My Mom Not Listening

It's their gift to her. You can buy her what you want to. I don't see the big issue I guess. My MIL bought my 10 year old a cabbage patch doll and clothes, etc. I didn't think that my kid would like it and she rarely plays with it, but it made Grandma happy to buy it. I bought her what I wanted to buy her.

the part about only seeing them every 2 weeks makes me laugh...my parents see my daugter about 6 times a year, so dont make the distance out to be a barrier. They can get her what they want for any holiday they want....they are her grandparents.

The problem with those dolls is that YOU will be stuck with the expense of all the outfits, accessories, etc. It sounds like they got it because they could, not because they actually put thought into what she might like. I would be irritated, too. The point of giving gifts is giving the receiver something they like & will enjoy, not something that is trendy & overpriced. It's almost as if they want bragging rights, so they can say they got her this doll & feel good about themselves. I don't get it.

I cannot imagine not going to your child's grandparents' house on Christmas day because of a gift (whether it's a cheap tacky gift, an expensive unwanted gift, the wrong size, a doll for a kid that only likes trucks, etc,) unless it was inherently dangerous or cruel.

You can't control some things. Ignoring your wishes about, say, not giving your child too many cookies if your child has a weight problem, or about being careful if your child has an allergy, or saying you won't allow weapons in your home, or not watching R rated movies -- now those are some things you must have boundaries for.

But a nice doll? Little things that grandparents do that make the child feel special but don't cause any harm? You'll never line up all those ducks.

If your daughter likes crafts, have her make bracelets or clothes for the doll. Or she can design hair barrettes or make crazy shoelaces. The doll can be a craft model. It doesn't need to be played with like a doll.

I think this is a good opportunity to teach your child how to be gracious, how to accept a gift that maybe she wasn't expecting or doesn't like, and how to value family over things. If this is really all there is to it, that your mom bought a gift for your daughter, then being angry and avoiding them at Christmas, in my opinion, would be a terrible loss for everyone. But if this is just the tip of the iceberg, if your mother never listens and forces milk on your lactose-intolerant child, then boundaries must be drawn.

You have GOT to be kidding me. It's her grandchild. You're seriously considering not going to Christmas because your mother bought your daughter a lovely doll? Oh the horror.

There is more to this story. I don't understand your anger about a doll. Its not like its a loaded gun or something dangerous. Its a doll. A really nice doll at that! You don't have the right to dictate the gift your mom gives. You can certainly give suggestions but in the end its her gift to give. You go to their house for Christmas, open the gifts, say thank you and give hugs. I don't see the big deal and why you are reacting in this manner.

In a couple years you will realize you made a big deal out of nothing. Dont ruin christmas.

You are being a brat.

Really? you are upset your mother bought her granddaughter an expensive gift??? It's not "your" money to spend or save anyways.
What lesson would your daughter learn from you not going to grandmas house for Christmas?

Take a step back & try to see how many people would LOVE to have this problem, especially in this economy.

Sounds like you are mad about things other than this doll, Christmas is stressful enough don't look for trouble, or work out your issues with your mom on your daughters time.

It's her money, and her gift to your daughter. You tried to tell her it would be a waste, but she went ahead and bought it. It's no loss for you, and it's not like it's a dangerous or inappropriate toy. Let it go. It's not worth getting angry about. Besides, your daughter may actually like it, a beautiful doll could become a prop in one of her shows!

Stop whining, sounds ike your mom just really wanted to do something special for your daughter. Let her, for goodness sake. Grandparents have the right to have a special relationship with the kids too. What a nice gift. An AG doll is not just any doll, and I'm sure your daughter will treasure it, even if it's only because her grandma cared enough about her to get her a really nice gift. Chill out. I wish someone would have bought my kids one. My dad doesn't even know my kids. Don't create problems where there are none.

If this is really just about a gift then you're making a big mistake in blowing it out of proportion. If you have other issues and she is constantly ignoring your parenting rules or wishes then the doll is a symptom of a larger problem and you should focus on that.
My Grandma gave me a doll every single Christmas until I was around 9, I never really played with dolls and my Mom would tell her but she kept at it. My Mom wouldn't think of getting angry at her, she was just a little old fashioned (and stubborn) and thought ALL little girls loved dolls.
Please don't miss CHristmas with your family over this, my Mom died earlier this year and we would all give anything to have one more Christmas with her.

