Need Advice About My Sons Behavior at Daycare

I was a daycare teacher for a class of 27 3 year olds and yes there is always going to be pushing and hitting amongst them. If the teachers are bringing it to your attention then it is probably not the normal 3yr old behavior and they want to help correct it before he gets older. Have you asked the situations so you know more clearly- is it any child or the same one?, it just kids or teachers too?, does he want a toy someone has or doesn't want to share a toy he has? I would ask fully so you can help them to be on the same page with his discipline. At school there should be the imidiate discipline and then maybe you could do a sticker chart at home for every good day and work up to so many good days then he gets something special. And start with 3 good days and work up to however many. He will out grow it eventually but you need to be on top of it right now. I just want to say that I had parents who said "well he's only 3" and yes he is 3 but what about when he is 4 or 5. It needs to be stopped at this age. Good luck this age is hard. They say terrible 2 but I think its the 3 because they know what is right and wrong.

I understand your frustration. My son was often aggressive at daycare too. I agree that 3 is harder than 2, and I think it is a difficult age for the child. They are very sensitive at this age to different stimuli. He may become agitatied when other children invade his space, or because he is hot. Even getting one less hour of sleep a night can make a big difference in their behavior, so make sure that he is getting plenty of sleep. Also, at this age they have a hard time empathizing with the child they are battling with (I don't think they really "get" the effects of their actions). I think the best thing you can do is talk with him about what the other child is feeling when he pushes or hits them, and try to get him to express why he is hitting.

Good luck!
A. G.

Why are you punishing him at home for behavior at school? The teachers at daycare should be dealing with the issue when it happens (time out, removing him from the situation, etc.)By the time you get home he may or may not remember the situation so punishing him is silly.

How about a little role playing with him. Have the teachers tell you when this behavior seems to trigger and try acting out the situation with your son. At 3 they know a lot but still have trouble finding the words to get their point across. Pushing and shoving is much faster than saying the words.

Of course he's going to be different at home because at home he doesn't have to share toys or wait for his favorite one.

K.,
Three year old boys can definitely be aggresive, but if this has been an ongoing issue then he is obviously beyond the "normal" three year old boy behavior or else the daycare wouldn't be having a problem.
You have to be honest with yourself...Of course he isn't having a problem at home, it is just him at home. You cannot even begin to compare that to how he handles himself at daycare where there are other children who he has to fight for toys and attention with. I have three boys and if I have the opportunity to have only one of them at home it is NIGHT AND DAY compared to how it is with the other ones home. My advice would be to try to speak with the daycare and work out a way to handle the situation so that you are on the same page.
I know where you are coming from with him only being three. It is so difficult to hear that your baby is being less than perfect, but in the preschools and kindergarten they expect A LOT out of these kids, so as much as it hurts us as mom's, we have to face it when they are misbehaving. If you don't, then it only hurts them in the long run. Just speak with his daycare. If they see that you care and that you are really trying, rather than saying "not my child!!", then they will be so much more tolerant! Trust their opinion, they have probably dealt with a ton of three year old's. Good luck!! He'll be fine. A lot of kids are fine when they are two and go through a tough time at this age. It won't last forever :)

Hi,

1. Please don't punish him at home for what he does at day care. He will not learn correct behavior from it. The consequences for hitting need to be dealt with at his childcare.

2. If the daycare is good, they are probably well aware of what to expect. So I would consider their information as a guide to what your son needs to improve on.

3. Most young children learn new social behaviors (sharing, etc.) when playing 1-1, in short, successful playdates. Then they can apply what they have learned in the larger childcare setting. So I suggest you set up playdates, with a similar-aged child who has learned these behaviors, and keep the playtime 1 hour at first. This can be at a playground, with a few mutual toys to share. Even small groups of 3 and 4 work well.

Best of luck.

Wow - my questions would be what is different at the day care - are they spraying for pesticides, doing a big disinfecting every other month.

Is it just at the day care? If it is in other social situations, I would make them short and successful. Then you can build on those as he learns to control himself.

Also, what is he eating during these periods. sometimes it is the sugar, junk food, dyes that are usually available in situations with multiple kids.

I also believe in having him on a good nutritional program - when the body has what it needs - it can handle the stress.

www.nosickvisits.com

L.

What are they doing at daycare when he misbehaves? I assume that there are consequences that he doesn't like. At his age the repercussions have to be pretty much immediate - taking away toys at the end of the day is just going to feel like you're bullying him, rather than trying to teach him something (I'm really not saying that to "guilt" you or make you feel bad - I know what it's like to be so frustrated with something).

He probably is just being a (slightly aggressive) 3 year old boy, but its everyone's job to help him mature past this stage. At this age, he probably just doesn't have the tools to respond in a positive way to a negative incident. Can you work with the daycare teacher to set up a reward system for good behavior?

You can also model positive behavior at home really specifically, i.e. "I'm really angry at you right now because you threw your dinner on the floor, but I'm not going to hit you because that would make us both feel bad. I'm going to walk away now."

I'm not saying never punish - if he hits someone and you're around put him in time out, take him home, take away dessert, whatever. But he still really needs to learn the right way to behave.

Good luck.