My Husband Gets Angry at Our 16 Month Old Son... What Can I Do?

Sorry to say but a 16 month old is still a baby and your husband is a total JERK for lack of using a much worse word. A 16th month old is not that stable. Yelling and totally MAD is not good for any child. He will ruin that child's spirit. Maybe your husband needs to go back to work so he can get away from having to watch two children full-time. That money could go towards someone watching your children. Not everyone has the patience to be around a child 24/7.

Sorry he was not thrilled to have this child but he has no right to resent him and needs to grow up. You say he always has bruises from falling I would take a better look at that. I am not accusing but I hope him getting "totally Mad" has not escalated into more.

Your husband is probably really stressed out and it seems that he needs a break. Your child also does not need to be yelled at regularly. He is way too young for that! Good Luck!!

R.,
I experienced the same problem with my soon-to-be ex-husband. He would get really, really ANGRY at me whenever our young daughter had little accidents - even when I was not in the room. I should have known that this would happen because his father used to be the exact same way and that is how he learned to react to negative situations. Like you, I used to scoop up my child and leave the room to get away from his anger and wrath. We are no longer together partly because I could no longer be subjected to his anger nor could I subject my child to it. You may want to find out if his father was that way with him when he was young. Generally, children learn from watching their parents. I hate to say it but if he does not change his ways, your son will probably grow upo continuing the cycle with his wife and children. Good Luck.

I have a 2 1/2 year old too & I know at this age they are very sensitive. To me, she's still somewhat of a baby & so I know she will cry if she gets hurt or whatever. Well, my husband gets mad too - his angry side comes out & he tells her not to be a baby & not to cry. I'm sorry but I'm so against this! When she wets her diaper (she refuses to potty train), he makes a big to do about it & gets mad at her & now I'm thinking that's why she won't potty train. He's a good man but his angry side comes out at certain times (especially crying). I try to tell him that he's being too hard on her especially since she's such a good little girl. But now since I've said it so oftern recently, he gets mad at me for "nagging". I'm stuck too. He also gets mad at her for not eating (she's extremely picky) - but yelling is NOT going to solve this either - it only makes her not want to eat more. I think he expects her to act like an adult at times...which she's so little still learning & doesn't understand a lot of his expectations.

My hubby wants another one but I'm not sure I can handle him expecting more out of the kids than their age prevails. Not only that but I work full time (more than 50 hours a week) & his job is demanding too (an early day is 7-6 pm which doesn't happen often). I just don't think I can handle my job & 2 little ones without his help. I'm the one that brings in more money so we're very dependent on my job. I think having another one will jeopardize my job & our relationship (due to his anger). I'm like you...I'm not sure how to handle anymore. I'm trying & if I find a way for him to understand & take a step back, I'll let you know what works!! hopefully something!!!

Did you stop taking birth control on purpose to get pregnant? Did you somehow trick your husband into having another child? Did you find a way to get pregnant without him? Does he think the child isn't his? (This was my dad's problem) If the answer is no, then there is no reason for him to resent this child. Does he have any reason to resent you? Or is he just being a plain a$$? (Men are known for that) When men get their feelings hurt, they can be real jerks. Anyone that gets hurt can be that way. Sit down and talk with your husband. If you feel you can't do that, then it's time to think of other options. None of this is going to be easy, but your son will not benefit from someone getting angry over the natural things that all children do. You have to make the choice of how your son is going to grow up. If you have any fears...something is wrong. Talk to the hubby now. If the two of you can't find a way to help him with his anger, or if he doesn't want it to get better, than you're are going to have to come up with an alternative. Maybe the thought of losing you and your daughter will be enough for him to accept his son. (For my father it wasn't)

My dad was suspicious that my mother cheated on him. She wasn't supposed to get pregnant again. When my brother was born, my dad wasn't thrilled either. He used to scream at my brother all the time too. It wasn't very long before they were separated and divorced. He didn't want to be a father..and she wasn't going to let us be effected by his anger anymore.

