My Son Has NO DESIRE to Potty Train

I think you should lay off and try again in a few months. My son couldn't care less if he was dirty until a few months past his third birthday... even then he didn't care that much. But when he decided he wanted to start trying, we pretty much got him trained in three days. We did it when he was 3 yrs and 3 months. Don't worry about the stigma. There are tons of three year old boys not potty trained yet! I would find a reward he really wants and promise that for his #2 on the potty and just remind him every day that whenever he is ready he gets that toy. With us it was a particular Thomas Engine for his train set. We went months promising when he pooped in the potty, "Edward would come." He was well aware, and really wanted Edward, but just wasn't ready. When he finally did it, he immediately asked for his train, and we knew he was ready to start pushing just a little more.

It wasn't that long ago that I commented on mamasource that I was discouraged by my son's inability to catch on to the whole potty training thing. He had no interest at the age of three, so we waited a little bit. We put him in pull-ups a little after age 3 but it was nothing for him to do his business in his pull-up. We put him in big boy underpants after his teacher in preschool said he was going all day with no accidents, which was when he was a little over 3 1/2. He turned 4 this past November and still was pooping, and occasionally peeing, in his pants. And, like your son, he too had no problem with wet or messy underwear.

At his 4 year check-up, I asked the doctor about it and he said to not force it, especially the pooping part. He said it's sometimes "a deep seeded issue" for some kids and when you try to force it, the child can try to hold it in causing impactions which can be very bad.

My husband and I tried very hard to be patient, keeping him in big boy underpants and changing poopy ones on a daily basis. A couple times, we caught him right before he was going to poop and got him to go to the potty on time. Then, one day, he just started going by himself. It's like all of a sudden, he could tell when he needed to pee and poop and we didn't even have to remind him anymore. We did have "big" rewards (2 different Lightening McQueen matchbox type cars) for the first 2 times he pooped on his own, and then m&ms for each time after that for about a week or so. After that, he would go on his own with no prodding from us and I think he's had maybe one accident since then and that's it.

The thing you need to know is that all children are different. My daughter trained well before she was 3 and only had a few accidents before she was fully trained. My nephew turned 3 at the end of this past November and he's already fully potty trained. That's almost a year earlier for him then for my son.

I know what you mean about the "stigma". My aunt and cousins would question why my son wasn't trained already when they came to visit us when my son was about 32 months old. And I could hear the gloating in my SIL's tone when she would talk about how my nephew was almost fully trained and he's a year younger than my son. My son wasn't even interested until most kids are already trained! But I'm here to tell you my friend, when it clicks, it clicks. Just be patient and encouraging. They will do it in their own time.

Good luck! :-)

Hi H.,
Sorry but the harder you push the more he'll back up. Why? Because this is one of those first things that he can control and you can't so get used to of it. ") All you can do encourage him in this area and let him take the lead. When he's ready he'll be really ready. The question is can you wait?
C. ")

If the diapers aren't dry for at least two hours at a time his bladder isn't ready yet, so it's sort of a waste of time until that happens. I couldn't tell by your note if he was dry that long or not. Don't worry so much about what people say, but usually they pee in the pot before they poop, although we'd naturally want them to do that first. Maybe he could go in his little pot the same time as daddy and feel like a big boy. I also let my kids sit on their little potty and read a book, and they would (accidently ) go, and then we'd be so proud. I'd say first thing of a morning and wait several hours to try again, and not push it, and maybe he will think it's great to go

Both of my boys were stubborn about going potty. I pushed my oldest from the time he turned 2. It was a nightmare!!!!! He was well past 3 1/2 before he ever stayed dry in underwear all day and he was 4 before he could stay dry at night. Because of the bad memories, I never pushed my second child at all. Maybe I was in denial I had to do it again and I was just postponing the inevitable. He turned 3 and was still soaking his pull ups all day and night. I never made an issue out of it with him. If the time arose, I'd ask him but he was never interested at all. He liked going with Daddy and big brother when we were in public and sometimes before bath, but that was it. I just praised him when he did it and never made any issue when he didn't want to. Well, one day, about a month after he turned 3, he said to me I want to go potty. It was literally the first time he ever said it. From that moment on, he has never peed in his pants since, even at night time. I thought for sure it wouldn't be that easy and kept him in pull ups for about a week. In fact, a couple days before, I'd just cashed in a whole bunch of coupons for pull ups and diapers. Enough to last until summer when I set the goal to start working on it. After a week of underwear, I took all the unopened packages back to Walmart and gave the opened packages to my sister-in-law. One of my happiest moments!

