My Son Has a Doll

Updated on March 22, 2016
R.H. asks from Lincoln, NE
64 answers

The last time we were at Wal Mart I told my 5 year old son he could choose a toy. He chose a baby doll that you can feed. I had my reservations, but I bought it for him. In the spirit of multiculturalism he chose a doll that speaks Spanish and a boy w/a doll crossed the gender barrier as well. I was nervous about it, but I see it as a positive thing. His dad is pretty absent. My son has fed the doll and put it to bed and been the daddy. I think it's positive that he is rehearsing a male role that was never modeled for him with his own father. His absent dad would be angry if he knew and accuse me of making him gay.

My neighbor was over today and she saw his doll laying on the floor. I could tell that she thought it was so weird. I felt like I had to explain it and I think that made me even more insecure. I'm not going to let him take it to school or anywhere that he could be teased for it. I think it's funny how this is so weird, but nobody would think it was overly strange if a girl wanted a truck or something.

Anyway, not really looking for advice, I just wanted to know what others thought about the concept of a boy who has a doll.

What can I do next?

  • Add yourAnswer own comment
  • Ask your own question Add Question
  • Join the Mamapedia community Mamapedia
  • as inappropriate
  • this with your friends

So What Happened?

Thanks for all the feedback!!! It was SO great to hear so many other mom's opinions about this!! :-D He still loves the doll and so that's all the matters!

Featured Answers

A.C.

answers from Salt Lake City on

Why on earth would a boy playing with a doll be considered weird?
My mom bought my daughters some Barbie-ish dolls for Christmas. My youngest daughter was not impressed; she would have much preferred the cars and airplanes her cousin received. That doesn't make her weird or have any bearing on her sexuality. I think it is nice that you bought him a toy that he wanted and there is no reason for you to explain his toy preferences to neighbors or anyone else.

4 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

A.G.

answers from Albuquerque on

I think its awesome...and you are an awesome mom for not freaking out and telling him that boys dont play with dolls.

2 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.D.

answers from Minneapolis on

It is WONDERFUL!!!! That is all I need to say. :)
S.
(PS, dont be embarressed and dont make him feel embarressed)

2 moms found this helpful

More Answers

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.M.

answers from Washington DC on

It's great. he sounds like a nurturing and curious child. Don't giv eit a second thought. I have daughters, and I hope they marry men who played with dolls.

However, I might be prepared to give him some words to deal with the idiots in the world who think it is wierd. "I like lots of different things, don't you?" or "I'm a good Daddy" or "I'm going to be a pediatrician when I grow up."

7 moms found this helpful

M.W.

answers from Nashville on

Eh. Lots of boys have dolls... they just call them 'action figures.' lol. That said, I have 4 girls and 1 boy. He plays with his sister's dolls, but he also has his own. I remember growing up my brothers would always steal my dolls. I think society is sooo scared of the idea that a man could have a 'feminine' side that they stifle all sensitivity. Let you son have his doll, and if anyone says anything or acts weird about it, just ignore them. As for absent dad, sounds like he could have used a dolly himself growing up. Jerk.

6 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.H.

answers from St. Louis on

both of my sons had dolls...whoop-de-freakin' do!! You're doing great, Mom! Forget what the neighbor thought, forget what parts of society says....quit fearing your husband's response.

Just as girls play sports, boys can play with dolls. It creates diversity, caring, & nurturing.......not gayness. Be proud, Mom!

5 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

R.D.

answers from Kansas City on

There is nothing wrong with it whatsoever. No need to explain, feel ashamed, or 'hide' it in any way. He is fine! This actually shows COMPASSION... something we could all use more of nowadays.

4 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.S.

answers from Washington DC on

Good for you for helping your son break the cycle!

4 moms found this helpful

A.S.

answers from Spokane on

I don't see any harm any in it. Our society is very skewed on how it views genders and their roles. My girls play with trucks, climb trees and often get muddier than my boys. Why shouldn't my boys be allowed to have a doll, play dress up or get out the barbies if they wish?

