Myspace for Teens

Well I dont have a teen on myspace but I am myspace joined. And no my daughter is only 6 but i think its ok. You do have her password and can see everything she is doing. But I look at it like wouldnt you rather her be at home with you seeing things rather than be out in the world experiancing it? Much better to let her see a little bit and not later on be the one doing those things right? I may be wrong or out of place and if so I am truely sorry. But at least this way she is home with you and you can monitor everything!!

T.

Tell her the computer is a tool and should be used that way. Play games and do homework.

Make a password to get on the computer so she can't sneak on

What`s Popular is not always right. What's Right is not always popular.

facebook is much better. Less pics and graphics. She also needs to understands that she should never say something outloud or in writing that she wouldn't say to you. She should also tell that to her friends. I have both pages but I think facebook is mostly clean and myspace is not

Your gut is telling you it is not right, so what are you doing? We have become so indulgent to our children. MySpace is for 18 years and older, so why allow 13 year olds there. Its like buying her a pack of cigerettes. And i bet you wont be doing that.
I dont really mean to sound so harsh, but really when did common sense fly out the window when it comes to our kids. Especially with all the child predators out there. Because is 13 year old Joey really 13????
Your child will be just fine if she doesnt have a MySpace or a XBox or all the other things they think they HAVE to have. By them books and let that entertain them instead of the computer or video games.

Well, I have 4 kids. Two teenage daughters in high school and a son approaching 13 quickly, my youngest is too young for myspace. I pray every night that somehow by majic or miracle that myspace would just disappear. I agree that it is not a appropriate for any age child. Some of things that kids post on myspace is unbelievable. If possible get rid of myspace, but be prepared that she will find a way to develop one, even if it is over at a friends house. Because all she needs is a email address, and you do not even have to know about it. Yahoo, Gmail, Hotmail all offer free email. I'm sorry that I don't have any advice, but I'm struggling with the same problem. I just pray.

I have a teenage granddaughter and she used to be on it but her mother and me and our church stopped it cause it is not as secure as you think it is and I lot of pedifiles are looking for a place like my space most of your church's have a web site where the kids can talk to each other thats what my granddaughter is doing you can't be to safe and you can't fix it if something happens so just no tell her that if all her friends did something stupid would she want to follow.

Just because you have given it, doesn't mean you can't take it away, if you see if isn't good. You have helped me, because my 12 year old granddaughter, whom I am raising, has been asking for a myspace account, and I didn't like the idea. I was not informed enough, and didn't want to find myself in a situation like you seem to be in. I wanted to know more. I definitely know my answer now.

I really didn't have time this morning to read through the responses that you have already received, however, here's my opinion on the matter.

I think as long as the lines of communication are open and she knows your expectations that myspace can be ok. You need to set clear boundaries and then check them out every now and then. What I did with my 3 daughters is tell them that they were not allowed to put their real age and personal information on their myspace. I also told them that they were not allowed to "talk" to anyone that they didn't know. I also told them that I better not ever see any inappropriate pictures or comments on their myspace. We had a discussion about internet prowlers, what the REAL dangers are (I didn't shelter them, they need to know what those creeps are up to, I've decided that if fear keeps my girls safe then so be it) and why they should never talk to anyone they don't know.

Once the rules were set in place, I would just walk up periodically and have them go through their "contacts". If they couldn't immediately tell me who each one was, they had to delete it.

If you are close to your daughter then you know her well enough to know if she will be a responsible myspace user or not. Bottom line is to know what to look for. A lot of kids have 2 myspace accounts...one for their parents to see and one that they really use (watch out for this).

Good luck and don't feel bad for keeping an eye on things, it might make her mad now, but just let her know that those are the rules. If she wants a myspace account then she will have to deal with you checking over her shoulder every now and then...unannounced.

