My Nine Year Old Son (3Rd Third Grade) Is Having His First Social Dilemma.

He's 9 years old. if anyone asks (like the girl) he can always blame it on you "my mom won't let me cross the big street" or "I wasn't allowed to go" or something like that. Kids understand that excuse. Blaming it on the parents, or using them as an excuse "my mom won't let" "I have to be home for dinner" ... works until they are 16. That way he doesn't appear to be weak and can do whatever he wants and still hang with the older kids (pretty soon they will ditch him and he will gravitate to the ones his own age anyway).

This is why I'm not big on boys that age (and even older) roaming the neighborhood unsupervised.

You are a good parent with a good child; however, other parents have absolutely no clue what their kids are up to. And, in my experience, when a bunch of boys get together - ONE BOY can spoil the bunch (especially if that one has no or little supervision at home).

It is very, very important for boys to understand that they are known by the company they keep. It sounds like your son did the right thing - good for him. But I wouldn't be so eager to put him the neighborhood kids. In this day and age there are widely varying parenting standards within neighborhoods. If he finds one or two friends are nice boys like him he is lucky.

JMHO.

You can lesson rumors by talking to the kids teacher and explaining that it was not your kid that you were just helping out a teachers kid. I would definitely not leave an 8 year old with a 11 or 12 year old. I would not let a 8 year roam the neighbor hood without me. You are just asking for you kid to be taken.

If it were me I would not let my son play with the kids who rode behind the store and knocked down the wall. If this is something that they will do at 11 or 12 can you imagine what they will get into in the near future???? You should back off from trying to establish your son with these kids and encourage him to be friends with the child that he does like. I wouldn't say anything more about this "club" that you guys started and hope that it goes away. Your son does not sound like a good fit with these other boys. At this age being friends with everybody is NOT such a good thing.

As for the rumor at school I wouldn't make too big a deal about it. If it goes on for more than a couple of days tell your son how important it is to speak up for himself.

You said

" That night, my son gets on his bike, rides through the grass for an hour before going out on the street and by 11pm had perfected it. Excited to be a bike rider, he's ready the next morning 9am!!! So the day goes well, he rides around our block for 10 hours with these boys. Next day, I took 6 kids to the pool. Afterwards, they all come back to my house, eat and go to ride bikes."

For me, WHY is your son outside after dark riding bike?
WHY is he spending 10 hours with these boys?
Then the next day you take the kids to the pool and then come back to your house to eat.?.?.?.

I think that everything is moving way to fast.
Try to slow down. = )

I wouldn't even let any of my children ride around the neighborhood alone at such a young age like 9 - 16 years old. I would be worried that someone would kidnap my child.

I wish you the best with this.

It's quite a life changing experience at such young age. I do believe ur sons knows right from wrong, but He is a child and kids can be cruel. Talk to the principal or vice principal n explain ur concern w/ kids taunting ur child. Do not get into how wonderful ur child is ( which he is, hanks to u), but the facts r he did the right thing n shouldn't be going thru nonsense at school. Most importantly u want his now n future protected by bullying and the school should be able to make sure his surroundings are safe. The media is full of stories that make no sense where kids hurt eachother, u must protect yours at all cost.

Sounds like your son may need to find some other kids to play with. Are there other kids from school that live in your neighborhood? Do you know other parents from your son's school that you could ask where they live. Maybe it would be better to have a play date instead of these kids. I don't believe in letting kids roam around the neighborhood, especially by stores. Sounds like you don't either, but if your son hang out with these kids, people will assume that he behaves like them and will be judged accordingly.

Hi V. - I think I understand your question it's about a rumor going on at school about your son? Not too much you can do about that one except that I would probably consider contacting his principal and his teachers that there is a rumor going around about your son being arrested for vandalism that is blatantly untrue and I would ask for their help in stopping those rumors if they heard them being spread around. Perhaps his teacher will also have some input about what she is hearing and how she can help. Your son sounds like a great kid!

Ok...been on a "reply vacation" lol from here- too busy to see next email- HEEHEE but.. I did feel the need to respond.
First- you sound like a really well rounded open minded mother with a GREAT relationship with your boy. & being the cool mom to take all the kids to the pool & come home & eat is not to be frowned upon by anyone- do not be discouraged. You are also getting to know a little who these kids are. Eyeballing & looking out for the "bad seed" lol (my mom's label to me =) )

I am so touched by what your son said about the death of his fav dog. He seems to be a little more mature than his age and/or something taught.

WHAT IS UP WITH THESE ADULTS BEATING UP ANY OF THESE JUVENILES?? =O Did any of these kids beat up another kid back there beforehand?? Maybe the cause of the wall? Seems weird the kid Kevin ran off to get your sons & your help.If the 2 kids were not fighting then what? He lead you guys there & then he got arrested for the damage. He would have been in ther same amount just for being with them.

And maybe I am the weirdo but I would think he is the star of the show of his class because the kids thinks its cool or the dramma of the event is exciting to them and he does not fit the bill to be in a situation like this.Let's say.... If the kid with the worst reputation of the whole class had this accused of him- no one would be shocked-expected yes.
Was the statement you said:
"Allan’s mom brought Kevin and Allan to the police and they got arrested"
are they insinuating(sp?) that your son & Kevin narked on the other kids & you "made" them go with you to the police to tell them & have them punished?? this seems like they are trying to keep the heat off them. If the older kids "got beat up" or rough housed up by the employees maybe they look bad.
You could have your son stick by his guns and then challenge them by asking for proof. You could get proof- public record. The girl sounds like she is mad because he is the only one not in trouble.
I remember that feeling.. of being the only one doing "the right thing" while my other peers were doing "wrong" and then when they got in trouble red handed and without me even having to tattle tell on them- they would all just hate me for being the one not in trouble.
sigh
good luck

I substitute teach and volunteer at school in the workroom, office, etc. there are so many "rumors" that go around about the kids and about the teachers (that usually the kids make-up) that truth be told, the teachers really don't pay much attention to any of that.