One of my sons especially is very sensitive and is actually more self assured than his older brother and at times even his father. He has no problems running around outside in a skirt (he loves raiding his sisters dress up trunk way too often, LOL) but he's the only male in my house that has consented to donning a kilt and actually be proud about it. Even my husband is too scared to put one on! My son loves wearing his to school. Then again, if I'd let him, he'd wear purple velvet lounge pants to school too. (One does not wear lounge pants to school.) His favorite color is purple and a good quarter of his wardrobe consists of it. But he is also very male. He hordes his little cars, loves tormenting his sisters, had way too much fun looking at his Uncle's calendar of scantily clad buxom females (I was not pleased about this and my brother got an earful. There's not necessarily anything wrong with those calendars, but there is a place and a time and being seven years old is not one of them.) and turns everything he can get his little paws on into either a gun or a sword.

He carries his "doll" around in a sling I made for him and he's so proud of the darn thing! His doll consists of a rather odd looking knitted monster thing, but he loves it anyway. The moms I hang around with thinks it's great he takes such good care of it.

I have no worries about him at all. My sincere hope is that his sensitivity will survive the trials & tribulations of adolescence and that he will find the balance of self needed to help him to someday be a wonderful partner and father.

As to not letting your son taking his baby anywhere, I think that's sad. While I'm sure that there will be children (and even parents) who comment on it there are going to be just as many that think it's neat. Why teach him it's something to be ashamed of? I'm not saying let him run out and buy a ton of dress up stuff or set up house with barbie but we don't think anything of a dad going somewhere with his baby so why tell your son it's wrong? Effectively, even if you don't use those words, by modeling that it's something to keep home & hide, he will get that impression. You should give him the choice and then support him.

4 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

K.B.

answers from Tulsa on

I bought my best friend's son his own doll because he loved playing house.
His dad accused me of "turning his son gay" and I nearly burst out laughing before realizing he was not kidding. He still doesn't want his son around us if he is not right there and it has been 7 years!
I think you are awesome and he won't be hurt. It is other people who are weird.

4 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

C.W.

answers from Washington DC on

My son asked for and picked out a doll. He played with it for a while, but in a rough boy kind of way after a while. I don't see anything wrong with it. There is a song called "William has a doll" on I think it is Marlo Thomas' Free to be you and me CD that talks about how all this little boy wants is a doll and his dad tries to talk him out of it until one day Grandma gets it for him. She explains to the dad that the boy just wants to learn how to be a dad so when he has is own child he will do a good job. My husband used to say "not my boy" when we would see boys at preschool dressed in princess dresses, until my son's teacher sent home a picture of him in a princess Belle dress. He also has worn his sister's princess costumes at times. It is a phase. Having a doll won't make him gay.

4 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.H.

answers from Honolulu on

It is fine.
"Role playing" and "pretend" play... are NATURAL & NORMAL developmental stages in a child. AND at this age as well.

It is sad, that he and you, in our society, has to feel that a boy, will be teased for it.

3 moms found this helpful

K.D.

answers from Sacramento on

My almost two year old has a baby doll. He loves it, and I find nothing wrong or weird about it. I even let him take it with us into the store and places around town. My hub had reservations about it, but I tole him its just teaching our son how to be gentle around babies and how to become a good daddy when hes older. :)

3 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

H.S.

answers from Johnson City on

I don't see a problem with it at all. My son is 2-years-old, and I recently bought him a baby doll to him prepare him for his little brother's arrival this upcoming June. Using a baby doll can be a great tool for role playing, and can teach a child how to be gentle and caring. At age 5, your son is in a big stage for imaginative play. I'm sure he's enjoying playing the role of a parent, just as much as a female would. I think the problem here isn't you - it's societies pressure to gender stereotype our children. Don't feel bad about buying your son the doll. I commend you for it.

3 moms found this helpful

Y.C.

answers from New York on

Good for him and for you. If I see you and your boy on the streets I would think is super cute.
You are right, why a girl (and I have 2) can play with anything but a boy wouldn't. That is a suptid and old. Dolls teach so much to kids, so I am glad your son is not missing something just because others may thing is weird.
Good job mama.