Sounds like she understands your anxieties and wants to include and reassure you. Keep the communication and trust open. Talk to her about what she's seeing and hearing, and find out what her opinion is about all of it. You're not going to be able to shelter her forever, but you can give her the tools to decide what is and isn't appropriate, and the ability to steer away from the more tasteless stuff. That way, she'll be better prepared for facing life's tackiness and gore, and come out a stronger person for it. Hope this helps :}

I don't have a teen, but my husband is a youth minister. We both have facebook accounts. We both like it much better than myspace. It is smaller and much easier to control. You might try it instead.

LOL I wish I would have asked you guys before I let my daughter have a myspace account. I have the password, BUT.... when she is on it, she can IM and I never see any of it. Also, she deletes stuff before I can review it. I caught her sending some pictures that although were not actually pornographic, were very graphic to say the least to a guy. She has also snuck online after midnight when we were all suppose to be asleep. Its definitely a can of worms. And the old addage... if all your friends jumped off a building would you do it too? comes to mind. Her myspace is being deleted.

I have a twelve year old daughter and the answer for her was NO NO NO . Too dangerous for young kids. You are an adult and do not have to answer to a 13 year old for what you do or if you have a My Space. My daughter has a friend that has constantly lied to her mom about where she has been on My Space. All the kids have to do is hit the history key, and the parents will never see where they have been. Be careful what you allow your child to do on the computer. You never get too carried away when dealing with children and the internet. There are many other ways for children to express themselves.

Good Luck
S.

I know kids that set up one acct that is "clean" and gave their parents the password to check on that acct. Then set up another acct with their not so nice pics and comments on - that thier parents have no idea about. My friend's kid had a nice acct "Hi I'm 13 and I love soccer" and a "I'm 16 and I like boys and beer" acct. Needless to say now she had NO acct.

Do what I do......I bought spyware that runs on stealth mode on my computer. It costs $100, but you can see EVERYTHING that is done on the computer. You are a good mom by doing this. You MUST protect your kids.

I have four children (two are teenagers) and I have let my teenage boys have a facebook and a myspace page. I also have a facebook and myspace page. I know their passwords and check to see what they are doing and saying on their accounts. I opened mine before they could open theirs so I would know more about the way it worked. I am on their friends list and on some of their friends friend list. Their accounts are set to private. I dont think myspace or facebook are bad for them to have since they seem to be able to express themselves more in writing than talking. They show me things on there pages whether appropriate or not. I am sure I dont see everything that goes on there but I do try to keep an open communication with them so they will talk to me more. When I see something that I dont like I tell them about it and I tell their friends. I have learned more about their friends by what they put on their pages that I probably would have never known, some good and some bad. I use this to my advantage when making decisions about who I let them go places with also. They talk about all sort of things at school that I can not be apart of or know unless they tell me and this gives me a tool to know more even when I dont like what I read. I did put my computer in the area of the house that I can see most of the time and limit the time they are on it. They can get on it at other peoples houses and at school too. The one thing I did not want to happen was for them to have accounts that I did not know about which is what some of the people they go to school with have done. I do inform parents of this to make them aware. I also tell other parents if I think something on their kids pages are not appropriate. I think if you talk to your daughter about it and just monitor it and keep your boundaries it should be ok. At least you will know what might be going on that she might not feel comfortable about telling you about. Not sure if this helps but it has helped me.

Myspace can be a safe place if you use the controls they have. You can set the profile to private, and make it to where you have to approve any comments and things like that. I have one, and when my son is older he can have one. I think you could also make your own rules. Where you have to approve friends with her, where you can look at it at any time... If she is reaching beyond the boundaries you like, you can make stiffer rules. Make her remove some of the "friends" from her profile.

Facebook is not just for teens. I also have a facebook account, and honestly, they have some pretty bad features. Some of the applications are about "How do-able am I" and things like that. I don't think it's any better than myspace.

All internet access requires adult supervision. It would be a way for your daughter to prove her responsibility to you.

As long as you have her password and her account is restricted so that adults cannot see her page, you all should be fine.

