My husband & I have been helping our son raise our grand daughter . She just turned two, and we were advised to put her in daycare (due to pending custody battle ) She has had babysitters before, at our home, and never cried or anything when we would leave. At first she was very excited about going and being around other kids. But she has been there now going on week and half, and every day is a battle to get her to stay. She will wrap herself around us tight as she can and not let go and scream and cry. She comes home with her voice hoarse, so I know she has cried all through the day. Several times when my son has gone to pick her up she was crying , when he got there. She has begged to do or go anywhere to keep from going to daycare.
Some have told me this is normal, and say it is seperation anxiety. But it just doesnt seem right to me. But my kids never went to day care....so I dont really know. I just would of thought after a few days she would of adjusted ?
I did go pick her up once early, and she didnt notice me there at first, and she was not crying.
It is tearing me up, to see her so upset. Is this normal , and will she adjust ?
I want her to be happy.......not just learn to deal with a bad situation. She is only two, she shouldnt have to learn to "deal"
jackie
Thanks for the responses. When I picked her up today , she was in the yard playing.....alone........but playing. She did come running with all she had when she saw us though, glad to be going home.
I am having my son take her from now on. I just cant deal with the tears and her clinging to me for dear life. Maybe that will help some.....it will at least help "me"
Maybe I should explain the legal situation a little more........the Mom dropped her here when she was 2 months old. Supposedly for a week end........its turned into 24 months. (shes 26 months old now) She has very seldom visited her, or even called. Done NOTHING towards support-except for giving me an envelope of coupons once........
We got served papers from support enforcement , that she has signed a sworn statement that she has provided ALL the support for the baby, since birth, and they were going to pursue my son for over two yrs back support.....and possibly 5 years in prison. She even went 5 times to welfare with ANOTHER child posing it off as Jaime. (we had Jaime , so we know it wasnt her !)
She applied for medicaid, food stamps, money assistance and housing...........she recently told me soon, she felt she should take Jaime full time. (evidently cause she knew she NEEDED her to get the welfare !)
She doesnt even call when the baby has had a high fever to check and see how she is doing....
When we first got her at 2 months old, our peditrician THOUGHT her neck was broke. He did full body x rays, and said it was "shaken baby syndrome" She was 3 lbs under weight which he said was the equivelent of a grown person being 75 lbs under weight. He called hrs....they did nothing. She has been living with her new boyfriend and his grand parents home with 15 people in the home. hrs told the dr, that was just more people to keep an eye on the baby......
We had to take her to childrens hospital in st pete, and they tried to put her in our immeadite emergency care, and hrs said No way would they take her legally out of the mothers care, unless she willingly gave her up.......(this was like at 6months)
My son and her werent married and she has refused or delayed putting his name on the birth certificate. We have power of attorney forms she has signed on and off over the past two yrs (she made sure there were lapses in them)
She didnt even tell us when she got the medicaid so we could take the baby to the dr......we found out when child support pursued my son for not supporting her, when he has been her sole support .
So to keep him from going to jail for something he didnt do, we were forced to file papers with the court asking for paternity to be established legally (we paid $700 long time ago for dna ) and asking for full custody. We asked for emergency temporary custody cause she has hurt the baby........that was a week ago Friday and Judge Hall still has not ruled on it , one way or the other.........she has said she was going to pick her up this week end, but as usual , she never called me back to let me know....sometimes she has said she will come and never calls or shows. She lives in north florida (hernando county)
She is currently living with a paroled murderer in the household. One family member (her boyfriends uncle) tried to committ suicuide in the house.......she has been forced several times by police to leave the house over night cause she was causing a ruckus (nothign we can legally prove though) her own peditrician refused to treat Jaime before she came here, cause her Mom went over the glass partician and began cussing (with children present) and tried to choke the receptionist......they also refused to give me anything to show that, stating they felt it was a "private matter"
When she lived here (before her pregnancy) she would be watching tv with me and hubby and for NO reason get up and begin beating my son while he was sleeping so he could go to work the next day.......yes, she is bi polar......that we also cant prove legally (her medical records are private)
The few times she has come to visit the baby she has been intoxicted and so has her boyfriend.......
I am very concerned about this babys 'safety" if Mom gets her back.......but so far, the Judge and hrs seem to be totally on her side, just cause she is the Mom........hrs wont even take a fraud investigation from us, even though I had a stack of paper work PROVING the babys been in our care !! They wanted my son to apply for medicaid and said it would show up that way......but then they said he couldnt apply cause he cant get a copy of babys birth certificate cause she wont put his name on it.........
very frustrated.......
jackie
Wow after reading your next post telling us a little more in depth..I'm still stuck on the Dr thinking the babys neck was broken and to find out after x-rays that is was baby shaking syndrom...and they did nothing????? Why is no one taling legal action?