3 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

B..

answers from Dallas on

I think it's so sad, that people can't let kids be kids. They have no concept of what is acceptable to others. They just want to play and adults intervene and telling them what is proper play. In my opinion, any enriching play, is proper play. It doesn't matter who the toy is designed for. If they are learning and growing, we should encourage that. Kids will be all too aware of the gender stereotypes and we should allow them this freedom while we can. Good for you, for allowing your son to have fun and be a kid!! Your friend is silly and closed-minded. If my son wants a doll, I will get him a doll. i want him to have the freedom and innocence of being a child. It's so very fleeting.

A doll won't make a boy gay and playing with a truck won't make a girl want to be a man. They have NO idea what society finds acceptable, or not.

3 moms found this helpful

D.G.

answers from Lincoln on

I think it's great!!! And that he is taking care of it is just what we want our boys to be doing! I don't blame you for not wanting him to take it to school so he doesn't get teased. But yay you for letting him choose and then not making him rechoose!

3 moms found this helpful

M.P.

answers from Provo on

Dolls are awsome for any gender!!!! Don't be ashamed of it! Embrace it! Telling him things (which I know you didn't say this, but actions in future can) like "That's for girls" will only set more sexist point of views.
My nephew LOVED to dress up as Belle from Beauty and the Beast. He now is one of the boyish boys out there! Don't think it will make him any less of a man. If my son wants a doll, he'll get one!

2 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

A.D.

answers from Dallas on

It's perfectly fine that he plays with dolls. It doesn't mean he's going to turn out gay. Just like when girls play with cars doesn't necesarily mean they will turn out to be lesbians. Kids love to pretend play and it's great that your not limiting your son. Don't worry about it and don't feel like you have to explain yourself.

2 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

D.P.

answers from Pittsburgh on

I think it's very cool.

People are idiots--ignore your neighbor. You don't have to "explain" anything to her--or your ex.

Our 5 yo (male) neighbor picked out Disney Princess invitations for his birthday party! :)

2 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

T.W.

answers from Denver on

I am with you, he is fine with his doll and enjoying the process of being daddy. People are funny about boys playing with dolls or any other cross-toy action but don't let them intimidate you. My daughter was watching the Strawberry Shortcake video the other day, lost interest and left, my 5 year old boy sat down and watched the whole thing and loved it. He said the Strawberry Shortcake seemed like a really nice person and he would love to be her friend. When the movie was over, he got up and started playing army men. Pretty sure I would buy him another Strawberry Shortcake video or even the doll if he wanted. It doesn't mean he isn't a boy anymore.

All that being said, I am pretty sure I would not take him in public or let him go to school with a girl toy. He would be teased way too much and it would break his spirit. Just let him enjoy is doll and just like all toys it will get tossed in the bin with the rest until the next great toy comes along.

Good luck!

2 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.B.

answers from Kansas City on

I think it's fine. My brother played with my dolls sometimes, and we both fought over the star wars action figures (I still maintain that the Rancor beast was mine!) but neither of us turned out gay.

2 moms found this helpful

K.L.

answers from Cleveland on

I don't really understand the big deal? My brothers all had dolls when they were little. All of them are now married and amazing fathers. Who cares if he plays with a doll?

2 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

E.S.

answers from Jacksonville on

I think it's a great idea. One of the first signs my son did on his own was baby. I wanted to get him doll to help reinforce the signing, but my husband was against it, so we use a teddy bear instead. He still cuddles it and feeds it. My friend had a doll for her sons. I don't think it's weird (or will cause him to be gay).

2 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.B.

answers from Denver on

I think it's good. It's healthy. There is absolutely nothing wrong with it, and playing with a doll will not make your son gay. If I had a son, I would let him play with any toys he was so inclined to play with. Women aren't the only people raising kids these days. There are plenty of MIA dads, and oddly many men are also taking on the roll of single parent because mom is MIA. Kudos to you for being open minded enough to allow your son to play with something that intrigues him.

Good job, Mom!

2 moms found this helpful

A.M.

answers from Kansas City on

My son doesn't have a "baby doll"..but he has baby monkey, a dino from Build a Dino, an elmo doll, a lizard...each of those he carries around, changes diapers, rocks them, loves them.... and if he wanted a baby doll I would buy it. He hasn't asked...

