Need Advice on My Sons Learning Problems

Updated on February 08, 2009
A.M. asks from Fulton, MO
35 answers

I have a 4 year old son that will be 5 in November. He only says his ABC's when I or my husband say the with him. He can count to 5 by himself. And when he speaks he often does not make a sentance. He can do everything else by himself. Please HELP ME and MY SON.

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R.C.

answers from Wichita on

Get him screened, but he may be just fine. For kids who are not developmentally delayed, there is no long-term benefit in being able to count and say the alphabet at an early age. Used to be that first grade was the first school kids had, then they added KG, now seems like they're barely out of the womb before everyone thinks they should be reading their own copy of What to Expect. As long as he has a rich environment with lots of emotionally positive experiences, he is learning tons of stuff that will be useful in the ways he needs them to be.

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T.M.

answers from St. Louis on

Unfortunately I don't have any advice but was wondering if you have taken this issue to the Doctor to see what they can make of it?

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E.M.

answers from St. Louis on

Have Parents as Teachers evaluate him. But keep on them, they aren't specialists, mine told me at the very beginning, I am my child's main advocate. You are his main advocate, keep on them.

My 4 y/o did that last year, and I took him for an eval. He needed speech therapy. He had tried to talk and since no one understood him, he just stopped. After 1 year (off thru the summer) of speech therapy he no longer qualifies for speech and we can't keep him quiet! It's great. It is a free service that everyone has a right to use.
Most kids who need services are on the right track, just need a little help going the right way.

Good luck, and don't forget you are his #1 advocate and you may have to push to get the things he needs, but don't give up!

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S.D.

answers from Topeka on

Have you thought about getting him evaluated for any learning disabilities.You can contact your local school district and go from there or the pediatrician

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J.

answers from Joplin on

Has PAT said anything about it? Also talk to your ped. and see what he/she says also. Does he go to preschool? You could send him to preschool in Aug.(he will miss the cut off date for K so you have another year wil him and to work with him) and Im sure his vocab. will open up a lot.

He is only 4 and has only been 4 for 3 months, so really he is still a bit of a 3 year old. Just keep working with him at home and Im sure you will see improvent as the months go on.

Some things you can do now though is just play teach. Have him repeat abc's and numbers to you. You could do 1-5 then 1-10 then 1-15 etc,etc. Have him count to you his toys that he is playing with, but make it fun. Sing the abc's while cooking dinner, play eye-spy colors with him. He will get it within a few months.

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C.C.

answers from Columbia on

Hi A.,
You’ve received lots of good advice but I wanted to add a bit more. I’ve found that certain learning issues are not well understood by our school teachers and administrators—I used to be a special education teacher myself and I’ve raised 4 of my own children who all learned in different ways.
Also, while we depend on the medical community to help us in many areas, learning issues are often not best treated by medical doctors.

Young children can have some learning issues that are indicators of a visual-spatial learning style. If not addressed correctly the child can create their own solutions to the problem. We might think the problem is gone then, but in reality the difficulty has only been covered up.
Here are some links that you might find helpful:

http://www.readingrockets.org/article/5136
http://www.readingrockets.org/article/70
http://www.onpointlearning.org/3.html

My best,
C.

1 mom found this helpful
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K.M.

answers from St. Louis on

What does your PAT educator say about your son? Does your school district offer any kind of screening? Our district offers a screening to determine if the child needs any services (speech therapy, occupational therapy, etc). I would ask your PAT educator for help and see what resources are available for your son through your school district.

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A.W.

answers from St. Louis on

You said you go to Parents as Teachers 2x a month, if they saw a developmental delay, they would refer you to help. They should be screening him a few times a year. So voice your concerns to your PAT person, and your child's doctor. Sometimes school districts can help/screen for disability also.

