My Twins Are Sick All the Time. Am I a Bad Mother?

As everyone said don't compare, kids are different. I have a friend her daughter is 4 months older than my daughter and I would try to rush my daughter to grow up, and do things my friend daughter was doing. I quickly stopped that because it seems like I missed the first 2 years of her life. Now I let her be her, she loves it.

You are not a bad mother, my daughter stated sick I even stayed home with her the first year, and to top it off I breast feed her nothing helped she would get sick all the time, but now she is a healthy, happy child. Don't worry it will change you will began to see them doing things you didn't think they could do.

Oh and you co-worker could be lying, I would say my daughter is doing things when she is really not.

Lakeisha

Hi N.,

Relax sweetie, every baby has a completely different personality, I learned a ton through a GREAT book that I read before my son was born called "The Baby Whisperer" by Tracy Hogg. She was an English nanny and the book is quick and easy to read - very insightful and I highly recommend it. My pediatrician is really good, very helpful, answers any and all questions, etc. Her name is Sangeeta Elhence and she is with Lake Lewisville Pediatrics. Good luck and don't sweat it, it's not you. ( :

N.- The first thing you've got to remember is every baby is different, so if you start comparing your kids to other kids, you'll go crazy. It sounds like your doing everything you can, and that makes you an awesome mother. My cousin introduced solids to her son at 4 months, and he wouldn't take them so she ended up waiting until 6 months anyway. I waited til 6 months, and my son took them no problem. Again, it depends on the child. Good luck!

You are probably doing just fine! You can't compare one baby to another; they just aren't the same. My baby is always sick after his shots, at least for a day and a half, and he didn't sleep through the night til he was about 1 (he still wakes up and is 16 mons!). Plus, you're juggling 2, not just one; there's only so much of you to spread around! You will make it!! As far as resources, I've used What to Expect the 1st Year, and it's pretty good, but there are tons of good books out there about sleep (Good Night Sleep Tight is a great one). And babies don't actually need any other food but formula/milk until 6 months, the cereal you start them on at 4 months is just for them to get the hang of it--since eating is such a new thing for them. Plus a lot of twins are born early and it takes them a bit to catch up on those things. I think you'll find that all moms feel like they're messing up, but we all do the best we can! Good luck!

Different kids, different moms, different temperments. Don't beat yourself up over it. Just read on the internet & books about child development, & that will help you.

My son will be 5 mo on the 10th. His pediatrician told me at his 4 month appointment to go ahead and start feeding him baby food. If they still thrust their tongues alot and push it all out then they are not ready yet. You can try again in another couple weeks to a month. My baby just started sleeping through the night 5 nights ago. You are not a bad mother.

First of all, your friend has just one baby. That alone makes a WORLD of difference in the parenting experience. She has no way of understanding that, even if you try to explain it. Her perspective is of one little singleton girl. Secondly, there is just no way to compare kids. There are too many variables. My first child, a girl, hardly cried for the first two years of her life. I'm serious -- totally adaptable, chilled out, quiet kid. She turned into a willful, argumentative, controlling little darling almost the minute she turned 2. Her brother, on the other hand (he was born just before my daughter turned 2), came into the world screaming like a banshee. I hardly got a minute's peace for 3 months. He evened out into a pretty laid back kid and now, at 2, is a piece of cake compared to what his sister put us through.

Anyway, for the easy question -- the word now is to wait until 6 months to start baby food. You're on the right track! And, with twins, they were likely born early, so you want to be especially careful. On the other hand, if they are drinking tons of formula and act hungry a lot, 5 months isn't necessarily too early. Since you would only introduce one new food a week, they'll only be trying a couple of things by the time they're 6 months, so it really doesn't make that much difference. In case you're wondering what to start with, it's really up to you. I've heard to start with veggies first, then fruits. Mine both started with sweet potatoes. Just see what looks good in the little "1st foods" jars. Each kid should eat around a couple of tablespoons (maybe half of one of those little jars) to start with.

As far as them getting sick all the time, that's totally normal. Really! And again, there's no way to compare two kids, even if they're in the same family! My kids have been opposites in this too. I will say that if they have allergies, they will tend to get sick more often. The good news is that they outgrow a lot of that after they're 2 or 3 years old. My daughter has a milk allergy that caused a lot of congestion and that is totally gone now that she's on soy milk. My son has environmental allergies that no one has been able to pinpoint, so we give him Zyrtec regularly. I hate the idea of "maintenance medication" but it sure beats all that illness (he was on 7 antibiotics between Sept and Feb)! We are using some natural stuff as well and the combination seems to help (haven't had a problem in 2 months!).