My daughter has "boy" toys...she plays with cars,trains and the like...

I see no difference in the stuffed animals vs the baby dolls...I like that my son can show his emotions and that he can care for others.

People need to be open minded! You can't "make" someone gay!

2 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

A.V.

answers from Washington DC on

I think it's fantastic that you got him a doll. I think sometimes it is WE who have the problem and it's not about the kid at all. Kudos to you for allowing your son this toy of his choosing. Sounds like you have the makings of a caring man there.

2 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

L.D.

answers from Dallas on

Sort of a weird post, to me. It never occurred to me that a boy COULDNT have a doll. We bought a doll for my 2 year old son so that he could "practice" with a baby before my daughter was born.

Boys need to learn to nurture and love, just like girls do, and what better way than a baby doll to practice?

We have a neighbor with a bouncing baby alive doll that he is quite fascinated with.

I grew up in a rural community, where men went hunting and all little boys had pocket knives. My cousin (a boy) was one month younger than me, and we played together all the time. We took turns playing barbies and then trucks. It was fun.

And please, playing with a doll will NOT make anyone gay!

2 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.S.

answers from Minneapolis on

I think it's great. My son (now 4) has had a baby doll since he was 2 (when his sister was born). For a long time he carried it around with his other "loveys", but now it's been demoted to a lower status :)

I think your son must have thought it looked like a fun toy. You are a great mom for recognizing his need for it and agreeing for him to have it.

J.

2 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

C.C.

answers from Denver on

I think it's good. My little boy has a baby he does not part with, and has named it his sister's name (Baby _____). He feeds him, rocks him, all the stuff he sees his sister do with her dolls. We tell him what a good daddy he'll be one day. He wants a stroller for his baby doll, but I can't find one that's not pink, so I'm spray painting an old one, dying the fabric part, and adding some skull and crossbones design to the wheels.

2 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.B.

answers from Atlanta on

I think people who make a big deal over a boy having or playing with a doll are weird! Seriously-he's 5! I think it's sweet that he has such an open, caring side to him. I'm not sure what happened or how it happened, but my now 5 year old son used to like dolls and a lot of "girlie" stuff, but over the last few years he's dropped all of it. I think going to a public school prek full-time over this past year probably did it. However, his little brother is LOVING Barbie right now! A little girl left two of them here and he found them, and he wants the one in the pink, sparkly dress with him at all times. He calls her "My Girl" and says, "She's pretty!" I just think it's sweet.

2 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

H.N.

answers from Biloxi on

I have three boys and a girl... my boys have their dads actions to model and they have an incredible dad!! as a man he holds them, rocks them, feeds them, puts them to bed, pushes them in a stroller, bathes them.... WHY IN THE WORLD CAN OUR BOYS NOT MODEL NORMAL MALE BEHAVIOR!! I toltally understand where you are coming from... totally!! but kids are not saying i wanna play with a doll cuz i wanna be like a girl.. they wanna play with the doll cuz its fun. We as adults shouldnt make it anything more than that!

2 moms found this helpful

E.S.

answers from Dayton on

I think it's perfectly fine for your son to have a baby doll. :)
Now if we were talking about a Barbie doll...well...I don't even like my DD playing w/ them.
People are weird. ;)

2 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

K.U.

answers from Detroit on

I don't see anything wrong with a boy having a doll for a toy. You said his dad was absent, but does he have any other positive male role models in his life? If not, he's going to need that much more help becoming a loving nurturing dad himself some day and if having a doll is what helps, then let him have it. Like you said, nobody thinks it's strange for a girl to play with trucks, so why can't a boy play with a doll? Hopefully being allowed to play with a doll and express that side of him will keep him from being a man that thinks it's okay to beat women up.

If his dad is absent anyway, I wouldn't worry about what he would think. If he chooses to not be a part of your son's life, shame on him. Playing with a doll is not going to make your son gay anyway. And if he ends up being gay, it's not because he played with a doll - and it's nothing to be ashamed of. People really need to get a grip.

