My Son Fights Going to sleep...BAD!! HELP!!!

Oh girlfriend! I so know how you feel! Emmi is like that all the time! NAps nighty night time EVERYTHING! She gets so upset the vomits. It is terrible! I usually just sit outside the door and cry! I know girl thats crazy!

You might be going in the room too soon. My husband and I had to go stand on the backporch for 20 minutes or more so we didn't have to hear him cry. It was only like that the first day. The second day took a little less time and so on. At 8 months old he can lay down and put his own paci in once he realizes his crying isn't going to delay bedtime anymore.

It seems sad and cruel to have them cry themselves to sleep and I hated it. However, learning to self sooth is an important lesson that will bring many rewards to the family. Remind yourself that you're not hurting him. Don't feel guilty, be tough and he'll be better off in the long run.

The reward is a nice easy bedtime and the flexibility to use a sitter now and then. If you don't do it now you'll have bigger problems later. I know people who are still struggling with their 2 and 3 year olds at bedtime because they didn't "believe" in CIO.

Best wishes,

E.

Is there a reason you've decided to stop rocking him and snuggling him to sleep? The idea that babies should "self soothe" is just a myth. The truth is, most babies don't. You can train a baby to go to sleep alone by letting them cry it out, but in my opinion that's incredibly cruel. Crying is the only way they have to communicate, and when they cry it's for a reason. He needs you. If you let him cry and ignore it that only teaches him that you won't be there for him. It's true that the method may seem to work, because eventually he'll wear himself out from screaming, and over time he'll give up hope that you'll come to him.

And how would you know if he is crying because he needs you for more than just love and snuggles? What if he's feeling sick, or if he's teething? I think of it this way--they'll only be babies for a short period of time, why not snuggle them and enjoy every moment while it lasts? There doesn't have to be a huge power struggle over bedtime unless you create one. Before you know it he'll be all grown up and you'll cherish those moments when he fell asleep in your arms.

Hi H.,

When you "give in" to a crying baby (even after 3 exhausting hours) he will most likely not learn to fall asleep. He will know that eventually mom or dad will come. To make that method work you will have to let him cry it out completely. They say it will get shorter as long as you don't give in.

I was adviced to do the same thing since my 9 month old stay wakes up twice during the night. I nurse him back to sleep. I was told to not to do that. Unfortunately he shares his bedroom with his older brother. If I nurse him he will be back to sleep in 5 minutes. If I let him cry it out my whole family will be awake for much longer. I guess I choose the easy way. I would love to have one whole night uninterupted sleep but I hate his crying.

I do lay him down for a nap twice a day and let him cry for about 15 minutes. Usually he falls asleep before that but if he is still crying I will pick him up and rock him or nurse him.

No matter what you decide, do what feels best to you. Every child is different. Good luck

Hi H.,
Gosh I so relate. My daughter didn't have colic and has been a very easy baby in all aspects except the sleeping. It was so hard for me that I still say the hardest thing of having become a mommy has been the bed-time routine.
I can tell you at 10 months my daughter is completely trained and I am at peace now. Bed-time had become something I dreaded, my stomach was in a knot and hubby and I would fight cos I would get so tense listening to her cry.

Consistency.... repetition strengthens and confirms.... keep it up and it will work....

I followed the same routine and would say at about 8 months she caught on ... I'd say it has been at least 2 good months now.

Dinner at 6-630, bath at 730, bottle at 8, I found that laying her down completely awak was a much better system. She did cry as you're describing at first BUT she didn't wake up anymore once she "got it" if I laid her down asleep she's wake up and be confused and the crying was a drama nightly.

I did the same thing you're doing but eventually, after I KNEW she knew what was going on, I simply stopped going in after I laid her down. This broker her of crying after FOUR DAYS, that's it. She knew that no matter how hard she cried it was bed-time and she didn't enjoy wearing herself out.

Keep me posted!
Amy

H. is there a reason you don't rock him anymore? i rocked my daughter until she was 2. babies need to be soothed and around 8 months is when they go through separation anxiety so this probably isn't the best time to try to teach him to fall asleep on his own. i don't believe in the cry it out method. i honestly think its mean a baby's way of telling you somethings wrong is by crying. he needs you so if you could i would go back to rocking him. he will not need you to rock him until he goes to college i promise! give him the love and cuddles he needs and every one will be a lot happier! P.S. could you tell me about the work at home that you do??

I'm not sure how you'd do it with a crib, but my older daughter falls asleep within a few minutes if I lay down next to her and put my arm over her. It's not a perfect solution, but it did help her to learn to relax in her own bed. She would always wiggle to keep herself awake and without wiggling, she'd be right out. She had colic, too, and I hate to say it, but didn't even sleep through the night until she was almost three.

My daughter is only 4 mos old, but we go through the same thing. She needs to be nursed to sleep every night. I actually don't really mind it. I can't stand listening to her cry. It's much easier and calmer for everyone in the household. Does your son take a pacifier? I give my daughter one and she is much better at self soothing with it than without. Some babies just have that need to suck on something to fall asleep. Also, a mobile over the crib may help. I've also heard that infant massage really helps. There's also some bath stuff by Johnson and Johnson that helps. I would just continue to rock your little guy to sleep, then lay him in his crib. Eventually he'll grow out of the need to be rocked. My theory is that they're only babies once. You may as well enjoy the time instead of making it a struggle. Just because he's "suppose" to be able to self-soothe doesn't mean he's ready for it yet. Good luck!!!!