Yes, it is scary that some of the things on there seem a bit grown up. My son is almost 17 now and has had a page for years. It has given me an opportunity to talk to him about some of the things on there. What I agree with, what I won't tolerate, and misinformation. he has a space where he can express himself and ask questions of his peers. It has helped me get accross how I feel and what I expect about some touchy subjects for a mom to talk about with her son like drugs and sex. I have found some of his 'friends' that I have had him block and I have found some of these children - yes, they are children even if they are teens, my opinion...- some of them are very gounded and realistic. One of the boys I thought I knew pretty well has surprised me with his maturity and ability to help others stay away from bad influences. Best part, my son has his parents listed as his heroes!

I do not allow my son a computer in his bedroom. The computer is in the den where we can all get to it and monitor the time spent on it. Some folks think that is strange, but I work closely with law enforcement so I know way too many horrible stories...I have always told my son to never, never identify himself to anyone that he has not personally met. His high school is listed on his page now, but it was not in the beginning. He never gives out his schedule, last name, or anything that could help someone find him. Also, just so you know, law enforcement does use MySpace and other sites like it to track down criminals. They have made some great arrests and broken up gangs using information found on the site.

Just keep talking to your daughter. Let her know what you expect from her and keep checking the page...

Good Luck!

I have a myspace account myself, but my children are too young still for this. I do,however have a nephew that is almost 16 now that has one. I live across country from him, so this is how we keep in touch. I have actually noticed some graphic comments from his friends and some "friends" that shouldn't be his friends. This was back when he was around 14, which I immediately informed my sister about. They will and do find ways to hide things from you. If you truly have trust that your daughter isn't doing anything wrong, then just keep monitoring her myspace use, otherwise, I'd recommend cancelling her account until she's a little older. You never know who is on there. My profile is public, I only add people I know to my friends. I hope this helps a little. Best of Luck, Kim

Hi N.,
Do what I do. Just say NO. Give her your reasons why you don't want her to have one, and since she has one now, and you are not comfortable with it, delete the account and tell her why you did it. She is 13, you are the adult who still makes the decisions and in the end most of the time we know whats best. it's myspace now, in another year or two it will be something else. The situations get bigger as they get older. My son is about to be 13 and has been nagging me for a cell phone. My answer was an emphatic no! He got really upset and complained and whined but in the end he doesnt have a cell phone and the arguments are over. Stay strong, stick to your guns, our kids don't like us sometimes, but they always love us. She will get over it.

Niki,
Hi. I probably should have read what others said before posting this but I was sitting here with my own daughter (she will be 16 in 3 days) reading your concerns and she and I both agree...as long as you are monitoring what she is doing and have the password to her account, you should be ok with her having a myspace page. My daughter has had hers for quite some time now and recently she made a page for me, too. I have always had her password and monitored her as well. You can even set your daughter's page to "private" and that way, only her friends are allowed to view her page, pics, videos, etc. You can even set the "age limit" of those that try to become her friend. There are a number of things that you can control "behind the scenes", if for no reason at all but to ease your own mind. As far as her seeing anything inappropriate on the Internet, you can prevent most, if not all, of that by using the "parental block" on your computer. As far as myspace, itself, having inappropriate things on it, I believe such things are not suppose to occur (I know they still do though) and anything that you find to be explicit, you should report it to myspace and they will take care of it. There are other Web pages you could look into if you just don't care for myspace such as facebook.com and myyearbook.com However, if I am not mistaken, both of those sites tend to draw older crowds than the normal pre-teen ages that myspace.com has. Well, good luck and I promise, from one Mom to another Mom, it will be fine as long as you continue what you have been doing...so relax and enjoy this time with your daughter.