I'm not saying that divorce is the only option, but something must change. For the benefit of BOTH of your children.

My love and prayers to you, your husband, and your children.

Sounds to me like Daddy needs a realility check. Some kids go through the terrible twos and some seem to breeze through it. My first son just turned three and he stills falls and throws fits, and sounds alot like your 16 month old. My youngest who turns two next month gets angry or upset, but nothing like my first. You need to sit down and talk to your husband. Children learn through the behavior around them. If Daddy is screaming at him because he is mad, that let's your son know it is ok to scream at others when he is angry. Also, there is a book out there called, raising a strong willed child, which it sounds like you have. I read it because my oldest was driving me nuts. It really gives some insight on how to handle a child without the screaming and tension.

R.,
I do experience the same with my husband. He is much harder on our son than he is on our daughter. Since your husband stays home with the kids all day, he might need some alone time. I know how it is to get aggrevated easily when you've been with them ALL DAY! Maybe try church couseling. Good luck.

J.

www.deliveringonthepromise.com/40420383

Hi. I feel for your family and can relate. We have the same issues going on over here, but it's with me (I get angry, not my husband). Two months ago, I went to see a naturopath doctor and figured out I am adrenal fatigued (I am unable to handle any kind of stress). SO, we've made some lifestyle changes: healthier eating habits, better lifestyle balance with the kids (they are in preschool), I have more time alone so I can do what I want to do and we are feeling better although there we have a ways to go. Perhaps you and your husband can go out together alone and see a funny movie (laughter is a great healer), ride go carts, etc...

We are in the same boat as you with our first child (girl) being a dream child, life being near perfect and then come along twin boys! I had a hard time excepting the fact I was pregnant with the twins and it's had an effect on my relationship with them. But, I do love them all. They are wonderful. It's not them, it's me.

My message to you R. and Husband: Please take care of yourselves first. You will be better parents for this. Pray for the situation and ask for help...go out there and get it...it's yours for the taking. Get a better understanding of why the anger strikes. Try taking an anger management class. Lakewood Church is offering a ten week class beginning May 8. Check it out...gotta start somewhere....help yourself.

I think you are going to get a lot of opinions here from your comments..
But you have to realize this.. staying at home is not easy.
For a man, sometimes they may want to prove they are "the man" by wanting to be too much in control. So, be careful. Make sure he is a stable person before leaving him 24/7 with your kids..
Sencond, this could be an illness your husband has and you may not know it. It could be alot of things. And your child is just reacting. You need to inform yourself.

It is not your child that is the problem but who is watching your child. Who is your child learning from, etc.

This is just an observation of your situation and issued you state here. To get a more informed opinion. I would consult the websites I am about to place here for your informaiton.. perhaps take the time to read thru it, for your child's sake.

Don't judge your husband, don't blame him.. but do make him responsible for his actions. The best way you can protect your children is by telling your husband that the children need a daycare to play and socialize... plus he has school on his mind, and well, it's tough to try and read a book when you have kids yelling in the background.. He's better off working.

Here are some sites with some information for you:

http://www.anger-management.net/regionalangerresources_ba...

http://www.angerbusters.com/index.php

http://hcpc.uth.tmc.edu/services.htm

A show you can watch today on this issue:
http://www.houstonpbs.org/site/PageServer?pagename=pr_liv...

I hope this help you. I am worried about your baby, but am sure this can be solved. If you see that he does pay attention to your child, and this only happens when your child acts up, then this might be that he does not know how to control the situation and he resorts to anger.. so perhaps find ways of how to set an example of how to deal with it better without giving in to your child.
Make sure you do enforce rules and set boundaries for your child, so that he sees that example. Sometimes men just need to follow how we deal we things.. It's a tough thing staying home 24/7. I know. I do.

