My ex and I are about to renegotiate some terms of our seperation agreement. One of the issues to be discussed is where my son will go to school. Currently he is in kindergarten in a city school that is just over a block from my home. Our city schools do not have a very good reputation overall, but this school in particular does have a good reputation and my son is doing well there. My ex and I previously agreed that at some point we would switch our son from city schools to the better suburban schools where he lives. What I'm struggling with is when to best make the switch. We could switch him next year and leave him in those schools until he graduates. Or he can stay in his current school and switch in 6th grade which is transition period in the new district anyway. My concern is in assuming that my ex will always live in a better school district. I may very well eventually move and be just as able to provide for my son's educational needs.
fyi: currently, our son spends mmore time with me, but also to be renegotiated is a schedule which will be much closer to 50/50.
re: Krista P's reply and in the interest of clarity: our separation agreement currently states that we share joint custody of his son, but that his address of legal residence is with me. We would change the address of legal residence if necessary.
Thanks so much. I think that I always knew what the right answer was, but it's very helpful to hear what others have to say. I think I'll switch him next year so that he can have consistancy in his education and social circle through graduation. It will be in his best interest, but it means that I give up some time with him sooner than I am ready to. It's better for him and so I will do it, but it hurts, ya' know?
(BTW, in response to a question asked we have been divorced for almost 4 years...most of his life and so he has adjusted (quite nicely, actually) to that already.)
I say wait until he's in 6th grade and he has to transition anyway.
It's very hard for a child to switch schools like that and have to start over making friends and meeting teachers... Unless he has told you he doesn't like this school he's in then i'd suggest to move him as soon as you can.
Hi M.
Wow!! If your school has a bad reputation, as ours does, sixth grade is way too late. I tried substituting in our school when my twins were 7 because we had moved... anyway, the things they were saying seemed extreme. Three particular incidents made me decide to homeschool them.
The first was a 6th grader who decided that she could take her tights and panties off during and in class and leave them under her desk. When they changed classes she never picked them up so the young man who sat in her seat wanted a new seat. Can't say as I blamed him so moved him. Why and how did she do that in class, did she want to be seen? I missed it. Of course I was not expecting it. Again I will say that was 6th grade.
The second was when I was asked to be an aid for a boy in 3rd grade. I was told I would be keeping him on task. In the end, it was his first day in school after being in the psych center for violent behavior behavior and my job was to keep him from hurting anyone in the class. Would you want your child in class with him, would you want that responsibility? Neither did I, it was crazy, but..
The other was the last straw. A young lady in 5th grade walked up to me and said she didn't like what the young man next to her was saying. I was not prepared for sexual inuendoes at that age. I am ashamed to say I told her to ignore him. Later asking the young man what he was saying that would upset his classmate. He started laughing and asked me. I had no clue about the phrase used, so asked my 19 yo. He simply said he was propositioning her. I guessed I was too old fashioned and didn't want mine in the school system where that was allowed. Talked to some of the teachers who said there was a club for girls who kept track of the boys they "slept" with.
I heard and had had enough, I homeschooled through graduation. Both girls are in college and on the dean's lists at their respective schools. My point is that 6th grade is too late if those are the bad issues, if you are talking about the school doesn't have high academic standards well I guess that is a choice you make.
God bless you and the decisions you make
K. SAHM married 39 years -- adult children 38, coach; 33, lawyer, married with 1 yo; and twins 19 in public colleges after homeschooling. I was 40 when they were born, and we will soon be empty-nesters as the younger twin graduates from community college and has been accepted to a school out of state. The older twin is living on campus majoring in art.
I think to answer just the question you asked- that now may be better....
in 6th grade he will end up making the friends at the school and wanting them to be at his new school with him- changing that may be harder when he is older as opposed to now when he wouldnt really be too attached...
That being said, does switching schools meant that Dad would have to take him, therefore less time with you? (This would be a hard change for him- at least i would think)
I would check out the supposed "better school" and if its not better - maybe renegoiate the change to him not having to switch at all.