That is more than just separation anxiety. For whatever reason, she is unhappy with being in that environment. Because she is only two she can't communicate very well to tell you exactly what is wrong. She shouldn't be crying for more than a few minutes after you leave her. All day is not good. And no, she shouldn't have to "deal". Find another day care and try again. Honestly, I don't understand why she has to go to daycare. Custodially speaking, I would think that it looks better for her to have in-home care than to be taken to day care everyday.
It is normal to some extent. Usually after 1.5 weeks she shouldn't still be crying all day long. My son had problems with drop offs for a couple of months, but he would be fine right after we left. I would definately give it a couple more weeks and if it continues, it could be the school. Talk to the teachers and get details on how she is throughout the day and what they do to help her. Sometimes you do have to try different places until you find a great one. It is the hardest thing to do, I know! Once she adjusts, she will love it. In a few more weeks, maybe think of trying another school. The situation could be that she doesn't like going THERE, not necessarily that she wouldn't like daycare in general. But yes, no matter what, you do have to give it time. Good luck!
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You are right that she shouldn't have to 'deal with a bad situation.' But just the fact that you refer to daycare as such makes me wonder if maybe your attitude (and if your son/husband/others have the same attitude) may be part of the problem. Perception is so strong in young ones. If daycare is being treated as a 'must' rather than a fun and new learning and growing opportunity, she likely senses that.
My kids are 6 and 4, and yes we dealt with the crying and separation anxiety. For one it was for a few days; for the other it lasted on and off for months. But what I was very careful not to do is to let them believe I felt badly for 'leaving them there' or that I was relieved to 'rescue' them when I picked them up. My husband and I, along with some fabulous teachers and directors, slowly taught them that daycare, and then preschool, were opportunities to try new things, explore new worlds, and make new friends. I was their mommy, and I loved them, no matter whether we were all at home or at daycare/work.
It didn't take long for the anxiety to wear off. In the years since, there have been many days the tears flowed at the end of the day... because they didn't want to leave their friends and the fun they were having.
If you believe she is in a safe, caring environment, let the natural course run. The anxiety will give way to excitement, on your part and on hers. She will learn to socialize, learn, and adapt to any environment with this opportunity. It is a great opportunity to help her (and you family?) grow, not a 'bad situation' to be dealt with.
Hang in there Grandma! You are doing a great job on your second chance at parenting. Enjoy the ride and treasure the moments. Best of luck.
Hi J.,
When my youngest one was little, I had to comeback to work and I put her in a day care too. The first day I prepare with a long dialog thinking that she will cry when I leave, to my surprise as soon as she saw the other kids playing she just let me there hanging with my whole dialog, lol.
A couple days later she start crying, I guess all that first emotion was no longer there, and it was hard for both of us. If I remember well it was a week until she was ok again.
However, I am thinking that your grand child is no only new to the experience to be in a daycare but also going thru her parents divorce. It is possible for her to stop going to daycare for a while? Is this something that the mom is asking? Maybe you can talk to her and tell her about it so she can reconsider and let her stay at home with you? If it is totally necessary maybe change her to a Home-care with less kids and more home environment, maybe even less hours. I hope the custody battle finish soon, a divorce is always hard especially when are kids involved and in this case are too many people getting hurt.
Best wishes to you and all your family.
I would go with my gut feeling on this one. If you feel that this is something that is not what you feel to be normal then you should trust your instincts. I ran a daycare some years back a very trusted loving daycare and therefore wound up with a full house on both shifts. I had parents come to me and tell me that the care that their children had received from other daycares was a nightmare for some but that they could bring their children to me with no problem. It could be that the other kids arent accepting her or something worse where the caregiver may have done something. Discuss your fear with your son and with the person whom you have intrusted with your grandchild. I had five sons, three stepdaughters who are just like my own daughters to me, thirty grandchildren and one greatgrandson. I have learned throughout life that you first have to trust your instincts and just be on guard and secondly when you hand over a child that you love with everyinch of your being you need to make sure that the caregiver is aware that they are caring for very precious cargo. I know alot of things in life seem to be going to extremes but I would hate to hear of another daycare or any caregiver harming a child after a parent or grandparent failed to read the signs. Now I am not saying this is happening I am just saying that if i were you I would check into it further because children grow up and they carry with them all the memeories they have as children both Good and Bad so try to see that as many of them as possible are good postive memories. Good luck to you, take care and God Bless! T.
I hate to say it but this is normal. My daughter was the same way and it lasted for quite awhile. She has been at her daycare now since August of last year and she still has those days. You granddaughter will adjust just fine but it may take some time. As far as advice goes, I would hug and kiss her, tell her I loved her tons and would be back soon and than walk away...than of course I would get to my car and cry the entire way to work than one day..she just stopped and has been good ever since. I wish all teh luck in teh world with your situation as well as all the strength that you need. Hope this helped a little. :)