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L.M.

answers from Columbia on

Hi A.,

While I agree with the advice of all the others please keep in mind that all children learn differently and at different speeds. My son is in kindergarten and is doing well but may not be the typical kindergartner as far as learning. He needs extra assistance with things and that's ok. He is learning and catching on well just differently than others. I did the parent as teachers as well. Keep an open mind that if there is a problem or delay it is ok, there is nothing wrong with him, if he needs extra help you will give it to him, you are your childs best advocate for learning! Sure we all want our kids to be top notch and excel in areas but that is not always how it is. Be patient he will get there..at what speed on he and God knows that but he will do fine. You can start the process of preschool testing and such, they have early childhood learning centers, etc that is through the school districts, I totally recommend using all resources you can! It will not do anything but help him and educate you and your husband on what to look for and how to continue to help!!

L. :D

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J.A.

answers from Kansas City on

I strongly agree with the other advice that you contact your local elementary school and have your son tested. There are so many services out there for little ones even before they are old enough to go to school. Has your doctor done a thorough hearing test?

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V.F.

answers from Topeka on

Is your son in presschool. If not he should be. Preschool is the "new" kindergarten and I think all kids need it. They will also help you determine if he has learning disabilities. Most kids can say their ABC by age 4 and count to 10.

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S.R.

answers from Kansas City on

Your P.A.T. person should be able to direct you to more resources. The school districts have speech therapy even for preschoolers. You should have a preschool screening. My sister discovered her daughter was totally deaf in one ear at her kindergarden screening.

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A.P.

answers from Kansas City on

A.,
What school district are you in? We are in PAT in Gardner. I don't know about the other districts, but Gardner/Edgerton has preschools in all their elementary schools now. You can call and ask to have him evaluated. We have an evaluation scheduled for next week. It takes ~an hour and a half and the teachers evaluated your child with 1-2 other children and watch interaction, speech, behaviour, they also screen hearing and vision as well as speak the parents.
Good luck.

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M.K.

answers from St. Louis on

Hi A.,
If you are participating in the Parents as Teachers program you need to have a conference with them. They can be an invaluable resource for you. Your son will be starting kindergarten soon and his teacher will also be of help. In the meantime try to have your son teach his sister the alphabet and her colors. Take them on a walk and talk about what you see ... their shapes, colors, and what sounds their name starts with and other things that start with the same sound such as bird, ball, baby. Play with your children and work skills into the playtime. Read to your children asking questions about the pictures as you go. Have him "read" to his sister. Limit his time in front of the television.
I am a retired science teacher with advanced degrees in education and I did not speak until I was five years old. I know there's no correlation between my development and your son's but my point is that children develop at their own pace. You can provide the opportunities and the encouragement and the examples to be a lifelong learner. Your schools can provide a great deal of help but as a parent you can do so much to help your children be curious, observant, and enjoy learning.

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P.T.

answers from Kansas City on

He will learn with fun activities. When my son was 1, I introduced him to the Leap Frog videos. The Letter Factory was great. He learned all of his letters and sounds really fast. After that, I bought The Talking Words Factory, and he learned how to put words together. That's not all I used, though. It takes a lot of work with flash cards, and there are some great internet games. Hope this helps. Best wishes.

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S.B.

answers from Kansas City on

We just turn everything into a game or a song. "count everything blue" or whatever, helping her when she needs it, praising her when she does it, even if she skips some numbers sometimes. The most important things are to have fun and not pressure him or punish. Good luck!

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J.K.

answers from St. Louis on

A.,
Talk to your school district about testing for learning problems. If they do not help ask your child's doctor to refer you.
Your son needs help and the sooner the better. This helped early may not affect the rest of his school years.
Good luck and God bless your family.

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T.W.

answers from Kansas City on

It seems to me that your son may learn better when he HEARS things, instead of seeing it, etc. Buy him some tapes/CDs??? that are educational that he can LISTEN to. This may help him "repeat" what he hears and learn it that way. Good luck and God Bless :)

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K.B.

answers from Wichita on

Good Morning A., Do you read to your son? Play word games or things like that?
We have a Leap Frog ABC toy on my dishwasher ( magnet) the leap frog unit plays the abc's when a music button is pressed. The ABC's will play there name and the sound it makes when put in the unit. We have flash cards too. With Leters, What they stand for and color. There are so many fun things children & parents, grandparents can use to help their little ones. I have used these things and many more since our 4th gr child was very young, we've read to him and his baby brother(16 mo) every day since they were born. He will be 4 in March, he has always been in the 95% in Height, Weight so he looks, acts, talks like an older child. We can carry on a conversation sometimes that knocks my socks off.
If my hubby ( papa) gets home before they leave for the day, both boys run to papa's chair and climb up on his lap, as they know papa is going to read them a story.

