Need Advice on 2 1/2 Year Old

Hi M.,

I don't have any advice but would love to hear other responces. My almost two year old was nutso yesterday too. She is normally an angel but suddenly is acting out and uncooperative. Last night she didn't want to wear a diap to bed, or pj's or go to bed naked. She was completely irrational all day long.

I think he is wanting more attention from you. I have 4 kids and when I was expecting the next child, each of them acted out. Spend some time with him, read some books, play with him and talk to him about being a big brother and all that he can help you with so he does not feel left out.

I have always said whoever came up with the saying "terrible two's" did not have to deal with a three year old. Three year olds are alot more difficult. They can volcalize better and they are trying to figure out boundries. Time out is a good start. If it's not working start taking things away (like his favorite toy he just got for Christmas). He then has to earn the toy back. When he does something positive reward him by giving things back. I have three children ages 16,17, & 18. The biggest lifetime advice I can give you is no matter what the punishment you follow through completly! If you say their grounded for a week, they are grounded for a week. Period. So before you lay down the punishment make sure it's something your willing to follow through with.

I have no idea why people say terrible 2's. Three is way worse, especially for boys, (I think). It's normal and he'll calm down, but not for a while. Stay calm to teach him to be calm. Use whatever works...timeout, distaction, ignoring, whatever. Once, you find out what works, use it. Honestly though, my best advice is to stay calm. For your own sanity. This is also a great age to start learning words for every feeling. Ask him. "Are you angry...are you sad....are you happy?"... Also, encouragement is huge right now. Any time he does something good, focus on that. Try not to give the negative much attention. Give yourself a timeout when you need it. You may need to wait until daddy gets home, but give yourself at least 10 minutes a day, (at least the hard days). A bath soak at bedtime, a couple chapters in a book, a walk around the block. Don't let yourself call a friend, or spend it with your husband, or doing housework, you deserve a 10 minute "YOU" break every day. It really helps. Remember, your son is normal. It's so frustrating but try to think of what he's going through and that it's all a phase of learning emotions and independence. You'll do great.

Hi M.,

I know exactly what you mean. I have a 5 1/2 year old and a 3 1/2 year old. What I have noticed is that the acting out will come and go, it gets worse and better and any breaks in your and your children's routines will bring on these episodes. Be patient and stick to your guns. The best thing to help him through this is to make sure that you keep your boundaries and discipline consistent.

I know that it may seem not to work at times, but he should bounce back pretty quickly once he sees that despite the routine being off, you are still saying the same things and expecting the same behavior.

I know that when my children break toys and are destructive with their things or mine, I put the things up high and out of reach and let them know that they will not have these things to play with until they demonstrate the ability to appreciate the toys and play nicely.

N.

It is normal at this age. Funny as I never had terrible twos with either of my kids now (3 1/2 and 6). My daughter literally was the perfect child until almost 3, then lordy, the tantrums, defiance and just not listening. She finally started outgrowing it at about 4 1/2. My son who is now 3 1/2 and hated me being angry or ever getting into trouble is now testing my very last nerve. Doing things right after I told him not to, testing me. I keep hearing from all my friends between 3 and 4 is the hardest and now I am a believer!! It is normal however it is important you stay firm on boundaries and discipline. Do not back down, give in and let him know if he breaks his toys they are gone forever. I tend to be a tad over the top with them taking care of their toys but I let my son break one of his (not let him but when he did I taught him a lesson), then put it in the trash. I let him watch Toy Story, which helped believe it or not with the mean boy that was abusive to his toys, I continue to let him know if they are broken, they are gone. He is getting a lot better. He isn't destructive intentionally most of the time, more curious how things work, wants to take things apart. The best lesson I learned as a child was when I took apart my bike with the neighbor boy , then couldn't put it back together, I was devestated! My dad let that bike sit in my garage ALL summer, telling me if I thought I could do that then I best figure it out how to put it back. I missed my bike so much. Finally my dad put it back together right about fall time, I had to go all summer without it. I NEVER took anything apart again!! :) Hang in there, just a phase and with consistency he will grow out of it!

Is anyone in your house experiencing mega emotions? Young children often reflect the emotional energy of other people around them. Get down on his level - eye to eye - and ask him to describe what he's feeling. Ask him for a picture, color, what it feels like, where in his body he feels it and if he says he can't, ask him to pretend he can and imagine the answers. The information he gives you should provide the clues you need to understand what's going on.

I hope this helps.

M.

your son is overwhelmed -- hide some of the stuff he got for christmas and give the toys to him later one at a time. give him lots of love and less stimulation no-- tv, no sugar, just read quietly and go out in nature.

Sometimes when my son is acting out, it's because I've been too busy to play with him very much. It usually takes me awhile to realize it! I was getting after him for misbehaving one time, but was getting no response, and then I remembered reading that "there are no rules without relationship." It occurred to me that our relationship had fallen away lately, so he either didn't care if he was misbehaving, or he was just trying to get my attention. Anyway, now I keep that in mind as a factor, in addition to sickness, hunger, etc.

