My Son Just Became Aggressive and Physical Help He's Only 17Months

When they start to get agressive, for my kids it meant that they needed a snack and a drink, because their blood sugar was low. I wouldn't say anything, just get a drink and a snack and place it on the table near them. So that would be my first line of defense, see if he needs to eat. Don't say anything, just lead him to the kitchen.

As for hitting, yes, this is about the time that starts because they are learning, exploring, etc. Please do not allow him to hit toys, pets, or people. A child that young won't understand the difference of its okay to hit a toy but not a pet or person.

I've seen toddlers like this, but honestly, at this young, I don't think they have aggressive impulses. As in, they don't really compute "If I hit, it'll hurt." They're more like, "large motor kids."

At 17 months, they don't get the concept of "no." I know it's a short word and all, but negation is a linguistic concept that the one-year-old brain can't master. Instead, try giving him an "instead" -- either "this is how we touch [gently]" or "this is what we hit [something indestructible]."

Oh, and I agree with everyone else: Think of hitting as meaning "I'm hungry/tired/in need of a diaper change." It's a toddler version of when a baby cries.

Oh, and, based on the two kids I know who were champion hitters at this age, you may well have an active, vibrant, strong-willed, athletic guy on your hands. Enjoy.

He is still your sweet baby. He has just learned that he has decision making ability and now he wants to decide everything. It's the beginning of what us old timers call the terrible twos. When toddlers hit or kick I don't think they realize that you feel it too. They are not trying to hurt anyone but striking out in frustration. You can pick him up with one arm between his legs and one over his shoulder meeting at his tummy, but slightly away from your body. He can swing his arms and legs but not hit you, just keep saying no. I do not think children should be able to hit toys. At his age he doesn't understand the difference between hitting a toy or a person or a family pet. He doesn't understand that when he touches you -- you feel it also.

Mira is right - reread her post.

He does NOT understand that "If I do X, then Y happens." So he does not get that if he hits, he causes pain. He also will not understand if you try to make this a huge discipline thing because he will not connect his action (I swung my arm/kicked my leg) with your reaction (mom put me in my room/took away my toy). It's important to understand what HE does and does not understand about his actions and any consequences they have.

So as Mira says, this is not "aggression" -- please don't lable him as aggressive!

He lacks any other form of communication other than his body. He does not have words to express needs and wants yet. This is his form of communication. Do what others say regarding firmly but gently (and very consistently) telling him, "Gentle hands" or "gentle feet" and holding his hands briefly (not to the point he becomes frustrated and writhes to get away). Distract him a lot -- work on your own skills at distracting him before he gets to the swinging fist/kicking foot stage. If you watch him closely enough you will soon learn when he's on the verge and can immediately distract or redirect him. This is all normal and not aggression but a lack of verbal skills. You of course cannot let him hit or kick, but also do not over-react by spanking or swatting --children learn by our actions more than our words and if you react with a swat or hit, he will inpret that as meaning it's OK to use our hands that way and he will do it too.

"We use soft touches."

Soft and gentle please"

"I can tell you are frustrated."
"Ooo that made you mad"
"You can hit this teddy....pillow...punch clown, but we do not hit mommy, the cat, daddy..."

Catch him when you can and hold his hands. Look him in the eyes and let him know. We do not hit, or any of the above responses.

Yes you will be saying this for a while and many times.he is still learning his feelings and what is acceptable behaviors

You will probably find that the more that develop with their words, the less agreesive your son will be. 17 months is around the same time we started to do mini time outs with our son. Once he developed more words and was better able to communicate with us his agression decreased a ton. This is all normal developmental behavior. Doesn't make it easy to deal with but it isn't out of the ordinary.

With our 21 month old we have taught him to 'be easy' rather than saying 'no' a million useless times. When he hits/kicks/throws something/pinches or bites, we tell him to 'be easy' and then redirect him. I don't think letting our child be physical with something other than people works very well. It's one of those no means no scenarios even if I am not telling him 'n'o outright. Once I told him to be easy with me and he proceeded to pick up a pot and whack the dog. I repeated 'be easy' and redirected him. He then decided to kick over his toy truck and again I told him to 'be easy.' I don't want him venting his emotions in a physical manner and with limited language at this point we are a bit stuck. Regardless we give him a consistent 'be easy' for all physical acts.

Personally I don't think our son really correlates his actions with someone else's pain. There have been a few times I have seen him pinching himself (or hitting himself or what have you) after being told to be easy with someone. You can practially see his wheels turning as he tries to figure out his actions as it relates to the pain he is experiencing/self inflicting. We've reached a phase now where he sort of understands the action/pain connection but he either cries with/for you when you are hurt even if it is not his fault or he rubs what he just mangled.

In general I notice our son acts out when he is tired, frustrated and/or hungry. Frustration is a big trigger for our son so I try to head him off when I can see him getting frustrated. Rather than letting it escalate to action, I tell him 'calm down and let me help' while trying to help him with the frustrating task or I redirect him to a less frustrating task. It doesn't always work but he is getting better. Good luck and from what I gather it's all part of the toddler phase. They can be dreadful little beasts even if that is not their intent.

Dr. Sears has some excellent, expert advice on helping your baby through this stage:

http://www.askdrsears.com/?q=topics/discipline-behavior

http://www.askdrsears.com/?q=topics/discipline-behavior/b...

Be stern with your discipline tech.

NO baby or child is sweet and perfect all the time.
Childhood... goes on for YEARS.
And for that whole while, they will go through MANY developmental/emotional/cognitive phases.
It is normal.
But, if expectations upon a child, is not age congruent... then there will be problems and frustrations, for the child, then the parent.
Expectations and actions upon a child, needs to be age appropriate.

Emotions in a child, isn't even fully developed yet, even in a 3 year old. They don't even know the names for ALL their abstract feelings yet nor do they have the communication skills for it etc.

In a baby, ALSO know that... because they don't have communication developed yet... they may, tantrum/scream/yell... because they are trying to SHUT-out... external stimuli which is... irking them. Babies/kids get irked too. But they don't have the skills to cope. Coping skills are not an automatic skill. It is taught.

Know your child's cues.
Then from there, you can distinguish... IF your child is irked/unhappy/grumpy/tired/hungry for whatever reason... or if it is because they are frustrated. Which is common. Because, they are not fully developed yet nor do they even have fully developed deductive and inductive reasoning skills yet nor the ability to analyze... every given situation.

And, kids also go through sound and voice phases. They scream or yell trying out their new found sounds.
They "hit" as they are developing more motor skills... and the cause/effect understanding of things.
Kids... that age don't even know, how to manage when "mad." Not even some adults know how.

Sure, as he grows up, a parent teaches concepts and boundaries and what not. But, they don't learn this ALL at one time. Certainly not now at 17 months old either.
A kid that age doesn't even know... what "aggressive" is.
They don't even know social concepts nor are they even fully socialized yet. At this age as well... they do not play interactively... they do what is called "Parallel Play."

And in the basic scheme of things: a baby/young child... gets very fussy and tired, when they don't nap and when they are hungry.
So again, it all goes back to, knowing your child's cues.