My Guy Friend Has Crossed the Line...

Well, friends exchange phone numbers all the time.

Not like he asked you to Get Down Get Dirty.

Perhaps you're reading too much into it?

Why not just keep it the way it is and say nothing?

:)

Weird.

I have all my male friend's phone numbers.

Never 'done' anything with any of them. Nor plan to. I call them. I meet up with them. Just like I do my female friends.

he gave you his number and you assume this means he wants what? sex? Do your other friends not have your phone number? I think you may be jumping to conclusions.

I don't think I would jump to that conclusion just yet. It could be that he just wanted to be your friend. I have a lot of male friends who I have numbers to, some have given me their number, some I have given mine. Some are married, some are not.

If you jump to this conclusion and then tell him you are happily married, it might make him uncomfortable and then it becomes more of an issue then it was in the first place .

Stay neutral, friendly. You can either call or not. I am sure if you don't call him this weekend, he will either address this in your next meeting, or not say anything at all. Then you can go from there.

I agree with the mom who have said to take it for what it is at this point. A friend who gave you their number. I wouldn't call him though. Also, I'd start mentioning my husband more in the conversation, especially in an affectionate way. This may give him the hint he needs if he's considering pursuing you in a romantic way, without making either of you uncomfortable. Also, ask him about his wife, if he is married as well.

Is he married? Is he a single dad? Was it like, "Hey S, we should chat and shoot the breeze" or was it more like, "Hey S, I just met you, and this is crazy, but here's my number so call me maybe."

Sorry, I couldn't resist.

I'm friends with a lot of my daughters' friends' parents and that includes the dads. I've exchanged phone numbers with both the moms and dads and never assumed that when the dads gave me the house number that it meant they were interested in me. I mean, our children are friends and we get along and I know that I feel much better knowing the parents of the children my own children spend time with.

But if he was giving a "Hey Baby, how YOU doin'?" sort of vibe then I can see where you'll need to have That Conversation.

I have the phone numbers of all of my male friends. Did he ask you out? Try to kiss you? Anything that would indicate anything other than friendship?

I get you are happily married but I have found a lot of people read friendship wrong.

I mean if you were talking to a woman and they handed you their phone number and said call me this weekend would you think she wanted to date you? I am not in your shoes, I cannot read any vibes that you are not able to convey through words but just based on this post you are still friends.

he may not of meant it in a i want to take you out kind of way. it could be like well lets have a play date (if your son is that young) or a let the kids hang out kind of thing. if your worried about what the number meant then ask him. be honest and forward.

Here's the deal: Men do not need to give married women their number - Point blank. Unless it's as a couple thing - like hey here's our number. You and your husband give us a call. I had a married man give me his number like that. He and my husband were from the same city and he thought we should all get together. That was a few years ago and we all love to hang out as a couple or me with the wife and do things. The husband and I don't hang out by ourselves. There are just social boundaries you don't cross.
How would your husband feel about this situation? I think he'd be weirded out. Follow your gut. Women have great intuition that we don't always listen to.

I wouldn't call him of course. Just ignore that he gave it to you. Keep being friendly with him if you like. Not a big deal. You have complete control over the situation. Talk about your hubby - a lot ; ) He'll get the picture. You can't control if the guy has a crush on you, but you can control if anything happens. You come across as pretty forthright. It's his situation, not yours. Don't let it burden you. If he crosses the line, then am sure you will handle it correctly : )

Just from my experience, women can be friends with guys but not always the other way around. A friendly convo to a female is just that. To a guy, he's picturing you naked while you banter back and forth, and then gives you his number to call him on the week-end. Yeah ok!

Sorry but it is what it is. I know some have said he's just being friendly. Yes, he is . . . He's not going to just come out and say; Let's have sex! Trust me, that's what he's thinking. He's taking baby steps and starting with a number. Then what? Are you supposed to meet someplace and giggle and talk. He grabs your hand and tells you how much fun you are to be around. Nope! not good. That's how stuff starts. Not saying you'll do anything, but . . . Oh I'll stop here. He has no business giving you his number knowing your husband isn't in town.

Be honest with him. But before you jump to conclusions, ask him why you gave him your number. Let him tell you so that you don't look like a shrew in case you are wrong about his intentions.

If it seems "iffy" after what you hear, be respectful. If he outright propositions you, be a bit tougher. Tell him that you are a happily married woman and what he is asking feels to you like it would be crossing a line. Tell him that you don't cross a line.

In my many years of being friends with men, I have had 2 clients try to size me up along those lines, and one dear friend hug me a little too long. I actually know that this particular dear friend would NEVER want to have an affair. He is alone and his friends mean the world to him. He just had a burst of affection for me and it lasted a bit too long. It was good for me in a way, though, I have to say. It gave me a 'ick' feeling, and it had been a LONG time since I had had an 'ick' feeling. It made me appreciate the love and attraction I have for my husband. It also made me appreciate the friendship this dear man has for me. I never said a word about it and he probably didn't realize that I was uncomfortable, to be honest.

