R., Wow! Your life sounds out of control. If I could I would send "The Nanny" to you. Do you watch that program on TV. She spends time with a family and helps them learn ways to get back in control. I'm learning things from her.
I think the first problem that you have which is making life so difficult is that your husband doesn't back you. Nothing will work until the two of you make the rules and both of you enforce them. Perhaps you'll need to get some couples counseling or take a parenting class together.
The second thing that will help you is to put yourself first. I used to think that was a selfish thing to do and I had many years of counseling and experience before I got over the guilt even after I realized that life works best, even for the children, when one takes care of one's self first.
If you are frazzled, always trying to please, (which, by the way is how most of us women were taught to be)wanting peace at any price, thinking that giving in to children and side stepping discipline is love, life will be chaotic and children will be spoiled and without self discipline, unable to manage their own lives when it comes time to do so.
At this age it is the parent's job to make the rules and provide the consequences, with input from the kids, but parents have the final say. And parent's have to cooperate with each other. Sounds like your husband sabotages your efforts.
Discipline is a very big part of love. Is it loving to allow your children to stay up and then be too tired in the morning? I bet he sleeps in and maybe doesn't realize how difficult the mornings are for you and the kids. Perhaps you could help your husband understand that and be more helpful. Maybe you could turn the morning over to him for one day.
And so, I recommend counseling and parenting classes. If that doesn't work, get parenting books from the library.
As to where the parks are and what you can do in Redland look up Redland on the computer. You'll find Parks and Recreation under the county's name. They offer low cost dance classes and will tell you where the parks are located.
The girls' school can tell you about girl scouts and any other activities available for the girl's.
The school may also have a counselor with whom you could discuss how to best help your girls succeed in school.
If you live where it's safe to walk, I'd recommend taking the kids for a walk, look at your surroundings and talk about things on a regular basis. My daughter and I could talk about things on a walk that we couldn't sitting down at home.
I highly recommend counseling for you and your husband. If he won't go, you go and learn how to parent without his help and how to put yourself first so that you can parent your kids.
Here is an example of putting yourself first that also helps the kids. My daughter has a 3yo and a 6yo. Their bedtimes are 7 and 8 but she usually gets them both to bed by 7:30 or so. When I was visiting I'd sometimes say, "let them watch this TV program. It's a good one." My daughter would respond with, "Mom, I have to have some time for myself before I go to bed. Sure, it won't hurt for them to stay up once in awhile but I'm feeling anxious and out of sorts." When I was her age I would've told myself that this is a good program and it won't hurt to let them stay up. I would've thought I could find another way to manage my own anxiety. I am so proud of my daughter for learning early on and in spite of my poor example that she first needs to take care of herself so that she can take care of the kids in a more manageable way.
I hope this helps. You must be having a really difficult time. M.
I agree with the other mothers' suggestions about ways to get your kids to bed and asleep. They are excellent ways to manage bedtime. Will your husband back you if you do that? Or at least stay out of it. Using the same routine every night does eventually work. Doing so is difficult at first and so don't get discouraged.