My Son Has Been Behind Since Kinder

Hi V.,
Go to the web site www.firstfocuspublishing.com. I know Lynne personally and she has taught my granddaughter, who has really difficult reading problems. I learned how to do it and taught my grandson how to read. Look at the web site and then contact her. She does teach and has teachers in the area that use her method. It is amazing how fast the kids learn to read with her method. Good luck.

I agree with Sarah B. I held my son back in K too. He has a March birthday. He goes to a private school so they were very supportive. He fits so well socially and academically in his class now. He loves being the oldest in class. He is not the top of his class but right in the middle. He still struggles with his reading but it is less stressful for him now. Only you know what is best. A friend told me that if her daughter repeated third grade she would switch schools for her daughters sake so you may think about that too. Good luck!

Good morning,
What you might want to do is ask the school to test him and see where he is. I don't know where you live but you can talk to the school and or teacher and ask to have a SST (student study team) that's when everyone can get together and come up with what they think would be good. Schools these days don't hold gets back a grade unless they really have to the problem sometimes with that is if they keep falling behind later on it's not good at all. Fill free to e-mail me and I can get you some more information about SST's and some different things that you can ask the school for.
____@____.com

Hi V.,

This exact same thing happened with my son. He started Kindergarten a few months before he was 5...big mistake. We saw that he wasn't ready yet but when he had his placement test, the school said he was ready. He went through Kindergarten thru 2nd grade struggling, badly. We expressed our concerns to the principle and teachers. They didn't want to retain him. When he started 3rd grade, a few weeks into the school year, my husband and I went to the school and had another talk with the principle and his teacher. We told them we wanted him to retun to 2nd grade. They didn't want to do it, but WE were persistant. He repeated 2nd grade again and he did better...still not where he should be academically but definately better. He is now in 5th grade being one of the oldest in his class instead of being in 6th grade and the youngest in his class. Thinking about him going into middle school being so young did not set well with me...not with my son. My daughter was 4 when she started Kindergarden too and has done just fine...each child is different. You know your son better than anyone else. You need to decide what is best for him. If you think having him repeat the 1st grade is best, then you should do it...be persistant. It is better to do it now than when they are in 4th or 5th grade when it will bruise his ego. Good luck!

Hi V.,

I am a homeschool mom and I have taught in the classroom as well(K-5). I have seen this in many children. For some they get to a certain age or grade..usually by 3rd or 4th when things just click and they start doing much better in school. I would concentrate on your child working to his best ability for the remainder of the year and pay attention to the suggestions of the teacher. DO NOT STRESS. Keep postive and keep working. Over the summer, if it was my child, I would get a tutor or seek a Sylvan learning center to see if he could get to grade level by third grade.

My daughter was a competent reader but when she was attending school she did not like to read.That always bothered the teacher but as long as she could read at grade level I didn't mind that she didn't always have a book in her hand. Now she is in 5th grade and she is really starting to enjoy it. She is writing songs, poems and short stories. Before it was like pulling teeth so I let up a little on the writing assignments. Now that she is enjoying writing I am stepping up the creative writing process.

My philosophy would make some people cringe. I just think that for some children it will come with time. Just keep a close eye and don't let him get to far behind. Most important Sylvan can determine his "learning style" which is huge! All students are not created equal. Some are visual, some auditory, hands on etc. Unfortunately, in the classroom setting the teacher cannot accomodate the individual style of learning (to no fault of his/her own).

Find his style, teach him what he needs to know in that style and watch him bloom.

Also, remember nutrition, nutrition, nutrition ! This will help his mental focus. People under estimate the power of proper diet and nutrition. It can do wonders.

Best wishes.

Hi V.,

I would reccomend getting your son credentialed tutor. That way they can evaluate him, in a one on one situation and see exactly where he's struggling at. It sounds as though one on one at school helps, but if no one is actually back tracking to see where he's at on a reading/phonics level, then it's not going to help very much. Some times going back to the basics works a lot better! The tutor can really help determine if there's a learning dissability such as dislexia, or if he's just a little slower in some areas than the rest of the class. It also helps that it's not at school, or with the his regular teacher, so there's no intimidation and no embarrasemnt. Open up the yellow pages, and do some calling. There are several great optioms to choose from!