It's just a doll. It's not worth hurt feelings and possibly a ruined relationship.

I'm not sure what part of this is bad? Grandma wanted to get her granddaughter a doll..... did you want her to spend her money on something else? Grandma is a big girl and if she wanted to "waste" money on that doll that should be her prerogative...and you shouldnt be angry. The doll might turn into a very cherished memory of grandma one day.
Even tho Grandma was told that granddaughter is not into dolls and chose to purchase it anyway just means that Grandma WANTED to give a doll for whatever reason. The doll will probably stay in great shape and be a good collector item for your daughter to sell off 20 years from now... some of these dolls are actually great investments for the future, maybe if you change your "perspective" you can drop the anger about it. Could be worse, could be an itchy, ugly colored, wool sweater :)

If I have learned one thing over the years as a Mom, it is to accept gifts graciously and then do what I feel is right for my kids after the fact. Someone told me once, "Don't sqaush the giver" and that really got to me. If she bought the doll and you know that your daughter won't play with it ask if it can be a special toy for when she visits her grandma. How old is your daughter? Maybe tuck it away for when she is interested in dolls.
Whatever you do just try to remember that your Mom was most likely excited and caught up in the moment when she bught the doll.
It's not easy and I still have times where I feel that some gifts were not necessary. Good luck and have a Merry Christmas.
T.

WHAT? presents are about what the person wants to give the person. I cannot even understand this.

Sometimes parents (grandparents) buy things for our kids that they wish they had had as children or they wish they had been able to buy for us when we were kids. Something about buying that doll was important to your Mom, despite the cost and despite your wishes. If this is the only issue it doesn't seem worth boycotting Christmas for. And what are you going to tell you daughter?? "Grandma bought you an expensive doll after we told her not to so we aren't seeing her on Christmas??"

My Grandpa used to buy us the god awful perfume every Christmas. None of us liked it, none of us wanted it, but it was his thought and sweetness for buying us "foo foo water" that made us smile and thank him anyway. I never would have dreamed of telling him it was stinky and not to buy it, or not to waste his money on it.

It's the thought and intention that counts, and it doesn't sound like she got the doll anyway just to spite you.

I bet your mom knows how popular they are and just really wanted to get it for her. Maybe tell her "that's so nice Mom. Thank you. I just want to warn you though that DD really isn't into dolls so probably won't be excited. I don't want you to be disappointed. There's time to exchange it if you want... It's so expensive." And then leave it at that. Unless you were counting on her to buy your DD something you can't afford otherwise, don't worry about it. As someone said, maybe this is just important to her. I'm not sure of their financial situation but it's an expensive gift so it probably means a lot to them. If your daughter doesn't play with it, in a year or two, donate it. Some girl would be thrilled. And at some point, your daughter may get into it. Mine LOVE LOVE LOVE their AG dolls. Kids change. My eldest was never into baby dolls like my youngest but is totally into AG's. Sometimes older people are a bit dense and stubborn but I agree with other moms that unless it's something dangerous or morally iffy etc, don't be mad.

Let your mom buy your daughter what she wants. You have told her, and she knows, it won't get played with. She obviously doesn't mind, so let it be. That's just what grandparents do. Get over it, go to their house for Christmas and have a wonderful day. Don't let a silly gift from grandma to granddaughter spoil your time with family.

I really don't think this is anything to ruin Christmas (or relationships) over. Your mom is grown and just because you told her not to buy a doll....doesn't mean she can't. Granted, most probably wouldn't, but for some reason, she felt compelled. Oh well....her money lost!

In these situations, I try to look at things from a different perspective to remind myself what's really important. Like the fact that your daughter is lucky enough to have Grandparents who love her and buy her presents at Christmas.....lots of kids don't!

If she doesn't like or play with the doll, then donate it to a charity for kids who maybe aren't as fortunate. With my daughters first birthday, we made a rule that at birthday and Christmas time, when she gets all sorts of new presents, we would take some old toys and donate them to kids who don't have toys. Makes me feel good and I hope it teaches her as she gets older how to appreciate what she has and how to help others.

Let it go and enjoy the holidays with your family. It sounds like you have a good relationship with your parents (frequent calls/visits), you're very lucky!!

Good Luck!

