Need Advice on a Custody Issue

I would ask him if he'd be wiling to start off SLOW if he really wants to start his visitation again. Maybe instead of every other Saturday for the whole day, how would you feel about a few hours at first? Then building up. You can't just leave a 17 month old for an entire day w/someone she doesn't even know in my opinion. And, by the way, my ex was the SAME EXACT way. He barely saw my daughter until he got a girlfriend. Then he even took me to court to get more custody!! So anyway, you are not alone. Thankfully, the girlfriend has been around for a few years now and they are even getting married. So my ex has been seeing our daughter VERY often for the past 4 years or so. I just try to remind myself it's better for her to have him in her life...... Even if it's because of another woman.

First of all, block them both from your FB account. That's a ridiculous way to communicate. She's a "girlfriend". Ignore her. If he wants to see his daughter, he knows where to find you. Does he need his girlfriend to fight his battles for him? Oh--they're having a baby--lucky her--NOT. You'd think if she sees the way he ignores his daughter she'd get a glimpse of his true personality--but most likely that is why he's lying and telling her that you won't LET him...otherwise she'd realize what a loser dad he is and will be to her child as well.
Keep a log about the times he does not get her for his scheduled visits. And yes--you probably do have to let her go if he has an interest in resuming visitation. I'll bet it's the chick who is more curious about meeting your daughter though.

You need to make sure you keep a record of every visit that he missed, whether he called or not to cancel, etc.

I would, at this point, since he is now pushing it because of the new girlfriend, contact your lawyer. His visits would need to be supervised given that your daughter doesn't know him and he doesn't know her. If he doesn't have any experience with children I would request-thru the courts-that it be mandatory he attend parenting classes.

Well, if he tried to see her on one of "his" Saturdays, technically you are the one in violation of the court order. Unfortunately court orders don't usually define that a parent MUST take the time allocated to them.

If you've carefully documented the missed visits, you may find a sympathetic judge that will modify the order in your favor. But don't count on it, it is almost universally accepted that spending time with the other parent is in the best interest of the child. If you haven't remarried, chances are slim that a judge would ever allow the father to relinquish his rights. Also, if you can't demonstrate that he would be a danger to your child there is little chance of a modification.

I don't know what you mean "She is trying to get me in trouble" when referrring to the new girlfriend. She has no rights when it comes to your daughter. While she probably isn't helping things, she can't do much either.

My ex-husband also doesn't honor his visitation. I managed to get a non-standard order from the start--he can't take her anywhere, the visitation occurs in my home at whatever level of supervision I deem necessary. I am flexible with days and times (I even take her to him sometimes), but I don't bend over backwards and he is never allowed to drive her anywhere. He's seen her twice this year and both time I took her to him.

Good luck. You probably need to look into getting a lawyer and take this back to court or mediation.

I would go back and keep a record of when he did or didnt see her and ask to have the custody order modified if you do not feel comfortable with him visiting with her. It should not be only when he decides he wants to see her. Sometimes children are better off with not having both parents. It is hard on them when people walk in and out of their life. You can show that you have documented everything and that he has not exercised his current visitation order. Good luck.