My husbands father split up with his wife because she cheated. My husband feels like its his job to be with his dad 24/7. Dont get me wrong he is a nice guy but ive had enough. I dont remember when was the last time ive been alone with my husband and my daughter. He is always at my house does not have respect for anything. He got sick and he has diabetes, hepatits and other sicknesses. what i mean by he does not have respect is because he coughs with out covering his mouth, he gives my daughter something to drink out of HIS cup! he cleans her bottle with his hand and kisses her. I am honestly disgusted. imagine sitting in the car and him coughing the whole way to the store. Im really worried about my daughters health and i feel like my husband dosnt want to hurt his dads feelings. What should i do?? ive talked to my husband already but he is only careful for a day and it goes back to how it was :( Please Help!
i forgot to add his dad does it behind my back and when he gets caught he thinks its funny...also if a mention something you should see how hurt they both get and get very rude!! im so mad im thinking about leaving my husband for a while till he gets the idea i just dont know what to do!!! and thank you for the advise
Im sorry for leaving out details. Im not to sure what type of hepatits he has. My father in law was in prison when he was younger and he has alot of tatoos... maybe thats how he got it?? he was also a alcohlic. He has been to the hospital manny times and still does not take care of himself. The issue is really both i dont want hm around all the time i dont mind going to visit him but its really annoying babysitting two babys (my father in law && daughter) . This has been going on for ..i would say 6 mnths? && the coughing i dont know why he coughs he does it every single day it snot a cold. What i mentioned earlier about him cleaning her bottle was because she dropeed her bottle and wiped it with his fingers and cleaned it... His hands are dirty i dont want him touching my daughters stuff..!!!
Not enough info....
What do you feel is the bigger issue--the invasion of privacy or the potential for spread of disease?
How long has this been going on? A week? A month? A year?
Ok a couple things.
One diabetes isn't contagious so that's not an issue at all.
Two hepatitis can be contagious or not ... depends on if it's viral or not, that would be something to find out and go from there. If it's NOT viral it's again no big deal except for your father-in-law. it's not a danger to you or your child if it's not viral.
Three the cause of the cough should be the concern ... not the cough itself. If it's from a cold/flu or other viral/bacterial cause then it's an issue. If it's from allergies or respiratory illness (such as copd or emphysema or such) then it's again no big deal for anyone but your father-in-law as it's not contagious.
Four I'm not sure what other illnesses he has, but it all depends on if they are viral/bacterial in nature or simply from the other issues he has going on.
Anything viral/bacterial should DEFINITELY be treated as such and things like kisses and sharing drinks should be stopped ASAP. if they AREN'T viral/bacterial in nature then gross as the coughing may be, they aren't a danger to you or your child and should be dealt with as such. Covering the mouth should still be done of course, just because who wants to see someone hack up a loogie? It's gross ... but not a danger.
Maybe get some information pamphlets from the doctor or something if needed. AND have a family sit down with father-in-law, hubby and you and talk about these issues and come up with a compromise everyone can live with.
I think AV might be on the right track. Get a second opinion from the pediatrician; you can likely do this via a telephone call. Or print out information regarding how his father's hepatitis can be transmitted and what living with it looks like long-term, for a child.
I would be furious about this,personally. As in "sleeping on the couch" furious. I think there would have to be serious conversation with your husband about what sort of horrible guilt he would suffer should your daughter catch hepatitis. I can understand that in his mind, he's trying to be supportive of his dad, and also trying to look like he 'wears the pants' in the house. That said, if he's having a hard time keeping your daughter safe and making boundaries with dad, maybe it's time for him to get some counseling as to why he won't make those boundaries or he should find ways to spend time with dad at *Dad's House*, without your daughter present. Otherwise, if I were in that situation, it would be marriage counseling time, because he's not 'hearing' something screamingly important.
The hepatitis is scary, depends on what type, but can be transmitted several ways. The cough sounds like could be a major concern......I say this because of the hepatitis, how he got it and what type. Many people who have hepatitis through drug use have an increased risk of having TB because of the behaviors and contacts, especially in the drug user population. TB is very contagious and is making a come back.
I don't mean to accuse your father in law of being a druggie, but you didn't mention how he contracted hepatitis or what type. That cough definitely needs to be checked out, especially if it is productive. Is he a smoker? There are so many missing elements to your descriptions to know just how much danger might be lurking. Obviously, if he is diabetic, his over all health is likely from poor habits developed over time and the fact that he thinks it is "funny" is a red flag, the man has no respect for your family or himself.
I feel sorry for you and your child to be in this situation!
Get your daughter's pediatrician involved.
Edit to add:
If you feel so upset about this that you want to leave your DH about it for a while, then you and DH need to sit down and have some serious talks. They may act hurt, but they're exposing a small child to things she doesn't need. You are worried about her health and they are dismissive of you. Tell your DH that something must change. Ask him to be a part of the change for all your benefits.
It's not just your husband's house... it is also your child's and your home too. Tell your FIL that if he coughs - cover his mouth. Do not share anything eats eaten or drank from with your child. Ensure he only kisses your child on the cheek. If he's washing dishes... that shouldn't be an issue. These are things YOU must bring up if your husband is too cowardly to.
Zero tolerance. Freaking hepatitis?
Get to your pediatrician, bring your husband, and get him talked to. This is serious. I woudl simply not permit the behavior. He shouldn't be allowed near your child acting this way. If nothing else, he and your husband should be respecting you. Hepatitis? I woudl take my daughter to MY mother's house until they change theri ways.
Really, hepetitis! Go to the pediatrician tomorrow. Get her objective view of the danger to your child, and I belive there is danger. Regardless, I would kick him out or kick your husband out or leave yourself. You can't do this to your daughter. Your husband needs a huge wakeup call.
First - explain the situation to your pediatrician and get guidelines from him/her re: germs.
Then, explain those guidelines to your FIL.Be firm and tell him that this is important to you. Handle it yourself with your FIL. Do NOT try to make your husband say anything. He evidently doesnt think its a big issue, or he would police it himself.
Sorry you are in this situation.