If the doll costs $10 would it be alright then? I am a Grandma...and my daughter has never had a problem with what I have given my grandson for Christmas...except the one year I bought him a bike and I won one too...and had both under the Christmas tree. Anyway...the way i put it to my daughter...I won't be around forever...and I take the most pleasure out of giving him gifts. Let your mom be a grandma...I can't for the life of me see how you could view this as a problem...unless you would have rather her given you the money she spent on the doll! Be thankful you have a mother...she will be gone one day.

I'm with the majority of other Mama's right now in that I don't get what the big deal is. I mean, just because your mother bought your daughter something she likely won't be interested in you're going to start a big family "thing" over this & refuse to see them on Christmas? Maybe it's just me, but you sound pretty bratty by taking that stance over a non-issue like this.

Our parents often don't give gifts we would have suggested. They have given dolls when my kids didn't really like dolls. It's no biggy. Sometimes the kids end up liking the dolls! I know you're feeling betrayed because you told her NOT to buy the doll...and it is strange that she insisted on it anyway, but it's really no a big deal...it sounds like there is MUCH MORE going on here than just this gift not being exactly what you wanted her to buy. If not, and this really is the only issue, then let if go! It doesn't matter-she should be able to choose a gift she is giving! I never tell people what gifts to give or not unless they ask, but then, even if they ignore my suggestion, it's THEIR money, THEIR gift.

While some of the negative comments are pretty...well...negative, I do agree with many of their underlying messages. If it's something your MIL really wants to do for your daughter and she's ok with spending the money, you really shouldn't worry about it.

My MIL gets my kids stuff I've explicitly said NO to all the time. Our deal now is that if she does that, the toys have to stay at her house for the kids to play with when they're there. Therefore, my son's NintendoDS that I REALLY didn't want him to have is only available at Nana's house...along with the remote helicopter and the... It does not ever enter the threshold of our home. Ever. Perhaps that can be your "deal" with your parents? She'd get to play with her stuff at your parents every two weeks and then they'd see what she really prefers to play with and what she doesn't, rather that just relying on what you tell them.

What if your daughter ends up really liking the doll and it turns into a great imaginative play thing for her? Maybe she could put on shows with the doll?

In the grand scheme of things, a family member getting your child a gift you didn't want them to have really shouldn't be a deal-breaker or relationship-breaker. Christmas is much bigger than that.
(Otherwise I'd be in big trouble since I'm getting my niece/Goddaughter a Cabbage Patch Kid this year solely because my brother hated mine as a child!! I, therefore, think it's hilarious and the best gift EVER.)

It sounds like there's probably more to this because you're so upset, and all your mom did was buy what SHE wanted versus what YOU wanted. And since it's her money, why would you be mad at her? Yes, you could be disappointed because it means your daughter will get less of the stuff you want her to get... but mad? That's a bit much.

Whatever the back story, I wouldn't let this ruin Christmas. It's your mom's choice what she provides as gifts. You can go to her house, watch your daughter open the doll and toss it aside, and know that you were right and your mom wrong. But don't make your daughter miss Christmas with her grandparents just because you're peeved.

If this was a recurring thing, (where she constantly ignores your wishes), then I could see where you might be annoyed. If this is just that Grandma got it in her head that your daughter would LOVE this toy and nothing was going to sway her, I would let it go.

My grandmother gets us awful gifts every year, has since we were kids. Even as kids we kinda laughed about it, now it's even funnier as adults. We are just happy that she thinks of us at all, and really the gifts are usually so out there it must take some thought! :)

Sometimes people get things in their head, you said don't spend the money. You meant she wouldn't really like it. She may have thought you meant that you were just concerned she was spending so much.

You may have issues with your mom but remember that mom won't be here forever.

The fade is the American Doll. Not everyone can get/have one but your daughter got one. Put the doll on a shelf in a case and leave the subject alone. Who knows your daughter just might having and playing with the doll in the future.

As others have said you cannot dictate what to get anyone. Just be glad that she has grandparents that want to do something with/for her and enjoy her presence.

You never did say how old your daughter is.

Go to momma's house, open the presents and smile, say "cheese" for the pictures and enjoy.

Happy holidays.

The other S.

PS Life is too short to worry about a doll. There are boys, cars, and catty girls to deal with. Don't sweat the small stuff. I wish I had one of those dolls. Maybe I will go down and get one for me tomorrow. Oh, the weather is supposed to change to snow so I better hold off for now.