Hi, My space will be what you make it be. It can be clean or nasty whick is very appalling. It can be set up for you to monitor and you as the mother can delete it. I have it and a lot of my christian friends have it. It can be very beautiful and touching. The user controls it and if if the user puts nothing bad on then nothing will be bad. YOu my go to mine and check mine out. www.myspace.com/SarraJane

I'm a 35 year old mom, used to be stay at home until my divorce. I work w/ computers everyday. I've heard all the mumbo jumbo about it being "secure". Nothing on the net is ever "secure" believe me I know, my boyfriend works for the government and he's taught me that. I have a 12 year old and her step mom set one up for her w/o letting me know. I lowered the boom. The insinuations on her page were awful and she was oblivious to what it would do to other people who viewed it. My sister (23yrs) has one and just b/c it's set to private it's NOT secure! My brother's (25 and 30) have it as well it can be a tool and fun but children are not experienced enough to deal with the ramificatins that may occur. My sister has had to change her password several times b/c someone has hacked into it. I am also against chat rooms, facebook all of them. It's not for children. There have been girls raped, murdered, you name it. It is NOT for children. My daughters friends all have it and want to know why she doesn't have it; but she now understands what can happen and why I don't feel she should have it. My friends grandson committed suicide b/c of girls and boys getting NASTY and HATEFUL on myspace. He hung himself at the ripe old age of 10!!! Not an urban legend...it happened last summer. I made my daughter watch a news broadcast from primetime where these children were all friends and they set them up in rooms and let them chat on myspace. If you thought it got bad when we were kids picking and gaining up on eachother; it's ten times worse when they get hateful and can tear a child to pieces. I tell her just b/c her friends have it doesn't make it ok. It gives them another outlet to things they are not mature enough for. My niece (now 16) has a myspace her mother didn't know about b/c she's not computer literate...let me tell you what I found out by looking in on hers...she's gone down the wrong path and now has been almost expelled from school - we put her on lockdown. Take control and it's not too late to tell her NO...you're her mother NOT her friend. Your job is to protect and raise her. She will be ok if you explain WHY you feel the way you do and research it, it's out there! I don't mean to sound awful but I feel like some parents are oblivious to responsibility now days. Kids today are getting too much thrown at them to early and too fast.

I don't have teens, but I use both myspace and facebook. Facebook seems a lot more secure than myspace. I'm not saying that either are foolproof, but if I had a teen that wanted on a site, I would definitely pick facebook. You don't see ads for inappropriate things on there, you can't look at people's profiles unless their in your network, and you can even set it to where only your friends view it. I think you can even set it to where you can't be searched for. anyway, maybe if she feels like she HAS to, you could have her use facebook instead.

also, i used this kinda stuff when i was a teenager, but i knew what the boundaries were. be sure you sit her down and let her know. And if she doesn't follow them, take her privilages away. yeah, lots of girls get molested b/c of perverts on the internet, but only b/c they talked to them in the first place. let her know it's NOT OKAY!

Good luck!

This was a hard issue for us also. I let my 13-year-old do it because I know she is very responsible and steady. It really has helped her keep in touch with people who have moved, etc. The main advice I have is to know your kid and go with your gut feelings. Also, keep her busy, which will naturally limit her time on the thing. As far as inappropriate material goes, I would just be open and honest about discussing it. The Internet seems to give boys the courage to write things to my daughter they would never say in real life, but she doesn't take them seriously.

Maybe you could talk her into Facebook instead this site I have no problem with. Myspace is too unsecure anybody can get on there & its so easy for another person to get your password I know of someone who had account on myspace and she was always finding things changed on her site or posts that she didn't post so I would go with Facebook if I was you. My 14 yr old has had a facebook profile since she was 13 and I have not had any problems plus you can get all her emails monitored if you want to I do monitor my two teenagers which are 14 1/2 & 16 1/2 even though I do trust them I do I just for precautions.

So long as you two stick to the agreements mentioned in your post I think it is perfectly fine to have a Myspace page. You hear all of these horror stories about Myspace when in actuality it has a lot of great benefits. It has reconnected me with many people in my past that I lost touch with. I also use it as a way to share information about women's health (there are groups you can join similar to Yahoo groups [if you know what that is] and this message board for whatever topics you might need/want)

I have never encountered inapropriate sexual content or anything like that. Myspace is pretty good about monitoring that type of stuff. That isn't to say it doesn't exist, but that it isn't as "in your face" as people think it is.