I know how it is, my son can't self soothe either, he just works himself up more and more until he starts choking and I can't stand it, I have never really done the cry it out method....since you are trying to break the habit of having to rock him to sleep with the bottle I assume, I know with my son, sometimes if I lay down with him he will fall asleep, and then after he has been asleep for about five minutes I put him in the crib....I know this just creates another habit of falling to sleep that isn't by himself, but as he gets older you could lay with him for only a few minutes and then move him to his crib.....my son has never had too much trouble falling asleep til recently, but this does work really well for him, sometimes I lay up there for awhile, but he enjoys the time and it is relaxing....

H.,
I believe with a good night time routine, you baby will be more prepared knowing it is getting ready to be time for bed. Perhaps a warm bath with a comforting lotion rub, his last bottle/ nursing while in a dim or dark room, then finally his lullaby CD that he will begin to get familiar with and associate with sleepy time.

Some of my favorites are:
Brahms- Sleepytime Serenade
Parents- The lullaby Album
(Both cheap cheap cheap on Amazon used)
(they are not babyish at all, instead wonderful music that I listen do daily myself)

Also, about that age, a baby can really enjoy sleeping with a teddy or something of the sort that can be their friend. I agree with a lot that others have said below. I don't see any reason to get that baby to just go to sleep at the flip of a switch. Some babies do that naturally, others don't. You should bask in the moment, 'cause it won't last long enough.

(IGNORE others opinions that may be in your home while your family does wht works- and may be rocking or nursing the baby to sleep- simply explain to them what you believe and why, but do not reconsider based on their opinion, whatever it is you come to believing is right for YOUR child) I hope that made sense. Besides, your baby needs a routine, not a bunch of changes based on others opinions. :)

The method that you are trying seems more appropriate for an older toddler. If you have your routine, ease into the sleeping thing by rocking, singing (always in the darkness)and it lasts for the 15 minutes or whatever time is reasonable to fall asleep and that you decide to devote to the routine, then maybe I think with the age of your son, maybe when you were coming back in to give him his paci, then leaving, you should rub his back for a minute, sing a lullaby, then walk out. Surely he will roar again, but soon he will realize that getting his back rubbed is better than nothing, and that will be what he craves. So you can do it 2ce, or whatever you see fit, but not over and over again. Soon, he will be able to do some self soothing, with a little mommy love to help him adjust.

Then of course, you will have to break that habbit with him, but at least he will be taking baby steps in the right direction. Besides, it would be nice if you can keep your brains in your head! :)

My mother still reminds me that every step along the way is just a phase. it is good to know that soon, it will pass!

Good luck,

A.

IF your sons bed is next to yours talk with him and rea shure him thaat you are there. my sons crib is still next to mine. i will hold his hand thru out the night to let him know that i am there and that is all it takes. Now he is to the point to where he dosn't need me but his room is up stairs so he will be staying in my room for a tad bit more time. good luck my friend and just remember you are the person who hangs all the stars and wakes up the sun just for him.

I tried the CIO method for my daughter when she was around 8 months old also...it did not work for me. She will be 1 on June 15 and if I leave her to cry, she still just gets so worked up. It doesn't work for our family. I know it is very difficult to just continue in a cycle of no sleep and constant work at bed time. I wish I could offer some good advice...I got the No cry sleep solution book and it did not work for us either. Basically, now my daughter has just grown out of difficult bed times. Not much help, but its true.

My son is 14 months old and is just now getting better about fighting sleep. He cried one night for almost an hour with me going in every ten minutes to sooth him. I finally had to rock him to sleep because he was getting so worked up. What I finally did was put him in his crib, sing our song, and gently rub his belly or pat his bottom till he fell asleep. After him getting used to that, I would lay him in his crib, sing our song, then sit in the rocking chair in his room (with the lights off) so he could see me. Whenever he would start to fuss, I would say shhhh, bedtime. Sometimes I would have to lay him back down, but it worked. Now I am at the point were I stand by the door were he can't see me, but can hear my voice if he starts to get upset. Next will be to lay him down and walk away, but it is probably going to take awhile for this stage. He doesn't like not seeing me, but we are a far cry from waking every half hour because I wasn't holding him. Good luck and remember it won't happen over night but it will happen.

This too shall pass.

How many 30 year olds do you know that cry themselves to sleep? This is a rite of passage for kids that most everyone experiences at one point or another. Your son will eventually get the hang of this sleep thing.

Sadly, I don't have any magical words of advice. Just know that it is a phase that will pass.

Best wishes!

Oh H., I am so sorry!

I don't know if I have any useful advice, but I do want to share with you that every kiddo is different. I am on baby #3 and I can tell you from first hand experience that all 3 of my little people have learned to sleep on their own in 3 very unique ways. Whether the Ferber method (the CIO guy) works or not is all about your child's temperment. You mention that your kiddo had colic. Have you read Dr. Karp's book? He wrote "The Happiest Baby On The Block." With my very fussy firstborn I worshipped this man's method. What worked for number two was the Sleep Lady's book (sorry can't remember her name) "Good Night, Sleep Tight."
Do you play music or have any other rituals that prepare baby for bed? Or have you tried letting baby sleep with an article of your clothing (for scent) or introduced a lovey?
The music is useful because after awhile they will associate the music with bedtime. Having something with your scent on it, like a worn shirt or pillowcase can be reassuring to them that you are nearby. Also a lovey (blanket, stuffed friend or doll) is very good for their emotional growth, and can be a good soother at night time. My eldest had a turtle which shines stars on the ceiling in the dark. Number two has a blue fuzzy blanket. Number three is only five months, so we're not there yet.
Anyways, what I'm trying to share is that there is no "method" that works for everybody. You've got to try and figure out what your little person is trying to tell you. And you will not scar his for life if he criess in the crib, and you will NOT spoil him if you pick him up instead.
Good luck. I hope you find something that works for both of you.