I have been working with my kids on showing appreciation for any gift they receive, even if it is not one they like or wanted. They are to open it, smile and say something nice about the gift and personally thank the giver. It is the thought that counts and you should be modeling that behavior for you children. We give wish lists to those family members that want to buy something for our kids and ask for some ideas. But I never give the list without being asked and I never dictate what they should buy for my children. It is their gift to give therefore they get to pick it out. Please don't let this ruin Christmas for your daughter. Try to focus your energy on the fact that your daughter has grandparents that love her and are fortunate and generous enough to buy her gifts. From now on I would try to stay out of their gift buying, unless they ask you for ideas I would keep quite. And if they do ask for ideas give them suggestions and leave it at that, they can take the suggestions or pick something out on their own. Then have your daughter open it, smile and say something nice about it (no matter what it is), then thank them with a big hug!

beyond something being dangerous or grossly inappropriate, i don't see that it's your right to dictate a GIFT that is being given to your child - you cannot control other people and what they would like to do. now, as a mother, if you feel the doll is inappropriate for your child for whatever reason, you take it from your child after she has thanked her grandmother for the lovely gift, but you can't really dictate what another adult does. there's got to be WAY more to the story for you to be this upset over a doll... are you angry your mom doesn't see you more, you mentione you "only" see her every 2 weeks, that sounds like a lot to me! if the doll doesn't get played with, it's not your money wasted, i honestly don't see what the big deal is...

Why do you care? It's a great doll! If your mom wants to spend the money on a gift for her granddaughter, then what's the problem? Are you seriously thinking about upsetting family Christmas plans because of this? Surely something must be going on that you're not letting us in on, because a gift from a grandparent shouldn't be upsetting unless it was possibly dangerous or something you already purchased from you or Santa. All I'm seeing in this situation are the very hurt feelings of your parents, a sad Christmas and having to find an explanation for your daughter as to why she won't be seeing her grandparents on Christmas. "Sorry honey, but grandma wanted to give you a really nice doll, and we just couldn't have that." Let us in on the real reason or just stop yourself and practice gratitude and some deep breathing.

**And trust me, the other moms are right. Your mom will be gone at some point, so enjoy and let her enjoy now! I would give almost anything for my mother to be here this Christmas. If she were still alive she could buy my boys diamond-plated Hot Wheels for all I would care! Enjoy the Christmases together, because sometimes nasty surprises come along and they're not around the next year!

and the true meaning of Christmas is...?

Let Grandma go ahead and give her the doll. If she is not into it, as you say, she will respond less than enthusiastically and then it will end up sitting in a corner for a year until you pass it along to someone else. This will show Grandma what happens when she doesn't listen without you having to say a thing.:) But Grandmas like to spoil their grandchildren and maybe your daughter will like it and that is ok too. My niece and several friends daughters played with their American Girl dolls for 4 plus years. In my eyes that justifies the cost. Is this worth causing holiday drama? I would just let it go and let it play out!

Its hard to say, does she disrespect your parenting decisions often? Im guessing yes, and this is probly the straw that broke the camels back. If your daughter doesnt want it, you could return it or sell it and buy her a lot of nice art supplies, or you could tell your mother shes not allowed to give it to her... depends on what you feel comfortable doing. Either way, my guess is its not so much about the doll, just like its not really about the packs of stickers my MIL brings over every week after my husband asks her repeatedly not to, its about making a parenting decision and having it respected... I say stick to your guns, or as she gets older its only going to get worse.

I know how you feel but it is their gift, not yours.

My girl had absolutely no interest in dolls whatsoever, she never even wanted one in her room.

Granddad and Memaw, my ex and his wife, decided they would get her a doll and a whole set of stuff to go with it to spark her interest. They sent carriages, baby bed, changing table, etc...a whole set out of the Penney's catalog. She opening it and was so disappointed. We set it up, took pictures, etc...she never played with it. She did take parts of it and use it for other stuff though. She, at age 8, has never really been into dolls.

They just felt if she had all the stuff to go with it that she would find a love of dolls, she didn't. She went straight to Barbie. They spent their money on their gift and it was a bit if a bust, but it was a good thought. They never really knew. I always said she enjoyed it.

There is nothing you can do about what gifts your family is given, put the doll in her room and if she picks it up take a picture and send it to them. They can have a smile and go on.

They will be dead and gone someday and this will be such a non issue then. Just let them do what they want.