I would just limit her usage time. Actually, creating a pretty page takes some time and work to do and could be a learning tool for HTML and website building (since kids have to take those types of classes at school now) too. I would just keep my eye on her just in case but I think it is a safe enough of an environment to allow her to use it.

Oh girl! My daughters have not reached this stage yet but I am sure they will. However I have a 16 year old sister and 17 year old neice that have just gone through this, and BOTH going down the wrong path! They were fine when I was around them as the younger adult I understaood them more. And my own approach was when looking at their freinds pages (and thiers) use it as a conversation starter to learn more about her and be able to keep the lines of communication open. Kids are not when they were when we were growing up even though that may be only 10 years ago. If she feels like she cannot talk to you she WILL stray and hide things. IT is better to know whats going on and lead her into the right path not boss her into it.She will be more likely to make the best choices for her. She is becoming a little woman now. I hope this helped.

N.,

This depends on your daughter. Facebook and Myspace are becoming very popular. Between the two, facebook is safer in my opinion. There are easy ways to set her profile to private so that no one could view her profile without being her friend first and they can't be her friend unless she accepts their request. Myspace accounts receive alot of spam requests that are not acceptable for a 15 yr old. IF you choose to allow her this outlet, have a firm talk with her about only accepting requests of people she truly knows. Sit down with her every couple of days and go through her friends and ask about each one. Go through the comments people leave on her page and the messages she receives. Explain that you are not invading her privacy but only concerned for her safety because you realize how appealing strangers can seem but how dangerous they can become. If there is any reason she objects to your investigations, then she doesn't need the account. You can make it fun and laugh at the silly inside jokes she has with her friends and become closer with her, if she allows it.

I'm writing because I also have a 13-year-old (son) and am having the same concerns about My Space. I can understand why he wants on but when I see what else is there it makes me cringe. I'm very curious to see what kind of advice you get.

I have a 15 year old son (just turned 15 in March) and he has a myspace account, he knows that I can log onto his account anytime I want to. We all want to keep them "under our wing" for as long as we can but I have realized that the conversations they have on myspace are not any different from the ones that they have in school I am just able to read what is on the myspace. It really doesn't matter if you delete the account or not it is just a way for you to see what is going on. If you delete the account you wont be able to know what is going on at school or with her friends because you can't be at the school with her.
Byt the way I am on alot of his friends pages and onw of the girls had something on there that was not fitting for a 15 year old girl and I suggested that she delete it and she did. Other mom's know I have it and I watch over their kids too. Just make sure she keeps in mind that you let here have it and you can take it away at anytime.

I am a computer teacher at an elementary school. I understand the worry and frustration of online surfing and MySpace accounts. The recommended age is 14 yrs and above, but there are several students under that age that have MySpace pages. Here is a good website for you and your daughter to explore together: (http://www.komando.com/myspace/).
It is a quiz to see if you can find the simple but MAJOR mistakes made on a MySpace page. It will also give you infomation about why these mistakes can be dangerous. I hope this helps you and your daughter. GL and happy surfing!

My daughter is 14 she has a myspace.. i believe you must keep a check on her page . i have several times had to have her change things also delet things and friends.. you need to check out her friend and there pages as well i do not allow friend or family that have inapropreate stuff. Yes there are tings that can be bad and hurtful . this does not only happen on myspace it is all all around us. you must teach them the right things and enforce it ..if you do this i am sure that will be a good payoff in the long run. children will try and get away with what they are able to. but if you keep a check on them and suprise them they will learn it is not worth it . so just monitor them. it takes time but it is worth it.
God bless you. good luck... I use my space for a witness to other and to reach out .. it is sometimes what you make it. and what is allow.

N.,
My lil sister has one. I set it up for her when she was 13 also, she is not 14 and knows that my mom and me will be checking her page. I have only had to actually read the mail a few times. Hers is set to private and anyone who wants to be her friend has to know her FULL name. Just her knowing that me and mom have the access to read anything on there she is carefull. And if she crosses the lines we have given her she knows we will delete the pics or the entire profile. If you need help with maybe setting it up for your child let me know. I have helped lots of people set them up for younger people. Hope this helps.