This man will always be our dear friend, and nothing ever changed in that regard. Your situation is different - and you should handle it differently. Size HIM up first before you drop the bomb on him. And yes, if it's a gray area or if he propositions you, alter that friendship for sure. But don't judge every other man on this man's actions alone. That's unfair to the many wonderful men out there who respect boundaries and the institution of marriage.

Dawn

You actually don't know what he had in mind when he asked you to call, do you? Not for sure anyways.

Here's what I'd do. Keep quiet about it, and behave with him as I always have - good conversation when children are playing football. If he brings up why I didn't call, I'd just say casually, "Oh, am so sorry. I was caught up with so-so stuff this weekend. Anyways, what was it you wanted me to call you about? Does your son need a playdate? (or some such casual suggestion)"

Then, proceed to judge him and his character, and therefore my appropriate should-be-behavior hence, AFTER he replies to the conversational question.

umm, how do you know that him giving you his number was in fact him "hitting on you"? He could have given you his number so that your kids could get together or so that you could carpool to practices or games, or who knows, maybe even talk or get coffee ... just platonic, nothing sexual at all. I guess it could have been more, but I wouldn't jump to that conclusion right away just from a phone number. Not unless he made a comment along with the number. Wait and see if he says something else the next time you see him. Good luck!

I wouldn't automatically jump to the conclusion that he was hitting on me.

My take would be that our children are on the same team...maybe they can get together outside the team and play... maybe you can be a good contact if a carpool is needed, lots of reasons for parents of team players to be able to contact each other.

I have male friends and female friends and I am married. I have their numbers, I meet for lunch on occasion and it is no big deal. Most of the male friends are single and they are well aware that I am not single. I don't chat about my husband when I am with them either..it is simple... we are just friends.

That would be different if you are physically attracted, altough happily married, and are flattered with male attention. Some women can't handle being friends with males and that is ok to.

I would not mention that you thought he was hitting on you because if you are wrong, both of you will be very embarrassed. Just don't call him and see how the conversation goes at the next game.

Be honest with him. Say, "I think you got the wrong impression. I am happily married." See what he says and how he behaves. And then limit your interactions and conversations to a more professional "we have kids on the same team" level if you think he really meant "call me, maybe" like the song. I've had male friends that were just friends and if we traded numbers it wasn't for a date. But if that is not the vibe you got, be upfront about it and move on.

Before you jump to the wrong conclusion and mess up a new friendship, have you ever thought that his giving you his number is just his away to continue your friendship? He might have thought the same thing you did, I have found a good friend and I want to keep her. Think about his actions if he was a female and did what he did would you be on here ranting?

I am not judging you. I am just going by your letter. If your intentions are strictly to be friends than why would you not call your friend to say hi over the weekend and have a normal conversation? Friends come few and far between make sure that it is not you that is making more to this than it really is. Because, I fully believe that men and women can be friends. Thanks for reminding me, I need to call and talk to one of my best friends, I haven’t talk to him in a few weeks.

I like Loving M's idea of being Subtle, yet NOT subtle about your status. Lose the number, don't call, just be yourself. And name drop your husband "casually" in your conversations whenever it fits. If he stays dense about it, then you may have to take action and clarify what he intended, but don't jump to the full blown freak-out conclusion till you have to.

Continue to behave the same as always. Chat, be friendly. Then call him as he requested. Have a sort of "What's up?" kind of tone when you call him. Maybe he too just wants to talk, maybe he wants to get the kids together other than football but you won't know until you hear what he has to say.

If he asks you out, you address it right then.

I do think men and women can be 'just friends', but it does have a tendency to cross a line quickly. One of my dearest friends, a close friend of 15 years actually, happens to be male. To keep our boundaries clear, I never call him. He calls me occasionally, but we mostly text. If I ever have the need to call him, my husband does it (they are also friends) for me. He never comes over when my husband isn't home, and we never go anywhere alone together. I don't go to lunch socially with male co-workers by myself (unless it's a business lunch). I don't privately message male facebook friends.

I don't see any problem with anything you did- but clearly his intentions are not as innocent as your own. I think you should just go about life as if it never happened. He'll get the hint that you're not interested.

Is it more or does he just enjoy your friendship and wants to contnue it outside of football? I have two male friends that don't live near me and I talk to them...not as often as I used to, but still.

My husband talks to what I consider to be too many females...but we're working on that :). It doesn't mean you aren't happily married because you have a friend of the opposite sex. Honestly, if you're uncomfortable with it, tell him. If you want to avoid him, tell him why. It will make it way less awkward for both of you.

Wow, lots of answers. It'll be on you if "you" cross the line. You take the piece of paper and throw it away, temptation is gone. Then, if he asks why didn't you call or can I call you, you respond, "Sorry, I'm married and it's not right." And if he says something without mentioning the phone call, just say I really enjoy our talks, but I'm married and I have to keep it on the right track. I'm sure you're going to get lots of answers, but just remember, you need to do what's right, he can only follow your lead.

Yep, stay away from him. Whenever I meet other men, I always mention my husband fairly often in the conversation. That usually does the trick. My fingers swell too much to always wear my ring so it's extra important for me.