All children learn at different levels and times. Maybe your little man is shy or possibly has a small hearing problem. Check with his PAT see if they maybe able to help you pin point the problem.

Whatever you do A. make it fun for him, Play games, sing, read, even coloring together get conversation going.
* Ole MacDonald has a lot of elephants,tigers & dinosaurs on his farm, along with all the other critters* lol
God Bless you and yours
K. Nana of 5

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H.L.

answers from St. Louis on

Ok...so just to let you know, my daughter didn't really seem to have any intrest in her ABC's, letter recognition, or counting. She couldn't count to 5 until she was 4.(it took a LOT of work)It was hard for me because my oldest daughter knew her letters and numbers by 3. It wasn't until she went to kindergarten did she catch on. I'm a SAHM and all the stuff I do just wasn't good enough. She loves the interaction of others and do what they are doing. I would suggest putting him in preschool. I think you will see great improvement. I wish I would have done that. My daughter, now 8, has had all A's so just because your son is struggling now, doesn't really mean he has a learning problem. Good luck to you and your son!
~ H.

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J.B.

answers from Kansas City on

I wouldn't worry about not his letters and numbers. The children start school knowing all different things. SOme know all of thier numbers and some know none. Same with letters and kindergarten teachers expect that and are prepared to bring all children to the same level. Not putting sentences together can be an indicator to another problem, especially if his problem with the letters and numbers is in communicating them and not actually knowing them. I would suggest talking to the school he will go to once he starts kindergarten for an evaluation. Once they turn three they are under the school system. They will test his hearing , speech and that sort of thing. You can also have his doctor check his hhearing and have them check for fluid in his ears. Many children like myself, my son and my niece walk around with fluid in their ear drums. It doesn't hurt and they can hear so it goes unnoticed but hearing through the fluid some what distorts the sound and makes it harder to learn speech. If he needs speech before he starts school, he can get it. Your Parents as Teacher's group should know this and give you the infomation or his future school.

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S.L.

answers from Kansas City on

I agree with previous posts about getting school district involved. We just went through similar situation with my youngest. Call Parents as Teachers, see if they do screening, if not, who does. Legally, the district HAS to service all kids 3 and over who qualify, so somewhere, someone in the district does screenings. Once he's screened, then they can refer you to the next place, for us it was speech, but your district should have an early learning building or classroom or something where he can be helped. Stay on them though, as a parent you are your childs biggest advocate.

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C.V.

answers from Kansas City on

I would look into head start.They are free if your income qualifies but sometimes I think if the child is behind they will qualify.Also my cousins son goes to the school that he will attend.He needed speach therapy and I think the preschool is very little cost because of his needs.You might also have Parents As Teachers come to your house,that is a free service.

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J.B.

answers from St. Louis on

Check with tour local school district to see if there are services available to young children with delays. They would be able to evaluate him for any delays and get him the help that he may need.

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K.O.

answers from Wichita on

Contact your local public school system. They can do a screening and if he does not pass (and from what you share that sounds likely), they are required to provide services free of charge (ages 3-21). My son receives speech and cognitive development support from our local school district and it has made a world of difference. Don't wait though because the earlier the treatment, the higher the success rate. Good luck! K.

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B.S.

answers from Joplin on

So what is the problem you need help with ?
He sounds pretty normal to me.
If you are wanting him to be a little more advanced, there is always the option of preschool. Some school districts will offer this, too. But you are already going to parents as teachers. They have all the resources you need.
In the mean time, he'll catch up. Don't worry. There is a whole lot of developing he'll do between now and kindergarten. Just watch .... he'll amaze you.
:o)

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L.S.

answers from Wichita on

Hey A.,

You didn't say how he sounds when he speaks. Can you understand him? The reason I ask is because for a while when my daughter was his age, I thought she had speech problems. We found out later that she had a hearing problem. Today she wears bi-lateral hearing aids.