I hope this helps...

A little about me:

I am a 35 year old stay at home mama to 4 beautiful little boys ages 9,6, and twins that are 4. We are a Christian family, and a home schooling family. Jesus is the glue and the best thing that holds our family together!

V., I went through similer problem with my first grader and after a year of conventional tutoring and struggling all year long. We decided to have him tested (This is something that the pulic school should do)since we attended a private school we had to do it independatly.
Our finding where that he was dyslexic. He is extremely bright and he was born a leader but with the problem of reading he really fell behind. Now we have been getting special help for the last three years (he is now in 5th grade) and he is doing extremely well. We will have to
continue with the special help but it all well worth it.
I would strongly suggest to have him tested I would hate this to effect his self estem. Not being able to read is hard on any child and when they want to do it and just cant it is extra fustrating for them.

Hello V.:

This is really simple...hold him back yourself. But hold him back deterimined to work with him ALL YEAR long. That does mean during the summer. Because you are correct, it will get harder an harder for him and he will lose interest. If he is not caught up and on track, he will totally fail in middle school or be place in a special ed class, where he will lose what little self esteem he already has! (Not that I am putting down special ed, because it is a Godsend where and when it is needed, but too many children are misclassified and stuck there when it is not nescessary.)

If he is behind in middle school, guess what? He WILL be behind in high school! Every year in every state, the standards to graduate go up, so if he is behind, he will not make it!

Go to the bookstores that are designed for the teachers and purchase workbooks for him. I will start with workbooks that are designed for a grade below him. Even get him a couple of books for kindergarten, there may be skills that he missed on that level. As he improves, go up on the books' grade levels.

He also needs to build up his self confidence and to encouraged. Tell him that you know he can do this work and that you believe in him! Get him something that can be used as an incentive to want to do this extra work and to do it well. Also, ALWAYS, ALWAYS, check whatever work he does so that he knows you will always look at it. That way he won't feel compelled to "skip" over the work you assign him. When he makes a mistake, tell him that it is okay because that is how we learn. Don't put him down but be serious and consistant with the extra work. Let him know that you are not playing with him!

Let your son know coming out of the gate, that this entire summmer will be spent on doing school work. That does not mean he will not get to play or have fun, however, he will have a responsibilty to himself and to you, to do a certain amount of work six day per week. (I'd give him Sunday off!)

My children (I have three- 22 years, 21 years, and 10 years) had to do certain subjects PRIOR to going outside to play. It became routine for them. From 8 in the morning to 12 in the afternoon, they had to do so many pages from different workbooks. As they got oldet the assigments changed, for example my oldest had to write letters to governors or other indiviudals like that. My daughter who hated to read, had to wrtie many a book report-detailed book report. I would also make up test for them to take. They still got to play and even do their chores, but they knew they had to do "schoolwork" regardless of what the other kids did. (Yes, V., my oldest two still talk about those summers!)

In his classroom, go to the teacher and tell her that you want his desk moved. She may have to move it to the front of the classroom or right next to her desk, but move it. Also, take sometime,(you can) and just surprise the both of them and visit his class. Let him know that you are watching his behavior. Sometimes children who don't behave well are "picked on" by the teachers so it becomes a daily "who's gonna win this" battle. If you observe that, stop it!

Have conferences other than the "Parent-Teacher" conference day. Let them know that you are an involved parent and that you are taking your son's situation seriously!

You're his parent and your job as his parent is too not only protect him but to do what is best for him because you love him and want the best for him. (I want you to let him know that!)

Those other children are also not behaving well because they too probably have some type of learning difficulty. So...if you have the patience and the time, take a group of those misbehaving children and read to them or help them with their classwork. Maybe even meet with their mothers and see if you can work together.

I'd also take him for walks with the baby and make those outings "field trips", meaning talking about what you see or him coming home writing what he did or saw and maybe making a picture about it. (It is my favorite time of year, fall, so he can write about a lot of what he sees this season!)

