My Teenager Is Going Through Trouble 2'S Again!

Wow. I know you are stressed and worried. She will realize. She will come home. Have you spoken to the mother of the friend where she is staying. I would contact her andlet her know a little history of what is happening. I think all teenagers chose a time to rebel. (I'm not looking forward to that time with my own) She will come home. I did. I left I actually up and ran away. But you know I realized there was no one out there like my own family. No one really loved me like them. I had to findout the hard way. I wish you luck.

Elle, I wanted you to know that you are human.Your daughter is not acting like a two year,she is doing just what she was ment to do. Teenagers push as hard as they can, trying to make their parents go away. This makes it a little easier (for them) when they are adults. I have four daughters. Three natural and one step. Each has a different personallity. In their own why they are difficult sometimes. My oldest kept threatening to go live with her dad, knowing that it broke my heart.Finaly I had to close my heart and hand her the phone. I told her to go if she wanted to. She never called him.Things are not perfect many days I want to pinch their heads off! But I take a deep breath and sometimes walk away. You have to decide what works for your family. But know that if you do nothing about this she will runaway over and over. The next time she might not have a safe place to run to, and getting pregant at seventeen is not the worst thing that can happen.

A 34 year old mom of five

i went through the same thing with my son now he is 20 and iwas 40 just 2 yrs ago this happened and his god mother took him in and it made me mad that she gave him a place to stay but when i thought about it and it was hard for me it still is but he needs to see how and what i was talking about he now pays rent where he is and he has all the grown up things to do i think he knows now but wont tell me you are right so i let it be and we talk now and then but where he is im fine with it at least i know where he is and that he is okay just reamber she thinks she is grown and we never did this to our parents we are all wrong so just keep an eye on her and i also let my son know after he finally talked to me again that it is okay for him to come back home but he knows he will have to sleep some where in the house because he gave up his room to his other siblings and he is fine with it and every now and then he comes and stays the night and visits with his brother and sisters or comes over when he needs something but thats okay

Dear E.,

Well, the teen years are hard on everyone.

You need to do a little reading - start with the internet and see if you get any clues about what to do.

You really shouldn't have told her to get out, you know. But that is done now, and you have to find a way to forgive yourself. I don't know what to tell you. Maybe some of the other mommies have good ideas.

The reason that you exploded is because you were so surprised about her changed personality. That is one of the reasons that I suggested that you study about teens and what is going on inside of them now. It is very complicated and even though I know that they are pretty irritating, they need some TLC and advise - which they will not follow - and a home to come to to feel comfortable in. and on and on.

That telling them to get out of the house is very old fashioned advice that has come down to us from the 1800's and even further back. I know, it sounds crazy, but when was your grandmother born? or when was her mother born? or where ? I say that because that is where you got your disciplining ideas from. I tell my sister ever once in a while that she is letting our grandmother - who was born in the 1860's - yes - rule her child rearing ideas. Umhum that is right.

Life is extremely complex now - even more so since you were a teen. We need to dig deep and think about what the heck is going on in this world NOW.

Sorry about being so blunt. C. N.

E., that was me a few years ago (the troubled teen)
I was as stubborn as they come and i chose to leave my moms house and boy did i pay those teenage years, i got pregnant at 17!! I guess all you can do is tell her that if she doessnt want to change then you dont expect her to come back home. You are not asking anything of her but just to respect you as a mother. You want the best for her and if she cant see that she is only hurting herself in the long run and the people who truly love her.

I pulled something like this before with my mom. I would fight with my step-dad and mom all the time when I was a teenager and say things like I am going to go live with my dad. Well one day my mom told me to go pack up my stuff and get out. So I did and I lived with my dad for a while till I realized that living with him, well, wasn't the best idea. Though he would let me do whatever I wanted I did miss being around my mom and younger sister. So in turn I managed to get along with my step-dad and was able to live back at home. Give her some time cause she will turn around and want to come back home. If she does come back home put down some ground rules and tell her that if she pulls her disrespect towards you again that something will happen. It worked out for me whenever I would fight with my step-dad. I got grounded a lot of the time and was unable to go out with my friends. I do hope that this works out for ya.

