Need Advice on Constant Crying

Updated on March 09, 2009
R.K. asks from Coppell, TX
38 answers

Hello ladies, I am in need of some newborn advice. My 16 month old was a pretty easy baby so I am not quite sure how to handle this situation. I have a 3 1/2 week old who does not seem to like being put down. About 90% of the time he cries whenever he is laid down in a swing, bouncy, crib etc. He is completely fine when he is being held but once you lay him down, and he could be fast asleep, he starts crying within 5 minutes. It isn't so bad during the day, unless I am home alone with he AND my 16th month old, but it is killing me at night.

Did anyone else have this problem? If so, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE help!

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C.T.

answers from Dallas on

I think she is way too young to be taught much of anything. Put her in a sling and carry her around. However, every day I would try the bouncy, swing, etc. for a short time to try to get her used to these things. My son was much the same way and only took not more than 30 minute naps for the first 3 months and he was a very heavy baby, so I can totally understand. At night, I would just sleep with her so everyone is getting some sleep. Congratulations and good luck!

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L.W.

answers from Dallas on

Get a hot water bottle and fill it with comfortable hot water. Wrap the child snuggly and place the hot water bottle adjacent to the body. Also, might play classical music on low volume. Doctors will not tell you but you might try feeding the infant a low dose of cereal prior to be putting to bed for the evening. If the child is fed/dry/and not in harms way, allow the child to cry... Good luck.

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C.T.

answers from Dallas on

I had the same problem with my son. One solution that worked was to wrap him tightly in his blanket (arms in). It seemed to make him feel like someone was holding him. At about 4 weeks the doctor put him very thin cereal fed through his bottle. Only then did he start sleeping through the night. He was 9 pounds 2 oz. The doctor said he was not getting enough food.

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B.M.

answers from Dallas on

It is so hard to care for a newborn and chase a toddler at the same time. I recommend a baby carrier of some sort. I really like the Moby Wrap, but try different styles until you find one that works for you. My 2nd daughter was colicky. She was happiest when she was swaddled and in the laundry room. My laundry room was basically a closet. She liked the noise and the dark and the warmth.
You should also check diet. Yours if you are breastfeeding or his if you are using formula.

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K.V.

answers from Dallas on

Hello R. I know exactly how you feel. My 3 yr old Jerin was the perfect little baby and then Kambrie came along and through everything off. She cried 90% of the time no matter what we were doing for the first 3 or 4 months. I was so close to Jerin and then a had this baby that didnt seem comforted by me. She just cried all the time. I was fortunate to have a supportive husband and my grand mother living next door. Dont get me wrong she has grown into a beautiful sweet girl but she still challanges me every day. I can say that it will pass.

I can tell you a few things that helped us survive. It may not be dr recomendation but it helped. Put the baby in bed with you. Both of ours slept with us. Now Kam is 18 mon, and she sleeps by herslf in a toddler bed. Its not forever. I have to admit it was comforting for me as well. We changed her formula and that helped. And we also starting putting a dab of cereal in her bottles. My husband has walked many miles around our house tring to sooth kam. Bouncing on the exercise ball helped sometimes. Swadding was perfected by my dh, he could always do it better than me. :)

fyi I had post pardum and didnt feel happy until i got meds. Dont be afraid to ask for help. 2 is way way different in 1. Good luck to you. Things will get better. I promise.

Good luck to you

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L.D.

answers from Dallas on

I second (third?) the swaddling advice. In the early weeks, we would put our daughter to sleep swaddled in her bouncy seat with the vibrate on and a paci propped in her mouth. Whatever works! I can't imagine how frustrating and exhausting this must be for you. Rest well, mama.

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S.W.

answers from Dallas on

Try the 4S technique - swaddle, shush, sway, and suck. Swaddle the baby so he's nice and warm and tight (like he was in your womb). Make a shushing noise and don't be afraid to be loud because this is similar to the sounds he hears in the womb. Sway back and forth while you hold him. Give him a pacifier to suck. The sucking action is actually a natural soothing method.

If you've tried these techniques and it still doesn't work, he might be gassy or colicky (especially if he's squirmy and wants to bring his legs up to his body). If that's the case, try over-the-counter drops for colicky babies.