There is all sorts of stuff you can do so good luck and I hope this works. Even if you just do one of the above it might make a change in his little life.

Just try this for this year and see what a difference it makes. But you probably will have to hold him back which will not be a big deal, just work with him!

I know that my child's district has passed a new policy that students will not be passed on if they haven't made the cut and I think that as they are attempting to make "No Child Left Behind" work, schools are having to become more accountable and get their act together.

If you have any questions contact me at ____@____.com faith and get busy because you do have some work to do but you can do this!

Good luck!

It can be more than one thing.
First, he may be too young for the second grade (emotionally and academically). You may want to consider moving him back now before the year progresses much further. Make sure he has a different teacher than last year to make it more interesting. It's harder (and more humiliating) to hold a child back when they get older.
Second, this learning environment might be wrong for him. Some children do not thrive in the typical classroom setting. Explore his learning styles to see if this might be part of the problem. Check out "In Their Own Way: Discovering and Encouraging Your Child's Personal Learning Style" by Thomas Armstrong.
Third, he may have a learning disability, BUT don't let the school determine that until you have really researched and exhausted alternatives. Too often children are labeled when it's really just one of the above problems.
I highly suggest you read "Magical Child", by Joseph Chilton Pearce. He explores child development, specifically brain development, and how we as educators tend to thwart the natural learning process.
A little bit about myself: I public schooled my child for two years, when I felt she wasn't thriving. I homeschooled her through the 8th grade (mainly due to a lack of funds for private school). I learned a lot about educating by doing lots of research. She's now a successful honor student in a public high school. My youngest is in public elementary school, and it suits her much more then it did my oldest.

Hi V.,
It is good that you are concerned and noticing these behaviors. Has you school suggested that he be evaluated by the school psychologist or a resource teacher? The school systems have many of means of accessing a student and getting them the help they need. Usually it takes a persistent parent though to get them to test and evaluate. He made need very little help or lots of help, but getting it sooner rather than later is always best. He may need extra help with his studies at home from you or simply doing curriculum enriching family games with him as opposed to video games which isolate. Family games address many skills from social to academic to fun time spent with Mom and the rest of the family. I work for an educational toy company and have spent years listening to teachers and therapist talk about the value of early intervention, family game time and learning through games. Hope that helps!

Your son needs the encouragement from Dad and Mom. Read to him an easy book for a week then ask him to read it to you the next week. This is how my gdaughter taught her daughter to read. She is in first grade and is reading 5th grade level She was reading real well over the summer. Once they realize they can really do it it becomes exciting. She did not learn this at school. You need to help him pronounce words. The school system has forgotten phonics.Flash cards are very helpful. Repetition is so helpful too. My best to you and your family Gin

Hi V.,
I went through a similar situation with my son when he was the same age. I knew that he was a smart kid, however he put forth minimal effort with his school work. By the end of his second grade year bot his teacher and I were concerned not only about his lack of progress but behavioral functioning as well. I talked to him, took him to a therapist and had him assessed. Long story short he was misdiagnosed as ADD (a diagnosis used far to often these days). As his mother I have to ask what other things have you noticed and shrugged off as either kid stuff or something he will out grow? How are his fine motor skills, i.e running, jumping, riding a bike, skipping? How is his handwriting? Have you noticed certain quirks that you have written off as either odd or kinda cute? What have you noticed about his social skills or lack thereof with regard to age appropriate relationships? I am just curious of what other things you may have noticed about him.

Oh, sooo familiar! My grandson was having the same problem. He didn't really go to kindergarten so he started off way behind in first grade and like you, I was afraid he'd never catch up. It's like they have gaps in what they've learned which makes moving forward soooo difficult. It could be that the days that he's talkative are the days he's totally lost and nothing the teacher is saying is making sense. I do, however, have a suggestion that, if taken, will solve your problems. You should contact Kumon Math and Reading Centers. They are great and affordable. They will start your son back in like kindergarten work and let him move forward at his own pace. That way all gaps will be filled in and in a year's time you will be amazed at your son's progress. give them a call - they are really effective and very affordable!