I also wouldn't care what a neighbor, or anyone else thinks. He is your son and he will always need you to support him and know that you will always have his back, no matter what.

2 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

R.Y.

answers from New York on

More power to you and your son. I also got my son a doll right before my daughter was born (he was 3). He was not that interested in the doll but loves to feed and care for his large family of Beanie Babies. With a son and a daughter I figure all types of toys are fair game for either one of them. Sometimes I do get things in "girl" and "boy" colors but that is mostly so I can tell who it belongs to.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

A.B.

answers from Pittsburgh on

I don't particularly have an issue with it, but don't misunderstand the situation: your son is not modeling daddy. He is modeling mommy. A woman cannot bestow masculinity on a man. Regardless of concerns about future gay tendencies or behaviors, it is most healthy for him to have close male role models in his life so he has people to relate to. Do you have any male family or close friends he can bond with?

PS: Re Kay B's answer. My husband was concerned about my wanting to get DS a "doll" (it was a boy) that had snaps, buttons, etc, so he could learn how to use them. He was very against it. = / I reminded him that statistically speaking, HIS role in our son's life would make a significantly greater impact on his sexuality than any toy could.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.H.

answers from Kansas City on

Absolutely, 100% completely NORMAL!! Please try not to discourage him. He's modeling what he sees and it's great.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.D.

answers from San Francisco on

If my 3.5 year old wanted a doll, I would totally get it for him. Good for you for teaching your son that play (and love, and respect, etc etc) hold no boundries based on gender, culture, etc. You're a great mom!

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

V.V.

answers from Houston on

I think that is wonderful! My two boys ages 6 and 4 love to play with my old Cabbage Patch dolls and play Daddy too! They wrap them in blankets, take them for walks, etc. I love watching them take care of their babies with loving care and imagine what great fathers they will be someday!

1 mom found this helpful

S.L.

answers from New York on

I understand you're wanting to reach out and talk to others about it because people can be judgemental and men esp can be very homophobic. I know there are some men in my family who would not approve of my five year old when he plays with his sister's toys (he just found her old tea set and is having a ball with it) Like you I know it's OK but worry that someone will say something to him....

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

A.L.

answers from Minneapolis on

MY son played with dolls from toddler to around 8, including playing with his sister and her American girl dolls. He is 12 now and ALL BOY. He's all about sports, monster truck shows, card shows, baseball etc. He loves to volunteer to be a "reading buddy" to elementary kids and loves to coach little kids in sports. He talks about being either a cop or a kindergarten teacher. Obviously he has a caring, nurturing side that may not have been developed had we denied him playing with dolls.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

C.R.

answers from Seattle on

My friends are adopting a baby girl from Ethiopa and their 2 year old son has a "baby sister" Cabbage Patch doll. He is so sweet with that baby and always talks about being the big brother. I don't find a single thing weird with it - never even gave it a second thought. I really don't see a huge difference between that and your son. Honestly, I think it's awesome.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.M.

answers from Boston on

Long and short - I think it's awesome. It's high time we let our boys express themselves the same way we let our girls. Be proud of yourself for letting your son do what he wants and be who he wants. If other people think it's weird, forget them!

1 mom found this helpful

T.S.

answers from San Francisco on

I bought my son a doll and a toy stroller when I was pregnant with my second. He loved playing with it, "feeding" it and pushing it around. My husband was only a little uncomfortable with it (and he's a pretty macho guy.) The hard part was finding a stroller that wasn't pink (my son did NOT like pink!) but I was lucky to find a cute green and white one with a jungle animal motif. By the time my daughter was born he was bored with the doll and had moved on to other toys, but I think that practice play really helped him become a thoughtful big brother. I know what you're saying though, there is definitely a double standard when it comes to boys playing with girly toys and it's not right :(

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

L.G.

answers from Minneapolis on

My son "practiced" with a doll before his sister was born - our way of teaching him how to behave around babies and what babies need and, at the same time, giving him his own "baby" to take care of when his sister was born. his sister has now claimed all the babies as hers now and he's ok with that (he's 5, she's 3) but they play together with the babies - making meals for them and feeding them and stuff like that.

