My 4 year old son is extremely hyperactive and disruptive to the family. He is constantly either disrespecting me, bugging his siblings or throwing a tantrum. He is hyperactive and extremely moody. No discipline method seems to work, I have tried time outs, Love and Logic, spanking you name it. My other kids are challenging at times but nothing like this. I am a my wit's end and almost feel like I need to have him see a psychiatrist. I did an internet search for therapeutic preschool programs but they seem to be for abused and neglected children, not difficult children. He is too young for ADHD meds. What should I do?
Thanks for all the great suggestions! I started looking at my son's sugar consumption and noticed a direct correlation with his behavior! He always acts out much worse right after eating something sugary-he is clearly sensitive to it. I will look into some of the other ideas too, thanks!
It is unusual to medicate children so young, but not unheard of. I have a friend whose son took part in a study on ADHD and was ____@____.com said it made all the difference. I would seek a doctor who specializes in ADHD.
I also have ADHD -was not medicated until 32 -but it made all the difference then, too. I don't take meds anymore, but I don't know what my life would be like if I hadn't...scared to think.
I suggest that you talk with his pediatrician. Or take him to a developmental pediatrician. This could be caused by his frustration as the result of developmental delays. Another idea is to consult with a parenting coach to perhaps learn a way of disciplining that will work for him.
My grandson has developmental issues and his mother learned from a parenting coach and her older daughter's school counselor to use time outs in their room. She consistently sent him to his room whenever he acted out. The same thing no matter the misbehavior. This has to be consistently the same consequence and with every episode.
He was around 4 when this started. At first she had to take him to his room and stand outside to be sure he stayed in his room. After just a week or two he'd go without any difficulty.
Once in his room he could play. The idea was this gave him a quiet time to calm himself down. He could come out whenever he was ready to say he was sorry for what he'd done. At first and sometimes still it takes a time or two or three for him to come out before he was able to say sorry in a meaningful way.
Once he says he's sorry, we give him a big hug, remind him what he did to be sent to his room and tell him he's loved.
You can work on preventing this behavior too. It's often caused by being overly tired, overly stimulated, and/or hungry. Have 3 meals and 3 snacks in a day. Be sure he gets to bed with a regular routine and early enough to get enough sleep. A predictable schedule often helps our little ones to manage their emotions better.
I would get to an integrative MD to check for several things - inflammation markers, vitamin and mineral deficiencies, and food intolerance (there may be other issues too).
I love a book by Ken Bock, MD called "Healing the New Childhood Epidemics . . . "
Your library may have it.
IMHO behavior modification strategies won't work as well with a child struggling physically (and that includes brain dysfunction).
I'm not a health care professional of any type - this is just my mom opinion.
Have you considered speaking with your pediatrician about this? If he is in school, have they ever addressed this with you. I'm not suggesting anything, but I am bipolar and my daughers ped has told me that if either of my daughters display any type of symptoms it would be their teachers opinions that would best matter, as I would be the one that would most likely see it because i'm looking for it. I'm not saying that you don't see anything, but you may see it because you are with him so often, but we often get the brunt of every behavior w/our children. If he is in any type of schooling outside of the house, I would speak w/the teachers there and see what he is like there and then take it from that point. Your pediatrician would then be able to guide you in which direction would best suit you. Best of luck to you.
Hi there! I felt just like you a little over a year ago - I had my son in preschool and he was all over the place - out of control! The parent educator of the program suggested that I contact the school district's special services program - I was like - What??!! But after really thinking about it, I looked up the school district and called. Was the best thing ever to do! For the end of his preschool year and Kindergarten, he has had and IEP for a child that is "High Activity". He was put in a classroom that had only on average 8 kids. A year and a couple months later, he is a different kid. He is so well behaved and excited about learning, rather than just running around like a crazy child and being disruptive. The class he was in this past year had a normal kindergarten cirriculum but the big difference is that there was only 8 kids in his class so he got more direction and behaviour help. He goes into regular first grade next year with the normal class size and while I am nervous, I am also very excited and proud of the changes in him. He had wonderful teachers and I cant say enough good things about this program. He is so wonderful and it thrills me to the bone that he loves reading (still in awe that he is 6 and will sit and read a simple book) and learning. Kids are sponges, I think it just takes the right direction of those that are use to dealing with high activity kids to turn disruptive behaviour into learning behaviour that us parents just dont always know how to do.
Now, outside of that, I would also check out his diet. A friend of mine found out that her high-active child was actually allergic to gluten and once she started ommitting it from his diet, his behaviour began to change. He still is a bit excitable but then again, he is 4 and his level of excitement is to be expected. She had no idea that this could have been the issue all along but she said she has noticed a difference since she got him off of gluten.