I don't think it would hurt to have him tested to see exactly what his academic level is and what is the harm in having him stay back a year to really ensure he understands the material and what is expected of him now while he is young. If he continues to pass and not meet the standards, you will have a bigger problem on his hands when it comes to Jr High and High school, he will become disengaged very quickly. Who knows, maybe there is an underlying issue or learning disability.

good luck

I hired a high school tutor for my daughter and she was reading two months later. He usually would take her to the cafe and they would have tea and read together, making it a special outing that she would look forward to. Also, the public library has reading programs, often with incentives after checking out a number of books. Good Look!
K.

Since you and your son's previous teachers tried everything, I would suggest to push for testing to make sure your child do not have any kind of learning problems. It's your rights. It sounds like your son is just emotionally and mentally not ready for the 2nd grade curriculum. I would suggest you ask your son's 2nd grade teacher and principal on either putting him back to 1st grade to catch up, or if it's not possible. Definitely, you should push for retention for your son to repeat 2nd grade. You know your son the best. Keep on being a determined advocate for your son with the help of your son's teacher. It will be a disservice to keep pushing your child to the next grade. He will end up hating school and will have a low self-esteem of himself. Good luck.

Hi, my name is L. and I am a mom of 4 - two boys now
12 1/2 and almost 14, daughters 10 & 23. I have been through this with my son and my older daughter.. and many others.. I am a nutritional consultant and I work with children with different challenges.. some simply in processing and others on the add/hd - autism spectrum. There are a couple of ideas :

1. Make an appointment with the teacher and the school special education teacher and have your son tested for processing delays. You son may need some one on one assistance to "fill in the gaps" so to speak and is entitle to this help via an independent plan that has to be set up with the teacher/ school.

2. There is an issue with this generation of children that must be addressed, and I try to provide information for parents. Please take 10 minutes to view a documentantary called:
www.sharethecause.com/live

Pay close attentionn to what the BioChemist and the Medical Doctor indicates the challenges are. I can assist you further in these issues if you so desire. You can contact me via this email or the documentary directly. I would be happy to be of assistance. 1/8 boys is being affected and most parents to not understand the problem or that there IS a solution.

Take care..L. M.

Dear V.:
The older you are the harder it is to repeat a grade in school. It sounds as though he is having a lot of fantasies and is feeling left out because of the new baby. When my second child was born, my firstborn loved to be read to so I would read to him while breast feeding my newborn daughter. He used to toddle up to me and say, "feed her" so he could hear a story.
If both you and his father read to and with your son and especially patiently listen to him help with the reading that may help along with other suggestions from the teachers.
Do you have friends and relatives who have children his age you could watch them play together and help him with his social skills as you observe what the problems are. Taking every advantage to be at his school and make him feel that he and school are important may be hard with a new baby, but it is very important. It is always up to you and the school working together to decide whether to keep him back or have him passed in school. Good Luck and feel good that you are so aware and so concerned so quickly. N.

Hi V.,

I highly recommend you talk to the school and first find out if he has been recommended for testing, then insist on getting the testing done. My kids haven't really had these issues, but several of my friends have had these issues and from their experience, I would highly recommend that you start on this right away. Another thing I would recommend is contacting your son's doctor and talking to him/her. Just call and leave a message and the doctor will call you back and discuss. They will also be able to give you more information to use when talking with the school. Remember you're your child's only advocate. Best wishes and good luck.

Hi V.,
Some of this is age/gender and readiness factor. Some of it may stem from family life--Dad every other weekend, new man in the house, arrival of new baby--lots of changes. Try to keep a regular schedule for your 7 year old--meals, activities, bedtime. Limit TV and computer time to no more than an hour a day. Be sure it's high quality/educational. Get him to talk about what he watches--ask him questions about it. Get the baby to bed or ask for fiance's help--read to him every night before he goes to sleep. Where behavior is concerned, keep your standards high. Have his "friends" over to play at your house. Let them know what you expect. Remember, the higher your expectations, the more children will strive to meet them.
You should notice some improvement with these changes, but talk to his teacher. Tell her what you're doing and express your concern. If you're still worried, ask her/him to set up a meeting with resource specialists and other educators to brainstorm ideas and explore what other help is available to him. Discuss the idea of retention with them. Good luck, N.

