I'm wondering if anyone else has dealt with a similar situation and has any advice on how to deal with this. My 6-year-old daughter pulled a big chunk of her own hair out the other day and showed it to me. I told her I was very upset that she did that and she should never do that again. I asked her why she did it and she said "I don't know". When I asked her if it hurt she said no. I'm very concerned because she plays with a 10-year-old girl at daycare that has been pulling her own hair out for the past year. She (the 10-year-old)now has pulled about three-quarters of her own hair out and it is growing back in stages but she still does it. It has become a habit and she doesn't realize she's even doing it. The mom took her to the doctor and they told her to see a psychologist which the mom doesn't want to do. She's watching her daughter closely and constantly reminding her not to pull her hair. I will definitely take my daughter to the doctor if she does this again but what is the best way to respond.
I should explain that the 10-yr-old is the daughter of the daycare teacher and with school about to start - my daughter will be switching daycares in about 2 weeks anyway. I'm wondering if I should tell her it's bad and she will lose privileges if she continues to do this.
I have known two little girls that did this and it was a type of disease or problem. I can't remember the name. They were much younger when it started and it weas diagnosed at a young age (3 or 4).
First off, I know that you cannot tell the mother of the other girl what to do but she definately needs to get her to a psychologist. What that little girl is displaying is Trichotillomania. It is very real and unless she gets help for this little girl, she is going to suffer all her life with this. It is sort of like a compulsive OCD type behavior that does not really go away on its own. This little girl is young now but will deal with teasing and being embarrassed about her bald spots in the near future and it will be horrible for her. If you have any pull with the mother, maybe you can at least give her the name of the disorder so that she can look it up on her own.
Your daughter, I believe, is just imitating what she has seen this little girl do. Kids do this when they see kids doing something they don't do. My son came hom one day sucking his thumb because another boy at school does.
K.
Hi J.
My daughter started pulling her hair out at 18months old we had her evaluated by a physical theripest and she was diagnosed with sensory processing disorder so we took her to therapy three times a week. we shaved her head and let her forget about the behavior and she is now seven and still has some sensory issues but hasn't pulled her hair out anymore. so I would highly recommend haveing both girls evaluated for sensory issues.
If she is imitating this other daycare child, I would seriously consider switching daycares. At 10, the other child could go to an after school program so I would just let your provider know how serious you are taking this and say that you are considering swiching daycares. She can decide if she can get rid of that family or risk losing yours......
Good luck.
I agree with kristine. She probably is imitating but if she keeps doing it it could turn into something more serious. The disorder kristine listed is very real. I just watched a documentary on it the other nite on tv about a woman who has done it since she was 12 and had to wear wigs due to so many bald spots. It gets worse and worse and the longer you do it and it gets harder to quit. I would try and talk to the other girls mom about it if possible. If it was my kid i would want to know. Mabye the other girls mom doesnt realize what is going on but you need to talk to your daughter to and let her know that its not ok to do that and if she keeps it up you may want to bring her in to find out why. Good luck and i hope eveything works out for everyone!
I would not take your daughter to a doctor. Your daughter is imitating the older girl. I would talk with her about how this girl has a serious problem and about imitating behvavior in general. If she does it again, I would use whatever disciplining measures have worked with her in the past. If she won't be around this girl after 2 weeks, I bet the problem will go away on its own.
Yes, pulling hair can be a symptom of OCD, but doing it once is not a syndrome, it is an isolated event. Kids will do things just to see how it feels and to see how you react.
I agree with the mom who said that she is imitating, but I also think it's sometimes hard to distinguish when a habit goes from imitation to its own problem...so I would take her seriously--perhaps even too seriously? In the slim chance that her problem is actually a problem and not imitation, I would not tell her not to do it because it hurts you--but because it could hurt, it will make her hair hard to style (is she into ribbons or bows? can't wear those w/ no hair!), it's not healthy. I might also be up front with her and say that what she's doing is NOT healthy...and if she has a problem, you love her very, very much and want to deal with that, and that means seeing a doctor. My son loves his doctor, but sometimes the "threat" of having to see her makes him stop some things (crying excessively over a small wound). It seems that children I've dealt with who have fake psychological problems seem to lose them the minute they're actually examined and given the attention they want. But--giving attention--excitement, worry--without following through with medical attention may be exactly what she's seeking (I doubt, at 6, that that is a conscious decision; she maybe sees her friend getting attention and wants to be special too.).Good luck!
OMG!! I am so sorry for you... and her. I think the daycare needs to something about this.
1) Request for your daughter to change class rooms
or
2) Not allow this girl to go there anymore, until her parents take her to get her issue taken care of.
I would also ask the teacher what they are doing while your daughter is playing with her, she sounds like one they should deffinatly monater a little more! (the 10 year old, not your daughter).
Good Luck! I know for me it is really hard to confront the daycare/ sitter!!
We went through this with our 10 year old daughter last year. I suggest if it doesn't stop to have her see a social worker. We had a rough time getting her to stop and she wouldn't open up to us why she was doing and she would lie to us about it. I would cry at night because I didn't know what I was doing wrong or what I could do to help her because nothing seemed to be working. She would do it when she wasn't around anybody and we could never catch her doing it but she had major bald spots to where I would have to comb her hair different ways so she wasn't made fun of at school. We finally took her to a social worker and it helped talking to her we found out she was really stressed at school and that she was letting every little thing bother her and didn't know how to express her feelings. She helped her to be able to express herself better and talk about things that were bugging her. We also made her work towards a goal that if she would stop pulling her hair and actually prove that her hair was growing back she would get a WII that she had been wanting for a long time. It seemed to work its now been about 10 months since she last pulled her hair and all her bald spots are gone. Good luck!
It may be that your daughter is just imitating her friend...but keep an eye on her. Give her lots of positive attention when she does anything good, and if she does it again, express your displeasure and take her in, but don't make too much of it to her.
Her friend has a very real condition that does need intervention. I don't remember the name of it, but I have seen people with it before, and it is a psycological condition.
I do want to add that I disagree with other posters that the other girl should be removed or to encourage the daycare provider to drop the other girl. She is obviously having enough problems of her own. You should focus more one convincing the mother that her DD does have a problem, rather than trying to get her kicked out.
