.

We experienced a similar problem with our daughter when our dog passed away. They were best friends and did everything together. It's been six months and thinking about it still breaks my heart. My daughter was at the vet with us when she died for lack of any other options. She didn't understand death and still has a foggy 4 year old view of it. We told her that Benny, our dog, wouldn't be coming home with us because she got sick and the doctor couldn't fix her. She was curious and we answered the questions she had as she asked them. We got a great book from a friend about the death of a dog. I'm sure they have them for cats, as well. She knows that Benny is in Heaven (which she has decided is on the moon) and every time she hears a dog barking in the distance she thinks it's her friend. I so sorry that you (and your son) lost your friend.

I'm so sorry to hear this sad news. If your a christain, I would explain that God loved this kitty so much and so the kitty went to live in Heaven. (something along those lines)
It wont be easy and I'm sure there will be many tears. Another kitty would distract him.
D.

Hi G. -

Well, two of our three cats died just before the holidays last year, so I know what you're going through (my son was 4 at the time as well). I think at this age you can be pretty frank with him; he really won't understand (even though he'll tell you he does!). I don't know what you do with your deceased pets, but I've had mine cremated, so we have two tiny little floral tins on top of a bookshelf, and my son "knows" that the cats' remains are in there. He'll bring it up once in a while, asking "Mommy, was Alexander really sick and then he died?" and I'll tell him yes, and he seems satisfied. Truthfully, you are probably much more heartbroken over the loss of your pet than your son is (I know I was). Explain to him what happened in as much or as little detail as you feel comfortable with, but do be honest. And you know, you can get into the whole sappy "yes our pet isn't here anymore but we'll always remember him...". Seemed to work for us.

It's early, but maybe you can get one of those little ornaments for your Christmas tree this year that you can put your pet's photo in. We did that last year. :)

Anyway, good luck and I'm sorry to hear about your cat. Losing pets is really heartbreaking.

Hi Ginnny. I'm sorry for your loss. I am a veterinary technician and work in a great hospital in North Portland. There is a book "For Every Cat An Angel" by Christine Davis that we give to children who are dealing with the loss of a cat. Also, Dove Lewis Emergency Hospital has a pet loss support program that could give you more information/support on the subject. I know how hard it is to say goodbye... I wish you and your family happy memories and healing thoughts.

www.dovelewis.org

Love Jenn