My Son Ask up When He Gets home..Help

Something is going on at the daycare. No, this is not normal behavior at all. He is angry and I doubt the daycare is a great place. Either change daycares or find out what is happening at the one he is in. But don't hesitate, he is to important to procrastinate this issue.

My daughter is two and with her it is always because she is hungry. She seems to have melt downs that time of the day and my mom said I was the exact same way when I was her age. If I give her a little snack as soon as we get home from her school then the night is peaceful! Hopefully it is just something simple like this for you too.

I heard a story once, it goes like this. The lady left her little girl with a nanny/babysitter all day. Every day when she picked up her child the child acted up like you are describing. One day when she picked up her child the child started to act up. The child care provider said, "I don't understand, she was so happy all day." When the mother got home she asked her child, 'Why do you cry every time I pick you up?" The child responded, "I saved it all for you, Mommy."
The child felt safe expressing all her feelings to her mother. She felt loved and knew that no matter what, her mom would love her. I'm pretty sure that is the way your child feels. He feels safe and loved with you. You have done a great job raising your child!

Hi M.. My son had anger issues due to my divorce to his dad so I took him to a physchologist. They told me to make a book with my son. I have a page that says I will have a good day tomorrow and I had drawn a funny pic of my son with a mohawk to make him laugh. We also have pages with things on them like, "I will get myself dressed like a big boy", "When I am angry I can talk about it" and "My mommy and daddy don't like together anymore but we are still a family". In the beginning I read what the page said and he read it back to me. Now he can see the picture and know exactly what it means. When we made the book we had a sorts of party. I invited his dad over and everything. The great think about the book is that I can take out pages as he gets better at those and insert new ones with things we need to work on.

In your case I think you could make the book with pages like, "When I am angry I can talk about it" and "I will not throw things at my mommy", etc.

The good news is is that usually our kids take their frustration or anger out on the one/ones they trust the most and will never go away. The fact that he is angry and letting you know is a huge compliment. You just need to help him through what he is feeling and get it under control. The book worked for me and my son. he behavior changed within 2 days of starting to read the book. The physchiatrist I went to with my son is very good. His telephone # is Dr Thomas and his number is ###-###-####. I was told it was good I took him in right away before the behavior became a habit. I had no problems getting in the very next week after I called for an appointment.

I will be praying for your family
L.

I would take him out of daycare and stay home with him. That is the only way to really know what he is experiencing and the only way to be sure you know how to nurture him. If you're away from him most of the time he is awake, it's going to be a guessing game. Children need their mothers. As modern mothers, we need to face this basic fact of life.

Millisa, I don’t know much about your situation. I am assuming you are a single mom and have full responsibility for him 24/7! That is not easy and you have a job, so I am doing another assumption that you are not a real fun person after work with everything on your plate. I am hoping that my ideas will work for you as much as for him to make you a happier person and him a easy going happy little boy.
When you pick him up, do you talk and laugh and sing all the way home? No?

This will help put both of you in a much better mood. I remember after working all day, it is hard not to be a little tired and cranky yourself. He is getting old enough to feel that now. He can feel that you are not happy and that makes him unhappy. You probably are not being real patient with him either.

FIRST: PLEASE DON'T EVER TALK TO ANYONE ON YOUR CELL PHONE WHEN HE IS IN THE CAR. KIDS HAVE THIS THING ABOUT A PHONE. THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND BUT THEY DON'T LIKE IT AND THEY GET FRUSTRATED AND ACT UP TO GET YOUR ATTENTION. Right????

So, tomorrow when you take him daycare, sing some songs or play a child song CD or cassette on the way there. Then tell him that when you pick him up, you will have fun all the way home.

When you pick him up, IF YOU HAVE ONE, TAKE THAT FROWN OFF YOUR FACE AND SMILE AT HIM and DON'T TELL HIM HOW TIRED YOU ARE. (If we keep saying how tired we are to everyone, guess what. We keep getting more and more tired)

You can say to him: I bet I can laugh longer than you can and then start to laugh and giggle. He will do the same.

Then sing a favorite song – Old McDonald Has a Farm or twinkle, twinkle little star – one he really likes.
If you play games that go to songs like the Itsy bitsy spider, you can sing that and have him do the finger play. (You keep your hands on the wheel)

This is very important. IT WILL ALSO HELP IF YOU HAVE SOME SORT OF FOOD SNACK FOR HIM TO EAT. MANY TIMES KIDS ARE CRANKY BECAUSE THEY ARE VERY HUNGRY!!! DON'T WORRY ABOUT HIM NOT EATING DINNER - IF YOU GIVE HIM A HEALTHY SNACK, SO WHAT!! HE CAN HAVE ANOTHER HEALTHY SNACK BEFORE BED.

