My Sensitive Child.

It doesn't sound like to me he's overly sensitive; more like he is jealous of anyone you give any attention to, friends or siblings. He needs to learn to get over it. I really wouldn't pay much attention to the sobbing, that's how he's controlling you and making you feel guilty so you'll give him what he wants. When you get ready to go out, just tell him matter of factly that you're going out and that you will be back around (whatever time) and that so-and-so will be watching you. He will fuss, but don't commiserate with him. Instead, ignor the sobbing and go about what you're doing very happily and all the while talking to him about what a good time he will have with the sitter, etc. After a while he will stop.

Get the book The Five Love Languages.
It really helped with my 16 yo daughter.

He needs more of your physical touch, or so it seems.
Make it a habit to sit every night with him and read.
Go into his room in the AM and just cuddle then too.
Give him a hug every time he comes home from school.
Kiss his hand and tell him to hold on to that until you get home.

My 10yo is a touch person and is now into smacking us and wrestling. I long for the snuggles.

There is a great book that was my handbook for how to deal with my oldest who is now 14. There is a short "test" in the front of the book that asks about 15 or 20 questions and all but 1 were a "yes" for her. It is called : "The highly sensitive child - helping our children thrive when the world overwhelms them" by Elaine Aaron. I got it from Amazon. It has chapters by age group and described my daughter perfectly, and gave advice on how to handle all kinds of issues. Basically it talks about how to adjust the world to them so they can grown and be confident in order to adjust to the world later. We had to practice sentences with her when she would give away all her stickers to her friends and have none for herself. We had to practice what to say to the big kids who told her to get off the swing after she waited for 10 minutes to get on one. She needed lots of hugs and kisses and was the kind of kid who did not want to leave the house, would cry when we had to go to a birthday party, would spend almost the whole party hiding behind me observing, would start to play with 5 minutes to spare, and then cry that she did not want to leave. This temperament comes with many positives as well that are described in the book - a great sense or empathy with others, artistic ability, deep love and friendship, etc. etc.
http://www.amazon.com/Highly-Sensitive-Child-Children-Ove...

He needs to learn that he can't do that. And you do need to be able to get out without him once in a while. Mine used to do that but I just let him fus. He everntuly stops. Sounds like he may be jealous of the younger one. Don't let his actuaions control you. He is learning how to push your buttens.

Good luck and God Bless.

I don't see why you just can't give him a few (5?) minutes cuddle when he needs it. You said it yourself, he is sensitive. I don't even know why you can't snuggle for a few minutes when his friends are over. I don't think they will mind. If you have to stay outside, just sit down on the grass or curb or something and snuggle with him there.

And as far as your daughter is concerned, please give up ideas of things being EQUAL. In addition to it being impossible to achieve absolute equality, this notion can be harmful. First of all, it presupposes that your children will need equal things, which they won't; and secondly, it will give them the false idea that everything in life should be fair and equal. And life's not like that.

If you give your son more attention than you give your daughter, that is FINE.

It's quite likely your daughter will be less sensitive than your son, and won't REQUIRE the same amount of attention. Therefore, why give them the same amount?

Nothing in your children's lives will be equal. One will be smarter. One will be better looking. One will be better at sports. One will make more money. Etc.

Give up notions of equality, and give your son what he needs.

p.s. I had a vivid dream last night that my oldest son was 5 again (he's 22), and he was sitting in my lap and we were reading and cuddling. I could even hear his sweet little voice the way it used to be. It was delicious. It makes me tear up even now thinking about it, my dream was so vivid. So cuddle with your little boy, and soak in every second.

Lots of touching, snuggling, but no control. Just walk away or just think of what he will do for control at 14! Be strong, you know nothing bad is going to happen just because you go out to eat. Let your common sense rule. Imagine him at your age now. He has been working hard, his wife has been working and raising kids and their 9 year anniversary is coming up.
They want to go out to eat without the kids and reconnect. Their 5 year old is throwing a fit and doesn't want them to go. What is your advise to this son you love? Love yourself as much as you love him. You deserve it.

Sorry I didn't read all the answers you recieved before I write this - I'm pressed for time. Him wanting to cuddle when a friend was over - you did the right thing - he needs to learn you don't ignore your friend and YOU as the overseer can't leave a child in your care alone in the backyard (I'm assuming) to go and cuddle???? What does he need attention from you right then for? Were you paying extra attention to the friend at that moment??? Sounds to me like he's more possessive than sensitive. I had a sensitive child - VERY empathetic to what OTHERS were feeling - cried with friends and helped everyone he could. He never tried manipulating MY time.

This is the age where they really understand how their behavior affect you and try to use it to their advantage. You were absolutely correct in telling him no to snuggling when you have company. If he throws a tantrum or sobs in situations like that it's best to remain calm, talk to him calmly and ignore it if possible. Once he realizes he is not going to get the reactions he wants he will stop. Trust me my son was (and still is sometimes at 10) the master at the "I just want to snuggle" or "I just want a hug" excuse when he is really supposed to be doing something else like sleeping, or chores.

If you always give in to him, you are going to create more problems later. He needs to understand that there is a place and time for everything. Otherwise it will be much harder for him to learn that lesson later.

It will get better, don't feel bad about paying attention to the baby, your son will get over it!

That does not fit my definition of sensitive. Is he empathic towards other children? Does he cry at sad shows? Does he try to fix everyone else's problems, even to his detriment? If not, his actions are selfish and a little manipulative. Gosh, that sounds harsh for a 5 year old. Sorry! But you shouldn't have to prove that you love him every time he asks. You did the right thing by letting him know you can't drop everything to cuddle with him. Let him cry it out, although you will have to develop a tougher skin and warn the babysitter NOT to call you unless it is an emergency. A very quick hug and goodbye and then LEAVE and don't look back. If you don't, he will be dealing with bigger emotional problems later. And your one YO will pay a price, too - jealousy, rivalry, dependency issues.

I think you need to figure out if he really needs that cuddling or he is being manipulative. My guess is that he needs it for whatever reason. I don't think you need to lavish attention on him but he needs help soothing himself and feeling secure. I think you need to help him build his self-esteem and start thinking that he might have some sensory issues that make him feel so anxious. So what does "retreats into his own world" actually mean? And yes, you need to be able to go out on your own. I see your son goes to school, how does he do there away from you? My son had some anxiety issues in the past as well as sensory issues that are almost completely resolved. But I still make sure to explain to him what is going to happen when we go into a potentially stressful situation. We talk about it and our feelings and he is much better equiped to handle things when he has time to process them. I think that might work for your son. Also, try to compromise. Like if he needs a hug, hug for 5 seconds and say once the hug is done, we go back to play. If that is not enough, find out if something is wrong. As far as going out, use the 5 second hug rule as well. Stay consistent though. I don't think having tantrums at 5 is really typical.

Ditto The Highly Sensitive Child

Plus it helps adults learn to tell other adults how to treat the child.