My Kindergartener was sent to the principal's office today for the second time this school year. The problem is that he just does not respect authority at school other than his homeroom teacher. Both issues involved a faculty member asking him to do something and him smarting-off. Today, he went for a drink from the water fountain and ran into a buddy in the hallway, so they started talking. When a teacher saw them, she told them to go back to class and since he had not gotten his drink yet, he threw a fit and actually KICKED her! My husband and I have tried everything we can think of and are out of ideas. We have grounded him, taken things away, cut his extracurricular activities, changed his bedtime, had extensive talks with him, threatened to spank him none of which seems to work. The school principal told us today that they do not do it in Kindergarten, but starting in 1st grade, what he did today would be grounds for suspension. Does anyone have any advise for me??? Please help!!!
Tough one. Can the teacher give him detention at recess so he cannot go out?
I've been reading a great book about the Love and Logic techniques. It by Jim and Charles Fay and is great about how to give consequences that are effective rather than punishment.
Sorry I am not more help, but maybe the book will help!
Lori, I am sorry that you are going through this. Is there anything going on at home that might be causing your little one to act out...like a move, change in living situation, change of friends, etc.? If not, then tough love will be the next thing I would advise. We have the motto here, if you get in trouble at school, you get in trouble at home. Take away everything...t.v., anything extra..the things they love the most.....it sounds strict, but it will work....you have to be very consistent....There is a book called, the Strong Willed Child, by James Dobson. I would highly recommend it. We had to read it for our oldest child. It works....
Let me know how things go....I will be praying for you...
Nikki, we have 2 girls of our own and currently fostering a kindergartener who pretty much sounds like your son. He came to us with no respect to authority, not knowing boundaries, throwing fits if he did not get what he wanted, etc....His first day at our daughters' school I got a call from the counselor saying he would be reported for threatening to beat up and kill some of his classmates.
Well, we were beside ourselves when this behavior did not stop after doing exactly what you tried and nothing worked, we decided on "tough love" after 2 weeks of unbearable behavior because we knew there was a child underneath it all who was so capable of love and good behavior. Now I know this will sound harsh, but basically we "disconnected with him". When he kept coming home with a signature from his teacher, we explained why we were punishing him and he basically had to go to his room after school (we removed all toys from it) for about 30-60 minutes so he could "think" about his actions. Then we had him sit down where I was working (cooking dinner, helping my daughter with homework, etc) and he was not allowed to do anything but talk to me, most of the time it was ignoring his plea to get up and do something. After that it was writing apology letters to whoever he was disrespectful to at school. Then it was dinner with no tv, no video games, no park, no scooter, no board games, NOTHING afterwards. Dinner normally ends around 6:30 and he went straight to brush his teeth and to bed. The first day he threw the biggest fit that we could hear him from the front sidewalk of our house. The second time the "fit" lasted about half the time, then by the third time he only shed tears and apologize for his misbehavior. After the 3rd day the teacher saw such a difference that she asked what we were doing and I just told her good old fashion discipline. Our foster son now brings stickers for good behavior most everyday. He will have a set back maybe once every 1-2 weeks but it is nowhere near the type of behavior when we first got him. BUT, because we do not want the old behavior back we pretty much discipline him the same way when a signature is brought home for misbehavior. When he brings home a sticker for good behavior we constantly remind him that he made the choice to be good and has the "privilege" to do and play anything he wants and be a part of our family time in the evening. He now calls us mom and dad and we are starting to really enjoy him. He is not perfect, but has come such a long way considering his biological family situation of drugs, abuse, and neglect and is such bright star in our family now. Dad calls him his "little hero" and we love him very much!
Hi Lori,
I was actually a former Kindergarten teacher and was known for helping kids with those types of needs. Feel free to call me and we can talk about what I think might work.
Thanks,
J.
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I don't know how helpful this info is, but you may want to read up on Oppositional Defiant Disorder and see if this might be applicable to your situation.
http://www.aacap.org/publications/factsfam/72.htm
This might be totally off base, but if the description happens to look familiar to you, at least you will have a place to start and a name for the behavior to help you in your research.
Good luck!
Does he show this type of disrespect at home at all, towards you or your husband or any other family members or other adults?
Oh gosh, I'm so sorry. I have a very strong personality 3.5 year old little girl and I cringed when I read your post. Have you talked to your Pediatrician? I've talked to ours about discipline issues and for the most part, she is helpful. She recommended "Parenting with Love and Logic" and I'm about 1/2 way through it. It's pretty good, maybe you could get that if nothing else helps?
Hang in there.
"Strong-Willed Child" by Dobson has been recommended to me.
If you are super desparate you can contact Tammy Cline of the Behavior Exchange (www.behaviorexchange.com) Mostly they deal with kids who have autism, but their same techniques that manage the aggressive behavior of kids with disabilities applies to kids without. Tammy is a certified behavior therapist. There are others in the area but I don't know them by name. She could point you to more, or you could ask the mamasource moms who they use. The other thing I would suggest is to ask your school's librarian about checking out the Love and Logic book. This is a discipline program widely used in PISD. You can also contact Practial Parent Education (a group PISD also uses for their training) and they have parenting consultants that can help you and come to your home and discuss a behavior plan with you. Hope this helps get you started!