I saw a Judge Judy show the other day and the case was about something similar. The thing is you are legally responsible for your daughter. So if you want her home, you need to tell the parents that are keeping her that you will take legal action if they don't send her home. Then do it! Stick to your guns and lay down the rules. If she has problems with that, tough. But you have to be firm and prepared to really listen to her too. I listen to my kids, but I have rules that they must follow in order to obtain privileges. Break a rule, lose a privilege.

Yes by the way, I do have teenagers - 19 yo son, 15 yo daughter, and 12 yo daughter. So I get it. I have not had to ever hit any of my kids. The one thing I have been is consistent in my disciplines. This hasn't always been easy, but I think it has worked. They all show me respect and do well in school. They aren't geniuses and getting straight As. They are all balanced and doing well. My son is even in college now.

I know how stressful this time can be. I hope you have help in some form because I know that I couldn't have parented teenagers without help! I'm not married, but their Dad is very much in their lives. He and I are united when it comes to parenting. Good luck and take care of yourself. I really wish the best for you.

WOW!! You have a lot on your plate right now. I feel for you! If you've had enough of your marriage, then maybe she has too. It's tough for kids to see. They pick up on stress. Sometimes think the dysfunction is norm. Maybe that is why she is acting up. Part could also be her age. Two Queens in one household type of thing. Maybe sit her down and explain things to her like an adult, about your relationship with your husband. I have found kids understand way more than we give them credit for. I know I've been there. My husband used to be physically and verbally abusive. I decided I wasn't going to be a victim anymore. I left! I eventually moved back, but we were separated for a year. Things are 100% better. I showed my husband I ment business. I also showed my kids this isn't a normal relationship.
Good Luck,
K.

You are the parent and she is underage. Inform the family she is living with that she must come home, and explain to her that you may well have made a mistake telling her to get out and letting her go, and while you are sorry for having made that mistake, you are still her parent and she must now come back and live under your roof. Make a list of your concerns, and talk with her about what's been bothering you, and set down some clear guidelines for what she must do around the house. Teens need to be able to make mistakes, and sometimes speak disrespectfully. What matters is do they apologize when things have calmed down? You would both benefit from counseling, and working on setting and maintaining healthy boundries. She still needs you. You don't have to be perfect, but as the person who brought her into the world, you need to keep trying.

you can get the police to drag her butt home as a run away... My Dad did that to me in a similar case and then I got a very unpleasant and long talk about respect with the officer. Also who are these people who are keeping your child and not sending her back to you? I would go over there and talk to them they shouldn't be harboring your child.

just take one day hon if ur marriage is not heathly let it go its better to be stress free be a single happy mom ur child teenager she still finding her slef but she needs to follow ur rules good luck .....L.

Be very rational and tell her that if she doesnt come home now you will calll the police and report her as arun away and she will go to juvilnile hall.The parents of the friends can get in trouble for harboring a run away.
Take care and good luck......
N.

I hate to say it, but that is a teenage girl thing to a point. You need to get your daughter back home. If it's at the point where you're both screaming and one of you has to leave, you need real help. Try talking to the psychologist at her school, or to someone at your church. It is free help. Have you spoken to her school to see if there are any problems there? Maybe your daughter needs space. I know that's what it was when I was a teenager. The more my mom pushed the madder I got. We didn't get along at all for 6 yrs. It wasn't until I moved out and got space that our relationship improved. I hope you find something to help you before it gets to that point. Good luck.

the easy way is to put them out...she finally did what you told her to..she left! Now she is stating her independance by not coming home. Try TALKING AND LISTENING. Let her say how she feels and then allow her to finish, then you talk. REMEMBER 16? it was HELL- that is where she is right now...maybe if you both have cooled off andn you are able to communicate instead of scream and yell...you can apologize for your part and hopefully she will do the same. I wish you the best of luck..if this doesnt work just give it some time...she will miss home and mom!

Ooooh E.,

You have my sincerest sympathies. Sixteen is an UGLY age. My daughter gave me a run for my money at that age too, but my best friend's daughter did exactly what your daughter did. Broke my friend's heart, as she said "get out"in anger. But you know what? She didn't call for days and had to contact and then out of the blue she gets a phone call, then another, and within a week the girl came home and her attitude is MUCH better. Kids will always test your limits, even 16 year old ones. They're little beasts!!

Good luck to you!
V.