Need Advice Desperately - Tucson,AZ

My first grader has very little attention span. I just think of it as being a very intelligent child and he has so much to learn. I explain to him about the importance of school and how it can help him become smarter. He tells me that he wants to become smarter so that is the catch phrase that worked for him. He is very proud of himself as he reaches the goal we have set and he meets me at the door to tell me the good news. My son's teacher told me that he is an excellent student when he is doing something he wants to do. Spongebob comics hold his attention and getting him to read is the main goal right now. It works for him and it works for me. Sometimes with a child things go much more smoothly when you work at a happy medium together. I don't think anyone has a 100% right answer because all children are different but once you find out what makes her tick then things should be easier.

You can not get her to focus anymore than you can make her eat, not cry, or go to sleep! You can however her get her to want what you do and that will achieve your goal. first, find her currency. This is what she likes or treasures that is not necessary to her health. Perhaps, bike riding, coloring, tv watching, video games, etc.... the thing that she does everyday without fail. the toy she plays with, etc..... Once you have her currency, sit her down & be honest. Sweetheart, your job as a little girl is to go to school and learn as much as you can so you can be the best you that you can be. You are not doing a very good job of it right now. So, for the next 3 days, you will have to show me & your teacher the goods to get your goodie. So no more currency until I see you are doing your job properly. Remember, doing your job is your choice, you can choose wisely or not. The choice is yours. Then fill in the teacher as well & follow thru if she doesn't choose to get her job done on her own, then take the next step and let her know that you see that she hasn't chosen to do her job yet and so you choose to also take away _____________ currency as well for the next three days until she chooses to do her job properly. repeat every three days removing another beloved currency until she chooses to step up and be the best her she can be. She will test you and she will hold out for awhile to see if you follow thru, but once she sees you mean business, you'll be amazed what she gets accomplished. Everytime she asks for the currency, don't nag, don't lecture, just ask her question with your own, did you choose to do your job properly today, yesterday? When she says No, then say well then you have your answer then. This shows her again & again you are done talking, nagging, screaming etc... & that this is her problem to fix & that you have faith that she will choose wisely soon. She will figure it out that she has the power and all she has to do is her job properly. This works well for my two, ages 4 & 5. I have listed what my expectations are for them to do. 1. get dressed for school, hair, teeth, clothes, shoes, & anything they need to take with them to school.
2. put pj's in hamper & clear breakfast dishes before leaving for school
3. feed animals breakfast
4. behave at school & do assignments per instructions
5. Do Homework
6. straighten room & pick up toys through house & put away
7. excercise animals by running around backyard & petting them
8. clear dinner plates
9. dirty clothes in hamper & bathe body, hair, & teeth & put on pj's
10. We do a pop quiz of information, talk a bit about the day & say prayers

Now, i may remind them by asking them, what should you be working on right now? This gives them some independence and helps create a routine.

For them getting it all done, they get to watch tv, play video games or learning online games, they get to vote in the weekend family outing (chucky cheese, zoo, movies, swimming, library etc.... )

My daughter has gotten one yellow face in kinder & we didn't yell or shout or nag, me & my husband just said, oh honey, we are going to miss you this weekend. We hope you get this taken care of, it just won't be the same without you. So, what do you wish to do during fun time tonight ?(time they usually get to watch tv or play games) You want to do extra school work or housework? She picks it & trust me she got it. We got inlaws to babysit her during our fun family weekend time & had them cooperate not to do anything super exciting, but rather have her just tag along with them. She was bored bored bored & she was really upset that she didn't get to participate & i have seen nothing but cooperation from her since. Her teacher also stated a big change in her finishing her tasks quickly & properly.

I hope this helps you. It is still a work in progress here & it is so hard.

My advice is to use punctuation, because that was nearly incomprehensible.

IS your child getting enough sleep????
Does she sleep late at night or at a normal reasonable time?
Does she NAP?
At this age, sleep and naps are still very important.
Sleep deprivation... can definitely, in adults or children, affect focus.

Also, does she eat well and healthily? This also affects a child's ability to focus. For example, kids who do not eat breakfast or have a poor breakfast... cannot concentrate as well. Much less ALL day at school. AND many times, a child does not even eat or they hardly eat.... at school or what is served. So in actuality, a child may be so starving... all day at school. I have seen this myself, volunteering at my Daughter's school... so many kids, hardly eat or don't even eat at all, what is served in the cafeteria, nor what they may even have as home-lunch.
So, this is another factor, to think about.
Because if a child does not eat, they can get Hypoglycemic... and this affects attention/focus, for example.

all the best,
Susan

I'm going to throw some ideas out. Does the teacher have consequences for not doing homework? Is your daughter the only one or is this a problem with other kids. Is your daughter young (less mature) compared to her classmates?

The teacher mentioned holding her back. Its a drastic suggestion but not the worst thing, especially if she's on the younger side- barely 5. Are there other issues happening in the classroom? Can she focus at home on an age appropriate project- something she enjoys?

Since you mention recently having #3, could it be your daughter's way of having some Mommy time?

Some kids are just dreamers but I'd ask the school for an evaluation if you have any reason to suspect she might have attention or learning disabilities. Early intervention is always better than waiting.

Have you tried a positive reward system yet? I'm not sure what kind of behavior system that your teacher has set up but for my son, when he was in kindergarten, his teacher gave each kid a piece of paper with either a smiley face, a straight line face or a sad face at the end of each day, depending on how they behaved during class each day. When the get 10 happy faces, they can turn them in for a prize at the end of each week. Your daughter's teacher probably has a similar system set up right now. I'm just thinking that the prize that the teacher is offering may not be enough of an incentive for your daughter to want to pay attention and participate in class. It may be worthwhile for you to set up your own special reward that is something that she really wants -- a really big prize (for her) -- if she gets something like 50 smiley faces. The prize can be a doll, a movie date with you, a trip to Chuck E. Cheese, or something else that you know that she is really wanting at this time.

