Need Advice on How to Cope W/ an over Protectent Mom

I guess I'm on the other side of the spectrum. I guess I too am an overly protective mom, because I would never agree to any such arrangement. I don't blame her at all. I would not leave my 6,9, or even 13 month old in a gym daycare. I look at it from this perspective also - you are getting paid to watch her child - not a stranger. And the daycare worker is a stranger to her. If you feel that strongly about going to the gym, then explain to her that you will no longer be able to watch her child. She is probably having you watch her versus a daycare for that exact reason - she knows and trusts you. If it no longer is a beneficial situation then move on and let her do so also. I don't think that you are being ridiculous for wanting to go to the gym, but you can't make her agree to something that she isn't comfortable with either.

Y.,

Not to be rude, but it sounds like you wear the pants in this situation. She either accepts you going to the gym or she finds another babysitter, pretty simple. This is a neighbor right? Not a friend or family member? You have been nice enough to watch her daughter and been flexible...it is time you stood up for yourself and just let her know that this is what you are going to do and if she can't handle her daughter being in the daycare for three or four hours per week, she might need to look for a daycare that will take her for 35 hours per week. May sound harsh, but this isn't your kid and she is being unreasonable.

sounds like she's taking advantage of you. She knows you're too nice to tell her no. She's not respecting your original arrangement -- like your opinions/preferences for YOUR life don't matter. All that matters is her life and her kid.
Well, fact of the matter is that little 9 month old girl is NOT YOUR responsibility in life .... it's the mom's and if she can't respect your decisions on how you want to live your life, then you need to tell her that you can't watch her child anymore and she'll need to find other arrangements. There are other babysitters in the world (if she doesn't want daycare....by the way, if she's so picky about childcare...then she should stay home with her child herself. You made that sacrifice to not work ...and to stay home with your kids because you felt that you didn't want strangers watching your kids....and she feels the same way, then she should find a way to stay home with her kid.

( AND working out at the gym is a GREAT life decision that everyone should do -- it's good for your heart health, fighting high cholesterol, high blood pressure, diabetes, heart disease, adds years to your life, increases energy levels, fights osteoporosis, etc. so don't take this lightly.....working out at the gym is VERY important!).
Good luck! Stand up for yourself and your health!! Your health and your family are the most important - your kids deserve a happy, healthy mom to them first.

Y.,

Wow, you sound like such a generous person to help your neighbor out like you have. I have to agree that it sounds like you are getting taken advantage of, that this lady is controlling you a little too much. I had to giggle a little when you mentioned that she can't get ready in the mornings because of the baby - that sounds a little over the top to me. I have twin boys that are 2 1/2 and from day one I have always been able to "get ready" with them in my care. Anyway...that's not what you were asking.

I can understand the point that the other lady made that she's paying you to care for her child but this situation seems so much more personal than that of a "business deal" so I see where there is room to be flexible. Are you allowed to take this baby to the store to grocery shop and other errands? Well, you could just as easily be in a car accident so does that mean you need to stay planted at home for every day you have the baby? No way I say. I see the bottom line as this, either she trusts you to do what is best for the baby or not. And that means for the whole day no matter where you are. She has to trust that you would not leave the baby in the hands of an unsafe adult. I guess if you feel strongly enough, you are just going to have to gently but firmly tell her that these particular days are going to be your gym days, if she wants to arrange for other care near you, you'll take the baby there instead and then pick her back up. I guarantee you that she knows she's got a good thing and she won't find another caregiver.

An agreement is an agreement, Your over protective mom should be very great full that she has someone like you to take care of her child. I'm almost certain that if you were to advertise that you were looking for a child to take care of and offered the same terms many mom would grab this in a moment. I would very politely remind her of the arrangement and give notice that you will start looking for another child if she can not honor your first and second agreement (6mo the 9mo)

I think your kids and your own schedule come first. Every other mom in America has to make the difficult decision about childcare if they work outside the home, so she should be no different. If everything was working great in your world, then great--but You can't make all the sacfrices so that she doesn't have to--after all--who is she to start running your day for you? Give her an ulitimatum. If she can't be ok with your schedule--then let her deal with an all day daycare's schedule. Good Luck and don't let her take advantage of you!!! Good Luck!

