My Fiance's Ex-girlfriend Stole My Thunder...

Way to much drama...guess no one on either side considers getting married before having a baby and setting a "good example" for all of these children?

Welcome to the reality of blended families...its a rough ride and you are just at the beginning. Good luck!!!

Some people are grown ups some are not, she is not. Why stress about it, nothing will change the past now. Be happy, everyone you care about is happy, ya know?

Aww come on guys, don't put this on her fiancee. You know how guys suck at keeping secrets.

Waaay too much drama. The child already has a mother. Maybe she doesn't do things they way YOU would.....but she's still the child's mother.

Sending you many prayers, cuz sister, you are gonna need all the prayers you can get!

:(

Sigh, the ability to reproduce is wasted on the wrong people.

Your pregnancy, but HER daughter.

Yes. You're being unreasonable. ANY decision regarding your 2bSD is NOT a joint decision between you and your fiance, but between 3 people; and you only get half a vote. Either of their votes trumps yours. Period. And if they disagree, yours won't swing it one way or they other. THEY decide, you can only have a preference. In the case of your ex YOU get to decide that they're telling your son, but that doesn't mean that you get to decide for everyone's child.

Same token, look at it this way: Your 2bSD was LIKELY to be upset. In fact, mostly likely to be both upset AND excited. Her mum got it out of the way / dealt with the hard part and you guys get the part where she's excited.

I get where you're coming from, but you're still wrong. First of all, considering someone else giving a 10 year old news that will upset her "stealing your thunder" seems a little bit off to me. The length of time either of your children has been aware of your relationship has absolutely no basis here.

I think your fiancee needs to learn to keep information surrounding the 2 of you, between the 2 of you, period. With that being said, something that affects THEIR child, they need to figure out how to deal with it. You don't have to like it, you just have to deal with it because she's not your kid.

Congrats sounds like you have a great future together but I would not be upset with the EX...Different all together, I would however, clobber your fiance for letting her guess...conclude that you were already pregnant and getting married..It is none of her business and he contributed to stirring up the pot with her. Ugh...!

You and she are both not being perfect about this. The real high road would be to understand why she feels this way, even if it's not right, and be gracious. you're "not wanting to hear it" is a bit unreasonable and obtuse.

The fact that your ex husband's girlfriend being pregnant is being handled by you with grace and aplomb is because you are pregnant by your boyfriend too. Not necessarily because you are superior in nature to your boyfrinend's ex wife. If she is happily involved with a boyfriend, then there is good reason for her to be fine with everything, but if she's not, and if she's losing her ability to have kids, you should suck it up and let her be flawed.

Personally, I would not be particularly interested in the feelings of a pregnant lady my husband was dating unless they got married. I would take priority in telling my kids things, not her. I would try to be gracious about the situation, to show a brave face and model respect for the kids, but would I really bend over backwards to try to treat the pregnant girlfriend as a real wife of my husbands with total access to my kids as "their other mom" for her joys and emotional support in pregnancies? Meh.

There is a real lack of boundaries all around. She shouldn't be probing, he shouldn't be answering. She should've respected your right to wait until after the appt, assuming he told her that part. You should respect her right to parent her child.
Understand that this girl has only known about you for 7 mos, so has probably known you less than 7 mos and now you are pregnant and going to marry her daddy. That's a lot to except a new lady in your life AND a new sibling. Her world is changing rapidly and drastically. I can see why mom would want to be with her when she found out. In a perfect world, you and him would tell her together, but life is messy. Try to be sensitive to your new daughters transition and expect mom to be bitter and irritable for a while, but it'll pass eventually.

reverse the situation - pretend your baby is here - and needs to be told something - would you rather do the telling, or have someone else do it - no matter how pure their intention?

Unfortunately you are being unreasonable. It is unreasonable to expect others to live by the standards you have set for yourself. That is her daughter and she will tell her daughter many things regardless of how you feel about it.

Living with so many secrets and deadlines and restrictions as to when information will or won't come out and who will deliver it is just too controlling. Let life flow naturally when possible. Just share the news sooner than later but try to be age appropriate.

You are probably going to have many years of drama ahead of you so why not get better at ensuring that the drama doesn't come from you.

Congrats on the baby!

You know, a lot of times a step parent just has to put their wants, desires and wishes behind that of the kids......sounds like this is O. of those times.
What's really important here is:
•Your fiance kind of let the cat out of the bag. Why? Are you misdirecting your anger?
•The kids (both) really need to be OK with this. That's what's important--you're all bonded for life now, regardless of what happens now or down the road.

