Hey Moms, just wanted to get your opinion on this. I have a friend who has a son a couple years older then mine. The boys get along real well. My son is 4, her son is 7.
The thing is that her son is always on the move, running everywhere! When the boys are playing her son just runs and never stops moving. I swear this kid acts like he’s had 4 shots of espresso. That’s the best way to describe it. Other than my son he truly has no other friends (that’s another story).
Well my son and I go for walks around our neighborhood almost every night and I’ve invited them to come with us on occasion (they live a couple of doors down), but now they want to join us all the time. The problem, her son RUNS which then my son run after him. When my son and I go for a walk I mean we walk. We look at the bugs, count leaves/trees, find shapes, letters, numbers, etc. When they come with us I feel like I spend our supposedly relaxing walk, calling out for him to stay close as my friend’s son is always jumping on and off the sidewalk, running onto people’s lawns and weaving in and out of parked cars into the street. My son = Monkey see, Monkey do. It’s nerve racking!!! If I call for my son, he stops. When my friend calls out for her son, he just runs faster.
If we meet anywhere as we’re getting out of our cars, he bolts! He doesn’t slow down and her face turns blue from the constant “slow down” “stop” “get back here”. She gets mad but asks what can she do.
Last night my son and I went for a walk and he asked if they were coming. I told him no because all I really wanted to do was walk and relax, not run. I received an email from her this morning asking if we went on our walk and why we didn’t go knock on their door. Well uh hmmmmmm????? =-)
Should I just be honest with her? I'm so afraid of hurting her feelings!
Hey Ladies I took the suggestion of telling her I wanted quiet time with my son but we could meet at the park this weekend. She started to laugh and said that she knows her son running around makes it a much more anxiety ridden walk. I didn’t even have to say anything. All is well with us and we have a playdate this Sunday. However, she did also share with me some stuff about her son that now makes sense.
Just explain to her what you have said to all of us. You can split up the days if you like. If she's a good friend, she will understand.
Good luck!
I would respond to her something like this:
I enjoy taking walks with you and "Tommy", but I also need one on on one time with my son. Our walks are a wonderful bonding time with just the two of us. Could we set up a play date at the park sometime to play? I think that would work out better for us. At the park, the boys can run and play, and you and I can visit. But right now, I hope you understandand I'm not hurting your feelings, I am really enjoying the special walks alone with my son.
You have the right to spend peaceful alone time with your son. Don't feel guilty about it!
Time alone with our children is precious. It is completely ok to want time alone with your son! Period. I say it is not necessary to share with her your feelings. I don't think there is a gracious way of telling someone that her son is a royal pain. And as for his behaviour issues, well that is just your opinion. She apparently doesn't see anything wrong with her son's behaviour hence the e-mail. Inviting them to come along is a priviledge not a right. She will just have to respect that, and leave it at that.
there is nothing wrong with telling a friend you need some one on one time with your son. maybe arrange that they go with you on walks on certain days. that way you can plan your walks with your son and he still has "running" time with his friend!
I would be honest and tell her that you did go and that you treasure that time with your son. And the last few times you invited them you did not feel that you had quality time with him. Maybe offer a playdate on Sat/Sun at a specific place so that can play in a safe area. I am not able to be a stay at home at this point so every time I can spend some time with my son I treasure it.
Hello, I have had annoying neighbors before. I would tell her that while it is nice to go for a walk with her and her son occasionally, I need some alone time with my son as well.
Good luck with your precious son.
K. K.
Yeah, be honest- say "I really just needed to relax last night and it can be a bit much when we have both kids together, you know how they are, running ahead and and needing so much more supervision as a twosome. We'll get together and play sometime today or tomorrow..."
Also consider that your neighbor is probably really enjoying the adult time with you on these walks by now. Maybe you can think of something the two of you can do without the two boys.
Or do your leisurly stroll once around the block with just your son before you stop and pick them up for the crazy chase.
Just tell her that your walk is your quiet time with your son every day, and you really want the chance to do it with just the 2 of you. Then tell her that you'd be happy to meet before or after the walk. She might be disappointed, but she won't feel that you're judging or that you dislike her (or her son).
He is 4. Your son is 7. That should be information enough. A four year old is suppose to run all over and be told to stay near etc. I mean at 4 a child is just out of the parallel play world by a year or so. A 7 yr and 4 yrs old are in completely different worlds. I can assure the other mother does not need any help on "controlling" her child. Sounds like you are the only one with the problem....so either get over it or dont invite them.
It sounds like he may have sensory modulation issues. If she is trying to find ways to help him I would recommend considering an occupational therapy evaluation - especially since his running is putting him at a safety risk (e.g. darting across parking lots).
Here is a check list for sensory integration: http://www.sensory-processing-disorder.com/sensory-proces...
Hyposensitivity To Movement (Under-Responsive):
__ in constant motion, can't seem to sit still
__ craves fast, spinning, and/or intense movement experiences
__ loves being tossed in the air
__ could spin for hours and never appear to be dizzy
__ loves the fast, intense, and/or scary rides at amusement parks
__ always jumping on furniture, trampolines, spinning in a swivel chair, or getting into upside down positions
__ loves to swing as high as possible and for long periods of time
__ is a "thrill-seeker"; dangerous at times
__ always running, jumping, hopping etc. instead of walking
__ rocks body, shakes leg, or head while sitting
__ likes sudden or quick movements, such as, going over a big bump in the car or on a bike
An occupational therapist can assist with developing a "sensory diet" (http://www.sensory-processing-disorder.com/sensory-diet.h.... if she implements it (and the OT is experiences in sensory integration) then it should help with always being on the run.
Hope that helps. good luck!
Be honest, you want to have this special time with your son. No explanations necessary. Schedule other play time with her and her boy...and make sure it is PLAY time so that is does not frustrate you. You can not parent other people's children. All we can do is CHOOSE to hang with them or not.
B.
Family Success Coach
Hi L., Be honest with her, don't lie don't avoid her, just let her know why you take the walks with your son, and you teach your son that when you go on walks weather they are with you or not he is to walk, he's old enough to understand that, and your son will set the example for her son, she'll notice and she will catch on. Also like the others moms shared, they do not need to go with you every time. I say be honest, cause the truth about everything always reveals it's self, and she will be more hurt that way. Honest has always been and will always be the best policy. There is nothing wrong with telling her, they are more than welcome to join you if her son walks, because you don't want your son running a head. J. L.
tell her you wanted to talk to your son about some stuff and that was your "you and him " time. I wouldn't take them every time especially if it is stressful.