Y.,

Not a single daycare would get her child ready in the morning and provide care on a Saturday without charging an outrageous fee. It seems like she has become a little too comfortable with you and is now leaning toward taking advantage of you. I am also a protective mother, just ask my son's daycare, however, your arrangement allows for some wiggle room. Therefore, you should be allowed the time to work out. I think you should just tell her that you ARE going to start working out and you'll be more than happy to take the baby with you. If she still says no, then politely say, she can drop her off after you come back from the gym. She may get mad at first, but I'm sure she'll budge given the fact she doesn't trust anyone to care for her daughter. Good luck!

i don't think you're being ridiculous at all. you told her up front that's what you wanted to do and she agreed, you even waited 3 months for her! i think the mom needs to go to your gym and meet the ladies there and that might put her at ease. i'm assuming you're getting paid for babysitting and depending on how much you want/need that money you may have to tell her you can't babysit for her anymore. once she sees how nice the ladies are the gym and the cost of a real day care she may be changing her tune!

Who is running whose life? Is this mother scheduling your life or are you? It's nice that you "love" this child but you did not give birth to her. Let her know your intentions and stick to them. Children are nice but you had yours. Let the mother look for another sitter and move on with your life. You have homework now, but there will be class trips and band concerts are you going to drag this other kid along to them so she can pick up germs? I don't think so. We all have to grow from having cute little babies and home to children, preteens, teens and adult children. As others have said tell her and do YOUR tbing. People will take advantage of your and it is up to you to put a stop to it.

I think you're both right and wrong, & please don't take that in a bad way. I was/am an overprotective parent, so I understand her "obsession". I have slacked off after 4 years, but I'm still overprotective.

If you made that deal with her in the beginning, then she should stick to it. I would tell her that she needs to agree to it, or she'll have to stick her in daycare. And tell her you don't want that either. I'm sure she'll understand when you show her your side. She's lucky to have you, so that she doesn't have to deal with daycare.

But understand there may be a reason for her overprotectiveness, so I would say just be understanding (which I'm sure you already are). Good luck!

Maybe you could ask her to take one morning off of work to go to the gym with you and meet the caregivers herself. Reiterate your original agreement and that you've been flexible, and you also need her to honor her end of the bargain. Remember that it isn't about whether or not you're being ridiculous or she's being overprotective. It's about you being able to maintain your physical health and about her having peace of mind that her child is well-cared for in her absence. If that doesn't work and you don't need the money, are you willing to give up watching the baby? You may have to choose between the gym and babysitting. If you choose the gym, you'll have to let the mom know that if she's not able to stick to your original agreement you won't be able to care for her daughter anymore. If you choose babysitting (either for monetary reasons or because you're so attached) then you'll just have to find some other way to workout besides going to the gym. There are stroller fit groups, you could get a jogger and run on your own, you can get an exercise video to use at home (there are even mom/baby workout videos that incorporate using the baby for your weightlifting!), you can attach a baby carrier to a bicycle, etc. There are many non-gym options for working out. And the cost of buying any equipment would probably be less than a gym membership. Good luck.

I would tell her that you and her made that agreement and you will be starting to work out and either she will need to find someone to watch her that few hours or you can't watch her anymore. You really can't stop your life because she is afraid of letting someone else watch her. You could even try to see if your workout place has childcare. Mine does and I bring my kids to it everyonce in awhile when my husband isn't home. It works out great.

I understand that you have cared for this baby since she was 9 months; however, you had already discussed what YOU wanted to do and you gave her enough notice. You can't keep giving in to satisfy her. You are not taking care of YOU!!! It's not like you just decided to do this at the last minute, you dicussed this with her MONTHS AGO - and now she has changed her mind!!! I would give her an exact date that you no longer can keep the child. If she is willing to work with you around YOUR LIFE, then great. If not, she can go find another sitter.

No, You're not being ridiculous. Take care of yourself, or you'll PAY LATER. You're not the mom to the world! You're a sexy woman too. You need to stay in shape sister. That girl is taking advantage of you. Does she get to work out? And you don't? ANd it's her child?

I don't get this at all, honey.

I would insist on it. I know it seems hard on the mom, but she did agree to it and you were looking forward to it.
So no, I don't think you are being ridiculous. :)

I know the feeling I have three a4 ,9 and 13.I'm a stay at home mom myself with my 4yr old .Reassure everything is going to be okay you only stay for 30 or 45 min.If not take her for walks thats working out.Do lifting up child with your legs that a work out.Maybe she is concern the child is goig to catch jerms at the daycare.That's why she preferred you to take care the child istead of a daycare.I wish you luck.A.