My Two Year Old Girl

Dear M.,
I just wanted to let you know that you are far from alone in this issue. My husband and I have a 20 month old who seems to think that she is 13. We have also tried the time out chair and many other methods none of which work. She screams, bites, hits, and throws tantrums. If and when I come up with a new method to control all her issues I will be more than happy to let you know. Please let me know if you come up with something that works...
Good Luck,
K.

I would suggest sticking with the Bad girl chair. I have a 3 yr old girl and a little boy who is almost 2 and we use the "naughty" step with them. But when that doest work we use the oold time "Stand against the wall" and on the bad days when the step doesnt work that seems to. We make sure they face a wall where they cant see anything that would catch their attention so they pretty much hate it and are willing to listen to what you have to say just in order to get away from the wall. I wish you all the luck.

J.

Hello! I have a four year old and a two and a half year old and I'll tell you what, I know how frustrating it can be. Sometimes you feel like all you do is discipline and it's just not making a difference. I have started doing something that is working out like a new phenomenon. I sat down with my just-turned-four year old, and we created a "discipline chart" together. I wrote down four things that she is doing. They are "not listening, arguing, lies-hits-pushes, and whines". AFter each one I listed what the consequence would be. They are "standing in corner, giving money back to mom from her piggy bank, sitting on the bed in her room and not playing, and receiving a spanking" I swear that I truly believe the ability for a child to predict the consequence of their actions with total accuracy is the way to go. I've done all of these disciplines, but you know how it goes, after the 4th or 5th time of them acting up, sometimes you let them slide and don't actually do anything about it, or worse, you just end up yelling at them. Well, with this new chart, not only does she know what will happen before she decides to go through with the behavior, but also, I'm noticing that I'm a lot more calm because I don't get worked up when I'm disciplining, I just go to the chart with her and we read the discipline together. I strongly recommend it to anyone who is at their wits end when trying to discipline. Just so you know, it will work with a two year old too, I do it with mine. They may not understand at first, but if you take them to the chart everytime and point to it while you're reading it, and make them do the disciplinary action, it doesn't take long before they too learn that every single time they do something, it's the same consequence and before you know it, the behavior is a lot less frequent. I think this is especially good for children with ADD or other learning problems because it creates structure for them with their actions and teaches them cause and effect, which is an essential tool for them while they're forming their personalities and morals.

Good luck! Give it a shot, it just may work for you like it has for me.

Sincerely,
Julie

I would check her diet and eliminate anything processed and dyed, that could be the root of her behavior issues. Also you may want to start spanking. It doesn't have to be hard, usually just one swat on the tush is enough to shock them and they don't like it so they will obey. I do wish you the best of luck with you little girl.

I have Boy & Girl twins that will be 5 next month. I refer to them as my mamma's boy and my payback. I have learned that women are born bossy and boys with selective hearing. But my daughter, oh she will test me every chance she gets. You do have to stand your ground and let her know that you are boss. With my daughter I have to keep changing on how she gets discipline every month or so. Because she gets use to it and knows what the outcome will be and doesn't care. My biggest problem is her sassing back and immitating me talking to her or her snubbing her nose up at me. I tried a lot of things but finally came up with a chart of things that would give change for their penny bank. They got stars to put in the box of the good things they did, or brush their teeth, hair, put their shoes up etc. But then there were boxes that deducted points for hitting, sassing, not sharing, etc. That way they could see for a whole week how good or bad they were. And if they hit someone, the nickle they would have gotten goes to the person they hit or was mean to. She did not like me giving her nickle to someone else. So that quickly took care of that. Plus they like to get as many stickers as they can in that row besides just the money.
As for the ADHD. I thought at one time she might have it but I think it is because actually girls learn quickly. Do not let them watch you do something you don't want them to do. My daughter watched me open a child proof pill bottle. Within 5 minutes later she opened it. They watch and will try everything you do to see if they can do it to. She was always into something. But last year when they went into preschool they talked how helpful and good she is. Which threw me for a loop. My kids would actually swap personalites. She has gotten calmer since she has things that she is now responsible to do. My son on the other hand is going for testing. They say it's early kinda to test for it. But I'm more than 99% positive I have it, just haven't gotten around to test for it. But they said in kindergarden to 2nd grade is usually when they can be more accurate on testing for it. Luckily they still have one more year of preschool, but even his teachers last year said it would be good to test him. He can't sit still, or even keep his mind on a short story. I can read A Cat in the Hat and when I ask him about something that happend in the book, somehow a Power Ranger ended up in it and has nothing to do with what we just read. ADHD isn't just running around or getting in trouble, it's in their mind as well. They can't focus on anything for a certain period of time. It's kinda like when you go to bed and you have a million things running through your mind when you need to be focusing on going to sleep. Well thier mind takes off from what ever. A big thing with ADHD is usually they can never finish anything. I can't think of one page in my sons coloring book where one page is actually finished, but there are a lot of partially done picures.