Each child is different and what works for one, might not for the other but it is worth checking into.
God bless and good luck,
L.
get a hold of your school district for the special needs - your son will be evaluated and then, if he meets their scale - he will be given an IEP for kindergarten...actually - no, he's not too young for meds - it's sad, but true.
contact the schools you googled and explain the situation - you may get a nice surprise!! you never know until you try!! the worst that could happen is they say NO, the next thing that could happen is they will refer you to a place that can help you - and best case scenario? they help you!!
talk with your pediatrician and get them on board to find a behavioral psychologist to help you out...he may need medicine...you may have to go to a couple of parenting classes as well - have a list of rules for the house that EVERYONE has to obey and the consequences or rewards for behaving and misbehaving....
you can't try it once...it has to be consistent...do you yell or scream - once you've done that - you've already lost control....a routine must be established and it takes 2 weeks of doing something to make it a routine.
Take a deep breath - you are a GREAT mom!!!
Alternative diet and ocupational therapy has worked for my daughter.
Please read the warnings on meds.
A place to start- enzymestuff.com
Hi. I am the mother of an extremely adhd kid. Four years old was the worst year for me. I feel for you and know that you are not alone. Contact the school district you are in and see if you can get him evaluated for early intervention if he doesn't go to kindergarten this fall. Your ped might have to diagnose him first, the school district can't do that. I would definitely contact your ped first. You can medicate him, but most people wait till their kids are five or six. Mine was five. I had my son went into early intervention at three, and I would have not survived those early years without their help.
Also, a parenting forum for adhd kids parents helped me so much when my son was that age. It was at adhd news, and they have a parent forum that is remarkable with the help and the listening.
Positive reinforcement works better than the negative. Set up a simple chart and work on one behavior at a time. Set a goal, and he gets a prize when he does it so many times. I took my son to the dollar store and he got a toy. Or a dollar. At the store he could have a prize from the vending machines at the door if we made it through the store with him behaving. It will not happen overnight, or in a couple days, keep at it, and remind him about the chart daily and what he needs to do. It will click the first time he gets a prize. Make the first one a fast and simple one. Adhd kids strive on routine, routine, routine.
I second the vote on evaluating his diet and also speaking to your pediatrician about your concerns. Try decreasing or eliminating sugar if possible and give healthy alternatives to processed foods he may currently be eating. Sugar can wreck havoc on a child's behavior, and is believed to be the cause for hyperactivity, impulsiveness, distractibility, and decreased attention span.
There are several routes you can take to help your son with his out of control behavior without resorting to medication. Talk to your pediatrician.
Good luck!
If he's in a regular preschool, I second the opinion to work with the teacher to get a recommendation for an IEP (individualized education program). This won't be done until the school year starts in fall. Basically, if you and the teacher recommend it, the school district will evaluate your child for all developmental parameters. If any of them are significantly outside the norm, then an IEP can be set up. Basically, the district will send a person to the classroom (maybe once a week) to work with your child's developmental issues. It's possible that other issues might be identified at that time.
Good luck!
He is not too young for ADHD medications. One word: CONCERTA.
Put him in a martial arts class two days a week. You will get a well disciplined child who is well exercised and has good judgement. It will take at least a year of going to the class earning belts and achieving goals until he is better. Keep him in the class for four years and you will get the boy you want.
We do this in our family since I discovered modern dance to make myself well as a child. I enrolled myself because my parents were hard on me for my strange behavior and I had suffered illness that left me damaged physically. My aunt who was a very wise woman thought dance might help me restore my body. My parents never looked for a class. I had many problems getting along with others. I danced from age 8 until I was almost 30. It worked.
Stop spanking him it doesn't help it only destroys his trust in you.
Have you tried eliminating sugar from the diet? He sounds like a sugar addict - this is exactly how my son behaved until we stopped eating sugar. The change in his personality was incredible. Here's the link that turned the lights on for me:
http://www.enotalone.com/article/4350.html
Hope that helps!
God bless,
L.
here's another vote for looking into food as a culprit. offending food can cause weird reactions. personally i have trouble with macademia nuts. they make me cranky almost immediately followed by a grumbly tummy and GI problems in a day or two. plus if they're eating something that doesn't agree with their tummy, they might be getting cranky from that and not be able to tell you. heck, i've just learned recently how to pay more attention to my body.
a test at a ND can help you with food sensitivites. it seems really hokey but actually works. or you can go with the big ones like gluten, dairy, sugar, and food dyes first.
hope you get it sorted out soon!