Please have his hearing/vision tested. I know P.A.T. offers services where your son can be evaluated to let you know if he has any kind of learning disability. PLUS, it's FREE!! ~ls

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J.H.

answers from St. Louis on

I would say check with your school district and see if they have any special testing they can do and then any special sessions they'll do with him now. I know hee in our school district they'll do that b/c we're having my son tested in the fall (Fort Zumwalt). YOu may also want to check with your health ins. and see if they'll cover a visit to a speech therapist or something like that and see what they have to say. I'd at least get things checked out by a professional though. It could just be that he's not ready to start talking full time yet and it'll be one of those situtations that once he decides he's ready you and your husband will be saying, "remember when he didn't talk?!" haha! :o)

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S.R.

answers from Columbia on

Did not take the time to read everyone's suggestions as of yet this evening, so this may be repeat, but thought I would respond anyways.

Singing the alphabet song every morning and night before bedtime seems to sink in quicker and they dream about it and will remember it even without much effort. Whatever we listen to or think about right before bed will always affect our subconsious quicker than anything else. That is why it is so effective to pray, listen to music, or read before going to bed AND first thing in the morning when our minds are clear and uncluttered from the day.

Watch more video/dvd teaching the letters with their sounds and songs, songs just click with MOST children...especially with the ones with delayed mental impulses. Music/Songs to anything are easier to commit to memory. Anything he does WITH you will be more effective. Kids learn more, heck, everyone learns more when they are having fun! Come up with your own little dance to the first numbers 1-10... Make up a little rhyme of your own.. 1,2 put on your shoes; 3/4 go out the door, 5/6 find some sticks...7/8 dont' be late 9/10 to do it again...Do this to a chalk hopscotch outside...
Or sing the original one.

Leap Frog dvds/videos and. cd/tapes are usually available at the public library or home school trade centers. You can listen to them in the car/van all day long on every errand or anytime you are in the car/van. You can also rent little travel dvd players I think if you don't already own one. Or maybe borrow one from a friend. Check with your local preschools to see what they might say about what works best as far as memorizing letters/numbers.

Get an easy wipe off board and write a letter or two every week and talk about letters constantly. Ask , don't just give the answers.
Put their name on every item you can in their room with a label to help them recognize the letters in their name
Label items in your home with the name of that item with the first letter a bit more identifiable. Shelf, Bed, Chair, Sofa, etc etc. Much like you could/would do if you were learning a foreign language yourself :O).
Treat letters like a foreign language.

As for numbers.Count everything in sight. Every few moments throughout the day. Count the seconds it takes as you dress him. Count the number of buttons he has on a shirt or the things he may put on in the morning. How many plates on a table as he helps you set the table for dinner. Count how many steps you are taking... Count and sing the numbers to your phone number or any sequence you want him to commit to memory as well. They only have to count to 10 for Kgtn, but then need to try to get to I think 20-25 by first quarter of kgtn. Count his fingers and his toes after the singing of the alphabet at night by ritual ...

IF he has learned anything that you as a family do by ritual, he can learn the alphabet and numbers, no sweat.
Ask him to recite numbers 1-10 before every snack or thing he asked you for. Make a trade off, if it is just a stubborness.... this worked with my little headstrong 4yr old who refused to learn our phone number.
This took one day and no snack was "free" :O)
Teach this all with your 2yr old as well, it is NEVER too early to learn this ...plus they are still at the age where they WANT to please Mommy .....

C.P.

answers from Columbia on

Hi A.,

Sweetie, your son most likely does not have any learning problems at all! Children learn by interaction with us and other children...you have to find a good way to teach your child...