I think it's totally acceptable for him to have a doll - and if his father is "absent" you shouldn't care what he would think or accuse you of - his not being there negates his right to have an opinion on the matter.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.B.

answers from Austin on

Many others have said the same thing, but I'll just chime in here, also...

boys need to practice the roles they will play as adults..... and that includes taking care of babies, also!

My 3 1/2 yr old grandson found one of the old cabbage patch dolls last summer, and has had a grand time taking care of his baby... he feeds it, diapers it, puts it down for a nap, puts it in "time out" .... all mimicking the care he has seen. We all loved watching him take care of HIS baby.

1 mom found this helpful

J.M.

answers from Philadelphia on

thats so crazy...girls practice to be mommys and boys should pretend to be daddys, or replicate what they're mommys are doing...at that age there is no straight or gay theres J. being a kid and imagining and its helalthy..my daughter dresses up in princess clothes and then plays with boy toys...i guess ehs bi...lol...oh well to each thir own....hormones don't come out until they're older...and if they are gay playing with a doll or playing with army men won't change it anyway. You sound like you're doing an awesome job.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

F.O.

answers from Los Angeles on

Well you put it all in the proper context, he is rehearsing fatherly responsibilities. Just monitor his actions, mannerisms and make adjustments accordingly. Otherwise, let him explore. After all they learn by playing, right?

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

C.T.

answers from Dallas on

I see nothing wrong with it at all.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.J.

answers from Appleton on

My 4.5 year old pretends to nurse his stuffed animals. He'll lift up his shirt and feed a rubber snake and a stuffed cat. It's loving and nurturing and he's modelling the same affection I showed him when he was younger. I hope he carries these feelings into adulthood and shows the same compassion to his children.

So just let your son play as he wishes. Play may seem trivial to us adults, but it's lessons and learning for the future to our kids.

1 mom found this helpful

K.M.

answers from Chicago on

My son, who has poor self help skills, among other things (4), told me the other day he wanted a baby doll to teach to use the potty just like he does. I asked him what else he would do with the baby and he told me how he would feed the baby, get the baby to sleep, play with the baby, change baby's diapers until baby was potty trained etc ... if he asks for it again we will get him one. My son tends to watch commercials and wants what he sees so I always make him ask for something a few times before we get it he is a sucker for a good commercial!

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

F.W.

answers from Cumberland on

The moms of my daycare kids are always so tickled when their boys play with the baby dolls and disney princess dolls here. One even calls the Belle doll Mama and is fiercely protective of it. The moms have chuckled about what the childrens' daddies would think...I shrug it off because I know the gender freedom is healthy just like it is healthy for my daughter to learn how to play T-ball and run around with trucks with the boys. All the kids, especially the boys are so excited about me and one of the moms being pregnant--it is so good for them to learn to be nurturing! You go for it and don't apologize either!

1 mom found this helpful

D.D.

answers from Albuquerque on

My 4 yr old (almost 5) son has mom and dad at home, and loves to play with dolls. He went to in home child care where there was all girls. So he was introduced to dolls right away. When we brought home baby sister, dolls were brought into the home through the years.
He has adopted one of his sisters dolls and made it his own. He named it, and some nights wants it to sleep with. Not so much anymore since my mom got him a Woody Doll from Toy Story.
I have never made it an issue, it sort of bothered me a little. I figured if I made it a big deal it would hurt his growth. So even with dad at for my son, he still likes dolls. With your son if dad was there, he stil might like dolls. I am no doctor, but makes me think that children don't see toys as boy or girl things, it is just a toy.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

C.N.

answers from Baton Rouge on

My stepson played with dolls as a child, and as an adult, he is quite secure in his manhood.

I don't know why people are okay with girls doing so-called "boy stuff" like wearing jeans or playing with trucks, but freak out when a boy wants to do so-called "girl stuff" like wear a skirt or play with dolls.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.G.

answers from Jacksonville on

Dolls don't make the child. If he wants a doll, let him have it. There was a thing about something like this on What Would you Do about a boy dressed up in a dress and passers by making snide comments about it. Kids don't know gender rolls unless we teach them.

