My Three-year Old Lies and Hits His Parents - Algonquin,IL

Hi, Didn't you post this same question 2 days ago?

Kids don't really understand "truth" in an adult way until they're in school. They tell a story that they think will be what the other person wants to hear, or reality as they wish it was. "No, I didn't drop your vase," can be interpreted as "I really wish I didn't drop your vase!" "I didn't hit the dog," translates as "Right now I can see that you didn't want me to hit the dog!"

So don't challenge a little with "Who did this?" or "WHY did you do that?" because they are not mentally equipped to give you a straight answer. They just want to make you "not mad." Much better is to say "I saw you do that, and I don't like that, so this is what I want you to do instead."

Hitting is common, even among kids who are not bullied, though children do also learn hitting from being hit (and, not infrequently, from being spanked).

For hitting (or other aggressive behavior), it works to simply and *immediately* restrain the child by holding arms down gently, removing him from the scene of the behavior if necessary, while using a calm but firm command like "Gentle!" or "NO hitting!" Then model, or coax the child to role-play, the preferred behavior, perhaps moving his hand in a gentle manner.

And model using words, like "I feel so mad," or "Don't pull on me!" or "That was mine!" This will begin to teach other choices, and at younger ages, will probably make a stronger impression than a couple of minutes in isolation, which very few children will connect logically to the original offense, made in a moment of frustration or outrage.

"Discipline," as originally used, meant guidance and teaching, rather than punishment. And time-outs, if used, are ideally a calm retreat in which a child (and even a parent) can regain control of emotions, and not a means of deprivation or punishment, which only tends to provoke even further outrage in some children who sense that they are being punished unfairly.

I know someone said three year olds don't lie, but they can, if that's the example someone has set for them.

Lying and aggression in a child this young are learned by example, whether it be from their parents, friends, or something they constantly watch on TV.

I think you need to do a thorough check and find out where it's coming from (because at three, what they CAN'T do is come up with this behavior on their own) and eliminate the bad influence or change the behavior he is observing.

not sure but there is a book called "hands are for holding" or something. same series like "mouths are for eating" (biters lol).

not sure if it's bullying.
have you spoken to the school about it?
can you shadow your son one day?

their intention is really not to hurt they hit to get your attention.. lying and hitting.. these are parts of your child's development.. there is a deeper explanation for this.. you can check the stages of growth and development.. you can google it up so you would understand better.

As I understand it children this young are just learning and telling stories and its all a part of development. He's not lying to hurt you or to get away with something, he's learning and communicating. As for the hitting...it's certainly not acceptable but he's acting out for a reason, 3 year olds can't always communicate their feelings so it comes out in other ways. Also, there's no filter, it's hard for them to think before they act or speak - I would keep that in mind.