Need Advice on Weaning My Child

The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that breastfeeding continue at least until the baby is one year of age (and the World health Organization and UNICEF and the former U.S. Surgeon General all say two years, go figure). You're still early for the AAP's guidelines, so there's no rush. Babies nurse for lots of reasons--sometimes it's just to check in and reconnect. This might seem like a step backwards in your weaning process, but have you considered offering to nurse him more often? Maybe he is so busy he is not interested in sitting still for very long, but nursing for little snacks a couple more times a day--especially in the evening--might help fill in the gaps where his dinner runs out and help him sleep. Maybe there's a slightly different time besides right after meals that would appeal to him more, so he would nurse longer but less often in the long run.
I know your body needs 24 to 48 hours to adjust your milk supply, and it's important to avoid and treat engorgement so you don't end up with a plugged duct or even mastitis.
I really highly recommend the books "How Weaning Happens" and "The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding." They are so informative and address weaning very specifically. Both are published by La Leche League and you could get them at www.lalecheleague.org or elsewhere online or even borrow them for free at a local LLL group meeting. The book "Mothering Your Nursing Toddler" is also a gold mine of gentle weaning strategies.It's also a LLL book. In fact, I think you would find a LLL meeting useful with tons of ideas and strategies for weaning.You could find a meeting or a LLL Leader to call on the Web site. Everyone I've ever met through LLL has been very nice and informative but not pushy.
A really wise friend reminded me when my second child was weaning that weaning is a process, not an event. It's OK if it takes awhile--the season of nursing your baby is so short in the grand scheme of things.
Babies do have to wean TO something--I accidentally weaned my first child to pretzels and Winnie-the-Pooh videos! I did better the second time around, and he weaned to snuggling while reading on the sofa with me. Keep in mind anything you offer nutritionally is second-rate compared to your milk. . . the milk we think of as "regular" milk is really designed for baby cows, and it's a weak substitute, nutritionally, for a baby human!

K.-
Well, my advise would to be to quit nursing him at 4am, that's such a bad habit to be in!!! My son is now 6 months, and I havn't had to nurse him in the middle of the night since he was 3m/o. Simply because I refuse to, he can handle going all night without. Your son is definately old enough that he doesn't need to be nursed in the middle of the night. The only time I nurse my son in the middle of the night is when he only nurses maybe 2 or 3 times a day, and I know he didn't get much milk that day and he probably really IS starving. I don't know if he shares a room with your 3 y/o, but if he doesn't, it will be much easier to wean him since you can just go in there and console him and give him his pacifier and such, but don't pick him up, let him learn how to soothe himself back to sleep, because you really don't want to get him into the habit of waking up at 4am and wanting something to eat!!! I'm sure it's only a couple hours before ya'll wake up anyways, so I would suggest that you just make him wait!!

Hi, K.! I agree with all the do-it-gradually give-up-one-feeding-at-a-time advice. For a long time, I was feeding my daughter 3x/day and once during the night. I dropped the after-lunch feeding first since my husband was usually here to put my daughter down for her nap, and I was surprised that she didn't object at all. It was much harder for me! Then we got rid of the middle-of-the-night feeding (your son really doesn't need this nutritionally at this point) by sending my husband in to pat the baby's back when she cried. Worked like a charm - if she doesn't see mom, she doesn't expect to eat. Now we're down to 2x/day, and I've got plenty of energy for it since I'm not up every night, so I'm probably just going to stick with it for a while longer (my daughter is 13 months now).

If you wean gradually, engorgement shouldn't be too much of a problem, but I know it's unpleasant to be so bloated and uncomfortable. I've squeezed milk out in the shower or into the bathroom sink just to relieve the pressure. Just don't make it a habit, or your body will keep producing more!

Is there a particular reason you need to wean right now? I let my children self-wean for the most part. One I nursed till 17 months, the other for a little over 2 years. I found that the last feedings we gave up were the early morning and late evening ones. Both my kids went straight to sippy cups with regular milk after the year mark and that helped to wean them quite a bit.

Hello K.,

I weaned kind of late because it was so easy just feeding him to get him to sleep. Then my 6yo was telling me I needed to stop nursing because he was getting too old, he was 17m. I knew I needed to stop so I had to start eliminating 1 feeding time at a time. The easiest for me was the after lunch feeding. My daughter's pediatrician, I have 2 daughters and my son, told me I needed to eliminate her early morning feeding which was 2 a.m. He said that doing this would help her to learn to sleep through the night. So, maybe that one should be eliminated for you. I weaned my son totally by the time he was 18 1/2mo. I know, that was a long time to nurse but he is my last baby. Good luck!

