My Daughter Is Running Away

Updated on April 26, 2007
M.W. asks from Ocean City, NJ
9 answers

My daughter is almost 2 1/2 and she has started running down the street any chance she can get! Also, she can unlock & open the slider door now and has let our dog out which he runs down the road too, (I feel like they both don't listen to me!)this has happened 3 days in a row, I have explained to her that she is little and cars don't see her and she has to stay close, we live in a safe neighborhood, with not a lot of traffic but this also happened when we were about to get into the car, I had to put our stuff down and chase her down the road. I'm so nervous that if we are at a crowded place someone will take her or a car. I just need some ideas on how to approach this, I don't believe in spanking and the naughty step doesn't work. She is a great girl, and most of the time we have a great time and no worries but this is really frustrating there are only so many times I can run thru the neighborhood in my pajamas and when I finally catch her I try to reason with her but have to carry her back kicking and screaming when we get inside she cries for a little while longer, then forgets about it and everythings ok but I'm still trying to catch my breath from the big chase!! I'm also afraid for our dog because hes the same way!

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L.S.

answers from Philadelphia on

When my oldest, now 19, was that age, he was the same way. And we live on a very busy street. I didn't have a dog to deal with, but here's what I did with our son. We bought a chain lock for our front door and installed it very high up. He could not open the door very far. We also got a little shop bell that rang whenever the door was opened. I do believe they sell electronic motion alarms in the baby safety areas of children's toy stores, like Toys R Us. An electronic motion alarm would work on slider doors, I think. For sliders, you can get a bar that can install to keep the doors from moving. Or, simply put a piece of wood in the rails to keep the doors form moving. There are also systems that requiring drilling and inserting a pin between both doors. Look into ways to childproof your sliders. I bet you can get info in the windows and doors department at a place like Home Depot or Lowe's.
Out in public, after using every possible technique that was suggested to me, I finally went to a child harness. Yep, it looks like a leash. I felt very, very bad about harnessing my son, but it was for his safety. That child would have run straight up to an axe murderer! I just could not keep him safe any other way. We actually didn't have to use the harness for very long. He didn't dislike it, but he learned how to stay close.
I think at 2-1/2 your child will not be able to fully understand the dangers that can happen to her. You can tell her about them, but she won't be able to understand it completely. I think you're going to have to take steps to keep her out of the dangerous situations.

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N.

answers from Philadelphia on

My in-laws have a sawed-off broomstick stuck between the slider and the wall, right on the track. That way it's impossible to get the slider open without getting the broomstick unwedged first.

Of course it sounds like your little one might figure that out pretty fast...

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J.B.

answers from Reading on

We had that problem with our last child,he was always getting out the sliding doors.My husband went to the hardware store,they have a pin lock that goes up top to lock the door.I would look into getting one of those.As far as the front door,can you lock it were she cant unlock it?

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H.F.

answers from Pittsburgh on

I don't know how to get your daughter to quit running away, but I have a suggestion for the sliding glass door. My inlaws use a stick in the bottom of the door as a security measure. Of course, they don't have small kids. My suggestion is using their example but taking it a step further. Get a heavy duty tension rod for curtains or showers (you'll have to measure the door to see which would work). Put the tension rod in at the top of the door to prevent it from being opened. She won't be able to reach it and even if she unlocks the door, she won't be able to open it.

My brother was one who ran away often at the age. My mother found that there was no single solution. She just made it as difficult as possible for him. She would lock the screen door to our house with multiple locks and the front door to our house. She would have to carry her keys on her because he was also a genius with locks. She had put her keys up once and locked both the screen door and front door (2 locks on each). She changed the laundry, was gone only about 3-5 minutes. Came back upstairs and found he had taken her keys, unlocked both doors but closed them behind himself and had unlocked the car door and was about to put the key in the ignition when she got to him. It is amazing what kids can do.

Take a deep breath and keep explaining to her why she can't run away. Honestly, sometimes it helps to scare them. Tell her what could happen to her. Then put her in time out each time too. Eventually, you will win and she will stop. Although, your dog probably won't listen no matter what you tell him. Good luck with both your daughter and your dog.

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M.A.

answers from Allentown on

Since 2 1/2 is still a little young for reasoning, you just have to child-proof everything in any way you can. If there isn't a product for it, you find a way to make one!

You can continue to explain safety rules for streets and being outside, but they aren't going to really sink in yet. Just keep explaining your rules, though, because one day they will. Meanwhile, you child-proof.

I'm going through similar struggles with my almost 2-year-old son. I'm in the process of child-proofing more than I ever thought I'd need to - my daughter never did the things that he's doing!