Good luck
Shaire

1 mom found this helpful

C.S.

answers from Medford on

My son has a doll as well. We call it his baby. he is 3 1/2. Boys are just as interested in nurturing as girls I think. Its only us parents that teach them to be less. My son takes very good care of his babies and tucks them in at night and feeds them. Big sister helps him out a lot also. He is a very good "daddy". He also is a total sports nut. He imagines baseball games, football, soccer, etc. Loves working with "real" tools, can't give him toy tools at all. :) He also loves to cook and watch food shows, he is the first to offer to help clean up or empty the dishwasher. I am raising a dang good husband for some lucky lady!

my husband was against the idea at first, but I think even he can see that its perfectly fine for boys to pretend parent as well.

I love that my "macho" man is loving and caring enough to play with babies.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

A.H.

answers from Omaha on

I just want to say you rock!! It is very normal and natural for children, boys and girls, to explore toys, clothes, experiences that our society seems to categorize only for girls/only for boys. My son is 3, my daughter is 2. He is more likely to pick up a doll and play with it than my daughter-even though she is starting to like dolls more and more. They both play with his trucks and she loves his train set. They both play with her kitchen set. I let them because they learn valuable life skills from each other and role play what they see the adults in their life doing: cooking, taking care of baby, etc.
My friend's friend had a similar situation that she wrote about on her blog (you can google her blog-Nerdy Applebottom) Her post was about her 5 year old son that wanted to be Daphne (from Scooby Doo for a variety of valid, completely normal reasons: he loved Scooby, his best friend that was a girl also wanted to be Daphne and it was Halloween-it's fun to dress up and be whatever character you want!) At any rate, she ran into some people (read:adults, not kids!) at her son's school that had issue with this. She is just an ordinary mom that happens to blog. She went home and vented there about it. The post went viral and it was picked up by the Today Show and other news outlets because this is a very hot topic.
Long story short, there were a handful of people that gave her a hard time, but mostly people were very supportive of her decision to let her son be himself and not make a big deal of this and that is what you are doing. Let your son keep the doll. I am sure he won't go to college with it, but it sends a very powerful message to him from you that you believe in him and he shouldn't be ashamed of such things. If nothing else, he will be a better person in life because you didn't let some idiotic fear this was going to make your son gay or something else! One of my favorite lines from Nerdy Applebottom's post was this: "If anyone thinks letting my 5 year old son wear a Daphne costume on Halloween is going to make him gay, then you are an idiot. I am pretty sure that your kid is not going to grow up to be a ninja!"
Stay strong, mama. You are absolutely doing the right thing by your son. And as a former school teacher, if your son would want to take his doll to school share your concerns with his teachers. I bet they would be more supportive of it than you might think. Good luck!
A.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

P.G.

answers from Dallas on

I think it's nice. He's learning to be a dad and to take care of someone.

My hubby used to have an anatomically correct doll (a boy), and he turned it into a water pistol! LOL :)

1 mom found this helpful

L.P.

answers from Pittsburgh on

My son had/played with dolls too. There is NO reason boys shouldn't be allowed to learn about and explore nurturing a baby just like girls do.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.M.

answers from Washington DC on

My 8 year old son wanted the Molly American Girl doll for Chirtmas. So we got it for him. He also had an Ariel Barbie.
He is now 22, in the NAvy, straight and doing very well. If he were gay, so what? Dolls do not make a boy gay.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

K.C.

answers from Johnson City on

I didn't see this question originally, but still would like to respond. My mom bought my son a boy doll when my daughter was born 5 years ago so that he would have someone to take care of when I was busy with the new baby. My son is 7 now and still loves "Baby Eric," though the doll spends more time on my son's bed now than getting dragged around everywhere. (Having said that, however, he still goes on most overnight family trips.) You don't really owe anyone an explanation, but you might want to get the book William's Doll by Charlotte Zolotow (available on Amazon) and let anyone who has an issue with your son playing with a doll read it.