We as parents make mistakes all the time, but you know what... We do have to learn from them right away, specially when we have children. It is them we hurt the most even at times when we think they are the problem.. it is us wanting to control them.. you can't. It's just impossible. You can try and give them options of how to make their day better, because all actions have a reaction.. etc. If they behave unappropriately, then they can't do certain things, like play, etc. So, they have a choice to make..
and so do we when we take the time to take care of ourselves, and then realize that these children we bring up are the future generation... we realize we have a big responsability.
Help your husband be a better parent when your child is like this.. without critizing him, without, putting down...
But always show your child a lot of love!

Good luck, and I will keep your family in my prayers today.
May you have better days ahead.

C.

I think that I might be able to help, some. I have actually been where your husband is. I still have trouble dealing with the crying, but I am more tolerant when it is a necessary cry rather than a cry for attention or they are in need of a nap. I was raised by a rage-a-holic. I was hoping that I would not get those characteristics and that I would be more tolerant of my children, but that did not happen. I love my kids, but I had not learned the skills necessary to cope with things that were out of my control. I did not know how to handle the temper tantrums or the testing of boundaries that children like to do and deal with the other stress factors in my life. I felt so bad about it that I decided to get as much information as I could on dealing with anger. I read a book by Lisa Bevear called Get Angry But Don't Blow It. It was an excellent source on dealing with the anger. I have sinced realized that I needed to just let somethings go, picking and choosing my battles and that I had personal unresolved issues that I needed to deal with. Anger is only an outward manifestation of what is really going on inside. It represents a lot of deep hidden feelings that are uneasy to express. Anger is often the easiest emotions to express, especially for men, and it might be a representation of his feelings of being out of control as well as other factors such as being a stay at home father and full time student. He might just need someone to talk to who can help him sort out his feelings and maybe take up some activities outside of the home.

Stay at home dad!!! He needs to get a p/t job !!
To help you out ! He may need to get on medication to help his mood swings, my brother-in-law is like that and is on lexipro and has helped him extremely well !! ~
you husband should not act like that, the child will pick up on his actions and you could have problems in the future.......

That's a tough situation. Especially since dad is the one staying home every day. Is your little boy in daycare yet? That might help ease the tension and give Dad a break. It's difficult when one child is so good and the second's personality is much different. Have you asked his pediatrician as to why he is so clumsy...could there be a medical issue with that that's being missed? Either way dad needs to be more tolerant no matter what. Sixteen months old is too young to be yelling at a child.

hi i have the same problem but the only diffrence is that my ex husband has all legal rights to my son and i cant help my son when his dad freaks out and it scares me because his dad has picked him up when he was trowing a fit and shook him and my son is 15 months i think they get mad when our sons cry because guys belive that boy are not suppoused to cry or as my ex says to my son i dont raise pussys someone help me i want to know if i can get my rights back because of the way he treats my son

My husband has an anger problem, except for he breaks things when he gets mad. It was worse when he was unemployed, because he felt "worthless".

In my case, it has gotten a lot better in recent months. There was a big blow out in December, where he broke something big in our house. I threatened to leave, and was serious. I told him I couldn't live like this anymore. He admitted that he doesn't know why he reacts that strongly.

Our next step would have been anger management classes, but he has been better lately. Another option would be to see if he needs medication. We don't have insurance though, so that would have been tough to accomplish.

If I were in your shoes, I would tell him that "we can't live like this anymore. Something has GOT to change. I understand that you don't know why you act this way, but an innocent little boy is suffering because of it."

If you have insurance, see if he will see a doctor. Look into anger management classes. I love the other's suggestions on getting him to work p/t and putting the kids in daycare. I know that sucks, it's a lot of money.....but the kids will benefit more than being around an angry dad all day. Plus, having them around other kids is a real benefit.

(((HUGS)))

If you feel that there is a possibility of the anger escalating into something physical, then you really need to take action NOW. A 16-month old doesn't need to go through that, and you haven't even hit the "terrible two's" yet. Have him talk to his doctor about the outbursts. Anger management classes may also be an option. Others have suggested that being a SAHD may be too much for him, and that may be the case. (Most men would never admit that.) I hate to say this, but if you feel you husband is a threat to your children, they don't need to be around him.