My Ex's Current Girlfriend/possible Fiance

I have problems with my ex and my fiancee. When he found out we were living together he would tell the kids stuff like, he doesn't see you naked does he. He doesn't walk around in his underwear. He doesn't do this or that. Then when my kids came back to my house I would have to deal with all this nonsense.

My ex would do special days with the kids that I just can't afford, like six flags with no money restrictions. Then end the day with I bet mom doesn't do this with Troy around. Then I would get you don't pay attention to us anymore even though we all went bike riding earlier in the day.

We didn't ask our kids to lie but we tried to play it down so he wouldn't find out for as long as possible because we knew the games would start.

I just hope you aren't pulling stuff like that. It just makes it hard on the children because they feel like they are being pulled in different directions.

I guess it was your comment about her maybe seeing him naked that made me wonder. I mean unless she barged into his room he was most likely streaking. Yeah, she may have seen him naked. Wear clothes in public areas, problem solved.

I could be reading this all wrong simply because of the naked thing and that my ex pulled that, ya know?

Sorry, I dont think its your place to say who you ex is with, marries, or has your son around, simply because you and your son dont like her. Kids like most adults, even the weirdo ones, and bad ones. He is probably making statements to "please" you. Kids also do get jealous when divorced parents find new people. You need to support your son as he gets to know this woman, without adding your judgements and opinions. You cant expect him to "not have her around". I hate to say it, but this reminds me exactly of my ex's crazy behavior after I left, there are parenting after separation classes, you should look into it.

Unless you suspect a serious problem with this woman being around your son, you would probably be wise to let it go. If your ex is serious about marrying her, she's there to stay.
You're getting caught up in a big debate, and you don't want that with an ex. Whatever you can do to make things work smoothly will benefit your son. See if you can point out something positive about her. Encourage your son to talk to his dad, maybe ask if they can play a sport together, or do something else they both like. The point is to work towards harmony however you can. Ex's can be rather irrational, so you want to be business-like and polite, and meet him half-way as much as you can.
It's also likely that your son is reacting to her "replacing" you. Kids want their parents together, and he might have reacted to anyone else the same way. You can help him by trying to portray her in a positive light.
Remember, too, that these things have a way of changing, even resolving, over time. The trick is to facilitate that by keeping things as peaceful as possible while protecting your son's safety. It's a dance that takes a while to learn, but you're on the right track. ( : Hope all goes well!

Sounds like he still has feelings for you, that's why he's not putting your son's feelings first. He is immature, otherwise he would have said "wow, you are right, I do tend to neglect junior when she is there at the same time, I'll try to make it better for him in the future.."

As much as I hate to say it, your ex is intitled to have a GF/wife, and you AND your son do NOT have a say in who, sorry, bleck.

Your son will be much more likely to cope, or even embrace the GF if YOU do.

Few more years, and he'll be able to make up his mind for himselh whether he wants to go to dad's house or not.

For now, best thing for your SON, is to make the BEST of it all around.

:(

Well i don't think you can tell your ex who he is allowed to have around, unless you want him to be able to say the same back to you. Also, if this is the first serious relationship your ex has had, your son probably is just generally having a hard time with it. How about you tell you ex specific issues your son has- like his being uncomfortable about the woman seeing him naked- that is a very legitimate issue and he should respect that! If your ex really is going to marry this woman you will have to realize that she will be in your sons life and that it would be best for him if you can put your negative feelings aside.

Well, if the relationship is serious enough that he is planning to marry her it may not be possible to keep your son from being around her. You don't have to like her, nor does your son but you need to find a way to co-exist with her. You don't say what the comments are but if she is talking bad about you or causing psycological harm to your son, you need to document it and it can be addressed in court because it violates your son's rights. If she does become your son's step-mom, both you and your son will need to show her respect and she will need to do the same. Your ex needs to get on board with co-parenting.

To me it sounds like you need to have a talk with your son and prepare him for the eventuality that his Dad is going to move on and date and even marry other people...starting with this woman and that your son needs to learn to deal with it and to try to look on the bright side, if at all possible.

You need to say all that to your son but only in a WAY nicer and kid friendly way :)

It's time you started preparing your son by telling him sometimes we don't care for someone but we should still treat them respectfully. Because dad is going to marry this woman and she is could be in your son's life a very long time. If you truly have his best interest at heart you need to teach him how to get along with people he doesn't like well and to find something that he can do to make it easier.

I love my ex-husbands wife to the max. She is the best thing that ever happened to my family. I think the world of her and even when we had tiffs we still had my daughters interest at heart. I know I can trust her in any situation to be objective and fair. I am truly blessed to have her in my life as well as my daughters life.

Would it be possible to meet your ex in a public place without his girlfriend and your son? If so, discuss what your son has told you. Let him know his "job" is to protect your son not only physically but mentally. He needs to involve him when they are together, and he needs to speak with his girlfriend about how much his son means to him. Letting her know your son comes first.

Not sure what more you can do.

Good luck!

Wow. Your ex sounds very immature, and he's handling this entire situation in a very sneaky and dishonest way. Combining that with the incidents between your son and the new girlfriend, how neither of those adults in that household have been honest and how they've encouraged him to lie for them, and how your ex is treating you now that the truth is out, I think this is a really bad situation.

I think you need to keep handling things the way you are. You sound really rational and even keeled, and very intelligent. Keep the upper hand that way. I think that means getting yourself a lawyer and officially setting custody arrangements and child support as well. Especially now that a new crazy girlfriend is in the picture. That just turn the situation into a wild card and he may suddenly decide not to be such a great dad all of a sudden if the new girlfriend thinks the boy is in her way. I think you're going to need that safety net.