Like others have said, this isn't really an issue. Unless she does this all the time and especially about important issues such as food, places she takes her too, etc. It's possible that she just wanted to get her this doll for whatever reason and that's okay too. Look at it as a lesson for your daughter as well. To be thankful to whomever whenever they give her a gift that she isn't thrilled about. It's the thought behind and the love that went into it that should matter. Now if she did this maliciously then, yes, I would have a huge problem with it but let it be an issue between you and your mom and not between your daughter and your mom. Don't sweat the small stuff. There are so many bigger issues to worry about.

When my children were tiny and we were celebrating our first few Christmas's I was very strict about what I wanted my children to receive and if they didn't get exactly what I asked for I got upset. One year my son got something that was not requested and he LOVED it more than any other gift he had ever received. And my father was so happy! I realized that my kids might enjoy getting the things that others think they would like...and maybe not, but I have backed off the specific requests. Now they get a general list of things that the kids like and it has made my holiday a little more fun and a lot less stressful. Don't let a silly doll ruin your Christmas with your own mother and father. I am sure your daughter will get many wonderful gifts this year and if she doesn't like the doll it's not the end of the world. Best wishes for a merry Christmas!

I think we should accept gifts the same, no matter who they're from or who they're for. For example, if a co-worker who you don't know as well gave this gift to your daughter would you get angry at her? Probably not. You'd accept the gift and say thank you. Or what if someone gave YOU a gift that you knew you wouldn't use - would you get angry? Again, no, you'd say thank you and take it home. If you're truly against the gift, then when you get home you can explain to your daughter "It was very kind of grandma to think of you and give you this gift, but we don't use dolls in our house." You could even try to exchange the gift. If you do and mom later asks about the gift, then you could say something (kindly) "It was so generous of you but it really wasn't something we could use, so we exchanged it for something else because I know you'd want her to have something she could get a lot of enjoyment out of."

Perhaps this is a control issue with your mom since you asked her not to buy this particular gift. Even if it is, I would still take this approach. If you get upset, then you're actually GIVING your mom the control. Keep your cool, act like it doesn't bother you - that will really put a hole in her balloon if control was what she was after.

My thinking is that unless this is something you have forbidden your child to have, then what is the big deal if Grandma really wants to get her a doll?

I know you've gotten a lot of answers here. It's a tough one because obviously this issue is not just about the doll; if your mom is anything like mine, it's a long history of not being heard and not being known for who you really are. Now it's repeating. For instance, if she took the time to know your daughter and the fact that she doesn't like dolls, it wouldn't occur to her to get an AG doll. Sounds like she's a bit narcissistic and wants to get what SHE wants vs. what would actually be appreciated. (and grandmas have a thing for dolls and granddaughters!) Which leaves you having to be disappointed by your mom yet again. Unfortunately, you kind of have to take the high road. I'm guessing all the talking in the world does no good, so it's just frustrating. But it's Christmas, and it's your daughter's Christmas, so going to your mom's house makes sense. Try to appreciate the things you can about her, and do your best to ignore what bugs you. Unless you think there's room for change, in which case you can have a heart to heart. Try to take pleasure in the high road - I know this is easier said than done, but what options do we have?! Happy travels!

Some people are just mean and I am sorry. I am not a materialist person and struggle with this time of year. We do grab bags to try and keep the insanity to a minimum but there are always those people who still buy above and beyond and I think those people truly do like to just "give". We (and I mean ME) need to learn how to accept and not feel guilty about how much it was or that we did not also get a gift to give. I am in the midst of this right now and am not letting guilt send me off to go buy/spend on more gifts for people. I have two kids 2 and 6mo. If i get things I don't want I plan on teaching my 2 year old how to give and we will take to a church or toy drive to donate. OR I was talking with a coworker and we may swap items we did not want/need to use for later parties/presents/or just because gifts. good luck!

Wow - sorry you've gotten so many harsh responses.

We have 2 boys and now an infant girl. My MIL wanted to buy her an American Girl baby doll because she got one for each of her girl cousins shortly after they were born. My husband is adamantly against American Girl dolls, I think primarily because of the $$$ and you're subsequently sucked into the whole Amer Girl thing. Anyway, he told his mother not to buy her a doll and if she did, he was going to return it so she'd be wasting her own time and his. (A few years ago she got the boys a riding car for Christmas and had it shipped to our house. We live in the city and don't have the space to store it, so my husband returned it before Christmas and told her to buy something else. My MIL was really shocked that he actually returned it.) Anyway, so she knows he's serious about returning the gift and ended up not buying a doll. Granted, she is an infant and wouldn't know or care about not having the doll. It's definitely a different story with a toddler or older girl.