Now you get home and get him out of his car seat. See if there is something he can carry in the house and say, "Can you carry this for mommy?" SMILE "Oh you are such a big helper!" KEEP SMILING.

You are now in the house. Do you change your clothes before you do anything else? If so, have him go with you to your room and he can help find your tennis shoes, and put away your work shoes to help keep him busy.

If he wants to change his clothes too, hey! get the pj's on him. Even if you have to take them off and bathe him later, the process of getting on the pj’s will be fun. He is doing something Mommy is doing. SMILE AT HIM. LAUGH WITH HIM.

Now you are ready to start the evening chores. He is no doubt hungry even if he had a snack so do you fix dinner first? Do you cook? Do you buy a lot of fast food (BAD - BAD FOR YOUR BODY AND REALLY BAD FOR HIS) He should still be in a good mood so he might go play or you can put him in his high chair and give him a couple of toys to intertain himself.

Kids don't really like a big plate of meat, potatoes, vegetable, and salad. So I am going to assume you make simple meals for the two of you. Mac and cheese is really good food and if you add some green beans and apple sauce it is DINNER!! French toast, scrambled eggs, pancakes or waffles are great for dinner foods for anyone. Toasted cheese sandwiches and soup is another idea. Cut off the crust on any bread things you give him. When it isn't cut off they leave another third of the bread uneaten. (When I babysat children, I alway cut off the crust - saved me big bucks. Also I would cut the sandwiches in 4 sticks or triangles. They loved it)

Home made spaghetti is a great meal for the weekend and then he can have leftovers during the week. (If he likes Spaghetti). At two we don't want to make eating an issue. You can cause big time eating issues by trying to force a 2 year old to eat something he thinks he doesn't like. Keep putting it on his plate and suggest he try it, but don't do the "you will sit there until you eat that." I have a friend who is 63 years old that was sitting at the kitchen table from dinner to bedtime for years trying to get her to eat stuff, and to this day she hates to eat and even if it is something she does like, she never finishes anything. I would guess she eats about 800 calories on a good day. Skin and bones is what she is. 5 feet 5 inches tall and under 100 lbs.

Ooops got off on a tangent.

When he is done eating, (and even if you did't eat with him because you want to fix something for yourself later and eat in a quiet relaxed mode but you sat with him and SMILED) now is the time for him to play or watch TV for a while and you can clean up, put in a load of clothes, and talk on the phone if you can be quiet and he is busy and not wanting your attention. Up to this point, he has had your undivided attention since you picked him up. I THINK HE WILL BE A HAPPY BOY!!!AND I BET YOU ARE A HAPPY MOM TOO!

I hope you have a bedtime for him. And a bedtime routine. If not you will need to start one. Include bathing, snack, brushing his teeth, reading a story or two, and tucking into bed. If he is still nursing or on a bottle, you don't want to break that at this point. So give him his bottle, pacifier, blanket or whatever when you put him to bed. BUT, HERE IS THE BOTTOM LINE. IT HAS TO BE AT THE SAME TIME EVERY NITE.

Don't get busy and try to do something before you get him down some days so that he has this bedtime rollercoaster. I would think 8:00 is a good time. So you need to start the ritual about 7:30. This 8:00, 10:00, 7:00, 9:00 bit isn’t going to make either of you happy.

YOU HAVE BEEN SMILING AND LAUGHING ALL EVENING, RIGHT. (I tell you that if you can do the smiles and laughs you will feel so much better yourself that you will not believe it. You won't be so tired and you will ENJOY YOUR SON SO MUCH MORE THAN YOU DO NOW) (Cancer patients that have laugh therapy during the course of their treatment do better that those that don’t)

OK it is 8:00 pm and he is in bed listing to a music CD that is very low in volume and you are a FREE WOMAN! I always strived for motherhood to end at 8pm. It was then M. time. Makes a big difference. And you will feel so good because you gave him at least 2 hours of your attention and you were a happy mom and he was a happy boy.

Now, there will be times when things just don’t work out. So if it is a bad day, you just have to deal with it. But anytime things are going negatively start to smile and sing and it has to make you both feel better.

I didn’t’ mean to write a book but when I get started…….. Oh, I forgot, if you have to go to the grocery store on the way home and he hasn’t had a snack in the car PLEASE buy some crackers or his favorite ceral and let him eat it while you are shopping.

A KID CAN’T CRY AND EAT AT THE SAME TIME!!

Enjoy your son and have him enjoy his mom!!!

