Naptime Nightmare - Kelso,WA

How about letting him set a timer for him to have quiet time. When it's over, have him calmly help you in the kitchen or coloring or something else low stimulation (it continues the quiet time!). Keep the tv off and the lights off as long as you can.

Give up the power struggle because that's what it sounds like it is now more than anything. Change the situation and give him some control and choice without all mayhem breaking loose.

Teach him that when baby is napping... he has to WHISPER. And make quiet.
That is what I did, with my Daughter, when I had my 2nd child/baby.
She complied.

Next, make SURE your 3 year old is getting plenty of runaround time, in the MORNING. Boys, that age, are like young wild horses, and need to physically get out their yah-yah's, everyday.

I have a son.
He naps everyday, No battles. If he does not nap, he turns into a TROLL. And, he does not last all day, without a nap.
He needs it and still goes to bed at night, just fine.

Once I had my 2nd child, I had a DAILY routine... and both my kids napped, at the same time, for the afternoon nap. I told my eldest, it was ALSO "MY" nap time/rest time TOO. I and WOULD just put myself into a rest mode.... nothing turned on, no interaction, QUIET, and lie down on the sofa. My eldest, would then nap too.

all the best,
Susan

That was exactly my life this past summer. I battled with my 3 year old every day and tried everything - quiet time for an hour (he too would be a disaster by dinner), laying in bed with him and holding him until he was too tired of fighting and fell asleep, watching Barney instead of "napping" and nothing worked! He also would wake up his sister frequently and I was hating my life! The two things we tried that seemed to help were: sticking with the holding him in bed so that he realized we were serious and the sooner he slept, the sooner he could get up. Also, my husband used the method of standing outside his door with his ipod in and everytime he got out of bed, my husband would calmly go and tuck him back in. He didn't talk to him at all or respond in any way. Just over and over laying him in bed until he finally stayed there.

For us it was just a miserable phase and I lived by the idea of "this too shall pass". He now is napping daily with almost no effort on my part. We still lay with him while he is falling alseep because he needs the cuddle time but there is no more battle. He lays down and within 5-10 minutes is asleep. Just know that there is a light at the end of what seems like a very long tunnel!

Morning preschool for the nap hater. It'll tire him out and you will get private time with your younger son.
My 3 and a half year old got into far to many things for me to ever relax. One day I decided she need a peer group and I needed time out til the older one came back from school. I walked her to preschool and did grocery shopping or got a cup of coffee and walked her home. She ate if she was hungry and then without protest dropped into bed for her nap.

My rule is that if you're big enough not to nap you have to be big enough to be quiet during naptime. I'd talk to you big boy three year old and let him know that's the expectation. I would guess that nine times out of ten, if you let him do something quietly, like look at books, he'll fall asleep.

Have you ever heard of time out? Never ever argue with a child - doesn't work. Put him in a chair facing the wall and saying that he can stay there until he apologizes to you for his behavior. You may want to tell him that he has to be quiet but he can play in his room (hopefully they have separate rooms) by himself for an hour. If they don't have separate rooms take the little one and put him to bed on your bed or floor and put the other one in the bedroom with a child gate - show him when he can come out with a clock. Tell him the big handle is on the (whatever time) and when it reaches that time he can come out. Give him coloring books, cars, let him watch a movie if you have a place he can do so, etc.

Remember, you are the parent and yelling does nothing except frustrate you and your child. And it will only get worse the older he gets if this keeps up so might as well nip it in the bud now.

N.

There are three things you cannot make a child do: eat, sleep, or pee and poop when and where you want them to (sigh). Your child is telling you loudly and clearly that he is ready to stop napping. (My daughter was 18 months when I had to give up nap time for her...I cried....and I know how you feel.)

Give him a 20 quiet time with a small books (small), and set a timer to make it a real time.

The grumpiness will last for a while so be patient. He might fall asleep in his dinner plate but don't let him, and try not to put him to bed early because he will be up really early, unless that is okay with you.

First off, I would consider napping them separately. Put the 18 mo old down after his lunch and wait until about 3 p.m. to nap the 3 year old.