Congrats!

Dont you think that you should be upset with your future husband for not knowing how to keep such a information confidential. This speaks valumes about his loyalty.

As for the ex wife, it's only natural for a mother to be so involved especially when sharing custody of a nine year old daughter is involved. I would too be concern when my ex husband jumps so quickly into such responsibility.

The baby is more important than the pregnancy news. Your step daughter will love her little sister. Time will tell, the importance of how she learned about it, is next to nothing, compared to the love of a baby. Congrats on your expecting. : )

Ok, I will tell you what I told my best friend when she was in a simmilar position - she just was not pregnant at the time (good b/c the wedding was called off). You will always come second fiddle to the mother of his daughter I respect that you are his future wife, and you are the mother of his second blood born child, however she came first and subconciously she will always come first. He will not see it, you will and she will, but that is part of what comes with the territory of being with someone with baggage. Women tend to give their baggage the back seat - men have a more difficult time giving it the back seat. I hope you understand this and I am certain you will take it with the same (bite me) attitude she did and then after you see the patterns understand what I have to share. Take it or leave it, love it or hate it this is what I have to offer.

Oh and yes it totally sucks when someone steals your baby thunder - a friend of ours (nurse) found out I was preggers and on my bday announced it to everyone of our friends while they were at a band show (my man's band in a smokey bar) and I was home. I had to hear about it all via text and phone calls that everyone was pissed and felt betrayed by ME b/c I did not tell them myselves. Most of them did not speak to me after that night and the few who did dropped off during the preganacy because of this aside from my ONE best friend (the woman in the above story). So, yes I do get the emotions you are going thru.

I think that he needs to filter what he doesn't need to share. She may have guessed anyway but conversations need to be less about you and more about his child. If the standard response is, "That is not something I am going to discuss with you" then she'll stop asking inappropriate questions or at least not get any information.

My DH's exwife doesn't need to know what's what in my life unless it impacts the kids. We told the kids first, on our time, and then told he her about it.

I think it would have been fine for the child's FATHER and stepmother to tell her about their child. It was not something the mother needed to tell her because there was no one else to break the news kind of thing.

While I understand the disappointment, I think you and your fiance need to now sit down and talk to the child about being a big sister and let her ask the questions she needs to ask. I am certain from things said that my DH's ex isn't thrilled about DD, but that hasn't stopped the kids from loving their baby sister. There may be many things in her life where one parent or another isn't thrilled, but life goes on.

Well, I think the bigger point here is that she did tell her daughter. That should be the end of it. Don't hold a grudge about it. Just move on. This child is 9. She is probably feeling upset (a lot of kids feel like they are being replaced) and excited at the same time and feels she can't tell dad she is upset or mom she is excited. Cut everyone a break and just move on in the friendliest possible way. I know you see it as YOUR pregnancy (and it is) but when there are other children/family members involved it is their pregnancy as well. Honestly, I can kind of see the mom's point...you have only know this girl for 7 months and that is big news to drop on her. In a perfect world you, the dads and moms would tell the children together and encourage them to express how they are feeling, good or bad. Best wishes with the pregnancy.

it doesnt matter let it go, you'll have to deal with her forever, no pint to make a big deal over who told who. The best sittuation for your future child to be born into is a happy healthy one not one where an ex resents you, I'd tell her you understand and maybe have coffee and clear the air

I think your firance could have hid the fact that you were pregnant a little better..that's my opinion. He probably wanted to rub it in her face a little. I also think that's the kind of stuff that will happen when you have blended families for the most part . But it was not her place to tell their daughter. It was your fiances. She was probably wrong but like you said probably just upset and now is rationalizing her actions. She should have waited until you were farther along atleast. Why doesn't she know you're engaged?

I haven't read the other answers so this may be repetitive sorry. I can't answer for her feelings or even validate yours. But what I can tell you is that when my husband and I got pregnant with our first daughter, the first person we told was my stepson and to be honest we never mentioned it to his mother. My stepson was about 13 at the time. We asked him if he would like to have another brother or sister. He was thrilled and later, when I did happen to see his mother at a later drop off/pick up she was happy for us. Now I should probably also mention that my husband and his ex didn't have the nicest of divorces and haven't always agreed on how to raise my SS. There is very little actual communication between the two of them...most of it is done between either SS and each parent or, should something big come up, between her and I. Also, my DH and the ex wife had been divorced for many many years and she had two children with her current husband by this time so that probably made a difference.

