So I ended up transferring my kid to another first grade class, because things did not improve with the teacher he had. He is doing loads better in school and did great on his first big standardized test.
My exes girlfriend keeps calling him a loser and a retard and telling him he is getting put back in preschool, which isn't true .She also is telling everyone he is failing on fb when he is not.My ex prefers to let her run the show, and thinks there is nothing wrong with the way she treats his son, which makes my blood boil.
I am trying to keep her away from him as much as possible,and told her to stop it or we will be going to court to discuss custody, which I really don't want to do .My lawyer said I should tread carefully so they don't accuse me of alienation. My son is really afraid of failing first grade, even though he is doing great.He is throwing up because he is nervous and he doesn't like how she talks about me. I tell him all the time, he is doing fine and try to make him feel better.I told her she is jealous of him but am not sure what else to say.
My mom and his mom and various family members are going over there whenever he is there and staying all night so she is never alone with my kid. I also have decided to pop in and out on the days he is there. I am trying to save up for a better lawyer.
The situation with your ex is abusive. I would take him to court over that immediately, for a modification that when your son spends time with his dad, the girlfriend is not to be there. He can pick her or his son. Get a new lawyer.
I think you had concerns about the teacher because she was erratic (having just lost her husband) if I'm remembering correctly. It sounded like the whole class was suffering - but you're saying your son has done better since moving classes, so that's good. If he's still upset, then I think your son has bigger issues than school. Obviously the girlfriend and stress from tension over this is causing him a lot of issues.
There are coping mechanisms for anxiety, but generally, you have to remove the stresses that are causing the anxious behavior first. If the girlfriend is calling him 'retard' then I'm not sure why you aren't filing for custody. Do it now.
The long term effects are just horrible for going through this kind of thing. You must realize this. I empathize with you - just do it though. This is not going to get any better. You can do everything you can on your end (you can talk to teacher, etc.) but this really is starting at home (his other home).
I don't know why his dad is ok with this. I don't know how much of this is real/exaggerated by your son. It doesn't really matter - he is upset. This is how he is perceiving it. I would get him into counseling with a child psychologist. They can help kids with coping strategies. Worrying excessively is a sign of anxiety. It kind of can spiral from there. Nip it in the bud.
So the teacher who lost her husband is still grieving and you changed your son's class room? Okay.
Why do you advocate for your son at school but NOT personally? Why are you allowing this heathen to treat your son that way?
Is your "ex" a former BOYFRIEND or HUSBAND and is he the child's biological father?
Your son needs tools to deal. Your son needs better role models in his life. The girlfriend may feel jealous that he's not HER son - so she's verbally abusing him. If you can get it recorded when she's doing it and take it to a judge? You'll have something. Otherwise, it's a he-said/she-said.
You need to have your ex MAN UP. this is HIS SON and he needs a better role model than that.
I think I would schedule a conference with your son and the teacher and let the teacher tell him that even if he flunked the next 6 tests, he would NEVER be sent back to pre-k or fail 1st grade. Make sure that he feels as that not only is it impossible, but YOU would never let that happen to such a lovely, smart boy. This might also be a good time to discuss the meaning of "smart" - that there are different kinds and even if a person doesn't do well on a test or a quiz, it doesn't mean you aren't smart. Expound on ways that he is shown "smarts" in places other than the classroom.
You may have inadvertently triggered a bit of this yourself by changing teachers mid-year, but what is done, is done. I think as far as the dad/girlfriend goes, you should consider hiring a guardian ad litem for your child to determine what course of action is best for your child. It is a good route because he or she will look at BOTH homes, not just your ex's and make recommendations. That way it doesn't look like you are targeting him and opening yourself up for the same inspection.
Good luck!
I would be tempted to post pictures of your son's passing grades on her little facebook page . It will make her look stupid. But you probably shouldn't do that. I would ask the father to meet with you alone and talk about what is going on. I would tape how she treats your kid.If he decides to be a little boy and not meet with you, you are going to have to play hardball.