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S.L.

answers from Philadelphia on

have you tried looking into takeing her to a walk park just to get her out of the house and into the great out doors she seems like she wants to get out but not the usual every day play ground run. you can take her bike if she can pedal or just let her walk around the coarse. from the way it sounds she might perfer to run. if you can possibly take her to the local high school and let her run a few laps around the track on the weekend most of the tracks are fenced in so there wouldnt be any worries about her running to far just stand in the opening so she dosent get out.

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C.C.

answers from Philadelphia on

The best advice I can give you is to do what my parents did for my 2 year old daughter. They put a piece of wood long enough to slide between the frame and the door and long enough to prevent her from opening it and removing it. She can unlock it but she can't get the door open. A 2 x 4 type or a little thinner would be perfect depending on the size of your door frame. Good luck!

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A.L.

answers from Philadelphia on

M.,
That is a tough one! My God-Daughter did it in her hotel room in Disney world and her parents didn't realize it until minutes had passed! Housekeeping found her and brought her to security and she was back with her parents right away, but when you think about it - how incredibly scary.

They sell locks for sliders that make them child proof, but my mother and I put a yardstick in the track of the door, so the door would hit it and only open a few inches. She will learn, and she will grow, but you do have to keep her safe in the meantime!
Best of luck!
A.

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J.L.

answers from Pittsburgh on

at least your daughter waited until she was almost 3 to run away, mine started when she learned how to crawl. i was working in the greenehouse, and she crawled out the the door, down the walk, across the road across my neighbors driveway,and never looked back, and hasent quit yet. she also has her faithfull sidekicks with her, i often yell at her that this isnt the incredable journey, so get back here, {we have 3 small dogs} she would wander off when i was hanging up clothes, we had a highway 50 yards to the front miles of corn fields to the rear, a dirt path that led to a sewer tratment plant some 400 yards away and a small pond on our property. so you can imagine what i went through, thank god my one dog was very smart, i would say find the baby and we found the baby,

she would open the door when i was on the tolet and her and her friends would be out going to the neighbors. now what i did works, but it takes some work,but its worth it.

i cant always be outside, and she is just, well she is just herself, so i took her for a walk along the road and showed her every dead thing out there, and told her that it got killed because it came on the road without its mommy, then over and over we talked about the dead things and how sky could get killed just like them if she came on the road without mommy and that would make mommy sad. we would eat dinner and talk about the dead things on the road, so sky can never go by the road without mommy or she will end up like those poor dead things.

next step, when she wants to be out{she just turned 4} she can go on the pourch, but she must leave the door open, and i tell her she must stay on the patio {thats where all her toys are} and i ask her what did mommy just say,and make her repeat it back to me, i trust her, but to a point, i talk loudly to her while i finish putting the food away, or whatever, sometimes i cant talk to her, so i quickly finnish doing what i am doing but i look out the door, out the window, to see what the heck shes doing,and her faithfull sidekicks, stay where she stays, and now we live in carmichaels with 88 just 50 feet from my patio, we lived here since september and no problems.

i rented a small appt, in rices landing, while her father was in texas, and the river was our back yard, so what was i to do with a 3 year old who loves water, {her bath time every night is 2 hours} and she swims in grandmas pool with no water wings.

so told her that there was a mongahalia momster in that river and if she went down by those trees{There was a line of trees about 25 feet from the water} without her mommy the monster would see her and eat her, but not if she was with mommy cause he is afraid of mommy, and we taked about it all the time etc,, and as you can see, we lived there with her being trusted to play in her sandbox, and ride and her bike, and i could quickly get my stuff done before joining her.

and just put her in her car seat first seat, clip your keys to your belt loop, then put your stuff in the car. when i first started doing this, if she messed up, i just picked her and brought her back in the house and told her how sad sky made me, cause she was almost a dead thing on the street, and i wouldnt have my baby anymore, my girlfriend did this with kid, and it worked, i asked skys dr, and he said whatever it takes to keep them safe, it took about a week, 2 weeks, before it was to the point where i could put food away, and now at four, i can run the sweeper and put dinner on, but you must always check on them, if nothing else, get one of those security camerias and install it, they dont cost that much, and put the moniter where you will be all the time, or you can even hook it up to your computer. but make sure you have a boundry area, the sandbox, pourch, patio, this is wherre i trust you to stay, and you had better stay here. i also dont believe in hitting my kids, i thinks its a total lack of control, and in this crazy world, we dont need to teach violence in our own homes.

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