My biggest advice is to try and understand her perspective and communicate yours to her as well. This woman will be in your life forever and it's in everyone's best interests (especially your future step daughter's) if you can have a friendly relationship--on the surface at least. I always say that I can fake it till I make it for the sake of my family.

Good Luck and Congratulations

A.

Yup I agree, Why would your Fiancé' share this with his ex??? he should have kept it to himself, and then told his daughter and reassure her that she well always be a apart of his life and that she is always going to be his daughter. I think it was handle completely wrong and of course she was upset, she got scared that’s huge news for a little girl in this type of situation. But my advice for you is to try and build a relationship with his daughter, because the older she gets the harder it gets. So GOOD LUCK!!

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To much drama!!!!!! It doesn't matter what should have happened. That's water under the bridge. Not only do you have a step daughter in your life forever, you also have his X. You better learn how to get along before you're married because it doesn't change after the bells. Now you know how she will handle such news and if you want to keep things quiet you will have to be more guarded with your words. Use it as a lesson learned.

All sorts of answers given, huh?

I think she was in the wrong. I do believe she (the Mom) had a right to know, as the daughter is going to talk to her about it - and it's good for her to be ready to answer questions - not be taken by surprise.

however, it was news for the two of you to share with her...

I do agree with the other Mom's who said shame on your fiance... he needs to learn to keep things to himself (or the two of you) until you're both ready to share.

As a mom, I can understand wanting to be the one to tell my child they are going to have a sibling but in this case it was dad's job to tell (either with or without you) and she over stepped. At the very least, she should not have told her until you and dad said it was ok (maybe at the same time you were telling your son). However, if your boyfriend had not told her she would not have been able to blab.

Of course her Mom got pretty anxious. Think of it from her perspective. She's just trying to protect her baby. She can imagine her child's potential emotional rollercoaster reaction to the fact that her Dad and fiance are having their own baby. Her parents aren't together, you are still new in her life. My goodness, put yourself in that 9 year old's place, this news will take A LOT for her to process. Her Mom just wanted to be there for her to talk through this big change in her life. Ideally, DF should have talked to his daughter first, especially if he thought his ex would put a hostile spin on the situation, but HE didn't do that. I think you need to accept the fact that communication will always be a challenge in a blended family, and that maybe this did not go quite as it should have, but let it go and focus on the future, on bonding with your fiance's daughter and new baby. Congrats on your pregnancy!

Well, I wouldn't worry about her "stealing your thunder". She sounds immature. It's not important. What IS important is you and your fiance now present the news again to his daughter in the right way. This is a LOT for this little girl to go through so keep it very positive for her. Get some books on being a big sister perhaps? Talk to her about how wonderful it will be to have a little brother and sister and how great she will be at being a big sister. This is a big change in her life. Give her some ownership over this...I don't really have any ideas...but this is HER new sibling coming into the world. She probably is worried about not being as important to her dad or having to share her dad with yet another person. Talk to her about all these things. Try to make this a very special experience for her. Kids are so "me oriented" - give her a lot of attention.

I don't think your being unreasonable at all!!

Wether she guessed it or if he straight out told her it doesn't make a difference. Yes it involves her daughter... but guess what its HIS daughter also. If he asked her not to say anything then she should have respected his wishes and respected his family enough to be able to tell thier daughter when the time was ready.... by the two of you. If she was conserned ( I can understand why she would be) she could have talked to her after the two of you talked to her.

Of course she stole your thunder... this is your baby you should have been the one to tell her, not finding out from her mom .... who has no part of this other than its going to be her daughters sibling. I knew 2 months before my kids did that my ex and his wife were pregnant. I didn't say a word, it wasn't my place... I personally think she did it to be vindictive.

Sorry this happened, but hopefully now your man knows where to draw the line on thier friendship and knows when to keep things between the two of you private.

She sounds like a biatch. I would be pissed and if she tries to rationalize it just say you aren't interested in talking about it. She knows she's crazy and kudos to you for being able to put up with what sounds like a crazy person.. I don't think your fiance' should have shared that with his ex, if he isn't a good liar he should have said "I don't feel comfortable talking about my relationship with so-and-so with you and that's a private matter that if/when we do you will find out."