M. B.
Boise Id
###-###-####

It sounds like your son is angry with you for leaving him. Is there any way you could stay home with him and work from home? He is at a very vulnerable age when he needs to spend time with his mommy and he is letting you know. There are so many things you can do from home... and it would save you child care money, gas money to go to work, and maybe fast food money. I work at home and love it!

His feelings are valid, but his behavior is not acceptable. I would let him know he is allowed to be upset, but he is not allowed to yell and throw things. Give him lots of love, read to him, make cookies with him, etc.

Sincerely,

K.

He has to be good in daycare all day. He innately knows his caregivers do not love him
unconditionally and that you do. He is compressing all the normal tantrums two year olds
have in a whole day into two hours. It's really hard. He wont be two forever. Be patient and
keep showing him as much love as you can. Enjoy your weekends together.

He's mad at you for leaving him to fend for himself all day. He's mad at you because he wants to be in his home with you. Find a way to be home with him.

Melissa, he absolutely loves you and misses you in daycare to no end. His frustration shows up at home, but in there, he's kind of holding it all inside.
When my son was 1 year old, I left him for three weeks with his own loving grandmother. This was the very first time ever that he was not with me, before that, I did not leave him with anybody, ever even for a minute. He was always with me, always.
Upon my return, he was drawn back, did not smile, was sad to no end, was ill for awhile during those three months (like cold), he looked at me with gloomy eyes, and did not respond to my hugs, rather moving away a little. Often, he threw himself on the floor and yelled like crazy, crawled in the corner when I wanted to pick him up, and - when saying his funny words, he started literally stuttering. It was absolutely scary. At night he did not sleep well, woke up often, and I ended up taking him to my bed. These nights, he clambered to me, holding onto me for his dear life, not a second without a grip, and hugged me so tight I could hardly sleep myself. I did let it all be this was, and it took about 3-4 months when he started relaxing, and coming back to normal absolutely happy big-eyed huge-smiled boy as he always was, with toms of energy to run around all day.
Now, the next attempt I tried to do my exams in college, to finish the semester, I out him in daycare for 4 (four) hours, to go to the group meeting before the most important final tests. I came to pick him up, and the teacher there says" Oh he's such a great boy, he did not cry at all". I asked: "How did the day go?" She said: "He did not eat, but it was only 4 hours, so i thought maybe you fed him before. And, he did not misbehave, he just sat on the stool quietly all the time, watching." I was in the deep shock! Why? Because at home, there is not a second for him to stay put, he's a constantly moving lively funny energyball, who even moved the furniture around, to release is huge amount of energy: he was 1,5 years old then. Okay, i took him home, he fell asleep in my lap, I put him in the bed, and in about midnight he started coughing, and so bad: like suffocating. It seemed he cannot breathe at all soon, and we called the ambulance, were taken to the hospital and I almost lost him. It was not a cold, he did not get cold at all, and no doctors could explain what it was, he was just coughing until he got all red, and they put a tube in his throat so that the air could go through. I stayed in hospital for a week with him, they were waiting that he will be well, to let us home, as they did not know what is going on but if you cannot breathe, you do not live. This situation put an end to all my activities without my boy. I dropped out of college, and he never saw any babysitters or daycares anymore,. Now he is 25,
http://www.flickr.com/photos/niravameen/1777933473/in/set...
happy and great young man. We are very good friends.

Melissa, I do not mean to scare you at all.
I would suggest you to talk swiftly to some GOOD psychologist or counsellor. They should know more than I do.
I can only share my experience
and tell you that my healing my son in a similar situation was to hold him as close to me as I ever could, to reassure him of his safety and everlasting love that surrounds him.
I can only guess that some kids are more sensitive, and this shattering of their world with the change of place without their mom as an anchor of safety is way too much pressure on their nervous system and little brain...
All the best to you both, Love heals all.
M.

My daughter went through spurts of this. She started daycare 2 days a week from 20 months and is not almost 5. She has gone to the same daycare, with the same teachersa and same kids the entire time! When she was younger I read that she was angry for being left somewhere even tho she seemed to love the place. I would get there and hide to watch her play before she spotted me to see how she was without me there. My concern was that daycare wasnt telling me about things going on that were bad but I found out for myself by sneaking in several times. She was always laughing and playing yet every morning she would cry hysterically til I was out of sight! Each time she has gone thru these phases, I have never let her see me cry or be upset at how she reacted but just kept telling her I love her and eventually we got thru it.