Hi K.,
Your breasts WILL follow suit and adjust to what is going on with your baby. There is nothing wrong with nursing only on one side. My daughter preferred my left side so only nursed there for the last 6 months and my other side dried up.
It sounds as if your son is weaning himself and you sound ready to be done so don't try to force those other feedings (your breasts keep trying to help you and making mill at those times).
Stay with your early morning feed and your before bed feed then drop the early morning one when your ready.
I would go straight to regular milk in a cup for him at other times during the day telling him he is a "big boy" now with a big boy cup.
Again but so important to remember: your breasts will adjust to what is going on with your baby. If you try to feed during the day your breasts will keep making milk at those times. It will just take a few days for them to "realize" when they are needed.
Let us know how your are doing!

We did about 1 feeding per week. Maybe start with dinner, and see if he won't increase his lunch. That way the feedings are evenly spaced. If you hit one he doesn't want to give up, yogurt, or milk with just a hint of chocolate will help in place of the nursing. Your son is old enough that he shouldn't need the 4 am feeding, so you might also try cutting there. You didn't say what time breakfast is, but it might move up a hair. GL!

Just slowly start substituting a sippy cup of water or milk for the nursing. Try Nuby. Eliminate one feeding at a time. Give your body a chance to produce less and less milk. Get it down to one breastfeeding session. Then quit the last one when you're ready.

It should be fairly simple from how you describe how he's eating. First thing to do is skip a feeding - probably the one after dinner first. You might be engorged so you'll want to pump just enough to make you comfortable. After skipping that feeding for a few days, 3-5 at least for your body to adjust, then skip the one after lunch. Again, you might need to pump. Then you'll be down to only nursing in the morning and before bed. Once your body has adjusted to only two feedings, then skip the one he's least attached to. And within a week or so, you can skip the last one.

I found that I just couldn't quit, but that I would skip a feeding one day, and had to add it back in the next day, but then could skip 2 days, then add it back in, then my milk production usually decreased enough to leave that feeding out entirely. When I got down to only one feeding per day, I was able to skip one day, and then I just HAD to nurse the next, I skipped two days, then nursed, skipped 3 days and then nursed one last time. After that, I just told my baby that mommy didn't have any more milk and started giving her sippy cups with whole milk instead. She'd already been using them for juice and water, so it was a pretty easy transition.

I also found that it was best to avoid our usual nursing spots. If we sat down in the rocker in her room, she thought we were going to nurse. And I used a nursing pillow, so I had to completely take it out of sight because if she saw it, she'd point to it and cry.

I started weaning when my daughter was 11-months and by 13-months we were done. I just took it slow and steady and it was pretty easy on us both.

Good luck!

The best way to do it is to cut out one feeding at a time. And once you feel that your child is no longer wanting that feeding then cut out another. So it might take a few weeks. Also when you cut out one of the daytime feedings offer a sippy cup of milk and a snack instead so that he still is eating if he is hungry. Also try to keep him busy during the time he would normaly nurse so that he isn't dwelling on the fact that he should be nurseing. Good Luck

I agree with what everyone said. If you do it gradually (one feeding at a time, perhaps every couple weeks) your breast milk will slowly decrease. I used a technique called don't offer, don't refuse, meaning I didn't offer to do a feeding unless my baby really demanded it. You'll be surprised how easy it is. There were times when I expected my daughter (my second child), who is high needs and very clingy, to throw a fit demanding to nurse but she didn't! She easily transitioned to a cup, which contained first a mixture of breastmilk & formula, then formula and then whole cows milk. I had her weaned by 13 months (although my first child took several months longer).
The moms that say to take your cues from the baby to see if the baby is ready to wean are right, but your baby might very well be ready to wean at 12 months, not 18 months like they are suggesting. Nursing is the most intimate bond between a mother & child. You'll know when it is time.
For the 4 a.m. feeding, try sending your husband in for a week. I think you'll be surprised that he'll get the baby back to sleep without a feeding.
Good luck.

i spaced the nursing times out an hour more each day until we were down to one or two times that seemed especially important to the babies, like bedtime. some days we would backtrack one nursing session or the timing didn't happen just the way i was trying to plan it because of the needs of the baby, but for the most part it worked. toward the end of weaning, my first baby started to only nurse about 5 minutes and then get down to play or look for a different snack. i think that was partly because i was pregnant and the milk flavor probably changed. my second baby seemed very attached to the bedtime nursing, but i was ready to be finished with nursing. so one night we went to a basketball game together that went past their bedtime. my son was having so much fun with the excitement of the game, riding a train, being with his grandparents and cousins, etc. that he forgot about wanting to nurse. i brought a nuby cup of milk in case he needed a comfort, but he barely drank it. then of course he was so exhausted that he fell asleep in the car. in the morning i quickly distracted him with breakfast and that night i just made him and his brother cups of milk to drink while we read stories before bed and he was fine. i was so surprised at how well this worked because he had seemed so clingy. good luck!