I have been with my fiancee 3 1/2 years. I have 3 kids. my first 2 are not his. he loves my kids like they are his own. We have been having problems for the past 4 months and things are just getting worse... I know that he loves me and wants to be with me and i know I love him but I am just not sure that I want to be with him. we Fight a lot and argue alot in front of the kids.. we have even got physical in front of them... I lost a lot of weight and he is very jealous and posessive. to me he got pretty psycho. after all of our constant fights and arguing i dont even want to have out "me" time with him. I lost a lot of weight recently and i have had many of my high school friends (guys and girls) contact me on facebook and comment how great I look. They are just friends. so i got rid of my facebook and wanted to see how things would go.... ope, nothing. everything still the same. He calls me a B everyday and i am sick of it. i really want out but i am just scared to go bc i know i am not going to have everything I have now. no car. no money. no house. no nothing. i dont know what to do. i tried to take him to marriage counseling and he will not go. he refuses and i have brought that up about 6 times. he also admits that he is not happy with me. and see, the things is, we m,ake up and i thik that things are gonna change and things just get worse the next day.
Get out. This will not get better. Get out before he starts treating your children the way he treats you. It's your job to protect your kids.
two words... women's shelter... go with your kids and run from this relationship- if you feel the way you do they can help not only protect you but also help you get on your feet with money, housing etc... that is what they are trained for.
Erica, this is not OK. No man should ever treat you like that. If you really want to go to counseling, what is stopping you? If he won't go with you, why aren't you going by yourself? It is time for you to take a stand and do something about this. Be strong!
time to move on, if he is getting physical one day it can get real bad, for both you and the children. go go go.
Erica, only you can write your destiny. You have to do some soul-searching and decide what is valuable to you and what you're willing to do to have it. That's what it boils down to. An unhealthy relationship versus the creature comforts that some of us take for granted--that is a very real tug of war, and you get to decide which side wins. One thing you should know, though--losing some of this stuff temporarily puts you in a better position to obtain it and to appreciate it later. Would you really want your reason for being with somebody in such an intimate way to be that you don't have the money to live on your own? It's your call.
So what if he won't go to marriage counseling? He is not in charge; this thing is not about him. You should go to counseling on your own and get some perspective on things. You have a right to take charge of your health and well-being. You are useless in a couple and useless as a parent if you are emotionally unstable and unhealthy.
It sounds like an abusive relationship that you need to leave- for both you and your kids. I know that is easier said than done. Often, our partners cannot get past us bettering ourselves- either through school or wt loss or whatever. That is THEIR problem, not ours.
Good Luck!
Does he take any prescpition meds and have they changed recently? I know it's not an excuse but it could be a possible explanation. I have heard of more than one relationship falling to pieces because of a change in meds, even diet pills, that resulted in a personality change. I do hope things improve.
KT