Hi. My brother did this when we were kids. My parent's had a talk with the principal about promoting a child who was daydreaming from grade to grade. Well, that didn't go so well, and they pulled him out of public school in 3rd grade (couldn't read!) and sent him to private school and they caught him up in 6 months with no problem. Obviously the teacher at the public school could not spend the time with him, but they could do it at a Catholic school with the same teacher student ratio. I'm not saying this is a solution for you to send him to a another school, but an idea to consider. I'm sure that if the problem was dealt with in 1st or 2nd grade correctly, they would not have had to do that in 3rd grade, but it seems it can only get worse if it's not getting better. You should not have to pay for private tutoring, but it might be cheaper than private school. Does the school think perhaps he should be held back one year? Don't let that be their easy solution. One way to get him away from the bad kids is to hold him back or look at other school options. You need to ask lots of questions of the teacher and make some important decisions. Best of luck to you.

Hi V.. This must be a difficult situation for you. Have you considered testing him for dyslexia? That often gets "disguised" as "slowness" or "bordedom" or "behavioural issues". That's just one possibility, but I think it's worth pursuing just in case.
Good luck to you.
K. in EC

V., Each child develops at his own rate, but getting distracted in class will delay academic learning. There need to be positive, definite, immediate rewards when he pays attention in class. And there need to be definite, immediate consequences when he does not pay attention. This, unfortunately, is totally up to your son's teacher. There's not much you can do other than support the teacher. As for struggling with reading and writing, the best thing that you can do for that is to read to him multiple times a day, including right before bed. Give him time to write down what is of interest to him, every day. You don't need to edit or correct his writing; just let him express himself. Be sure that he is reading to you for at least 20 minutes/day. This is essential for developing reading skills. Best wishes.

It is not uncommon for boys to be behind esp. if they have a late in the year birthday. My sister works at an elementary school and they depending on the child of course, recommend if they have a birthday Aug-Dec. to hold 1 year before entering Kindergarten. It does make a difference in maturity level etc. If you were to hold back I would do it at the end of this year and let him repeat the second grade. Otherwise he will continue to struggle as it does get harder. I also have a girlfriend who's son's birthday is late Aug. and she kept him back in the 2nd grade. She is sooo glad she did. He was too young going into K and not ready. He since has caught up and doing fine. It was a maturity thing for him. But remember it is very common in boys to be slower. Good luck

Request a "comprehensive assessment", in writing, from the school district. They have to meet a legal timeline once you have made the request. Be sure to request in class observation of him, as well as playground observation. Like the others said, you will have to stay on top of the school staff - but it is worth it. Take him to the doctor to rule out any medical or health issues (vision, hearing, iron deficiencies, etc.). Also, take a close look at his diet, try to cut out processed foods, too much sugar, etc. It really makes a difference in ability to focus.
These are the kids who fall through the cracks. Do not just take the line of "he does not need an IEP", he needs something and only a comprehensive assessment by the psychologist, teachers, etc. is going to give you a road map for what the next steps are. You have already tried "thier" approach for years, and now it is time to try a "new" approach.
Best wishes.

Ask the teacher to have him tested/observed by the school psychologist. He probably has a minor disability such as dyslexia or ADD. Both are correctable with diet changes and supplements. He could be bright and because his reading development is slower than his other areas of development he is getting bored in the classroom. Which leads to him "acting out" or becoming a disturbance. I have four adult children two had reading disabilities, both have IQ's above 140 and are very successful professionally. The other two read fine through school and they two have above normal IQ's. Get him tested and always be ready to "fight" or be an advocate for you boys.
M.