Honestly, I think with him, it was a control thing. Because I left the control totally up to him, he did it when he was good and ready. I only bribed him once and that was the day after he asked to go potty the first time. I promised I'd take him to Home Depot if he stayed dry the next day. Other than that, I never bribed him again. I'm still in awe of how easy it was.

There is absolutely no correlation between parenting skills or intelligence and potty training. None. So I agree, forget the pressure. Parenting is not a competition. They're not raising your kid, you are. Your mom is absolutely right. He will learn when he is ready and motivated, and not a minute sooner. I would say back off a bit and give it a rest. It will be good for you both. I think the more you push, the more he'll push back. It has to be his idea if he's going to do it. Keep in mind, no kid goes to kindergarten in diapers. Your son will be no different. Chance are, when he makes up his mind he'll be done with it very fast.

My oldest potty trained closer to four (the summer of his fourth birthday in July). I never let another person's feelings dictate how I trained my kid, though. So anyway - yes, he was a little late (most boys are in the 3 - 4 range), but he learned to pee on trees that summer. Just ran around with a shirt and nothing else on outside and watered the bushes. He got a treat for a tree, nothing for anything else. Pretty soon, he was bringing me to the tree to see him pee so that he could get a treat. After a week, I mentioned that he could get TWO treats if he went to the potty - if not, no big. We were peeing in the potty pdq.

Pooping? Oh God - don't make me go there. We tried - we had some pretty good runs. Suffice to say that we are 2 months clean and dry - and he'll be six this summer.

My baby - my 3 year old - pees in the potty most of the time, because he likes to be like his older brother. Pooping doesn't appear to be something that will happen any time soon.

So my advice is to tell your judgemental peers to stick it up their nose, and back off a little on the potty training regimen. :)

S.

There is SO little that children can control in their lives - and potty is one thing that they CAN control. Let him do it on his time table. Don't worry aabout what other people might be thinking (who knows what goes on behind THEIR closed doors LOL!). All kids are different. Let him be around dad more when he's going so he can learn how boys do their business. Good luck :)

Forget the "stigma", don't compare you son to other kids either. Ask him if he wants to sit on the potty, if he does - great, if not maybe he'll do it next time. The more pressure you put on him the harder it will be. There isn't a right age to be potty trained. One day he'll do it and it will be his choice, that's when it will stick.

You are doing a good job, don't let anybody tell you different!

Lay off pushing. This has become a tug of war of wills. The heck with the "stigma." I didn't even try until after my eldest sons 3rd birthday and we put no pressure. It was more like an experiment. Do your best to avoid anger and frustration. I'd say forget about it until at least July or August. That time of year you can let him run around with very little clothes...if any. Let him go to the bathroom with his Dad or friends and see how it is done, but don't make a big deal about it. However, if he does have a success be oh so happy and do a dance with him about being a big boy. If he makes a mistake. Let it just be a "whoops. Maybe you can do it next time."

Have u tried using his favorite candy or jellybeans? I would give my son 1 M&M each time he did something on the potty so he would get positive reinforcement to be on the potty. It worked. And he eventually found his own self pride to do it on his own without candy. But this at least helped him look at why he would WANT to be out of his diapers -- b/c he gets an m&m!! It's a long process - very few do it overnight or even in one week 100% reliable. It happens in stages.

Learn from my mistakes. Back off for now. I tried when my son was 3 and he wasn't ready and had no desire to cooperate with me. Don't worry what others think. Most people brag about how early their child was trained, but who cares. No one gets an award for it. After my mess up, I let it go for close to a year and then when he seemed more willing to try, he was trained in less than a week with 3 accidents and night trained within a month. He was just 4 at the time. I should have waited like my pedi recommended. I won't make the same mistake with son number 2!

lay off! both of my boys were over 4 before they were done. my nieces were 3 or 4. if he isn't ready, he won't do it. it's that simple. try again in 6 months.

H.,

My son (now 7) would do the same thing as your son. I pushed and pushed and tried everything that you have. I was so frustrated that I just decided to not push any longer. When I did that, he wanted to use the potty. He was almost 4 when that happened. Don't worry, it WILL happen but he will decide when that will be. Good luck.