My Child Is Envoius

Is she taking any cues from you? Often, we don't realize it. I suggest a sport, and volunteering to help the less fortunate. Kids can be very compassionate, and this is a great self esteem booster and cure for envy.

Hi Grace,

My second son is somewhat the same way. We live in a pretty affluent suburb, but we live in a small 2 bedroom home, drive decent but older cars, and my kids have never really wanted for anything. My first son never really cared about the size of our home, or anything else. My 10 year old does make comments about wanting
a bigger house. I explain to him that most of the world (like 80%) live in conditions where they don't have real house, running water, go to school, or have the ability to go to doctors. I have also explained to him that we could have a larger home, and so on if we chose to live in another town where the schools were bad, it wasn't as safe, and our whole family didn't live within a 1 mile radius. I stress that things are things, and are alot of fun, but don't say anthing about what kind of person you are, and are not what is important in life. Maybe you could take her to some kind of charity or place where they help needy people so she can see how good she really has it. There are probably lots of books at the library that tackle that subject. I think that self esteem comes from home. We are all going to be a little envious sometimes, but knowing what is really important in this world, especially in these economic times is key. Some kids got nothing for christmas this year because their families lost jobs, homes, cars etc. Good luck!

Grace,

I think you should check out books at the library or book store. Your daughter needs to understand from you that YOU know that there are people out there who are prettier, skinnier, wealthier, etc. And that you're ok with that. I think part of it is that she is aware of these things, but not comfortable and feeling inferior. She needs to find something that SHE feels great about herself - her grades, her ability is sports, the fact that she's a good friend, etc. EVERYONE brings something special to the table.

I know you know all this, but maybe a book might help her see in someone else (a character) what she's not seeing in herself. I bet a librarian could help you find a series for preteen-teenage girls that deal with tough issues like this one.

Good luck!

Hi Grace,
You should try reading book about various topics related to character. Getting her involved in extracurricular activities at school could help. And checking out churches or community organizations with certain groups could really be of great assistance. However, it takes time to see the change, but it will get better.

Happy New Year!

Sorry she is going through this. I am a teacher and had a student that really struggled with this. Not sure what area you are in and what you have for insurance but know there is a group through Warren Township in Gurnee that is free of charge in addition to private groups that bill to your insurance. Ask the social worker at school for outside social group recommendations. They should be a wealth of knowledge for you!

Hi Grace,

Has your daughter ever been in Girl Scouts? Their whole goal is to help girls build their self esteem and develop the social skills that they need to succeed in life. I was in Girl Scouts as a child and now my 7-year old daughter has joined. It has really helped her self esteem and self confidence since she has joined.

I hope this helps.

B.

I used to teach in the public schools... have you checked with her school? I know we had social groups for many different reasons at our school. There were friend groups, self esteem groups, etc. This may be something your daughter's school offers as well. I would definitely look into this immediately. If you school doesn't offer anything, maybe call a counselor and get her in to chat with someone who is a professional. Junior high is a tough age for girls and seeking professional help now could reduce further problems in the future. I wish you luck!

Would it be possible to get her/your family involved in volunteering to help those less fortunate? Maybe at a soup kitchen or homeless shelter? It may be eye opening for her and provide her with a different perspective and appreciation for all that she does have.

Grace,
Check out the Dove campaign that includes workshops for girls and self-esteem. When I read your request and saw your daughters age, it made me think of it. I think the website is dove campaign for real beauty.
Also, would your daughter ever be interested in martial arts? It is such a positive self-esteem boosting activity. Our 7 year old son has been doing Taekwondo in Algonquin at Superkids for about 2 years. The instructors are a husband/wife team and they really work on respect for one's self and others and really encourage the students in a positive way. It is totally based on individual accomplishments/belt testing etc. PLUS...they learn self-defense! If you want more info please feel free to send me an email.

I would explore the American Girl Library collection of books aimed at girls of this age.

They have many titles. A Smart Girls Guide to Money, Internet, Boys, Friendship Troubles, Sticky Situations, Friends: Making Them and Keeping Them, Math, Go for It, Homework, See What You Can Be, Stand Up for Yourself and Your Friends, You Can Do It...these are just a sampling. I have been impressed with the titles that I have read.

Good Luck!

Girl scouts! Or have her join a team sport.