We just received the phone bill for the first time since we hired our nanny. Apparently every day, since I first left her alone at home, she has been using our home phone to make multiple personal calls. Most of them are only 1-2 minutes, and a lot of them are at times when the children are napping. But we are being charged $81 for 3 weeks of her calls. More importantly, some of these calls were made at times when at least one of my children was awake, and they've lasted from 30-58 minutes!
She otherwise seems great, or else I would get rid of her immediately. I never told her, "Don't talk on the phone all the time when you are supposed to be caring for my kids", because I thought that was obvious!!!
Our plan is to tell her that this is unacceptable, and that our phone is for emergency or childcare-related calls only. She can use her cell phone for personal calls if the children are both asleep. Is that reasonable? Should I charge her the $81 for calls she has made? I feel like I can't trust her at all anymore!
I'm surprised by the varying replies I have received. I don't see how in the world my phone plan matters, but for those who are curious - we do not have a long-distance calling plan, because we always use our cell phones. Our landline phone service charges $50/month for long distance coverage, even if we never make a call. We require a landline for emergencies and because that's how we let visitors enter from downstairs. Yes, all the nanny's calls are long-distance. They are basically to the same 2 numbers - one is her friend whom she was "helping find a job". Why that required daily calls lasting up to an hour, I have no idea. She calls the same numbers every day, sometimes 5 times/hour or more. So no, she is not calling to make an appointment or something reasonable like that.
I spoke w/ her this morning, and she offered to pay for the calls. She said that she would no longer talk on the phone, except for emergencies, while my children are awake. And she will use her cell phone for all personal calls. Of course unless I set up a camera, I have no idea what she's doing w/ her cell during the day. But I'm glad that she offered these things, because this was basically what I was going to require of her anyways.
And no, I never spend more than 5-10 minutes on the phone unless my children are asleep. They are at the age when they pretty much require constant supervision. Hence my concern about her spending so much time on the phone while they are awake...
Thanks for your help.
Just because she was talking on my personal phone WHILE one of my kids were awake, she'd be gone!!! It sounds like she is more interested in the phone than the actual kids.
I would talk to her about it. I would have her pay for the calls.
I also think that it is time for you to get a nanny cam.
I wish you the best with this.
I would definitely make her pay the bill and tell her not to do it anymore. That is completely unacceptable and disrespectful!
If you didn't specify that she can't be on the phone at all, I would give her the chance to change. Tell her that you got a bill for 80 dollars and you are really unhappy about it. But I have to say, if you told her--make yourself at home be comfortable in our house or we want you to feel part of the family, she may take that as you are fine with her making calls etc. As her what she thinks is fair---she may come up with docking her pay to pay for half or she may say she won't do it again--either way, you should give her the benefit of the doubt to allow her to change her behavior since she doesn't know that she did anything wrong!
M
I agree she shouldn't be on the phone. That said, she may not realize you have to pay for calls. We can call anywhere in the U.S. for no additional charge. She may have a similar plan.
Let her know how much the calls cost and ask her not to talk on the phone while the children are awake. You are paying her to watch your children, not talk.
Give her an opportunity to make good. :)
I would give her one warning, get clear with her on the rules, and if they are not followed, find a new nanny. I would charge her the $81 or take it out of her next paycheck. If there is a way to check your phone activity online I would do that daily, and not wait for the next monthly bill. I would not allow cell phone use except in emergencies (but that you won't be able to check on).
I didn't read all the replies, but here is mine.
As a former nanny (8 years with one family), and it was a while ago where every call was not logged in and charged, unless it was long distance for a land line. Are landlines different now? I have only had cell phones for a few years.
I just know when I was a nanny (just like now as I do home childcare), I still have to make calls to settle medical bills and other business related inquiries, and like many businesses, everyone goes on lunch breaks and it can be very hard to reach specific people over the lunch hours (when your children would be asleep). I don't know if these were some of your nannies calls, but consider the possibility, please. I know I have been on calls, waiting to speak to the Cell phone rep, medical ins Rep, etc, where I am on hold for as much as 15-20 min between all the transfers, just to get issues resolved.
