"My Family" vs "His Family"

I'm so lucky because I see my MIL like my own mom, and I'm closer to my SIL's than I am my own brother.. I think it just depends on what you get stuck with, if they weren't the amazing people they are I'd feel the same as you do! Don't feel bad, it is what it is.

My in-laws--they can drive me nuts. Sometimes I'd rather avoid them. I'll help them out anyway that I can. I care about them. I love them--they're "my" family but in a different way that MY family is "MY" family! Know what I mean? LOL

I could have easily written your post. The funny thing is that my husband isn't really close to his sisters either. His mother and late father, yes - and I considered myself closer to his parents than my own. My husband would say he's closer to my sisters than his. You can't pick your family.

My mom acts that way about my dad's family to the point that she couldn't see that they are MY FAMILY. My Mom has created a huge divide between me and my dad's side of the family. Do not do that to your children.
I'm sorry but I believe that when you get married it's a package deal that includes his parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins et al. If you can't or won't think of them as family you are selfish and messed up. Because they are family they share DNA with your children.

We're pretty close to both sides of our family. His family is my family and my family is his family. His sisters are my sisters, and my brothers are his brothers. As a matter of fact, my brothers' wives are my sisters too. I even get along with all of THEIR in-laws.

I try to be as inclusive as I can. It's a good example for my girls. You can never have too much family. Of course there's the odd person in there who's a bit prickly and at arm's reach, but that can be said for people on my side of the family as well as his.

I took it seriously when the priest who married us stated that it wasn't just the two of us that were marrying, but our families were marrying. I married his entire family as he did mine. The good, the bad, the in-between belongs to both of us.

I don't have a close relationship with the people in my husband's family. Part of it is our age difference and part of it is geographical. We are in MD and they are mostly in Mississippi.

I am all about family, but his family is different than mine and while the ones that live there have that kind of relationship, the ones that are out of there don't really stay close. My hubby talks to his brother and sister every so often - I talk to mine at least weekly.

Oh, I can relate...that's how I feel about DH's family. His sisters are nice enough, his brothers are a mess, and his mother is a loon. They don't give me the warm fuzzies at all. And DH and his family were such a mass of dysfunction growing up that I don't think he always feels too much of the "warm fuzzies" for them either. The thing is, just because we love someone and marry them, does not mean we are going to love everyone in their family and bond the same way and be best friends. It's great when that happens but sometimes when people have wildly different upbringings and backgrounds, or just out-of-sync personalities, it's hard to relate to each other. At least that seems to be the issue that I have. But they all live several states away, so our get-togethers are few and far between.

No I don't feel the way you do. Sounds to me like you just don't care at all. Have you tried to have a good relationship with them? I have a SIL who it seems doesn't care for anyone but "her" side of the family. It is sad. Think of the love and fellowship you are missing out on. And if you have children, they are/will be certainly missing out on a lot of love and attention that your husbands side of the family can give. I think it is sad when I hear women talk this way. You are missing out on way too much.

Yep.
Ditto you.
I am sure, you are not the only one.

My In-Laws... they are fine, but they tend to be selfish.
Pleasant people. But.

But, even one's own family... can be distant. And not close at all.
So it really depends on the dynamics of all.

I've been married 14 years.
My In-Laws... NEVER even came, to our wedding nor made an effort, to come here.
At all.
Even if they could have came. They never did.

Yep...sure do...they are "cold pricklies"...and we are "warm fuzzies"...never gonna spend a night in their house again.

My husband's family is pretty close to the picture of dysfunctional. They talk when it's "important"...that means once every 6 months or on birthday's.

My MIL died on Mother's Day 2006. Greg, Nick and I were NOT invited to the funeral - it was for "family only" - Bob had a cow - but I told him - GO. The boys are too young any way..

His sister that lives by their Dad? Well, she took over as Matriarch and when Dad came down to visit us - she e-mailed Bob and told him that "Daddy cannot travel to see you anymore. It's just too hard on him. If you want to see him, you need to come here." Bob told her that it wasn't her place and if Dad wants to visit - he's a grown man...you're his DAUGHTER not his wife or mother...ooopsss...let's just say that didn't go over well.

His other sister in Georgia? Well, she wants the family to be a little more like mine - calling more often, e-mails, etc. which we do. Dad? not so much.

Bob loves my family. He still doesn't "get" the constant communication between us - I talk to my parents several times a week as well as my sister. My brother - I talk to about every two weeks. Bob will talk to my family on the phone as well.

I'm sorry you don't have warm fuzzies. That bites...can you find ANY redeeming qualities in them?

I most certainly do...his whole family (except for his Dad) are SO judgemental about everything. We've been together for 13yrs and I still feel uncomfortable around them.