If you have to switch schools, i would say now is easier- however the remaining things above would make a difference!
hope this helps, just my 2 cents :) good luck
I agree with the consensus that switching in 6th grade is a not a good idea. But it probably will not be too bad to switch up to 2nd or 3rd grade. I switched in first and it was not too bad. My parents did make sure I started at the beginning of a new school year. I would certainly check out the school and maybe see if you can visit with your son ahead of time.
My son had to change schools after kindergarden & it was no big deal for him. He was excited about meeting new friends & he was fine. We also did not make a big deal about it. When he was in 5th grade we had to move...he switched schools into a new town/state & he was SO upset & it took him awhile to make new friends & it was hard on him. I remember it being rough on me too when I was in the 6th grade & moved to a new town. So I say if it can be helped do the change now that he's little!
From the perspective of an elementary teacher (I've also worked in middle schools), I'd say switch him as early as you can.
Sixth grade is a REALLY tough year emotionally, as the kids are pre-teens, they're becoming very friend-oriented, and dealing with peer pressure.
Being the "new kid" during that time is usually pretty tough. Even though it's a transition year, the kids still know each other to some extent- they've gone to school with all the kids from their elementary school and they've played sports and done other activities with the other kids in their grade.
Good luck with your decision!
i agree with the other posters - if youre 100% sure that you'll eventually want him in your ex's school district, sooner is better than later.
I switched schools twice due to moving out of the area temporarily - first in 5th grade and then switched back to the original school district in 7th grade - that was a very difficult age to switch schools! I'd think kindergarden would be a much easier age. By middle school friendships run a bit deeper, but in kindergarten they're usually more adaptable!
Good luck on your decision!!
I guess my question would be how long have you been divorced? Has your son had time to adjust to divorced life? I was told by my attorney that the kids do better if they can stay in their home for awhile, while they adjust. I actually found it made sense for all of us to adjust. My kids were 5 and 7 when we were separated. Their father moved 3 times within that first year so they needed stability at home. When the kids were 10 and 8 we moved to a better school district and smaller home, but they were prepared for it as I kept telling them we would eventually move.
Hi M.,
If I were you I would do it as young as possible. In kindergarten most children have not really formed friendships at that point just playmates. I remember relocating to Florida when I was going into the seventh grade and it was terrible. I remember walking home from he bus stop in the beginning refusing to get on the bus because no one even attempted to talk to me and I was completely freaked out. I am 50 years old now so that was a looooong time ago. I can't imagine it being any easier for a sixth grader to have to move to a new school and leave their friends. I say do it as young as you can. Good luck!!!
This may be a moot point b/c your child's residency is determined by where he spends the majority of his time. If it's truly 50/50 you will need to meet with your district rep to find out the parameters.
Hi M.,
ASAP - As a teacher, I have seen first hand the devastation that switching schools can cause children. I definitely would NOT wait until sixth grade. I taught sixth grade for years, and it is a very difficult age, city or suburbs. By then, your son will have friendships established in his old school and it will be more difficult to leave them behind.
Kids can be brutal, as far as bullying, etc., so you want to put your son in the best possible situation as soon as possible to avoid problems down the road.
I wish you good luck! I know it is an extremely difficult decision. But remember, children are resilient, and if he has support at home from you and dad, he will be fine!!!
Good luck,
L.
Walking to school is a great advantage, and if it's a good school system and your son is well-adjusted, why move him? I too share custody of my two children (50/50- God forbid I have two more minutes with my children than he does), who are not yet school-age.
Also, you should be just as able as your soon-to-be-ex husband to provide for your son's educational needs; that's the whole point of child support, which I hope he's paying. The whole point is to equalize incomes so one parent does not have a financial advantage over the other. However, you may consider moving if your future ex won't so your son doesn't have a long commute when you two transition him between your homes.