If THAT doesn't work, you might ask your pedi about whether he could have reflux or GERD.

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L.R.

answers from Dallas on

My second baby was the same way. At his 2 week checkup, the pediatrician said at this point, he could just be the 1 in 10 fussy babies. Within that week it turned out that he had a UTI (urinary tract infection) and had to be put on antibiotics. He still fussed all the time. It wasn't colic or aversion to milk. He was just a hard baby. He did have another UTI at 2 months old, so it could have been he just didn't feel good most of the time. He cried or fussed whenever he was awake. Slowly, it got better over time. At 6 mo old I remember thinking, wow--he goes for 20 min at a time now, then 30 min, etc. So, I guess I'm not really telling you what the problem could be with your child--just another mom telling you that it gets better with time. Just hang in there! Good luck!

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B.C.

answers from Dallas on

There is nothing wrong with your baby this is perfectly normal. Your baby has just bonded with u very well. I know because I just had a baby 5 months ago and he did the same thing your baby does. I figured out that I had to lay him down as soon as he falls asleep .don't let your baby get its nap out laying in your arm and then when u lay him or her down he or she wakes up. U have keep laying him down til he gets use to it.

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K.S.

answers from Dallas on

Although the baby may have a reflux problem, I am highly suspect these days of the number of people, infants and adults, being diagnosed with acid reflux problems.

I vote for the swaddling. At such a young age, baby is missing the constant swaying motion and the noises and shadows of living in the womb for 9 months. No heart beating. No stomach gurgling. It's a pretty drastic transition especially after you get pushed through this little ten centimeter opening that squashes all your cartilage and internal organs up.

Snugli's had just come out when I had my first child, and I loved it. I was so in love with my baby that I loved holding her or lying with her on my tummy, but of course, you have another child to care for as well.

I get so frustrated seeing moms in a waiting room or restaurant who pick up their babies when they fuss and start bouncing them up and down as though to calm them with stimulation. I really suspect that their well-intentioned efforts have the opposite effect. The babies grow up to be children who can't sit still or who never learn to calm themselves.

I loved holding my oldest so much that at nine months she didn't want to be put down to sleep unless she was already asleep. The doctor told me to bite the bullet and put her down and let her cry it out. It only took one night of about 45 minutes of crying and we had no more problems.

Now that was a 9 month old, not a 3 1/2 week old.

I'll have to look for the book folks have been mentioning. My daughter is due with her second in about 5 weeks.

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B.S.

answers from Dallas on

Definitely check on the reflux issue many mentioned. But, also swaddle the baby snugly in a receiving blanket and see if this helps him feel more secure.

God bless.

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M.W.

answers from Dallas on

Hi R.. I feel your pain! We are going through the exact same thing with my 5 week old daughter. She went to her Pedi on Monday and was diagnosed with reflux. :( We are now thickening up her formula with rice cereal and started giving her Prevacid Solutabs last night. I am hoping this all helps because holding her all the time is exhausting! Good luck to you!

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K.D.

answers from Dallas on

I agree with your son being to young to be "taught". Happiest Baby on the Block changed our life! Get the DVD it has some sounds on it that will help baby be comfortable! My son had milk and soy allergy which was why he was so fussy. Talk to a pedi GI. They will check him for reflux, GERD, and allergy. My heart goes out to you! In our case, it got better within a few weeks!

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K.T.

answers from Dallas on

My son did the same thing, and turns out he had reflux. He wasn't a spitter-upper, so I had no idea. I found Mylanta to be more helpful than Zantac or Prilosec. Good news was that he eventually grew out of it!

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C.P.

answers from Dallas on

I had this same thing happen with my first. I took up baby wearing with a maya wrap. She was a much happier baby after that and I was able to use my hands to do and handle things. Then at night we would co-sleep with her, we also ended up getting one of those amniotic fluid sound bears. I also watched and practiced some of the things from "The Happiest Baby on the Block." I know it must be different and more difficult with the second but am getting ready for the same thing, I am due March 5th with my second.
I am also in agreement that it could be reflux and propping the baby up for a minimum of 30 mins after each feeding is imperative.