My son is a very polite very well behaved three year old but about the same time your son did he started doin the same thing throwing toys, telling me what to do. I think part of it was his age and part of it was being at grandmas(papa aka my moms boyfriend gives him whatever he wants) but with Hunter I was just consistent with discipline and ignoring him when he threw his fits. I think time outs are good too Hunter goes to his room when he misbehaves which he hates doing cus he has to go up the stairs to do it lol. I hope that helps a little. If you ever wanna talk more since our sons are so close in age feel free to email me.

I know this is a bit late for your question from yesterday, but I wanted to identify that this could still be related to a sleep issue. You mentioned he was tired from Christmas (most kids are), but one nap and even one good night's sleep is not necessarily enough to take care of that. From the behavior you describe, it sounds like your little guy is still a bit overtired. Really make an effort for the next week to two to be very consistent with naps and bedtimes. At his age, he should be getting about 12.5 hours total sleep, usually 1.5 hours napping and the rest at night. Some children need a little more or less sleep, but this is average. Missing out on a little sleep often is not noticed until the child has built up a deficit over one or more months, so it may take a little while to get your good-natured boy back if he is just overtired. Good luck! I hope this helps.

I know we had a really rough day with both our boys. I would guess if the problems started today, that a few days of making up some extra rest will help. As tired as our boys are, they are still having a tought time sleeping.

My other thought, is has he started a cold due to being tired?

I'd give it a week before I got too worried about it being permanent behavior. That doesn't mean that you can't use this as training time. He does need to know that this is not okay behavior. You just have to judge, how much is due to being tired, and how much is due to misbehavior. Also, you have to decide, how much slack are you going to give him at difficult times like when he's tired or sick. I know when I'm pregnant I am not a good judge of this. I usually get a reality check from my husband for those kind of decisions.

Hang in there! This is a trying but fun age!

If your son in used to a specific schedult (at noon - it's nap time, come hell or high water), the differentness of Christmas could just have him off. I'd get him back to his normal routine as soon as possible and see how he's doing after a day or 2.

And, other than that - he kinda sounds like a 2 year old (sorry!). You just have to say no and take things away.

Totally normal behavior.. my son just turned 3 and it felt like he was being so bad before his birthday came around.. don't worry, your loving child will be back soon.
Kids grow in waves, typically you'll notice bad behavior at 2 1/2 and then again at 3 1/2.. so I'm told.
Hang in there.. try to talk to him and explain that when he does bad things he'll get punished or toys taken away until he can behave better.. that seemed to work for us.

In my experience, you will all of the sudden get to this age where your little angle will start testing your boundaries, and you may wonder where you have gone wrong, or him for that matter. He may be tired, hungry, and many other numerous things may be happening. If you are pregnant, I am sure you are tired and it may make you feel sad if he is acting out all of the sudden. I had three in a row. For me when they got to that age I felt like they needed to have very consistent boundaries, which I know is hard when you are pregnant. A book that really helped me with my kids and I always try to refer back to is called "Love and Logic". I don't know if there are any in the south routt libraries, but I have seen them in the Bud Werner Memorial Library.

Hi,
I agree that christmas in general can throw them off, it's a wild time. However 3 seems to bring a change in behavior and more testing and whining etc. At least that is how it has been for me an many of of my friends who have 3 year olds. I am not sure where the term "terrible twos" came from but two was easy compared to three. With that said, three is also an absolutely amazing time for these kids and for parent's to watch and participate in the growth. Continue to be firm with your discipline and know they will test you to the end of your rope but stick to your rules and consequences and it will correct itself but if you bend the rules they will continue to push. I've found, they are really just trying to understand the rules and boundaries. They are still only 3 or 2 1/2 and trying to learn. Just because you've told them five zillion times doesn't mean they understand or want to do it or remember... it takes a lot of patience.
Best of luck
L.

M.,

My son started doing that at that age. Make sure he gets lots of rest, Spend some special time with him, We also gave down time for our son which REALLY helped. WE would put him in his room to play by himself for about 30 minutes, Put his favorite music on. Now that he is 4 years old, he bags for his down time, ITs good for everyone. Another thing that helps is making sure that you get out and do things to get his energy out. My son freaks when he is tired and has to much energy. HE gets very frustrated and angry. Eventually he will grow out of it. Just dont let him take control of your life. It has been a Struggle for me as well. 2 1/2 is a tough age. Hang in there.

I don't know the whole situation but I bet he's over tired. I would try to extend naps and sleep time for a few days to make up for the lost time at Christmas. My little baby's been a little more difficult the past few days and we've been thinking that the lost nap or hour or two of sleep here and there these past few days is probably to blame....although all that Christmas fun was worth it :-).