Anyway, all that to say that NO ONE has it all figured out, no matter how good it looks on the outside. You are doing a great job meeting their needs and you shouldn't pay a bit of attention to what your co-worker does with her kid. When she tells you about her baby, you should just smile and say, "that sounds nice."

Hi N., Let me tell you right off the bat there's nothing wrong with the way your bringing up up your bundles of joy...I too have twins(only now there 7 yrs old) and often wondered the same thing. But if you keep doing that your only going to drive yourself crazy compering the twins to another baby. Every baby is diffferet only SO MANY LEVELS!!!!And maybe just maybe the other mother could be just bragging abit much about her child's developement.But no one knows what goes on behind closed doors,her child may lack in other areas that you don't know and that your friend may not want to disclose to you??? But only you and you alone can tell how your babies are doing. Twins are often sick anyways due to being born early and they sometimes have things underdelopment inside them? I know my twins were sick for awhile as while but they outgrow it. So I guess what I'm saying is just enjoy them and every baby is different, but if you have twins there is going to be some kind of problems.Just don't compare your babies with other babies cause every baby is different, just enjoy them and everything will fall in place. Good luck and enjoy those twins...

I'm sure you are not a bad mother. My son cryed for the first 5 mo. He had acid reflux. He is so well adjusted and happy now. All babies are different. You have to remember they are humans just smaller. Things you may like or dislike, your best friend/sister might like/dislike the opposite. Hang in there. I'm sure you are doing just fine. Baby food is completely optional at 4 mo. but you might to start them on the rice cereal. They recommend baby food defintiely by 6 mo. of age. Try not to do the comparison game, you will drive yourself crazy.

If your children are very young and in daycare, they will most likely be sick a lot. Most mothers don't want to hear this, but any type of daycare where your babies are exposed to other children is a breeding ground for germs. If your pediatrician is not advising you on when to start cereal, solids, etc. you need to find a different pediatrician. My sons' pediatrician gives handouts every time we go for a checkup. These are directions for what the baby should be doing and eating. As far as I know, it is best to wait until 6 months to start feeding baby food. Also, you should not get caught up in comparing your children to any other children. All babies are different. Good luck!

Were your twins premature? That has something to do with how often they get sick. Do you have to put them in public daycare? That adds to the possibility of illness. Some children are just more prone to illness than others; babies pick up antibodies from moms in breastmilk, and that helps, but some are just more likely than others to get sick, just like adults. Most likely your babies are premature, at least by 2 weeks or more, so gestationally they are not really 6 months. I have 2 sets of twins; 3yrs and 9 months. I have never been able to get my babies to sleep thru the night. My girls did not sleep thru the night til they were 18 months; my boys still do not sleep thru the night at 9 months. Even when they do sleep "thru the night," they don't go to bed until 10, 11, 12...I hear all these stories about babies that sleep from 8 to 8 at six weeks; not my babies...but my 3 yr old girls are happy and healthy; they look like 4 and 5 yr old girls; my boys are already wearing clothes for 24 months, even tho they were 6.5 weeks premature. Get it? Everybody's different. This season has been very difficult for all children, according to my pediatrician. I have been at the dr's office almost every week, sometimes twice, since Jan.

One thing I did with my twins is that I sleep in their room. If one wakes, I quickly sweep that one out of the room so it does not wake the other twin. That may not work for some people. I started putting them in my bed when they got somewhat older because that was the only way I could get any sleep.

I feel like a bad mother all the time, too. That's just the way it goes. You may want to consider joining a support group for mothers of multiples. In Plano the web site is www.pamom.org.

Honey, you need a new coworker! I will bet dollars to donuts your coworker is lying through her teeth to compensate for her own feelings of inadequacy.

You know what I have learned? The BEST moms are the ones convinced they are the worst moms. So keep worrying and keep coming here for advice. All of the mamasource moms will definitely help you out.

And truly, if you are feeling that inadequate, I will give you a standing invitation to dinner at my house, where you will be sure to leave knowing you're a better mom, a better housecleaner, and a better cook than me. :)

But back to a more serious note - please stop listening to your coworker. She's not a good measuring tool.

