My Husband Wants Another Kid, I Am Not So Sure

Telling you that "we won't get a house if we don't have two" is emotional blackmail. IMO at this point you don't need another kid, you need marriage counseling.

Have him sign a contract, let him know what you expect out of him if baby number two becomes a reality. If he doesnt follow through let him know you are taking the house, the car, and the big screen :)

Every child deserves to be wanted by both its parents.

Perhaps, instead of arguing, you and your husband can spend quality time calmly discussing the pros and cons of a second child, a house, etc. Maybe your husband truly doesn't understand how you feel about his lack of help with your first or your reasons for wanting to have a single child. (For the record, arguing in my book means you're yelling and when that happens, no one is listening...a critical part of any discussion.)

My husband and I went through this regarding having a third child. He was one of five and I was one of two. We spent twelve months discussing this. I laid out all my reasons: college, larger cars, not wanting to deal with another five years of all things baby and toddler, the list was fairly long. He "just wanted one more." Since, for me, that wasn't very compelling and he couldn't come up with reasonable solutions to how we would afford a third child, his working less to help me more with three, etc., I advised him to get a dog. He did.

Bottom line, if you don't want another baby, don't have one.

If you asked him how he'd feel about it if HE were to carry the pregnancy, give birth, and do the early child care, I wonder how your husband would answer? He might be quick to answer that "of course he'd do it!" but it might open the conversation up to what your actual experiences were.

It's a big mistake to have another child whether it's the wife or husband who does NOT want an additional child, but probably a much larger mistake for the husband to insist his wife go through all the physical discomfort, exhaustion and risk. You'd have to put your body on the line, and possibly your health or your life if anything goes wrong.

If he's going to let this be a wedge issue, there's a deeply selfish streak the two of you would do well to deal with. I'd try for counseling long before "sucking it up." Bringing another human into the world is one of the most profound choices we can make on every level, and it should NEVER be a matter of sucking up. If he won't agree to counseling, at least get it for yourself. Then whatever decision you finally make will have more clarity.

My best to you.

Ummm...don't see the connection between apartment life and O. child.
I have O. and we're both content with having O..
If you don't want to have a baby then don't...it would be a bad idea.
He sounds like he's trying to bribe you.

"Sucking it up" is never a reason for another child, neither is having one so you can get a house. This topic is obviously something that needs a lot more discussion between you two. Take your time and share your concerns with each other.

Many men don't get into parenting like we do, for some it takes to actually see the baby to start feeling attach, some it takes longer.
It seems that he is very attach and doing a good job being a parent and we now see things different, I think you would have to talk about what you expect and see if he is in the same channel this time.
I understand how you feel about adding one more kid and the responsibility of it. We have 2 kids and my husband also want another one but he travels a lot and is up to me most of the time and nights too.
I think you may be more open or more sure to want or not want more when your kid is a little older, maybe when he is already in school.
I had a 13 year old and a 2.5 year old (I think that was another extreme but it wasn't for choice) thinks have being more easy now with 2 then with one but it is also because my daughter is such a good sister and she loves to play with her little sister and that helps me a lot. I am not sure how things would have being with 2 little kids but I know many have "survive" lol.
I would talk to my husband and explain your concerns, settle a time, 2, 3 years or one amount that both can agree to bring the subject back. Many things can happen in that time but at least you would have a little extra time when your boy is at school.
About the house and 1 child thing...I think he is just try to push you to say yes, and that is not cool and it doesn't even make any sense.

You're the one that has to deal with the physicality of pregnancy and who will apparently be doing the brunt of infant care if you have another one.
As for buying a house, that should be a completely separate issue. My husband and I bought a house after my daughter was grown and moved out because that was when our finances reached a point that we could afford it. Do you really want to consider having a babyyou really don't want to have, simply in order to get a house?

Give him all the reasons you are hesitant. Tell him you want a house, stability, to know that he'll be home every night, and to know that you won't be going through this pregnancy alone. Sounds to me like a great opportunity for the two of you to get closer by having an open, intimate conversation.

I don't have much to add here. It sounds like you are in a tough spot. I hated being pregnant and my dh hated being around me when I was pregnant but he wanted children so he "sucked it up" and was as helpful as he could be. He didn't always say the nicest things but he tried. Now our kids are 12, 10 and 4 and the kids are very helpful and so very sweet. The first few years are hard no matter what, but as they get older (and if you raise them right:) they become such a help to their moms. I do think it is nice that you have a husband who wants children. I don't think I am being very helpful here but just know you are not alone. Take care and God bless....

Never create a life that is not going to be totally wanted. Go with your gut -- Don't let him convince you to trade a baby for a house.

Wait until you are ready.

Wait until your husband explains why he is less than helpful while your are pregnant.

Ask him calmly to explain why he is such a great dad to a toddler/pre-schooler but feels unable to help with an infant. Maybe he will surprise you by saying, "Newborns scare the pants off of me. I am afraid I will do something wrong. I felt like you were in charge when our son was that age. I just wasn't sure what my role was."

Tell him "Not now. Let's put a date on the calendar 6 months from now to revisit this. But until then, let's just commit to not talking about it and instead enjoy our son and our marriage." And then...Do purposely make time for your marriage between now and then with date nights, etc.

My husband wants another one also and I don't want to. I have 3 kids already and enough stress. my husband works long hours and I would be the one changing the diapers and carrying the heavy carrier everywhere I go and feeling sick while taking care of my other children. I spend most of my time driving the kids around. This year i finally have a break and I'm enjoying it. My 3rd child was a lot of work. I love her to pieces but she was in to everything and having another baby with a big dog would drive me nuts. We goto ur dog when our youngest was two.

would you resent your second child if it infringed on you? Do you want another child? Why does he want another child?

You shouldn't be forced into another child if you're not ready for one or don't want one.

He may be a better husband and father the second time around now that he's more aware of what he needs to do.

I think it's always a mistake to have another child if either parent is not 100% sure that they want this child. Having a baby you don't want has the potential to cause damage to everyone in the family. Why the rush though? Maybe you will want to have another baby, in 2, 3, 4 years. Kids don't have to be 2-3 years apart, your son is still so young - why must you decide for sure now? Is your age an issue?

Our daughter is almost 14 - we did not want anymore - well he did not.... went through marriage stuff when she was 3 - 4 years old fast forward three years we had are poop toghether.... we now have a 14 and 7 year old and would not trade it. we are happy, and we are able to spend time as a family, Time changes everything. You never know what time will do. We are happy that our daughter has a brother, After we are gone he will always be there

You need to get to a point where you are able to discuss this and each listen to the other one (it could take marriage counseling to get there). The suggestion to table the suggestion for 6 months is one good idea. When you discuss it each of you making a pro/con list is one place to start. Would you husband be willing to make sacrifices? My kids are 3 years apart which would be close to the age spacing you would have if you concieved now. It was a lot of work all through the pregnancy and the first year. Now my youngest is 2 and it is getting better. But I still need help for dinner and bedtime almost every night and my husband takes my older one to school every day. Is your husband willing to commit to being home for dinner and bedtime at least 90% of the time from when you get pregnant until the second child turns 2 (about 3 years)? That is the level of help you need from him in addition to possibly some additional household help with a newborn and/or putting your older one in preschool. Hopefully the practical details will help him see your side of things or at least understand how much work it is.

The part about the house sounds like emotional blackmail to me. That is a decision that it would be wise to make based on finances rather than emotions alone. If you can afford to buy a house then you would have to see how much it will help you financially in the long term or not.