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P.G.

answers from Dallas on

Check out Dr. Karp's "happiest baby on the block", and also make sure the baby doesn't have reflux or something like that. Good luck!

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K.G.

answers from Dallas on

is the baby being swaddled? If not try a swaddling blanket.
Try also a sound machine-- my little one did not like having dead silence and would only fall asleep if there were white/back ground noise... sound machine-- Radio shack has them for under 35$
Make sure he is burped completely too--

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T.M.

answers from Dallas on

My Zoe is the same. My doctor told me from the start she would be happy when held but very difficult when not in contact with me. It was strange to hear because I have two older "normal" kids. The dr. said she is perfectly normal just high needs. It is her temperament and I just wore her in a Bjorn or carried her in the day and slept with her at night. She is 7mo. and still hard to get to sleep and stay asleep. She plays fine and is happy most of the day, but is going through a little separation anxiety witch the dr. said would be worse than most. Anyway, just know that he may not be able to help it. He may just be wired to need you. Seriously, if by now, weeks after your request, he is still a crier, then maybe you should look into the high needs baby advise. If not, hey lucky you. If so, just be proud your baby is smart enough to get what he wants:)

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A.C.

answers from Dallas on

I suspect acid reflux.

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R.C.

answers from Dallas on

This is about the time that acid reflux makes itself apparent. Maybe ask your doctor about that...my daughter did the same thing, and once we got a handle on it she was the happiest baby ever.

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E.W.

answers from Dallas on

I definitely agree with the swaddling - we used the miracle blankets until our dd was 4 months old. I also received a soothing motions glider made by fisher-price that was a total life-saver. DD slept in the glider for the first 2 weeks (swaddled and with the belt buckled over the swaddled baby), and she took all her naps in it during the day. She has reflux and it helped because it kept her head inclined. Its almost like a hammock and it holds the baby pretty snug. It isn't too pricey compared to the Amby baby bed, which I have heard works wonders too. Good luck and just remember it won't last long!

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A.J.

answers from Dallas on

You baby probably has silent reflux and or colic. I have been through the same thing with all 3 of my boys (ages 6,4& 2) I would try some liquid mylanta origonal 1/4 teaspoon 2-3 times per day. and call your dr and talk with him/her about silent reflux and see if you can get a script for prevacid.

also swaddeling your baby really helps so swaddle him like at the hospital and seek support because a baby constantly crying can be very hard on you emotionally.

good luck
A. J

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M.B.

answers from Dallas on

Try Dunston Baby Language. The library in Lewisville has it to check out, maybe your local library does ,too. It may help you identify why your baby is crying. They were right on with my baby's cries.

At two weeks she was screaming most of the night. I was going crazy. I had a three year old, too, so no catching up during the day. Turns out, she was an extremely gassy baby. I'd have to burp her ever 15 minutes for about an hour after she ate, then she was fine. She also had a tenancy to over eat, which also added to the problem. She's still very gassy at one year.

Good Luck!

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W.H.

answers from Dallas on

My oldest son is like this. It is actually his personality. His love language is physical touch and he is sensitive. He is over 4 now and looking back I could see that he just loved being held. I had several "carriers" that I would strap on me during the day so he could sleep and honestly my husband and I had him sleep on us until he was older. I know this isn't an ideal solution, but I know how desperate you feel. The first couple of months are hard and it will get better!

I read Good Night, Sleep Tight by Kim West and it helped with some of it as he got older. I'm a believer that babies cannot self sooth until around 4 months and I wasn't a big cry it out advocate. She gave good advice that worked for me.

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M.H.

answers from Dallas on

I am writing this with the asumption that you are breast feeding. My son was the same, and after trying several "colic" techniques, I started cutting things out of my diet. It turned out he was intolerant to any kind of dairy, peanuts and oats. At 12 months he can is now eating dairy, but we still cannot have oats (still breast feeding). If he is happy when he is upright, he may have gas or refulx. For gas, gently pump the legs until has starts coming out. Extreme gas can also be caused by food intolerances.