HI Melissa, I am a mother of 3 girls, and I also do childcare for two families.
I have noticed the very same thing with my day care kids and I can assure you that nothing "scary" or wierd is going on here.
There may or may not be something going on with your day care provider. But I did want to assure you and agree with the other moms who said it is probably because he loves you so much! The children I have are wonderful and great all day, but when their parents show up it is a completely different story!
Whining, tantrums, behavior that I never see take place as soon as the parents come. It is not tantrums because they have to leave either, they are very happy to see their mothers!
J.

If it were my son, I would say he was releasing negative emotion from daycare. My mom tells me that I used to cry in the car on the way home from the babysitter's every day. I don't remember any specific negative situations at the babysitter's home but I do know that I didn't like going there. I missed my mom and wanted to be with her. Kids don't understand the logical reasons of their parents leaving them at daycare, however logical they may be. They just know that they've been left and they want their mom or dad. If it were my son, I would definetely NOT consider it a need for boundary identification. He's not trying to take advantage of your kindness. He just needs his mom.

My aunt and my sister's mom both have a at home daycare. I have seen this as kids leave. Ask your daycare providore how they disapline so you can try it at home too. At least you know your kid is good for other people. Some of it might be that there is fun and cool stuff at daycare and fun friends and there isn't that at home and so they are all bent outta shape about it. Ask about your childs friends from daycare and stuff like that. maybe that will help.

You may have already thought of this, but it may help to have snacks in the car for the ride home. My two year old's fits are worse and more frequent when he's hungry (or over-tired, of course). My kids were always fighting about an hour before dinner, but I couldn't move dinner time earlier. Now I make sure to give them a snack about 2 hours before dinner and it helps a lot. Even if we have to do the snack late, like 1 hour before the meal, they're still ready for dinner on time and eat well. Sometimes the snacks at a day care aren't as often as a growing kid needs.

It's stressful to be in social situations. Kids build up defenses that they absolutely need to survive in an environment with their peers. Sometimes my kids had trouble turning that 'survival attitude' off. They'd grump and pick fights and act sensitive and defensive.

a small snack and mommy's undivided, patient attention for 10 minutes right at transition does wonders. Hugs also helped - and being really happy to see him. When he tries to pick fights during that transition period, I'd just smile at him and let the icky words go unchallenged...or soften them somehow. i tried not to punish him...and to let him unwind. Anything I could do to make him feel safe so he didn't have to defend himself at home.

...then after 10-20 minutes, he was fine. and I'd treat him normally

Sounds to me like he misses you, and he's throwing the fits because he actually wants attention.

Or, I know kids throw tantrums to feel out the boundaries - they want to know what the rules are, or if the rules have changed since last they checked - it gives them stability, security and lets them know they are loved and - lets them know what the rules are.

Have you given him clear messages about your rules for life? Or have they been inconsistent? Even if yours are consistent, maybe it's the switch from your care to someone else, which most likely creates inconsistency (since no one can parent him like you) that he has to check the boundaries repeatedly because he's confused. If yours are inconsistent, that might be triggering more tantrums.

It could even be seemly little things about the changes in care and rules being taught him. Even tones of voice, or routines, or the way his love language is met.

Love language -- that's another possibility - my kids act up when they don't feel loved, so I try to meet their specific language - one child feels loved by physical touch (hugging), another by words of affirmation, the other quality time.

Hope that helps

If nothing else, when you get home with him, do nothing for the first 15 minutes but give him hugs. Maybe he needs to know that he's your priority. Other than that I agree with having him help you with something or other-- even if you just hand him a measuring cup and two plastic bowls and ask him to scoop all the water from one bowl to another while you cook dinner.

Oh and this is a huge tip too-- always give him two choices about something so he feels he has a measure of control over his life. These are choices that you decide are acceptable beforehand, like do you want to help me cook or do you want to dust for me? Do you want to put your right arm or your left arm in your coat first? Kids are constantly being told what to do and this makes them feel like they are in charge just a bit.

Keep in mind that things get easier the older your children get.

Hi Melissa. It sounds like you are doing everything you can with your little one. I am a mom of 2 - one is 26mo. and one is 5mo. First, I think it's important that he is almost 2 and they say those terrible 2s can start around 9 months for some!! Also, I always try to remember that kids tend to act up where they feel safe. Perhaps he is on his best behavior all day and at home with you is where he feels safest to act out and let himself go a little bit. I don't know what your routine is, but it could help some if you make it as predictable as possible for him from the time he gets home - try to do everything the same. Maybe that will help. And just remember, every stage eventually passes; it's just hard in the moment, isn't it! Hang in there. A.R.

This same thing happened to my first grader who was actually this really great, even-tempered little boy. As soon as I got him home from school he would have major melt-downs. They were really ugly and he even started looking for reasons to be mad and throw a fit. This was so out of character for him.