I've been an elementary school teacher for 12 years. Your public school has very limited financial resources. I really recommend a tutor for your son. Ask your child's teacher if he/she can recommend a Reading Recovery teacher who is either retired or on leave who could work with your child (you will have to pay this person). Reading Recovery is one on one reading instruction. If not, ask your child's teacher if leveled books can be sent home nightly for you to work on with your child. Introduce the book using all the key vocabulary and phrasing he will need to be successful. Then let him read to you out loud. Listen and see how he reads... phrasing, sight words he doesn't have, how he decodes unknown words. Then after the reading teach to one of the points in the book, not all. Have him read the books numerous times for fluency.

Dear, Valarie
I am a 42 year old mother and I had the same issue with my son at the same age as your son and his 1st grade teacher was concerned about ny son learning abilities. He did well in math but had issues in other areas. Don't do what I did I was in denial that theres absolutely nothing wrong with my son haveing 3 daughters and having no learning abilities excellent classmates in school. Finally I was thinking now by second grade that my son was really having some issues. I knew then that I needed help for my son I had him evaluated by a school syscologist they proceeded to give him several tests. They found out the problem that my son was having. There is help for you I know that being a single parent it should be hard. But start with the school see waht they can do for you I did I am a big TAX PAYER and my money went to good use. Now my son is in High School and brings home pretty good grades and is a Junior. Its was a big struggle.
BestRegards
N.

You as the parent have the right to hold him back. As a former middle school teacher who had to deal with a child who couldn't read well... I advise you to seek as much help as you can now. It becomes an embarrassment for that child when they are older and have to read in front of the class.

Is he a little younger than the rest of the class? If he's young enough you might request that he be held back for a year so he can catch up. Your right, it will be hard for him to catch up if he doesn't get the reading and writing down now.

And most schools don't want to retain kids, but you have to be persistent. Ultimately if that's what you want you can make the school do it.

V.,
It reminds me of when my son was that age. He did get farther and farther behind, and I should have been more insistent. He hated doing homework too. Seemed to be in the wrong crowds, and did what ever they said. Like you said it is easier to make friends with them, not the others. He was finally diagnosed with ADD and a processing disorder by a neurologist. Best thing we ever did for him.
His reading has gone up 3 levels, and we have seen some very major improvements. You can also insist that the school do a phych evaluation, but it won't give a formal diagnosis. It only tells you how they compare to where they are supposed to be at his age. If you do want testing, done with the school, put it in writing, and they have 30 days to comply. Feel free to ask me any questions you might have.
W.

It sounds like you are getting fabulous advice from those who have already responded.

I have a young relative who was falling behind in school, and it was a struggle to figure out what was happening. One evening at a school event, she made a comment to her father about a poster he was reading. The next day he had her eyes tested and it was found that she needed glasses. She is still catching up, and very distractable, but at least now we have a few answers.

Good luck

My daughter is going through this right now, We just finished her testing. Some people think that the testing labels your child and but just remember that the information is never a bad thing. My daughter shows signs of Adhd and the school has recommended that she see a doctor but also are helping my with behavior reward systems that I would have never thought of on my own. Just remember that you are the mom and if you feel there is something that is not right go with your gut feelings you are probley right.

my son has ADHD, he is in speacial classes at his school. he is only in first grade but has the mind of a 3 to 4 year old. We do little milestones with him and a reward stem with him. What I mean is we shorten what ever it is we want him to accomplish and go over and over it until he gets it. Now at times my son will have memory loss of what he has been taught already, Then thats a whole different ball game with him!

V.,
Has the school offered to test him for learning disabilities?
My son had issues with Adhd/Dislexia & I wish we had him tested earlier. He ended up in a Special Ed class which I was So worried about but it did wonders for him!!! He was in a smaller class & got more attention to his needs. The only problem I had was that some of the kids (in his class) also had autism & the teacher had a difficult time trying to teach them all. But that class also had many more parent teacher helpers etc.... Instead of one teacher for 32 students his class was more like one teacher for 8-10 students.
I actually had my son's 3rd grade teacher tell me that she only let my son sit in the corner, she did not let him participate in the class because he was SOOOOOO behind in his class work. He was only allowed to raise his hand to go to the bathroom. HE WAS IN THE CORNER!!!!!
I raised HE- -!!! That teacher no longer works in that school district...I made sure of it! Once she was released from that school I protested until she was released from the district!
Let my son sit in a corner, not allowed to talk or participate with his classmates because he had a learning problem the teacher did not want to recognize? Hope everything works out for you.....Don't take NO for an answer when dealing with your kids!!!!!
L.