I personally don't believe that babies cry for no reason. It just takes investigation and patience. GOOD LUCK!!!

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K.W.

answers from Dallas on

this is actually normal behavior for many newborns. Please investigate Dr Karps Happiest Baby on the Block techniques before you medicate. It is rarely stomach problems that cause crying, it is an immature neurological status that keep baby from being able to self soothe most of the time. These techniques really work for all babies on some level. I teach a class in these techniques and I have never seen a baby not respond in 5 years.
K. @ The Nestingplace

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A.R.

answers from Dallas on

Could be upset tummy. Have you asked your pediatrician about acid reflux problems? Baby shouldn't be crying so much. Sounds like something is bothering him.

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H.H.

answers from Dallas on

I had a very crazy baby and suggest that you just need to do what you can do to get through the day at this stage. You might find that a baby bjorn or a sling will help. Once my baby was about 6 weeks old he started loving the swing. Once he loved the swing that gave me some down time from holding him.

It would be great if you had some help to make it through the next few weeks even if it is just for a few minutes to give you a break.

Just hang in there because it does get easier...and as the weather gets nicer the park is great with a toddler and a baby in a sling.

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A.K.

answers from Dallas on

Sounds like colic--have your diets evaluated.

Otherwise, maybe he's just a high-needs baby, read the Dr. Sears book--(it's the only one of his I liked).

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K.S.

answers from Dallas on

This sounds exactly like my daughter who is now 8 weeks old. At 4 weeks old what you are describing happened to me. We noticed a little before 4 weeks old but it really peaked then. She couldn't be put down for anything even at night we were sleeping in the recliner with her. After a visit to the dr it was determined she had acid reflux (very common in babies because the bottom of the esophogaus isn't fully closed). When we were laying her down the acid would start coming up and she would start crying/screaming. Once she started Prevacid, she was a totally new baby in 2 weeks. So happy, could be put down, etc. The doctor recommended to us having her sleep on an incline. We had a wedge but also propped up one side of the bed. She also slept in the bouncer for those 2 weeks. Not sure if this is your issue, but it sounds familiar to me since I just went through a similar issue. And it seems like the crying will never end or the sleepless nights of sleeping in the chair with our daughter. Good luck.

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L.R.

answers from Dallas on

Have you tried swaddling really snug?

I'm also curious if baby is uncomfortable. Reflux or something that flares up when laid down.

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A.G.

answers from Dallas on

This was the age when my daughter's acid reflux became apparent. When they are upright (being held) gravity helps keep it down, but when you lay them down the acid "leaks" out into their esophagus and burns them. You might ask your pediatrician to rule this out, as untreated it can lead to ulcers and eating issues. Good luck!

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J.F.

answers from Dallas on

SWADDLING IS MOST IMPORTANT!!! I swear by it!!! My newborn kept crying until someone bought me a book that saved my life! ~ No kidding! Now I swear by it!! It's called "The Happiest Baby on the Block" by Harvey Karp. Here's his secret to a happy and non-crying baby. Please try it...I promise you it will work.

5 S's:

* Swaddling. This is the art of snuggly wrapping your baby to provide warmth and security. Babies are often calmed when they are wrapped tightly as this sort of mimics the way the baby felt in the womb. Swaddling is one of the most effective ways to calm and quiet your fussy baby.

* Side/Stomach position. You place your baby, while holding her, either on her left side to assist in digestion, or on her stomach to provide reassuring support. Once your baby is happily asleep, you can safely put her in her crib, on her back

* Shushing. Most parents do this; they just don't do it loud enough. The shushing is the normal "shah" noise that we all instinctively make when a baby cries, but babies really do like this noise. This noise mimics the noise in the womb, so babies will feel calm and safe. Dr. Harvey Karp has demonstrated that doing this noise right next to the baby is often very effective.

* Swinging. Swinging, whether it's in the arms of the parent or in an infant swing, swinging is highly effective in calming a baby. Again, swinging motions are comforting to the baby because they are similar to the way the baby would move from side to side in the womb when the mother would walk before birth. Swinging is a great way to calm your baby!