If he is fussy and cranky he obviously still needs his nap. I don't buy the fact that just because he is fighting it he is ready to give up naps. I have a 5 year old who still naps after kindergarten because he is busy constantly from the time he opens his eyes. We had bouts where he would fight his nap for a few weeks but I just stayed consistent and it would pass. I even had times where I told him that he just had to have quiet time, he could look at books in his bed. He almost always fell asleep. When he turned 4 1/2 I thought we could give up naps so I let him sit on the couch and watch TV with a pillow and blanket but he always fell asleep. So here we are today and he is still napping.

Also, try to get him out to run. Boys need to get their energy out during the day and they sleep better if they get out and run around. If you can't get outside consider having a "dance party" or getting him to do jumping jacks, etc. so he can get a little worn down. Of course you want to do this well in advance of naptime so he isn't all riled up when it is time to rest.

Have you considered reading to him before nap time? It can help him relax and wind down before napping so that he is ready to fall asleep. If you are just too stressed or are trying to manage the baby, pick up some read a long CDs to go with books he can read on his own. We also use lullaby CDs (like peaceful harp music) to cue their bodies to ready themselves for bed. I play them at nap and bedtime. It drowns out other noises until they drift off to sleep too.

Also, you sound like you need a break! TAKE ONE! Join a mom's group. Try meetup.com it's free! At least you can get out and talk with other mom's in the same boat and then you can make friends and enjoy a mom's night out once in a while.

Hang in there. I have two boys (3 and 5) myself I SOOOO understand. If you need to talk email me :o)

Hi!
If letting him watch a movie for "rest time" (not nap...very important at this age transition) is an option, it works great. My youngest is 3 1/2 and with all 3 of my kids when they got to this age we would have lunch and then lay down for rest time which includes a movie. If they cannot lay still or be quiet then they know I will turn it off for 1 hour but they still have to lay there. You will be surprised at how quickly he will fall asleep. :)

Hi Mama,

I completely understand your issues. I've worked with many 3 year olds over the years, and they do need that 'rest' time, but getting it done is tough.

I found, (and teach the parents who come to me for parent coaching), that when you try to make a 3 year old do anything, you'll get a fight in return. They want to express their independence, and will not give in.

Set a rule in the home, when your 18m old lays down, it's quiet time for all. Your son doesn't need to nap, but he does need to be in bed quite. Allow him to have books or "quite" toys, but that's it. Also make it a strict rule you will not play with him during this time period.

He probably wants your one on one attention and thinks he can get it during nap time. Make a "deal" with your son if he is quite during his time, (45 -60 minutes), you'll play with him after. If he falls asleep, make sure you play when he wakes, so he won't fight the nap to play with you.

Good luck!

R. Magby

I have three and I have found that with all of them, transitioning out of needing a nap was a long process...usually about a year from the time that they go from taking one every day to not taking them at all. So I would say that on the days when your 3 year-old fights with you about taking one, he most likely doesn't need one so you'll both be better off if you just let him skip it. I know its hard, I am in the exact same boat. I have 12 month-old who naps and 3 year-old who on most days now, doesn't. I miss the "me" time very much, but its just the way things go right now. Good luck.

Two suggestions; one - tell him that he doesn't have to go to sleep, but he has to stay in his room and play quietly for an hour. Set a timer in his room so he can see time passing. (of course this only works if they are in separate rooms) Also if there isn't a lot of toys in his room, he may just get bored and fall asleep on his own. Two - you can tell him that if he doesn't take a nap, then his bedtime will be sooner each night. Often if you say "I called the doctor and he said that you need 12 hours per sleep per day so if you don't take a nap you must go down x hours/minutes early to make up for it" They accept it more readily from the doctor than if you say it's your rule. Good luck to you! Nap times are hard!

It is really hard when they are 3 and not quite past needing a nap but fighting it hard. My son is almost 5 and is now watching tv and having his quiet time while my 2 year old naps. Soem days we do a craft. Unfortunately if he naps more than 30 minutes he fights bedtime. If you don't want to do tv maybe stories or quiet music might work. I tried quiet playtime but not with great success. Some little boys just can't seem to be quiet...