I let my daughter have one when she was 13 on condition that I be on her friends list. That way I could access her page at any time from my page, and I can access all her other friends' pages to keep tabs on her. We also had a LONG talk about what info you should and shouldn't give out, and not accepting friend invitations from random people.
I never had any problems with her behaving inappropriately online. In fact, some of HER friends asked me to add them to my friends list. I think they liked the idea of having an adult that wasn't their parent having their backs.

Hi, N. ~

As you can see, I'm waaaaay behind on my Mamasource reading! I did want to weigh in on this one, though.

I see that many have recommended facebook over myspace ... that is actually not the point, she wants to be where her friends are, and that appears to be myspace. Facebook also tends to have more college-aged kids on, my space has the slightly younger crowd.

I agree with those who have recommended talking to your daughter, going over her page and her friends' pages with her, and using it as a conversation starter about what is appropriate and what is not. Computers and the Internet, and these social networking sites, are a fact of life. Schools ban them, but the kids that want to get around the filters and get onto myspace or facebook, can. There are always ways, and always kids willing to show others how (wish they'd put that much effort into their class work!) It is much better that you teach her about what's good and what is not, and that she knows how you feel about it. It DOES make a difference.

You are a concerned and involved parent, and that will make all the difference. As long as you keep an eye on her, and keep the lines of communication open, I think you are doing the best you can to equip your daughter to safely use these wonderful communication tools.

Good luck!

S.

My 15 yr old son has one and I monitor it. I know who all his friends are. He had one on there that he added because they had somethings in common. The guy was from out of state. I saw the guys profile and did not like it. I told my son how I felt and left it alone. Well he came to me a few hours later and told me that he deleted and blocked the guy. I was so proud. You have to trust that your child will do what you raise them to do. Majority of my family has one so that we can stay in touch and post pics for each other.

I let my daughter have a myspace account at 13. Since I have let her, she has tried changing her password, she deletes messages she doesn't want me know about and has begun to lie.I thought having her password would make it o.k. But they can still have private communications. My daughter would send messages rather than comments, which I could see because I have her password. Then she started putting her communications in the trash, until she realized that I checked her trash. Then she started to throw the trash, too.
I now have to go to her friends pages to see who she has been talking to. She actually had one of her friends start to delete their conversations, also. They will figure out a way to have privacy and to be sneaky. Alot of trust issues have developed because of this. Unless you can sit by her side the whole time she is on, there is no way to know what she is doing on-line. I regret letting her have her myspace page. I don't advise anyone letting their child having this kind of account!

Hi, N., Welcome to being the Mother of a teenager! Ask yourself a question or two here. 1)How can I use this MySpace as a tool? 2)If I would have let my daughter have complete control over this page, would she have made the right choices on her own? 3)I'm I ready and prepared for being a teenagers mom? Read books on this subject and get ready to guide your daughter into Adulthood. You have to be one step ahead of her, so she understands that Mom is my friend and her Judge. You decide rather its a crime or not, and you issue the punishments to. Don't lose site of the over all picture. To have a well rounded adult ready to make her own choices and learn that if she does not, she has to answer for them. And remember her world is alot different than it was when you were a teenager, but not that different. Keep her safe, set up the rules and tell and explain why they are rules, because you love her. And in the years to come there will be days that you will not like her very much, but that is okay, you still love her. haha

Hi, I don't think you can control what the other kids do. Neither do I think you can control what your daughter is exposed to, not all the time anyway. If she doesn't see it on the computer she'll surely see it somewhere. Don't make your child rebellios because of the computer, especially when you have all access. If she's doing something that you do not agree with, call her on it, but speak effectively, not aggressively. The Bible tells us to train a child up in the way they should go and they will not depart from it. So just be mindful, but not to mindful because that could cause a bigger problem. Be Blessed~