* Sucking. Sucking often allows babies to work out their aggression so it is a great resource for parents that are trying to calm their agitated baby. Sucking can be done on a pacifier, bottle, or the breast. Sucking is natural and babies are often able to work out gas and colic pains through sucking.

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A.C.

answers from Dallas on

I didn't read all of the other advice, but my first thought would be, is he cold? Maybe coming off the heat of your body makes him cold, so I would try bundling him up really good in nice warm pajamas, and definitely try swaddling.
Good luck!

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K.M.

answers from Dallas on

Have you had his ears checked? My son had his first ear infection at his four week checkup. He would cry when he was put down like you described. Lying on his back created more pressure on his ears and it hurt, according to the doctor. I still put him on his back because of SIDS, but we often strapped him into his infant carrier car seat and put that in his crib so he could sleep at an incline. Later we purchased a wedge for his crib that just elevates one end of the mattress slightly. If it is an infection, check out the block center with Dr. Mary Ann Block online. She has a video of how to massage the kids so their ears drain. We just started it two days ago, so I can't give personal experience, but my friend and other testimonials say it is amazing and can keep them off antibiotics. Good luck!

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E.C.

answers from Dallas on

My little one was as quiet as a mouse during the day. Actually, thought something was wrong. Then at night she would be up quite a bit even into a few weeks after being born. My first and second were so different. I ended up just putting her in bed with me because that is the only way she would sleep (and I could sleep). I always was against this idea; however, apparently she needed that cuddle. She is now 7 months old and sleeps in her crib all by herself in her room. She actually didn't start sleeping through the night completely until around a few weeks ago. My first started sleeping through the night at 3 months. If you don't want to put her in bed with you, then try rocking or other soothing measure to get her to fall asleep before you lay her down. Good luck!!

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S.P.

answers from Dallas on

Have you tried white noise like the vacuum or hair dryer? They make CD's with white noise that we actually used for my son and it would relax him so he would fall asleep in his crib.

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G.R.

answers from Dallas on

hi !!! i have the same problem with my daughter is now 8 weeks old she hate when i put her down,i solve the problem when one time she was sleeping and i put her down to sleep and she start crying a lot and i let her cry for about 5 min and then i held to calm her and then i put her down again. and she stops doing that.

heres some more advice

Get baby used to a variety of sleep associations. The way an infant goes to sleep at night is the way she expects to go back to sleep when she awakens. So, if your infant is always rocked or nursed to sleep, she will expect to be rocked or nursed back to sleep. Sometimes nurse her off to sleep, sometimes rock her off to sleep, sometimes sing her off to sleep, and sometimes use tape recordings; and switch off with your spouse on putting her to bed. There are two schools of thought on the best way to put babies to sleep: the parent-soothing method and the self-soothing method. Both have advantages and possible disadvantages.

Parent-soothing method. When baby is ready to sleep, a parent or other caregiver helps baby make a comfortable transition from being awake to falling asleep, usually by nursing, rocking, singing, or whatever comforting techniques work.
Advantages:

Baby learns a healthy sleep attitude – that sleep is a pleasant state to enter and a secure state to remain in.
Creates fond memories about being parented to sleep.
Builds parent-infant trust
So-called "Disadvantages": Because of the concept of sleep associations, baby learns to rely on an outside prop to get to sleep, so—as the theory goes—when baby awakens he will expect help to get back to sleep. This may exhaust the parents.

Self-soothing method: Baby is put down awake and goes to sleep by himself. Parents offer intermittent comforting, but are not there when baby drifts off to sleep.
So-called "Advantages": If baby learns to go to sleep by himself, he may be better able to put himself back to sleep without parental help, because he doesn't associate going to sleep with parents comforting. May be tough on baby, but eventually less exhausting for parents.

Disadvantages:

Involves a few nights of let-baby-cry-it-out
Risks baby losing trust
Seldom works for high-need babies with persistent personalities
Overlooks medical reasons for nightwaking
Risks parents becoming less sensitive to baby's cries

i use Self-soothing method with my twins and they sleep all night just wake up to eat until today i don't have one night with out sleep 3 hours straight in the night

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/7/T070300.asp

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