I call my MIL mom and my husband calls my mom Mom too. We consider our families as each others pretty much. We don't blend them together tho, lol... that is like worlds colliding ;)
I get along great with all his family tho and he mine.

I am not remotely close to my husband's family and we will be married 10 years next month. I don't even know what to call his mom, although she signs things to me "Shirley Ann" which my DH says he's never seen her do before. She lives 40 minutes away but comes to see our son once or twice a year. I like the sisters-in-law ok, but talk to them maybe once a year (one local, one not). I never really think of them when I think of family. My husband feels the same way, choosing mine over his. DH has a brother, too, but we disowned him 4.5 years ago after he killed his dog. We never speak his name or acknowledge his existence.

I had a really nice BIL. Unmarried. My MIL and FIL after we spent one Christmas with them it was never again. Once my MIL arrived the day after Christmas. She spent the whole time arguing with my husbands nephews who always came to us for holidays and summers. After that I banned her from the house.
I don't need racist, angry, immature alcoholics in my life. My decent BIL died before he was 40.
In-laws are a real mixed bag.
Oh I once tried mixing the families it was an absolute disaster. My daughter went home and left us her husband's son who was in kind of trouble or another with the nephew so we drove him home to them. The kids were only 9 and 10 at the time so it wasn't really a big deal that they didn't get along.

When I got married, I was looking forward to having so many more people to include in my family. It hasn't turned out that way. Even my SIL, whom I love and who professes to love me the same as her brother, has never become even a close friend, much less a sister. I think a lot of it has to do with my husband. It's not a priority for him to foster and facilitate a close relationship with his family, and it's much harder for me, as an "outsider," to do anything outside his purview. I used to feel bad about it for my own sake, but now I'm mostly sad for my children's. Any cousins they have will most likely be from their dad's side, and it just doesn't seem like any of them will be close at all.

I don't care for my in-laws. I have tried - man, have I ever tried. I even spent a year trying to make "baby steps" toward finding common ground with my MIL, thinking that after 20 years, we'd be leaps and bounds better off than we were that year...to no avail. She does things like pick my newborn up out of my arms and chucks her camera at me, asking me to, "take a picture of MY family." Um, hello? I could go on for pages and pages of her thoughtless comments, even more inconsiderate actions and blatant disregard of boundaries regarding my children, but I'm now just trying to minimize my direct contact with her and keep the tension of her visits to a minimum. I can honestly say I tried - and I am open to any effort she may put in, in the future (but not holding my breath). Good luck to you - I share your preference and could have written your post. However, I have made a point of connecting with my brother-in-law and his wife, who are delightful but live far away.

I was with my ex for 20 years plus and for the first several years they all hated me. After that faded, it took several more years to feel comfortable around them. Then, towards the end, I felt some mutual liking. We're still at liking now that we're divorced.

I guess I would have to say no. I love "my" family very much. But it took me a while to realize that even though we all love one another very much, and never have had any "issues" that we just are not all that close. I have 2 older brothers, and they both live within an hour of my parents. All of them live 5 hours from where I live. So for years it has always been me and mine that have had to travel to visit any extended family. My parents came down to visit, sure. But my brothers? not really. Once or twice in 10 years? And we live less than 30 min from the beach! I don't take it personally... they have lives and are involved in them. They always made a point to come to mom's when I was up there visiting at least.
But my husband's family on the other hand... they are quite a dysfunctional mixed bag. But I love them all dearly. I get annoyed by them sometimes, sure. And some incidents here or there ticked me off for one reason or another (nothing in the realm of unforgiveable type stuff though). But generally, I feel (deep down inside) that if I really NEEDED something. His brother or his sisters or his Aunt would ALL be RIGHT HERE for me. Not even for "us" but for ME, if I needed it. I'm not sure I can say that about my own siblings. And if they needed me, I would do all I could. With my brothers, I just don't feel like I can do that... like I'd be wondering if they wanted me to do this or that... I love my SIL (brother's wife), but we just aren't close. No ill will... it's just a fact. My other brother, more recently married, I love her, too. But only seeing her maybe 10 times in 5 years, I just am not that close with her. My husband's sisters, though, are also my friends. And one of them has lived overseas and/or across country from us for most of the 15 years of our marriage. I think I enjoy their visits more than my husband does sometimes! And he loves to have them around too. Maybe it's because I didn't have sisters growing up? I don't know.
But I still refer to them as "his" side and "my" side, lol.

It's a two way street. Even in your subject you are dividing two families.

I feel the same way toward my in laws. But the sad thing is so does my husband. He has always been the black sheep of his family and does not feel genuinely close to his parents or his siblings.