My Son's Game of Pushing His Sister Down

We had this problem recently with our sons (4 and 15 months). We tried talking to the 4 year old about it, and this led to having some official "alone" time each day where we didn't let the younger child play in the same room (and thus disrupt his play by trying to play along). We also tried having me spend more alone time with him.

But nothing really worked until we enforced our messages about playing gently by having a consequence that would hit him where it hurt. For my four-year-old, that meant that he couldn't watch his 1/2 hour of Mr. Rodgers or Blues Clues on days when he had pushed his brother over twice (he got one warning, and the second offense meant loss of privilege). This system worked *very* quickly. But I'm not sure if your 2 1/2 year old is old enough for this approach yet. Good luck!

General advice:

Children want attention. If they can't get positive attention, they will find ways to get negative attention. I have found this true with many, many children and not just my own.
In your case, I would make a point of picking up the baby when the 2 year old attacks and giving attention to the baby while completely ignoring the older child. Ignore him when he acts out. The important balance to this is to make a BIG HUGE DEAL out of him being nice. He needs to feel really special when he is good and be completely alone when he is bad. He will gravitate toward good just because he wants your positive approval more than the negative attention.

TRUST ME!!!! and Good Luck!

Also -- Get the book 1-2-3 Magic and try some of the suggestions. I have seen the technique work in some really tough cases!

I had the exact problem with my girls, 21 months apart. I absolutely could not leave them alone for 5 secs, even to run to the bathroom, or it would be twice as bad.
I tried to get things they could do together, blocks, puzzles, things to do on the floor. I gave my 2 1/2 year old jobs to help with the baby, bring her toys, water, blanket, etc, and tried to keep her busy. When she did push the baby, which was very often, I would pick up the baby and give the baby my full attention. When my older girl would approach us I would ask her to look at her face and see how upset she was that she was pushed/hit/laid upon/etc. Iwould ask her if she looked happy or upset. Then we would talk about it and I would let her know the behavior was never ok. She was not allowed to hurt the baby, just like I would never let anyone hurt her. I did not shame her, but I was very clear it was not ok, that I would not let her do it, then I would try to move on to a together game, on the floor.
It was a very difficult time and did not go away for awhile. I felt guilty and got very angry. It is so hard to see someone hurt your baby, even if it is your other baby.
I have to say, they are just 4 and 2, and they are each others best friends. I would never have thought it possible, but they play very sweetly, dress-up, babies, tea party, cooking, etc. They still have squabbles, daily, but now it is over toys and not one-sided. And here is the kicker, by baby absolutely worships her older sister and when they are separated they cry for each other (like at preschool).
Lastly, everyone gave me the advice to 1. talk to my older one about her negative feelings about the baby and validate (not approve but so it is okay to feel that way) and 2. spend "special time" with the older child.
Hope this helps, it changes, but it is very hard.
K

Hi V. what i think u need to do is to sit ur son down and talk to him tell him not to hit girls because it is a bad thing to do and tell him that if he does it again then u are going to put him in a coner in a chair and he wil sit there without moving.

I'm looking forward to hearing what people say-- I have an almost 3 year old and an 8 month old and the pushing down is constant!