Hi V.,

I am a second grade teacher. I have a few students similar to your son. First, its great to see you are concerned, too many parents these days don't get involved enough in their child's education. I have a few suggestions for you. First, keep in contact with the teacher, make sure she knows your concerns and ask her to work with you on this. For the behavior I would suggest a daily behavior contract. It might seem tedious, but it really works with some of my students. I'm sure the teacher has something you can use for it. Pretty much all the teacher needs to do is have a small form, and the day is broken down into chunks, morning to recess, recessd to lunch, lunch to afternoon recess, afternoon recess to home. Then the teacher puts a :) or :| or. :( next to the time of the day. This helps your son concentrate on listening and following directions for a shorter amount of time. Then its brought home to you, you sign it and its returned to school the next day. This has really helped some of my students.

About being behind, I would get a private tutor or take him to a tutoring center. I would suggest lafayette academy. They have ones in Lafayette, moraga, and danville. The good thing about them is they will do individual tutoring, so help him with class stuff, but also do other work to strengthen his reading/lang. Arts skills. I used to work there, and have seen some kids make great strides while being there.

The best thing you can do for your son right now is to get him the extra help. If he continues to be behind for the rest of this year it will only get harder as time goes on. 3rd grade is a lot harder than 2nd, and 4th is even harder than 3rd...talk to his teacher, see where he's at exactly, what things he needs to work on, and go from there.

If you ever have any questions or concerns feel free to contact me. I'd be happy to talk to you more about this. I have lots more suggestions, just not enough time to write them all down!!

Good luck!

EDIT: FYI someone below mentioned just stopping by unannounced...I do NOT suggest this at all!!! The school won't let you just wander over, and teachers find it difficult to have parents just pop their head in. Schedule something with the teacher, but don't tell your son if you wanted to do something like that. You can do a surprise visit on your son, but DO NOT do one on the teacher. Also if you want to see his interactions with the teacher, volunteer in his class. Not all teachers "pick on" the "bad kids". As a teacher I hate the term bad kids, they aren't bad, they make poor choices. Good luck.

Hello V.,
Your story sounds so familiar to me because it's how I was when I was younger. I've always had problems reading and spelling. I'm the youngest of 3 and my mom knew I wasn't as on task as my sister and brother had been. She told my teachers through first and second grade that I needed to be held back a year. Finally, my third grade teacher agreed and I ended up going through third grade twice. I still had problems and I learned quickly that I would have to work twice as hard as anyone else to just stay afloat. In my sophomore year of high school my mom finally put me into Sylvan Learning Center and for the first time in my life I felt equal to my peers. I still hide that I can not spell that well, and am thankful for spell check (although it spells the word it thinks it sees, not always the word I mean it to spell). I've actually avoided applying for specific jobs because I am afraid my spelling would interfere. I also feel like people don't think I'm as intelligent as them because I can not spell.
The moral of my story is, get your son some help sooner then later. You may find out he's just lazy (as the other person said) but you'll nip other things in the bud.
Best of luck!

My stepson is in a similar situation. He came to live with us during 3rd grade (he is now in 6th) and was reading at a first grade level at the time. He basically failed 3rd grade, and 4th, but they would not hold him back because he had already repeated first grade. It didn't seem to matter that he couldn't pass. He couldn't get an IEP at our school, because you have to be 3 full years behind, and since he repeated a grade he is technically only 2 years behind (3 years in my opinion since he should be in 7th grade).

We have had to constantly stay on the school, requesting whatever help they can give him. He has been through several before/after/during school interventions (six week extra help classes). He has also had special work to bring home that we could help him with. He is still far behind in reading and writing, which makes the other subjects difficult as well, since they require reading.