Here is what I suggest:

My very first teaching tool with both my sons was a "Magna Doodle" (seen here: http://www.amazon.com/Fisher-Price-Doodle-Pro-Green/dp/B0.... You can find them cheaper at Wal-Mart or Target. I would sit on the floor with them and write a letter, number, or shape on the board...only working on 5 or so every day (letters A to E to start ONLY Uppercase, 4 or 5 basic shapes, or 4 or 5 numbers). At first I would write the letter and tell them what it was... "A!" This is an "A". Then I'd erase it and write another. Once they had seen all of the 5 letters we were working on that day and I'd identified them, I'd go back through them...I'd write the "A" and say "what's this?"...just like when you point at a picture of a doggie in a book and say "what's this" and they tell you. If they say it right, you praise the HECK out of them...if not, you just say what it is again (repeat it over and over) and go on to the next letter...write a "C"...."what's this?"...and so on.

This REALLY works! You have to be patient, but this method works with letters, numbers, shapes...LOTS of things. People I knew were often blown away when my children could identify an octagon or hexagon! Get daddy involved too...you can use him as an example to show your son what to do: You write the letter and ask your husband "what's this?"...and let your husband identify it. Your son will catch on quick (and want to do what daddy does!).

For colors, I used construction paper and drew simple pictures of items, coloring them in primary colors: a RED apple, and ORANGE orange, a YELLOW banana, and so on. All the basic colors of the rainbow...then I put them up on the walls of their bedroom. Every night before bed I would point at the pictures and ask what color they were. It became a fun game because I'd run to the next picture or act silly (if they told me "Yellow" for the banana I'd insist that it was a different color until I had them rolling. This also helps with their reasoning skills...because bananas aren't pink!!!). You'll have to change the pictures every so often...so they don't have them all memorized (a yellow lemon or sun instead of the banana).

Another way to do some of the things you can't use a Magna Doodle for: Head over to Barnes and Noble or hop on Amazon.com. Find a good "getting ready for Kindergarten" book. Check out this one: http://www.amazon.com/Comprehensive-Curriculum-Skills-Pre...

Do just one of the activities each day. Try not to cram too much in, even though you might feel excited to see your child learn...they won't retain more than 5 or 6 new things each day. It's a process, so be patient!

Good luck!!!

C.

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J.A.

answers from Columbia on

You may want to check out Parent as Teachers progam. The area I lived in has that program ahd have help many of my children . That I have in my preschool .
Good Luck
J.

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L.K.

answers from Kansas City on

your son might not have learning problems at all. every
kid develops at their own rate and comparing him to other
kids is only going to make you feel more anxious. can
you understand anything he says? does he respond when
you call his name or is it hard to get him to answer?
he might, and I only say MIGHT, have a hearing problem.
my advice to you before anything else is to take him to
his pediatrician and discuss your concerns with him and
get your son's hearing checked and any other testing your
doctor recommends.

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L.L.

answers from St. Louis on

HI A., Your son may have a speech and language delay. My son was a late talker too. You may want to get some testing done for him. COntact your childs doctor, or call Cardinal Glennon. They should be able to offer you some options on what to do next from here. Good luck!

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T.M.

answers from Kansas City on

My kids and I always took turns saying each letter (A-me, B-him), you could do this and eventually go to 2 letters, etc. Another thing is most Kindergartens anymore don't want them singing the ABC's, that's why I went to this game. Also just because he won't say the ABC's himself doesn't mean he can't, my now 16 year old son wouldn't throw the ball to the lady doing his Parent's as Teacher screening so he "earned" himself some free preschool, he could do the tasks, just not for her. Parent's as teachers should be able to screen him and offer any help he M. need. He's still got 2 more years before he goes to Kindergarten so don't sweat it, he has lots of time!!

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T.C.

answers from Wichita on

Many school districts have free sceeenings to see where he is at. My daughter had a problem with speech since she could talk. She didn't make full sentences and couldn't understand her. Every child is differnet and learn on their. I took my daughter in for the pre screening and got in her in the preschool. Since she has turned five and the help she is a differnet child. I thought before kindergarten she didn't know her numbers, phone #, address. My state they needed all of this. Right before the year surprisely new it. Your son won't be in kindergarten till the next school year. I would suggest putting in a pre school so he is around other kids and they can work with him. If he isn't already. Just keep working with him even though he might not be saying much with you he is like a sponge learning everything around him. Just he working and hang in there he will pick up and your will be amazed. Still check with the programs out there that can work with him more. Good luck!

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