My heart goes out to you and what you are going through. Here's what you need to do:
1. STOP LISTENING TO OTHER MOMS WHO BRAG ABOUT THEIR BABIES!!!! No baby is "perfect" and thank goodness, we are all unique, including babies. There is no "cookie cutter" approach to take with child rearing.
2. Do find a pediatrician you are comfortable with (and the staff.) It will ease your mind to no end. A good pediatrician (and staff) will not mind you calling to ask what you might think are "stupid" questions. No such thing as a stupid question where your little sweeties are concerned.
3. Everyone will tell you something different. Books will vary from 4 months to 12 months on introducing solids. Guess what--YOU ARE THE MOM!!!

Take a deep breath, relax and take a step back. You are NOT a bad mother. A bad mother wouldn't be concerned if she was doing the right things for her children.
As far as time tables for children, it depends on the child. You can read all the "expert" advise books and get tips from other moms but if your child isn't ready for the next step you can't force it. Different sources will give quite varied time frames for when it is considered "normal" for a child to start cereals and baby foods, crawling,walking, talking, etc. "Normal" is an average. Some are ready sooner, some later and the rest are lumped under "Normal."
Child rearing is really a trial and error experiment. No one really has the "right" answer for how to best raise a child. There's a reason we are called "individuals." If you think your children might be ready to try a certain food - give them a little taste -3 small tries ought to be a good indicator, they'll either spit it out, make those nummy noises that they want more, or act totally indifferent. Your babies will help guide you if you pay attention to their body language.
I was a single mom for the first 3 years of my son's life (he's almost 12 now). I remember how scary it was that first year. Was I feeding him enough? Was I giving him enough mental stimuli? In the end you figure out that they let you know when they are hungry(and that doesn't end - I hear cries of "MOM! I'm HUNGRY! every day - almost all day. I now know the meaning of "bottomless pit") They show you signs when they are ready for the next level. Your job is to love them, pay attention to the signs and give them encouragement.
Hope this helps!

Find a good pediatrician to guide you through the milestones. Daniel Myint in Richardson has been great with my two kids. Regarding the alternative medicine/healing, I believe in it but am very careful with my kids. I suggest that you find someone that is also familiar with traditional methods so you don't compramize the kids.

Regarding your co-worker, DO NOT believe everything she tells you.

Good luck.

Like everyone said, stop comparing you and your children to others. Next time she asks you about your kids, tell her they slept for 12 hours last night, you had time to take a bath, paint your toenails and cook yourself your favorite meal. Tell her they haven't cried in 3 days and one actually said "mama". That'll shut her up ;)

If it makes you feel any better, when someone asked me if I was going to start my son on cereal, I was thinking, "geez, he doesn't even have teeth yet, how is going to chew Cheerios?" Color me clueless :)

Personally, I tried to avoid cereal as a first food. It's nothing but starchy carbs with minimal nutritional value. I gave D mashed avacadoes mixed with a little bit of milk and he did great at 51/2 months. The longer you wait, I've been told, the less of a chance of food allergies.
But, that's my opinion and what I gathered from reading.

Good luck!

You are not a bad mother. All children are different, and there is no reason to hurry things up. The APA doesn't recommend introducing solids (including cereal) prior to six months because it can increase the risk of food allergies since the lining of the stomach isn't fully developed, so you're on track there.

I was under the misconception that children were supposed to sleep through the night early too. My daughter is 21 months and still won't sleep all the way through the night regularly. But to be fair, my husband likes to get up for a drink of water as well, so why wouldn't my daughter wake up thirsty on occassion?

The best advice I can give is to stop worrying about comparing your children to your coworker's child. Children just won't be the same. They hit milestones at different times. And early milestones mean nothing in terms of later successes in life. As long as you're in the normal span of time for milestones, you're fine.

Think about it, when was the last time you ever heard on a commentary about a smart person about how many colds they had as an infant or when they ate cereal for the first time? In the grand scheme of things, a few months at this point aren't that important. Try to relax (yes yes, easier said than done, believe me I know) and enjoy those sweet babies. This stage passes all too fast so savor it while they're young. :)

Hi N., the worst thing to do is to compare your babies to others. Every child is different so don't worry if you are doing anything wrong. My daughter was introduced to cereal at 4 months because she wasn't gaining weight, (I nursed her). She did great and she loved the cereal. She slept better and she had no issues with food allergies. Maybe you need to find another pediatrician. The less you compare your babies to others the more you'll appreciate how God made them. Also, I'm sure at some point every new mom felt like she wasn't a good mom but the fact that you are asking for help tells me you are a good mom who just need a little advice. Hope this helps.

Hi N.,

It sounds to me like you are a very caring and dedicated mommy. Don't compare yourself to anyone else; just do what you think is best for your babies based on your research. A great book to get for all these questions is "What to Expect the First Year". It actually sounds to me like your co-worker is forcing the solid food issue a bit early but that's just my opinion.