With the addition of your new baby (congratulations!), you may want to make a special point of setting aside 15 minutes each day just to spend time one on one with your daughter, playing games or reading to her -- just your special uninterrupted time -- if you are not doing this already. Also, you may want to consider whether or not the baby's crying and fussing during the middle of the night maybe causing your daughter to lose some sleep (if her room is in close proximity to the baby's), in which case, she probably will have a hard time concentrating during the day.

Hope this helps.

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my daughter doesn't even want to go to school bc she hates homework so much! is it only homework that she does this with? are you having her do it right after school? i was doing that with my daughter and it was much harder because she was coming home after 6 hours in school to do more work. so now i let her play for a while and then when she burns off all that energy, i have her do her homework. she is now in first grade and doing better

Hi there! What you can try is making time for just her and you alone. Just a mother and daughter time. That way she feels she is just as important as the new baby. Teachers I believe often forget that at this age, kids are distracted very easily and don't focus too much for too long. My son is in an all day kindergarten and he has a hard time sometimes as well. They put him in a time out chair to reflect on what he has done, and they teach them to put a pretend bubble in their mouth and they're not allowed to speak. It works for the most part. When he gets home I always sit with him and make sure he does his homework. I've also got Classroom Rules, Bus Rules, and Recess Rules that I have posted on the frig that we go over every single morning. If he breaks those rules there are consequences and they are followed through. Teachers have a part to play in this as well. When kids are in their classroom, it is the teachers responsibility to teach them respect of their authority along with your help there at home. It takes a lot of repetiveness and soon they will come around. :-) Hang in there. And I don't think they should hold her back. Perhaps she is smarter than what the curriculum is and she's bored out of her mind and therefore she acts out. She may need more of a challenge with the next grade up. Not to be held back. I think sometimes teachers are too quick to judge on that. In my opinion anway. :-) Hope this helps.

I think focus is something common in the kindergarten and first grade set. I have to ask my first grader to do something on average 10 times before she gets to it, and usually I have to yell to get her there. she just finds something else she would rather be doing instead of what I ask her to do. and she has no concept of time. Her school has some kind of behavior chart with color levels (blue is at the top is the best, followed by green which is good, yellow 1= 1st warning, yellow 2= timeout, orange = loss of recess, red = principal's office) they each have a clothes pin that they move up and down the colors depending on what they are or are not doing. She actually made her own chart the other day and I have been moving her clip up and down the levels and so far it has been working. It is pretty early in the year to be talking about holding back in kindergarten in my opinion. Is there a behavior system in place in her classroom. what is she having problems with? Does she need to be evaluated for ADHD? Is the guidance counselor involved? Some of our kids get pulled out for individual attention with learning. Maybe this is something she needs. I'm sure that having a new baby in the house has had some affect, especially with a one year old sibling. she may need some extra attention. Also, I second what another poster said about not enough sleep or food. Our school day is full day, so it is long for the younger kids.

There's really a lot to think about in your request, because depending on any number of factors, there could be a number of "best" solutions.

Homework in kindergarten (or even through 3rd-4th grade) can be demotivating – kids this age are still learning primarily through play. If she has to do more than a few minutes of review or practice each day, the homework itself could be the problem, especially if she's already had trouble staying on task at school. (See more on this at http://www.alfiekohn.org/books/hm.htm.)

If your little girl is dreamy and spacey, she may also have a touch of ADD. And the distraction of a new baby in the family can certainly make things worse. I don't think there's a way to make her focus, though you could teach her some useful study skills. Perhaps the best would be to break her work down into small, achievable bits. And she may need some relaxed one-on-one time with you in order to feel reassured about her place in the family, particularly if you've been impatient with her a lot.

Holding her back a year won't necessarily scar her psyche if you handle it matter-of-factly (it may actually be a lot harder for you to accept), and an additional year to mature a bit emotionally may actually help her a lot.

But if she's actually bored because she's very bright, then holding her back can make it worse. And mindless busywork in class or for homework can drive bright children into total, distracted boredom. (I almost flunked 3rd grade until I was tested and given a more inspiring curriculum.)

So do your best to find out what her actual needs are. You'll be in a better position to know how to address the problem. To help her talk about how she sees the issue and coach her in finding solutions, I highly recommend the practical and effective little book How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk, by Faber and Mazlish. Your daughter may be able to tell you a lot about what's going on.

I know what worked for me is saying to get 1 page done and then you get a 5 minute break to move around, then do another page and you get another 5 minute break to run out in the backyard or move around and play a bit. The breaks are for movement so he can focus on the next thing. I know it takes twice as long that way, but sometimes kids need extra movement to concentrate and such. Maybe setting up a homework space where she can stand up and do it as well next to a sit down place to give that option would work as well. My son has sensory integration disorder and we have a weighted vest that we made ourselves that also works. He used to do all the things your daughter is doing. Sometimes putting a hat on his head works along with letting him chew gum during homework time. Just giving some suggestions that work for me as they may be useful to you as well.

D. P.

Homeschool. This is normal for this age, but normal doesn't always fit well in a classroom where they want kids to sit and listen. Ask her teacher if the homework is necessary. Homework is often busy work. She should be LEARNING at school. The work sent home should be supplemental.

Your daughter is normal. She needs lots of physical activity daily to help her learn. Don't make her feel like something is wrong with her!