You could be very clear with her about returning the doll. Or if you let your daughter keep it and she ends up not playing with it much, then your mother will see that by not following your gift suggestions, she ended up spending a lot of money on a gift that your daughter didn't enjoy very much.

Accept the gift, make sure the seal isn't broken, and then sell it. Everybody wins, no?

Let your mom give her the doll, and when she opens it, looks at it, and throws it on the floor, then maybe your mom will "get it". If not, no big deal. Your mom can decide within reason what to buy and how much to spend on gifts for your daughter. Just let it go, no biggie. =)

Perhaps this is not really about the doll. Maybe you feel she does not listen to you about many things. If so, I would address this with her but not over Christmas and definitely not pertaining to anything related to your daughter. I would do nothing to comprise your daugher's relationship with her. She is blessed to have a grandmother that loves her. If your mom has difficulty listening in general ways, maybe forgive her faults and focus on her strengths or try and talk to her about it after the holidays. Best of luck.

I understand the mom not listening. My perspective is that you are lucky to have your parents around for holidays. My mom passed away before I got married. My Dad retired to Florida when my youngest was 2 and didn't come up here for the holidays - too cold.
It is more important to share the holiday with family than fret about what the gift choices are - unless they are harmful to your child.
My Dad's new wife always gave us such goofy gifts - but we appreciated
the love and the thought.

It is their grandaughter and their money. Let them enjoy her. Please do not
take that away from them.

I let my mom buy what she wants for the kids. She usually asks me for ideas, but if she goes a different way, then that's ok. If my kids don't play with it or my mom has wasted her money on something they don't want, then so be it. All you can do is make suggestions.

My mom bought my daughter an AG doll last Christmas (I was actually very appreciative that she would spend so much on a special doll...). However, I don't buy the accessories and if I buy clothes for it, it's the knock-off stuff. Just can't justify spending as much on doll clothes as I spend on real clothes... My daughter doesn't play with her doll much either (she is like your daughter with the arts and crafts). Maybe she will play with it some day or maybe we'll just keep it and she can give it to her daughter or something.

I guess my advise would be to enjoy Christmas with your mom and dad and the worst thing that will happen is that your daughter doesn't play with the doll. If your daughter likes it and wants all the accessories, then you tell her to ask Grandma about that.

I totally get this, and we may possibly have the same mother. :-)

We've had issues with both sets of grandparents buying way too much for our daughter. And while we realize it makes them happy, we knew that our daughter was learning to not value her stuff because she had so much, and for our parents, we knew they couldn't afford it and so it was very frustrating.

I would certainly still go for Christmas, don't boycott. But while you are there, tell them (not in front of kids) that you feel frustrated that they didn't listen to you. And maybe even further say that you might feel strongly about something you wish for them not to do- and how will you know that they respect your wishes and hear you? This puts it back on them. They either have to tell you how they plan to improve this or tell you that they don't care what you say!

I know most people have said let it go and what's the big deal. I get why it's a big deal. I've had to let a lot go for the sake of family harmony. But I've had tough conversations with my parents and in-laws. Things are a little better, but they are still grandparents with their own ideas of what makes them and the kids happy. Good luck.

Dear K.:

I think I understand your point; at the same time, I think there's another way to see it. To me, AG is not just a doll -- it represents a whole mass consumer marketing scheme -- from the doll to the Place to the doll stuff, etc. Buy-buy-buy and your life is not complete unless you have the right AG shoes and pet (and there are pet accessories, too!). I would want to reject it to, especially if I knew (and took pride in the fact that) my child liked other things.

However, it's your Mom, she obviously loves your child, and you can manage how your child uses the dad-blamed gift. I love the suggestion that the doll be kept at Gramma's house for her to play with at Gramma's house! Great solution -- if she doesn't use it, then Gramma will see that. If she does (and asks for all the accessories), then Gramma can also see that. I just think this is not the time for a hard-line response to the not-quite-right gift.

But the final thing I'd say is that -- oh, do please cherish that your child can visit her Gramma every two weeks. Whatever material gifts come with that relationship, they pale and fade alongside the gift of an active loving relationship with Gramma and Grampa. To that point, you are a lucky daughter, and so is your daughter! Happy Holidays, K.!