As for the babies being sick alot, I have found a way of getting all the nutrition of 17 fresh, raw fruits and veggies in a capsule or gummy treat. You can open the capsules now and put the nutritional powder into baby food, juice or formula if you're not nursing. Once the babies have enough teeth to chew a gummy treat, you could switch to that form. Our family has been MUCH healthier since I discovered this product, which has been scientifically proven to improve the immune system. For more information, you can email me or visit www.GoodHealthMadeSimple.com.

God bless you and your babies!

M.

I agree with Denise, you CANNOT compare your babies to other babies, they are all so different and do thing at different times. And you will drive yourself crazy wondering if you are doing something wrong, you just need to go by what you feel is right for your babies. Her introducing her baby to baby food might just be a taste here and there. According to Dr. you should not start introducing baby food until past 6 months, you are really support to start with rice cereal(at 6 months). Their stomachs cannot tolerate this, they are not developed enough and if you introduce them too early they can have stomach problems later in life. You are doing the right thing. Don't Worry!!!!! Babies get sick all the time, they stick things in their mouths like crazy.

No your not a bad Mother- I had the same probelm with my son- I had Nick back in November along with a friend who had her 2nd son on the same day as me. I always found my child to be fussier than hers and sick more ofter. She also started food sooner than me. But what I have come to relize is that she is not new at this and it takes time to get in sink with your baby. Now that I have figured mine out(hes almost 6months old) a little better I now know that some times when hes fussy he's thirsty so I give him some pedialyte(sp) with water and other times he's bored. Mine started sleeping through the night once I started baby jar food that was about 5 months. He loves it and he sleeps from 8:30pm-till when I wake him up around 7-7:15am
Also as he has grown hes not so fussy any more. As for being sick alot my son goes to day care during the day as my friend has the luxury of being a stay at home mom. My doctor is really good she trys other things before she gives meds and its nice to have that option sometimes. I feel your pain and it does get better, I cant imigan having 2 at a time. Hang in there, and know that you are a great mommy.
~D.

I have so much respect for you as a single working Mom with twins no less!!
1.If you aren't getting the help you need from your Pedi doc don't be afraid to shop around for a new one. I use Dr Eley in McKinney. She is reviewed on this site. Her number is ###-###-####.
2.Some docs start food earlier than others. The doc will give you a schedule normaly at the routine visits.Make sure they have their regular appointments for the first few years. Very important as the doc may spot something you might not notice until much later. (developmental delays etc.)
2. No two children are the same. Everyone has a friend whose baby eats better, sleeps better, etc. There are things you can do to help in these areas. Sometimes they work sometimes they don't. It doesn't mean you did anything wrong. Every baby is different!!! Don't compare yourself to others. Someone always seems to be doing a better job. It's ok to not be perfect!
3. Make sure you have a good support system in place. If you don't have family nearby or available, than friends, play group moms, a good responsible babysitter to give you a break and I highly recommend church. If money is an issue, a good pedi doc can help you find the available resourses for free or at a reduced price.
Again I'm so proud of you! Best wishes in all you do.

N.,
DO NOT COMPARE!!! Just be careful with the shots. If they got sick after them you really should spread them out. These babbes now a days get over 30 vaccines before they are five. VERY DANGEROUS. My son is vaccine injured and I can't stress enough how important it is to break up the MMR and stretch them out over time. Get the book Evidenve of Harm by Dr. David Kirby. Then you can see what I mean.
And you are smart waiting for the solid food. They should not eat that before 6 months. Waiting longer helps them with allergies also. The alternative way is the BEST way!! Listen to your gut you are the mommy!!
L.

My kids where good too when they where babies, but guess what? That totally changed! At my daughters 4 year shots, she kicked the nurse and broke her glasses, I was so embarrassed! I worked at the clinic at the time, so I was eventually forgiven for that incident. We had several parents that brought their kids in sick, not weekly, but daily! We knew these kids by names and we grew fond of them. Some of them where diagnosed with allergies or weak immune systems, it happens. Over the years they did get better and we got to the point of missing them. Don't feel bad because you're not alone. Some parents sometimes make it seem like their life is just one big peaceful setting, they are full of bologna! I thought my kids where always going to be trouble free, not the case!

Hey N.. I am sure you aren't a bad mother. I am sure you are doing everything right. Just don't compare your child to other children okay. Everyone is different. Another thing if you don't think your pediatrician is much help then you should switch. Your pediatrician should be one of your resources. You should be able to count on him/her.