I would not charge the nanny, but certainly have a conversation with her about your expectations (tactfully, gently, nicely) about use of your phone. Personally, I would have no idea (except for long distance) that land line phone calls were costing per minute, or being logged and monitored.
I make personal phone calls at work. I think that most people do. Yes, they don't last for very long, but I call my husband to see how his day is going. Or I call my mom to check on my dad, who's disabled.
Two things - I would approach with kindness. Maybe someone in her life is ill or having personal difficulties and she is shouldering that burden. Try asking why she's on the phone all the time without laying down a blanket "you may never talk on the phone." I know she's at work, but surely you can keep an eye on your kids while talking on the phone for one minute, and if she's a competent nanny, she can as well. I think that extended phone conversations should be off the table, of course, but try addressing the short chats first.
Second, why are you paying so much for phone service? It would never occur to me that short phone calls would add up to so much - they don't at my house. Again, approach with kindness. Let her know that you don't make many calls, and that it really racked up your phone bill. IMO, you should offer to cover it just this once, but then the cell phone request is more than reasonable.
If she's a great nanny and the kids like her, I'd consider this a "bump in the road." And remember, these may be nothing throwaway conversations, but they may not be. As of now, you don't know what else this woman has going on in her life.
Good luck.
I don't think you are overreacting, and I would do what you said...tell her it's unacceptable. She probably thought you'd never know...but obviously, your phone bill states otherwise. Who is she calling long distance, is what I would want to know?
Really, I'd get a new nanny. No reason to be on the phone at all while she's working...it's her job. Most people with jobs don't spend time with personal calls.
Sorry but she shouldn't be making personal calls at work. If she has some sort of family emergency, she should have let you know that and I am sure you would have come to some agreement about calls. If she needs to chat on her cell for a few minutes during her lunch that is something else. I would see what she has to say and then decide whether to give her a second chance. I have personally never had a job where making personal calls during work time was acceptable.
She should not be making personal calls at work when your children are awake. What she does while they are sleeping is up to you- is that considered her "break time"? I would have a conversation with her about the purpose of your home phone, when it should be used and let her know that in the future, any charges will come out of her check.
Regardless, your home phone is for childcare emergencies and for you to reach her, if needed.
When I was babysitting many years ago, once the kids were asleep I'd talk on my phone. I wasn't told that I wasn't allowed to and I'd bring my homework. I think in the future you need to write up an agreement BEFORE you hire someone stating things like...."no boyfriends, no guests, no calls outside of nap time, or no calls except for emergencies, blah blah". Are the kids old enough to report the things she does?
Now for my own children (2 and a half) if she is napping, watching a video or doing something that doesn't require my complete attention I may do a bit of laundry, calls etc.
In this case, I'd probably approach her first with the bill and see how she reacts. If you get a good feeling off of her maybe keep her, but really you need to set very clear ground rules before hiring...
Either way, I'D personally let her go. If she doesn't even respect you enough to NOT charge you $81 then she's not respectful..period. She may have felt that the kids were fine, but to call long distance???
Please do not ask her to pay the bill! How could she have possibly known it would cost you anything for her to make those phone calls? (It's been a long time since I've had a landline, and I have more than enough minutes on my cell plan to cover it.)
I would approach her kindly and let her know that your phone is for childcare emergencies only. That should be enough. I think the number of minutes used sounds a bit excessive, but I would never assume that using the phone would not be allowed. I multi-task. I make phone calls when my kids are not napping. She can do both!
If you don't feel you can trust her "at all", by all means let her go. If you believe in second chances, give her the bill and ASK her not to use your phone for personal call in future. If she can't pay all at once deduct twenty bucks a week from her pay until it is paid off. If she doesn't want to pay for HER calls, she should be history.
What many of us feel should be OBVIOUS, is not the way the real world works. I suggest you make everything you expect very clear to your care provider. I would put it in writing (a work agreement) and have her sign on the dotted line.