My son did tell me not long ago that two older boys had teased him about his doll, but their mother is a friend of mine, so I talked to her about it. She was appalled that her boys had teased my son about it and said she would definitely discuss it with them and remind them that first of all, teasing a younger child was inappropriate and secondly, that it's OK for boys to have dolls and learn how to be Daddies. (I haven't heard any more about it.)

Bottom line is I really think in this day and age that there are a lot more people who are OK with a boy having a doll than are not OK with it, and the people who have a problem with it have a bigger problem themselves that they need to deal with!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

N.K.

answers from Miami on

I don't see an issue. People who feel that a doll will make a boy gay are just ignorant, nothing more. It's no different than the people who feel you can get AIDS from sharing a drink with someone who is infected and even though medical studies say no, they still hold on to their ignorant and stereotypical beliefs. My mother is the same way. She accused me of trying to turn my daughter into a lesbian because I signed her up to Karate (her request), I let her play soccer with boys in aftercare, and don't put a stop to her uncle's gifts of flying helicopters, and powered cars. These are all things my daughter requested herself, and loved. Her aunt bought her an American Doll and she just threw it in a corner and said it is for decoration, and returned to her gadgets. She especially loves taking apart her toys and looking at all the screws, the batteries, and putting them back in. When she was 5 years old, she was helping her grandfather add memory to his computer.

My mother is all worried about all these "boy" things she is exposed to, thanks to me since I don't put a stop to it, and I just ignore her. I guess she forgot how I used to be a tomboy myself (and still am, to some degree, because I like fast cars, have male friends, love to always be in jeans, and dislike having to dress up). I am not a lesbian by any means. When I was a kid, I used to like He-Man and Dragon Ball Z. I would ask my mom to buy me track outfits, sometimes from the boy's department, so I could go climb mud hills with my friends and build forts with them. I would be just as filthy and muddy as those kids at the end of the day, LOL. The other day, she could not get an electronic appliance to work and my daughter opened it up and put new batteries, showed her how to open the battery compartment, where the batteries go, and fixed it. Maybe now mom will see the usefulness of allowing my daughter to be exposed to different things without categorizing them into "male" or "female" activities.

We have tons of stay-at-home dads, single dads, men who cook, men who clean, and men who do arts and crafts, so for anyone to still have this attitude that men who take care of dolls are demonstrating their gayness is beyond ridiculous, ignorant and antiquated. I would just tell people to mind their own business. After all, this is something private, taking place within YOUR family and not theirs. Maybe if he explains to them why he wanted this doll and that it is his own choice, they will butt out and realize they are being ignorant and this is something that is not their business to judge or give input about.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

K.S.

answers from Dayton on

I asked my SIL to give my son a doll for his second birthday because when we visited her and her daughter, they fought over her doll and stroller. He loves it. He gives it drinks from his sippy cup and carries around his baby. He puts it to bed and pushes it around the house and keeps trying to put his diapers on it. The other day, he started zooming his baby around the room (complete with sound effects) to bonk into mommy (who then says "eek!") - exactly like his dad did with him the night before. What is he doing? Learning to nurture a child in the same ways that he has been nurtured. What ISN'T he doing? Learning his sexual orientation from a toy.

In a slightly different vein of the same issue, he also has a play kitchen (white, not pink, in case that matters to anyone) because he LOVES helping mommy and daddy (both of us) cook in the kitchen and stir things in pots. My grandmother saw it and just would not stop talking about how I was making him a woman and that kitchens were for girls. I was floored that someone I typically see as very accepting of many things and people would be so upset about a boy learning to cook. Has she never heard of male chefs? I was absolutely floored that something I consider almost 100% neutral as a toy was seen as so feminine by her.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.G.

answers from Rockford on

I didn't see the question until today either. My son isn't at the age of toys yet (only 9 months) but my cousin put it nicely when her little boy had a doll. "The perceptions put on the toy are by adults not the children. They see nothing wrong with it and are having fun playing, so why do I need to make it a 'bad' thing?" Toys are for having fun, so who cares if they are having fun with a doll or a car? My 2 year old daughter loves cars and trucks (as well as dolls) and I've never thought anything else of it, so when my son is a bit older, if he wants a doll so be it.

For Updates and Special Promotions
Follow Us

Related Questions