When I mentioned this to his pediatrician, he thought he had anxiety (which I agreed with), and put him on medication. Hindsight, I wish I would have done things a little differently. Two years later and battling some other behavior issues with him, I found out he was being bullied at school in first grade. I think this triggered his meltdowns. If I were to do it all over again, I would try to get to the bottom of it. Maybe spend a day at the daycare with him and make sure nothing inappropriate is happening. Ask him lots of questions which maybe hard because he doesn't have very good communication skills yet. Ask the daycare workers if they have noticed anything. Have him draw pictures or see a therapist.

You know, it may be nothing serious and a stage he is going thru. But for peace of mind, make sure there is nothing going on causing these fits. Sometimes that is there only way to communicate.

Good luck. I don't know if this helps but I wish I would have had some of this advice before putting my 6 year old on addictive meds.

I would first do a little investigating to see if anything is happening at daycare that he is trying to communicate to you that he upset about. He may be saying to you "look--I'm mad because I had a bad day." When you have a bad day how frustrated are you when you get home? He may be having problems with other children, with his providers, they are not willing to tell you. Two year olds don't always throw fits to just to do it--they do not have an extensive vocabulary to communicate all of what they want to. Sometimes what they want to communicate comes out in a way that is displeasing to us because it is the only way they know of to get their point across.

Other then that--he may need decompression time. Day care is a constant stimulation. Set up a time where he can relax with a drink, some music or a video he loves, or even just some time alone with a favorite toy or two. If you are getting home and immediately pushing him into a busy home routine it might be too much for him to take. While he is decompressing prepare dinner, go through your mail, things like that. It may allow him the time he needs to shift himself from daycare mode to home mode.

I agree with Deb. Make sure nothing is going on that is upsetting, but it sounds just like he's tired of being good all day. Plus, remember, he is almost two. My 18 month old has been a bear all day for the last few weeks. It just comes with the territory of being almost 2. GL

Any day care will tell you ( a paying customer)
that your son 'did great'. Sounds like things at daycare are not so great.

He may also be 'too little to be in day care.
As a teacher, I see a lot of kids who become
very aggressive in their behavior when placed
in day-care rather than a smaller situation of
someone who tends a few children.

To much confusion for their little lives & far to many little one's needing attention.

I had the same thing with all three of my boys, and now the youngest is 34, he still acts out fro time to time.LOL Now for your Aiden, I'd check into stresses at the Day Care. He is angry about something going on there or he is really pissed at you for leaving him. Let him throw his fits and when he seems to calm down ask him if it made him feel better. Children have to have an outlet also.
Good luck

Think about coming home from a long day at work, where you had to be on your best behavior!! You are exhausted and sick of being "on". That is how kids feel after daycare or school. They have been on their best behavior, had to follow rules, instructions, played and it is time to let go of some of that pent up steam when they get home. I realized this with my daughter when she started school. Even now when she is in first grade, I give her some time to unwind, relax before I even really talk to her about her day at school. Make sure he enjoy preschool and nothing bad is happening, but my guess is he is just tired!

My grandson has similar traits. He whines and says ma ma in a fake cry. Or if his brother takes something from him he starts the same. His mom tells him to go to his room and he fake cries all the way there. After about 5 minutes he can come out, only if he stops crying. It works!

Keep constant with it and he will learn, that is what he gets for negative behavior.

When I was a little one, if I hit my brother while holding a small toy, my mom would take that same toy and hit me with it saying "that hurts, now you hug your little brother." I did not have any issues and learned to treat everyone nice.

I wish you well.

Cath

My daughter is almost two also and I think it partially the age. She has attended daycare for about 7 months as well and I am a new mom too. She occasionally comes home in bad mood. I think she is just really tired and I like to think she has behaved for her teachers. However, when she gets home she is tired of playing nice and having to share. So we get the end of the day melt downs! I am a teacher myself and find that most parents say that their children act so much better for their teachers than they do for them. Our own kids seem to know they can push our buttons but will always still love them. It is a challnege!!!

Hi there! My daughter did the same thing. The sitter would tell me as soon as I walked in the door that it was time to eat. (She was nursing and wasn't late on her feedings.) As soon as she would see me she would scream! And usually if she was EVER that upset, nursing was the ONLY thing that would calm her down!! But, as I would try to nurse her she would get more worked up and wanted NOTHING to do with me. She then would proceed the entire 30 minute commute back to our house, usually falling asleep. I always questioned if she was a bit overstimulated, maybe not napping as well at the sitters. Bottom line, that was her way of reacting! It lasted for a few months and then subsided. Good luck!