All I can suggest is to constantly request help from the school, since they don't seem to offer help to students who aren't at least 3 years behind unless the parents are fighting for it. I know how you feel, because we have been struggling with this for almost 3 years now.

The most important thing seems to be reading as much as possible, and writing summaries of what has been read.

Lots of good advice already. Many have suggested that the school district test him for learning/reading issues. There is a specific procedure for this request. You will want to request, in writing, to the teacher and the principal that your child be evaluated for possible learning issues. In order for this process to begin the parents need to sign an Assessment Plan that will give the information about which tests will be done and by whom. Once the Assessment Plan is signed they are required to complete the evaluations within 60 days. He might be evaluated for dyslexia or other specific learning disabilities, there might be IQ tests, or other psychoeducational evaluation tools. From these tests they will determine if your son is eligible for additional supports from the school district like a reading specialist or support from the Resource staff. What we all hope to have ultimately is a child who is able to read and enjoys reading and if they can get supports early on they are more likely to be successful. You also should set the example by reading to and with him everyday. You can read newspapers, magazines, comic books, novels, whatever. The more exposure the better. Be persistent.

Good Morning, V. ~
I know your concern. When my son was in the first grade; a lot of the other children could already read. I had read to sim since the day he was born and I couldn't understand why he couldn't read simple words, like 'red', 'green'or 'dog' then one day I asked him, "Can't you see this says 'red' (or whatever the word was)? His response was, "Mom, my words DANCE!" (I felt like crying!) I took him to an eye specialist and his vision (muscles) were that of a 2 1/2 year old! I took him to eye therapy every week and worked with him at home everyday ~ at the end of one year, his vision was that of an 8 1/2 year old. He's a Freshman in high school and is doing very well. Good luck! Let me know if you need a referral.
Lucy B.

You've gotten good advice already. His inability to focus, pay attention & make good choices in friendships all say immaturity to me. Is he a young second grader? I agree w/getting him tested but I'd also seriously suggest you look into having him go back to 1st grade. Knowing his problems, did the teachers in K or 1st suggest retaining him? It's still early enough in the year that not a lot of time has lapsed. If your son is in public school, I'm sure there's enough classes that there would be room for him in one of them. Maybe a class that has a new teacher. You're right, it will only get harder & this could turn into a very dangerous downward spiral w/one thing leading to another: the more he struggles, the greater the chances are he'll act out in class & become disruptive, the more he struggles w/school & learning the more he hates school & then in turn develops a very negative opinion of himself so his self-confidence will keep dropping. Regardless of confidentiality, teachers talk about their students & you don't want him developing a reputation among the teachers before he's even in their class. But I'm also concerned about a school that knows he's struggling, isn't up to grade level & even tho they offer help that they know doesn't work, is still willing to pass him on to the next grade. Any other options for schools for him?

Hi,

I am not so sure where are you located, but here in Stockton they have a Magnet class in some public schools. My son Nathan is 5 yrs old and 3 wks after school started he was reading Bob Books and other beginner books. Isabell who is only 3.5 yrs old
wants to do what Kuya(respective way of calling Big Brother) does, and by a month she is reading 2 of the Bob Books. Stockton Unified has a Magnet Fair once a year. Go to the Unified school district and ask if they have a good program in your area. don't wait too long to ask the school for help, and volunteer.

Good luck
M.

Hi V.,

Your story rings true to me and my son. My son was the exact same way all through elementary school. A bit behind on everything and I was contstantly going back and forth between a possbile learning disability and just pure laziness. I have found that one to one time with a tutor has been incredibly helpful. It also helped me to finally understand that my son had every capability of doing well and keeping up when the tutor straight up told me there was no reason my son should not have straight A's. I would give it a try and see what feedback you get.

For my son, it was all about pure laziness. I have now come to this conclusion as he is in the middle of his 8th grade year. Keep all options open and you'll get down to the problem, or at least have a better understanding of how your son responds to school. And most of all, don't give up! You are most definitely, not alone.

Best of luck,
A.