Need Advice on My Mom's Dating/sleepovers Around My Kids

I don't have much advice, but I understand what you are going through, but from the childs view. My mom divorced my dad when I was 6. I was fine with the divorce... but she has a thing for alcoholic, abusive guys, and would move them into the house. I would have to listen to them all night (my mom is not quiet), and I used to cry as loud as I could to get them to stop. My mom ignored me! The only one I lived with was Gus, he moved in right before my 10th birthday, and I made the choice to move in with my dad at 11. She calls me a spoiled brat for getting to make that choice, and says no other kids would get away with that. She was a horrible mom, and we have completely opposite ideas on how to live life, and raise kids... and now she wants to raise mine. He spent the night at her house last weekend, and I barely saw him the whole weekend (longest I have ever been away from him), and this week he has been very aggressive at daycare, and saying a lot of things I had got him to stop that he learned from her before. The daycare complained, but there is not much I can do. My mom thinks guys are supposed to be big and tough, and fighting is good... if they aren't taught to fight, she thinks they will be gay. I was yelled at for even hugging my son after his first shots at 2 months old.... ok sorry I got way off subject, I am very upset with her right now! But anyway... she didn't care how I felt about what I had to listen to. I even told my Grandma one day after a really long night, and my grandma talked to her, and she lied and said they hadn't done anything all night (I was 14 at that time.. it was my moms weekend... and the next boyfriend. A 14 yr old knows what they are hearing!). The worst part for me was these guys were losers and I couldn't stand them, they are guys I would never let anywhere near my son because they are not good people, and I had to listen to them with my mom. Even sitting outside the bedroom crying as loud as I could all night got no response, she never even came to ask me what was wrong. The next day I would be crabby (also with no sleep), and she would tell me I was just a brat and has never once appologized for anything in my life. This will be our relationship till the day we die... we love eachother and can get along and help eachother... but our ways of living are as opposite as it can get. My mom has no morals. She offered to buy me drugs or alcohol if I ever wanted when I started Jr High, so that I wouldn't be hiding it from her if I used it. She go lucky that I was a very innocent kid that almost never did anything wrong. My sister stayed with her... and was in treatment at 15 for drinking, after being in detox, and had also been arrested with pot at 15. Me and my sister are also about as opposite as it can get. I know this doesn't help you in any way... but you can't stop your mom from doing things she doesn't think are bad, in her house. It is hard when your daugther realizes what she is doing... but I realized at that age too, and was traumatized by it (more because it was my mom), but I turned out ok and didn't sleep around with guys or anything from it. The person whose opinion mattered to me said it wasn't ok, that was my dad. He never had a woman over, and as far as I know he didn't even date, unless he just didn't let me know about it. My mom I didn't respect... so what she did really didn't affect me too much. The people that mattered to me let me know they weren't ok with it, and that is what I learned. Just make sure your daughter knows how you feel about it, and talk to your mom and make sure she realizes what her grandchildren are being exposed to. That is the most you can do until you are able to move out. Good luck, I hope everything works out ok!

Here is a website www.co-abode.org that might help you find a roommate.

Well as much as you hate your mom's behavior right now it is her house and her life. She is done raising kids and is the prime of her life. She is probaly acting like this somehow linked to death of your dad she's keeping her mind off of it or afraid to grow alone in the future whatever it is.

I hate that when I visit at my dad's house they smoke in the house and I don't like it around my daughter but it's not my house so I have to deal with it or don't go and visit.

As far as your daughter being concerned about what Grandma does in her bedroom with the boyfriend that is something you should tell your daughter that Grandma is a adult and does adult things with her boyfriend and that it's really not her buisness.

Alot of kids know their parents have sex or mess around in the bedroom and most parents try and keep it secretive. But parents don't stop having sex just becuase they're kids think they are. As long as your mom isn't making crazy noises waking the kids up they're should be no problem.

Im sorry you lost your father. I lost my father when I was 26 years old. I still miss him but it gets better with time.
As for your sitution with your mother....Time for you get a better paying job (if you can) and save as much money as you can and get your kids out of YOUR mother's house. If you can find a trustworthy roommate with good values who will have no trouble setting a great example for your children to see that would be great....having a roommate could cut the cost of living. Your daughter is 9 years old and you are in control of her situation...if you want her to have better self image about who she is as a young girl then you need to get her out of the house because she is not getting the best example. Her example is a recipe for teen pregnancy. She is not getting it from a Grandmother who should be acting with dignity and respect for herself. Your daughter is learning coping skills that will not allow her to use her own inner resources based on high self esteem or image and if she is seeing a lack of backbone she will act like she has no backbone if you know what I mean. If she sees sneaky behaviors...guess what...she will do the same thing. I know of a family of three generations of women where each of the girls in the family got knocked up at age 14. The fourth generation is 12 year old now ....and her mother still hasnt got her "act" together thus far has set poor coping skills/examples . In about a year or two...she will act acording to what she learned. So...you need to shield your children from that lifestyle if that is something you rather protect her from. Remember she is only 9 and he is only 5 1/2...They have no control over their life but you do....

Try find a better paying job and save as much as you can....look for a good roomate with great values and respect for children. Hang on...Make a plan or outline for your future and for the life you want your children to have....then make plans to get there by doing. Surround yourself with people who will hellp you get there. Get a good support system going. Keep that plan in your purse or on a mirror and look at it everyday.

If you feel overwhelemed by the death of your father...I hope you can find a support grouup in your area that would allow you to express yourself since your mother is not available to do that. She may not be in no position to help you anyway. Take care of yourself