I wouldn't worry about ADHD just yet... 2 year olds have a naturally short attention span.

I read an excellent book when my daughter was about 2 and a half and my son was about 6 months old. It's called "How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and Listen so Kids Will Talk". It's an excellent book. A lot of the advice is geared toward older kids, but a lot of it works with younger kids too. The main thing that I learned was to talk about feelings - both mine and hers. We assume that 2 year olds can't grasp these things, but they understand a lot more than we realize. When I talked to her about my feelings and hers, it really diffused situations for both of us. It helped her to feel that I understood and appreciated her feelings (which gave her more control of situations and of her actions), and it helped her understand how her actions caused me to feel (which in turn helped her to understand how to act appropriately to avoid getting everyone upset). It made a big difference and got us through that tough time you're describing when she was pushing all the limits and buttons she could.

Check it out, it's a great book!

Good Luck!
L.

Hi M.,
I have heard that more kids are incorrectly diagnosed with ADHD because they simply don't get enough exercise. I have a 3 year old boy who is a ball of energy, and on a bad day I start to wonder "maybe he does have ADHD or something." Then I get off my butt and take him to the park or on a walk, and he calms down a lot. His 2 year old sister follows right along. (Usually it's my own fault that they don't get enough exercise because I'm too lazy to get out of the house! But if I can make us do it, we're all happier...)
As far as the discipline goes, she is certainly testing you, and consistency on your part is the key. Whichever method you choose, stick with it. (Easier said than done, I KNOW!!)
Good luck.
M.

I would continue using the chair if it was working. She's probably just testing her limits with you and that's why the chair may not be working right now. Just stick to it and once she sees you mean what you say it should start working again. I know how it is. I have three girls (ages 6,4 & 2) and they all have their own little ways about things (especially the 2 year old)Consistency is the best thing even if it seems to not work sometimes.

Hey M.,
Two year olds are hard because they have very little, if any, impulse control. The most important thing is your consistancy in whatever form of dicipline you choose to use. The other is being swift in said dicipline. I have found that the whole counting thing..and giving them a chance to do the right thing at this age is pointless. They are just too young...they don't realize it, but they want us to tell them what to do. It gives them a sort of comfort not to have to make decisions because they are just too young. I have been a nanny for 14 years..the kids were 6 weeks old when I started with them and I was there 12-14 hours a day...so I had to dicipline w/o spanking at all. I learned that each child is different...what worked with one did not work with the other. For one, a chair worked, for another, taking away her favorite toy, for the boys, it was taking away the hour of tv they got a day. (but that was when they were older than two,,the tv thing) I am a first time Mom myself...my daughter is almost 20 months. I am learning all over again...as she is different yet again :-) I will be thinking of you..and all of your new frontiers as a Mommy. Are you in the Matthews area? I am a stay at home Mommy as well. I have a park right across the street and two houses down. If you feel like getting out of your house one day, maybe we could get the kids together? We just moved into this neighborhood and my Sophie misses all her friends from her old neighborhood. I miss mine as well :-)
Blessings,
Jenny

My son is also 2 years old, and I am a stay st home mom too. He has his moments where he is a handful, hitting, biting, not sharing... I know it sounds crazy.. but she is just learning how to express herself. Don't fight every battle. You will end up loosing your head if you do. I pick the battles.. If he bites.. I bite back, same with hitting, kicking. NOTHING hard or even to leave a mark, but just enough for hime to realize.."hey! That hurts." He doesn't do it so much anymore. Sharing, I count to three and if he doesn't listen, I pop his butt. He is still in diapers so it doesn't phase him.. but he gives it back because he knows it COULD hurt. If ya want, I maybe planning a trip to the park later this week (Greenbrier Forest)and we could meet up and we can talk more.

The perfect parenting/discipline book is 1-2-3 Magic. You can find it online or at Barnes and Noble. I hope this helps!!

Sincerely,
T.

I have a 3 year old daughter.

I have learned that if she watches too much television her attention spand is shorter and she has a hard time really focusing on things.

just a thought...

Hi M.. I know you have received a lot of advice from a lot of people. But I always recommend the book "The New Strong Willed Child" by Dr. James Dobson. It has a wealth of wonderful information on child discipline for children of all ages, strong-willed or not. I think this is a "must-read" for all parents!!! I keep it to read over and over periodically myself. I hope this helps!