Blessings.....
How odd that some personal calls added up to $81.
Don't you have some sort of unlimited calling plan? I thought everyone did.
That said, are you ever on the phone for 30 minutes when your child is awake?
I would just talk to her about it (in a non-accusatory way). I'd pay the bill this time, make her aware that personal calls on your land line add to the bill, and ask her to use her cell. Check it next month, etc.
Fact is, she could be on her cell phone 4 hours per day and you'll never know it.
SO--what is the issue? The money or the time on the phone?
It makes me wonder how many times her friends have called her. You only know of the "outgoing" calls, which seem to be way too many, I am sure that many more have come through.
Since you already spoke to her, I would give her a second chance. However, I would either install a camera if you can or "pop" in whenever you have a chance and listen by the door, or have a friend/neighbor listen to see what is going on.
Regardless, she should be watching and entertaining your kids, not her friends.
You are overacting to the calls. But under reacting the charges of the calls. Just let her know plain and simple and very clear that you received your phone bill and you were charged $81.00 for her personal calls and that she should only use your phone things relating to your children and emergencies.
There are times were you need to make calls and check on your own family or take care of business for yourself so I don't think your nanny was really neglecting your children. If she is a full-time nanny she is probably working 10 hours or more per day and does not get much time to do anything as she does not get a traditional lunch hour.
I personally don't see it as a trust issue at this point. But if it happens again it means she does not respect you and then you need to let her go.
Hi J.,
If you have not discussed the phone use befoe I would not make her pay this time. With that being said I would let her know exactly how you feel and what you expect. Let her know that is not ok to make the calls and that if it ever happens again she will be expected to pay for the charged amounts. You might also let her know that you are not comfortable with her talking on the phone when your children are awake. Open communication will be key but remember to not be harsh because that will make this a bad situation and you said she seems great so this is clearly just a simple mistake.
Best Wishes!
I would definitely take the $81 out of her pay. She is not being paid to talk on the phone, and no this is not unreasonable.
I would tell her she can pay you the $81 or you will be taking it from her pay.
I think it's fine - not the charges, obviously - but the calls. Everyone multi-tasks - when you are home do you sit and stare at your children non-stop - even when they are occupying themselves just fine? Are your kids old enough to tell what she does when you are gone? Ask them if she is on the phone constantly. And not to beat a dead horse - but your phone plan is terrible - unless she was calling China you shouldn't be paying anything by call - heck you can get unlimited local/long distance from Vonage for $25 a month. Revise your plan, talk to your sitter about her phone habits - and move on. Unless you can prove she is neglecting your kids in favor of the phone then your trading one kinda unknown for another. Good luck.
I don't think you are over reacting and I don't think every detail of someone's job, common sense or courtesy should have to be spelled out! The excuse that you didn't tell her she couldn't use the phone is ridiculous.
one of my co workorker. s was making long distance calls at work durring work hours and they made her pay. She kept her job but was told not to make personal calls
the phone bill and the trust are two separate issues. was she aware that you have a service where you pay for every call? if not, she can't really be expected to take it into account (and why do you have such a crappy service? change that!)
on the other hand, the phone bill has given you an insight into her childcare routine that you would not otherwise have! i think it's perfectly acceptable to say 'NO personal phone calls while the children are awake' and since your phone is so expensive, that she must do any personal calls on her own cell phone.
and yes, i'm with you in that this should have been a given. but if you have to spell it out, you do.
however, if you truly feel that you cannot trust her now, even if you make your parameters very clear, you will have to let her go and find another nanny. but next time spell EVERYTHING out.
khairete
S.
As someone noted before, I would not ask the nanny to pay for the calls THIS time. If it happens again, maybe then. She didn't know about your phone plan, but now she does. That said, it would not be acceptable to me for our nanny to be spending time on her phone when she should be interacting (in whatever manner appropriate at the time -- playing, cooking, feeding, straightening-up, etc.) with your children. Our nanny even mentioned how annoying it is to see other nannies pushing strollers around the neighborhood and just gabbing on their cell phones -- both dangerous and not entertaining for the kids. It is one thing to take/make calls to check up on brief matters, schedules, etc. with her family, but an entirely separate thing for her to be just generally gabbing. Best wishes.
Maybe she did not know it would cost that much. Either way you need to tell her about the expense and the fact that the extra expense and talking on the phone while watching the kids is NOT ok. Charge her or not. She will probably be mortified and it won't happen again.
Were they long distance calls? Is so, it is reasonable to ask her to pay for it.
Oh Geeze! That's terrible! I don't think you're overreacting at all. Even if the calls were free, I'd have a problem with her on the phone for an hour while the kids are awake. She wouldn't do this if she were working a job. Good luck!
If you were being charged for things other than your phone bill I would definetly say something if not I would leave it alone. However do mention to her that she did add this to your bill. Discuss these calls with her and either ask that she limit her calls, you can set a limit or tell her that you will have to deduct this from her wages. If you are happy with her caring for your children and she is wonderful with them you could possibly say to her I realize that you have friends that you would like to keep in contact with but put a cap on the amt. She can call your phone company and ask that they cut in and tell her when she has spent whatever amt. each time she uses your phone. I'm sure if a call was made during which time one of your children were up, it could have had something to do with "how do I handle this". You dont' want to put to much of a high priority on this if you are really happy with her. It could cause her to start looking elsewhere. If she has the children in her care for a long period of time she probably just needs to let loose to her friends just as you or I would do. Just have a little chat you need not make a big deal of it. Good Luck and I do hope that you keep her on if she is of no other problem.
I DON'T think you are over-reacting at all....! I would be very upset. You trust the people who are taking care of your kids and that they will not be distracted by their personal issues. That is their job - leave the personal calls for their personal time.
My last nanny seemed great ALSO until the dog walker caught her driving my infant son around in her grandson's car seat. I had specifically told her there was no reason for her to drive him anywhere - I didn't even know what kind of driving record she had!
SO - you never know what is going on. My suggestion - install a nanny cam or several - they are relatively inexpensive for the peace of mind. And I would find another nanny...
She needs to treat the job like any other professional position. I was a nanny and never made personal calls, unless a dire emergency came up, while on duty with the kids. Even if they were sleeping. I see nannies texting and chatting on their phones all the time while at the playground, library, etc with the children they are supposed to be caring for and it drives me INSANE. I know how distracted I am when I'm trying to use the phone with my own children, so I certainly wouldn't PAY someone to be that distracted all the time. My child's safety comes first.
That being said, I would make her pay half and have a chat with her. (which sounds like you did.) You definitely are not overreacting.
To answer your question, yes, your plan is reasonable - and, yes, you should also deduct the $81 from her next paycheck. But really, if you can't trust her at all anymore, you should start looking for a new nanny.
I've had a nanny/nannies for years and I'd be furious that there are so many personal calls. Sure, nannies should be able to make some short personal calls during the day but the number of calls seems excessive and over 10-15 min while you're kids are awake also seems excessive. And she's only been there 3 weeks?? We've had our nanny for over 6 years so if along the way she had a personal crisis as we all do that required more phone time than usual, that'd be one thing. But in 3 weeks all this personal stuff? Maybe if you have her working 12+ hours a day, otherwise I think this is too much. I'd show her the bill and charge her for the calls that were over 15 min. Lots of companies track personal calls and this wouldn't be allowed... I'd also reconsider her as a nanny to be honest. Yes - nannies can use cell phones but occassionally our nanny leaves her cell phone by accident and now I wouldn't care bc my kids are older but when they were young, I did check quickly to see if there were any really long calls. And there weren't. People also say how nannies are always on the phone at the park ignoring their kids. I've had many people tell me that ours isn't one of those. So not all nannies are on the phone all the time.
be clear about your expectations and YES she should pay the bill. and if the kids are sleeping, she should be picking up, not talking on the phone unless it's really an emergency.
bad bad bad!
